Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Valerie Jarrett Looks Forward To 2015

It's that time when we look forward to the new year, so we at RSR thought that we would have presidential adviser Valerie Jarrett back to show us what the Obama regime has in store for America in 2015:

Thank you, RedSquirrel. I hope that you have signed up for ObamaCare. I wouldn't want to send any of my people to your house to 'fine' you.

Yes, 2014 ended with fireworks, and it was a beautiful sight....But, enough with the riots in Oakland and Ferguson, Missouri. 

The important thing is that the administration, along with our trusted adviser Reverend Al Sharpton are working with our Communist friends at A.N.S.W.E.R. to 'fundamentally transform' police departments. We are training 10,000 community organizers as well as our national civilian security force.

Soon, unarmed Black youths will be able once again to take to the streets of America without having to worry about racist White cops gunning them down in cold blood.

The Affordable Care Act is right on track, bringing health care to millions of Americans (and our new immigrant friends). Soon, we will get what we have always wanted:

Single-payer and 20,000,000 new Democrats. To all Americans who have had their health plans cancelled, I say 'tough toe nails.'

Remember on Election Night 2012 when Barack told America that 'The best is yet to come?' Well, we may have been dealt a slight roadblock when our enemies voted to flip the Senate to The Republicans, so that means the administration may have to ignore Congress for the next two years.

Some people think that Barry will be just a 'lame duck'. Think again.

Two-thirds of The American people didn't even vote, but if they did, I'm sure they would want a nuclear Iran. 

Soon, we will close down Club Gitmo, and set the prisoners free to live in peace with their loving families. Then, we can concentrate more on those tea-bagger terrorists.

Finally, let's finally end the War On Women. Those dastardly Republicans elected scores of self-hating GOP women who simply refuse to make the taxpayers fund contraceptives. This is madness!

So, as the big ball drops, and everybody waits for 2015 to finally arrive, I know all Americans are excited that we are one day closer to our ultimate dream....a New World Order! All the administration wants is a world of perfect social justice, where America erases her borders, and be forced to live just like her impoverished neighbors.

Barry knows what's best for everybody. We know there will be some right-wing refuseniks who will resist our efforts. Don't worry, we are opening re-education camps in 2015. As soon as we can figure out how to take your guns away, we'll get it done!

All hail King Barack!

Queen Moochelle Encounters A Peasant At Target

Poor, poor Queen Moochelle. It seems like anytime she tries to mingle with us peasants, somebody inadvertently offends her royal highness.

She recently re-told a story about a trip to a Target department store, where an unsuspecting customer was having trouble reaching for a weed-whacker or something off the top shelf, then broke royal protocol by asking Our Queen to reach up and take the thingy down.

You see, the customer must have noticed that FLOTUS was Black, and immediately thought that she was just a lowly employee or a maid on an errand. Maybe the customer in question was much shorter than Michelle, and thought that perhaps even our haughty First Lady wouldn't mind reaching for said item. 

It was unfortunate that the customer didn't recognize Michelle Obama, the wife of Dear Leader King Barry. Perhaps the customer just saw Michelle out of the corner of her eye, and saw long, muscular arms and thought that she was just a tall, black man.

So, whatever you do, don't ever ask The Queen to reach for anything or ask for any help. In fact, don't look at Her Royal Highness directly, even if she lowers herself by going to places where commoners go.

She may be disguised as a Walmart shopper, with florescent pink yoga pants and an oversized, floppy hat. If you say 'Hi' to Queen Moochelle, she may tell David Letterman about the racist who dared to speak to her.

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

The Walking Dead: A Metaphor For American Politics?

'Give me your money!'
Joe The Cartoonist has gotten into The Walking Dead saga, catching it Wednesday nights on Channel 29.2 here in the Twin Cities area. He thinks that it's a metaphor for politics in America.

The world is wrecked by a Democrat apocalypse, and the living are menaced by low-information, walking zombies. They are animated yet dead, and exist only to sink their teeth into the living.

They remind me of The IRS.

The 'living' remind me of Republicans. They love guns, and spend a lot of screen time arguing amongst themselves.

Moral compass Dale reminds me of Reagan speechwriter Peggy Noonan. He seems very nice, not wanting to do too much harm to the insatiable, flesh-eating zombies. On the other hand, ruthless Shane reminds me of Lee Atwater. He wants to destroy the zombies.

Just like many people who call themselves 'Republican', Dale and Shane don't get along very well.

Katana-wielding Michonne reminds me of Michael Savage. Both are lone-wolves, dispatching low-information zombies, and wary even of allies.

Darryl reminds me of The Tea Party conservative base. He does a lot of the dirty work that needs to be done. Rick is the GOP establishment of the group.

It would be good if The Tea Party and The GOP establishment got along as well as Darryl and Rick. The Governor reminds me of the evil, sleazy side of The GOP establishment. He reminds me of Thad Cochrane.

Republicans constantly argue amongst themselves about who we are and how much dirt we are willing to get on our hands. The 'low-information walkers' just take and take, seemingly without a soul. They see your wallet or your neck or your arm, and try to sink their teeth into it.

Maybe the lesson of The Walking Dead is that it teaches Republicans that you have to be relentless and ruthless as well as smart, and sometimes you have to fight dirty to win.

Yakov Smirnoff's New York Report

Our New York correspondent Yakov Smirnoff sends us this report:

Wow, What a city! New York is starting to look like Bucharest in 1989! As you know, Communist Mayor Bill DeBlasio badmouthed the NYPD after four police officers tussled with a man selling cigarettes without paying the taxes. The man died during this encounter, and Bolshevik tools took to the streets, yelling 'What do we want? Dead cops! When do we want it? NOW!'

State-run news, community organizers, and The Reverend Al Sharpton fanned the flames of anger against the police, and two New York police officers were murdered over the weekend.  

President 0bama responded to this by taking another trip to Hawaii.

I looked at the video of the police taking the man down. If liberals are willing to do this to somebody selling 'loosies', I wonder what they are willing to do to somebody unwilling to sign up for Obamacare? Refuseniks beware!

Leftist tools in The NBA are now wearing 'I can't breath' shirts. Apparently, you can't spell either. Thank you, government schools.

Now, that race-baiter with the huge head Al Sharpton is complaining that he is experiencing death threats. Don't worry, Reverend Al, I'm sure the cops will be happy to protect you.

I wonder if Dear Leader 0bama is planning to replace police officers with his 'national civilian security force'? He's purged America's military, what about all the police across this country?

Here in New York, the police have turned their backs on Comrade DeBlasio. I bet he wishes that he had a 'secret police force.'

That's it for now. Back to you, Little Squirrel.

Yo, B-Hodge Is In The House

Minneapolis Mayor Betsy Hodges was seen flashing a 'gang-sign' with one of her supporters, and those right-wingers at KSPT News did the unthinkable.

They showed it.

Now, DFL officials want to ban our local ABC affiliate from covering Democrat functions. Dayum, our Democrat friends sure are testy.

All KSTP News did was show B-Hodge doing what she does best.....pandering to her base. She also put on a hijab while meeting with local Muslims. I wonder if local Democrats are really thinking about banning KSTP from their functions because the folks at Channel 5 dared to expose Democrats wasting our money, and this whole 'gang-sign' thing is just a phony, made-up excuse.

Here to explain is our 'Gangsta' Mayor herself, sounding a little more like that rapper Young MC:


This is a warning to you gals and fellas at KSTP, yer way overly zealous
I'm jus' doin' what my voters tell us, I'm The Mayor, Don't be jealous

Hey, there smarty, The DFL Party, pandering just like John Marty
KSTP showed me flashing a gang sign, But showin' that picture crossed the line

At DFL functions, party luncheons, We dream about stone-cold tax suction
We tax you any way we get a chance, We will even try to steal your pants

Tax base leaving, victims grieving, wasted money has right-wingers seething
We'll tax you if you try to move, Go ahead, we're busting you

If you earn it, We want it. We'll take it, baby. We're busting you.

Sanctuary city, The Guthrie is pretty, We will give your money over to Zygi
Take some more for the new Green Line, Spending tax money we lose our minds

Oh by Golly, Hey Somalis, I look like a Muslim dolly
I put on a Muslim hijab dress, Pandering to my base is what I do best

And to-marrow, I'll wear a sombrero, To meet with my voters in Longfellow
I'll come runnin' to pander some more

I'm a good liberal, Welcome Senior'

If you earn it, We want it. We'll take it, baby. We're busting you.

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Monday, December 8, 2014

St. Louis Rams Players Arrested, Teammates Go On To Beat Raiders 52-0

Before last Sundays' Rams / Raiders match-up in St. Louis, most professional betters had The Rams favored by 10, but then a very interesting thing happened:

As 5 Ram players were coming out of the tunnel for pre-game introductions, they were arrested by local authorities.

"HANDS UP, ASSHOLES!" Police officer Rick Hudson barked.

As it turned out, it was the best game-time decision of the year. The rest of the team played spectacularly, humiliating The Oakland Raiders, 52-0.

After the game, Rams' Head Coach Jeff Fisher surmised that the 5 players must have been holding the team back.

Friday, November 28, 2014

Ode To Black Friday

Shoppers trampled in their masses
They'll break bones and granny glasses
Watch them break down the doors
Armageddon at the department store

It's Black Friday, run for your lives
Flat-Screen TV's and Ginsu Knives
10% off, must find a deal
Ran over by grocery cart wheels

Oh Lord, Help us

3 women fighting over a pink sweater,
They're in a tug of war
carts crashing in electronics
There's blood in aisle four

Oh Lord, Help us

I got gifts that I'll be returning
Angry customers mad and burning
Now we are standing in this line
Screaming kids drive me out of my mind

I don't know how we survived
escaped Black Friday, but we're still alive
Salvation Army bell now it rings
Store manager laughs and says 'Ca-ching!'

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

RedSquirrel's Thanksgiving Address To America 2014

Dear America,

As we get together with our families this Thanksgiving, I would like to give thanks to the Good Lord above for the following:

I thank God for The Minneapolis City Council. These geniuses have filled our potholes and solved the crime problem, and now they have solved an even bigger problem........Styrofoam food containers. Thank goodness our friends on The Minneapolis City Council banned this threat against humanity.

I also thank God for White Privilege. I don't quite know what it is, but I think it has something to do with 'not being born and raised in a place completely ruined by Democrats.'

I thank God for Barack Obama. Between Fast And Furious, his narcissistic attitude, and his insane appetite for power and dog meat, he gives us bloggers and Tweeps a lot to write about.

I am thankful that I am not subjected to Michelle Obama's 'healthy' school lunch program.

I thank God for MSNBC and CNN's Don Lemon. You folks are a barrel of laughs.

Seriously though, I am thankful for my family, for Twitter, that God let me be born in America, and that he sent his Son to be my Savior.

God Bless America.

Oh, Little Town Of Ferguson

Oh, Little Town Of Ferguson
On TV we can see you riot
Looted stores and bars and flaming cars
under Main Street's Christmas lights

Thugs are making off with TV's
Darren Wilson is to blame
The cops are here in riot gear
as thugs set this town aflame

Monday, November 24, 2014

Red Forman To Obamacare Architect Jonathan Gruber: Congratulations, Jack-Ass

Recently, Obamacare Architect Jonathan Gruber became front-page news in the conservative media, as several videos of the MIT professor showed us what The Obama Administration has thought of the American People all along....

....that the American voters are stupid and that lying about the so-called Affordable Care Act was the best way to sell it to the public.

RSR Contributor Red Forman is here to share some of his thoughts about this story. Take it away, Red:

 Well, well, well...So, you thought that the best way to sell Obamacare was to lie about it to all the stupid Americans. The way I see it, the only idiots who actually voted for this cluster were the Democrats in Congress. The Republicans all voted against it.

Congratulations, Jonathan Gruber. We took a vote and chose you 'The Douchebag Of The Month.'

I understand that the government has paid you millions for selling this fraud. As a college professor, you don't worry about ever getting laid off or losing your health insurance. Gosh, it must be great not having to live in the real world, you pompous twit. 

Theoreticians like you and Barry Obama live in the world of academia, where progressive jerk-holes smoke their pipes and test their stupid ideas on actual humans. If your ideas destroy a million families, you can just say, 'Oh well, back to the old drawing board, har, har, har...'

You think you're really smart, but I know this kid who lives down the street from me. His name is Kelso. He's a big, stupid kid, yet I am confident that he will someday be a better, more productive member of society than you are. 

You remind me of this douche I know who lives in his mom's basement. Pajama Boy is another over-educated fool, gets A's in all his worthless classes, yet has absolutely zero common-sense. 

While I'm teaching my son Eric how to fix a car engine, 28-year-old Pajama Boy drinks hot cocoa (holding the mug with both hands) and badgers his parents who are still supporting him about the wonders of Obamacare.

Instead of kicking his ass like a good parent would, they will probably turn him into something like you. God help us all.

That's all for now. 

Red Forman, uppity peasant.

Monday, November 17, 2014

President Obama Joins The Cast Of Commies In Space

"The needs of the low-information voter outweigh the freedom of the private sector...."

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Meanwhile, In The Democrat Camp.....

What is amazing about this election cycle is just how disciplined the Republicans were, in the face of Democrat race-baiting and insults. GOP candidates spoke about issues, while The Democrats made utter asses of themselves.

While 30-year-old conservative Elise Stefanik was winning in New York....

....contraception whiner Sandra Fluke was getting trounced in ultra-liberal California. 

While Black Republicans Tim Scott and Mia Love ran terrific, inspiring races and won....

....Democrats in Georgia circulated an offensive campaign flyer depicting a Black man being lynched by a group of white men. Race-baiting Democrats also tried to use the shooting in Ferguson, Missouri in the hopes it would bring their base to the polls.

While Republicans ran on the economy, Obamacare, border security, and the dangers of ISIS....

....Colorado's single-minded ex-Senator Mark Udall made a fool of himself, harping on his 'signature issue', birth control. Voters began to refer to him as Mark 'Uterus', and female voters felt insulted by his candidacy.

While Republican Joni Ernst ran on the issues and her interesting, solid background....

....retiring Iowa Senator Tom Harkin stuck his sexist foot in his mouth.

While The Republicans ran against Obamacare....

....Democrats crossed their fingers and hoped that all the people who had their health plans cancelled would somehow forget.

Our sneaky President also delayed the next round of Obamacare's open enrollment until November 15. His plan was to hide it until after the election, but instead he probably ruined Louisiana Democrat Mary Landrieu's chance of winning her run-off election against Bill Cassidy.

Now, she 'wants' the Keystone Pipeline Project Legislation passed. Why now? Maybe she can switch parties before she is slaughtered in her run-off.

Finally, there was the downright hateful candidacy of Wendy Davis. 

The Party Of 'Old' 'White' 'Men'

On Election Night, fresh-faced Republican Elise Stefanik became the youngest woman ever elected to Congress. She will represent New York's 21st congressional district.

She's 30-years-old.

The voters of Utah's 4th congressional district elected Republican Mia Love to The U.S. House of Representatives. She is a Mormon Haitian. If that's not diverse enough for you, I don't know what is.

Joni Ernst cheerfully brushed off sexist attacks, and became Iowa's first female Senator. Two days after winning the seat, she went back on duty for The Army National Guard.

My favorite meme from Election Night featured these three terrific candidates. Democrats like to joke that The GOP is a party of 'old', 'white', 'men'. After Election Night, something tells me that Democrats don't have much to laugh about anymore.

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

A Message To The President From A Stay-At-Home Mom

Last week. the president made some strange, insulting remarks regarding 'stay-at-home' Moms. Here to tell us what she thinks about his words is a member of the 'stay-at-home' community:

What in the Hell is wrong with you, Barry? Where do you git off insulting stay-at-home Moms? 

Y' know, your Communist Mama should have stayed at home to look after you, instead she was always runnin' around, posing for smutty pictures.

Frankly, I think you got a screw loose! You're always yappin' 'bout that 'Republican War on Women'. It's you Democrats who can't stand strong women!

While I'm at it, what's up with that sexist pig Tom Harkin? It looks like new Senator Joni Ernst made all you Democrats squeal. I was checking out the election returns in the newspaper....She sure BUTCHERED that doofus she ran against.

Then, there's that dang idiot Mark Udall, yappin' about birth control. Birth control this, birth control that. If you ask me, I think he's got splinters in the windmill of his ONE TRACK MIND!

Not to be out-done, there's that bimbo Wendy Davis. What in the Hell is wrong with her? Insulting her opponent in a wheelchair? Was it THAT time of the month for Barbie? Is she ridin' the cotton pony?

LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU, MR. PRESIDENT! When you constantly play the RACE CARD, you ain't playing with A FULL DECK! (points her her temple)

Now go up to yer room and think about it!

Monday, November 3, 2014

A Pep Talk For Republicans

Dear Normal Patriotic Men and Women of America,

Tomorrow we will invade voting booths across America, and take back our country from that insufferable jerkhole Obama and his Alinskyite minions.

The Tree of Liberty must be re-nourished from time to time with the tears of progressive control freaks and unhinged leftist weirdos.

We will do battle with those filthy, cheating bastard Democrats, and we will win....and win big, although we may run into a few baton-wielding Black Panthers at polling stations. 

We already we know they will cheat like Hell because they know that we out-number them. After all the bullshit, race-baiting and all that 'Republican War On Women' hooey, I fervently believe that we will take back The Senate.

Now, The Democrats and their friends in the mainstream media will try to discourage you from voting. They will tell you that you might as well just stay home, because Democrat victory is inevitable. Don't let' em fool you. If you haven't voted yet, get yourself into the voting booth. The country depends on you.

Then, as we watch our glorious victory unfold on Election Night, you can rest for a moment, and laugh at those brain-dead freaks at MSNBC try to explain their losses.

It will surely be great to watch the lamestream media, with their eyes glazing over, as normal Americans celebrate wildly at victory parties all over America.

So vote. Now you know how I feel. That is all.  

Sunday, November 2, 2014

An RSR Exclusive: We've Identified 'Chickenshit Throat'

Last week, an unidentified Obama Administration official referred to Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu as a 'chickenshit'.

The RedSquirrel Report scoops the media once again, identifying this senior official of The Obama Regime:

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Happy Halloween 2014 From The Obamas

Hello America, it's the neighborhood bully, President Barack Hussein Obama.

The First Lady and our Senior Advisers, Malia and Sasha are gorging on candy in the East Wing. They are waiting for trick-or-treaters, who will be getting healthy dried fruit and carrot sticks in their sacks.

Right now, I'm planning a great big October surprise for the country. If you think that Obamacare is scary now, just wait until AFTER Election Day!

I tricked millions of low-information voters into voting for me, and now these terrified Americans are SCREAMING over getting their health plans cancelled. I am also planning a great big executive amnesty for millions of aliens.

Oh look, The White House Halloween Bash is just getting started. FLOTUS is going as The Terminator, although I think her arms are actually bigger than Ahnold's.

We've invited some Walking Dead Democrat Voters, lead by The Crypt-Keeper, Majority Leader Harry Reid. Oh, and look....Nancy Pelosi is arriving as The Thing That Wouldn't Blink.

Here comes Secretary of State John Kerry as Lurch. He doesn't even need make-up or a mask. And look, it's The Great Pumpkin! Oh wait, it's only New Jersey Governor Chris Christie.

I understand that they're not trick-or-treating in Ferguson, Missouri this year. All the stores have been looted, and the candy is all gone. 

As always we have our Obama White House traditions, including a tub where guests can go bobbing for bribes. It's always a big hit with our cronies and S.E.I.U. union bosses.

This party will keep going until I declare Martial Law, or until my ghoulish health care czar Zeke Emmanuel tells everybody to make their 'final exit.'

Just remember, if you are dissatisfied with this holiday:

I inherited this holiday from the previous administration.


Wednesday, October 29, 2014

For Democrats, Voter Fraud Is A Strategy

For a Republican, voter fraud is a problem. For a Democrat, voter fraud is a strategy. On Election Day, Republicans generally go to work, then go vote, and then go home and watch the returns.

On the other hand, Democrats love early voting, late voting, voting while dead, stuffing ballot boxes, rigging voting machines, voting from home, voting by mail, vote-flipping, registering your dead cat (take a breath).....

Motor-Voter, registering same day, waging 'lawfare', crying 'RACIST!' when they're caught scamming our system, busing illegal aliens from voting booth to voting booth, and disenfranchising our military voters serving overseas.

In Oregon, you mail in your vote, unless you don't. If you throw your ballot away, a garbage man or political operative will take your ballot out of the trash, and vote for you.

Soon, you'll probably be able to vote on your phone like voters do on American Idol.  No chance for cheating there!

There's only six days before 'Election Day'. That's what they call the first Tuesday in November....but there's always early voting. Democrats love this period, because it gives them so many opportunities to cheat.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to call them 'cheaters.' I believe they refer to it as 'their ground game.'

On Election night, it always takes the cities longer to report their vote totals, because Democrats dominate the cities, and because they want to know how many stuffed ballot boxes they will need to pull out of their 'close victory.' 

Then, there are those amazing vote-flipping electronic voting machines that will take Republican votes and change them into Democrat votes. Have you ever noticed they never seem to take a Democrat vote and change it into a Republican vote?

If you think your vote was somehow flipped from Republican to Democrat, Just call the mechanic from The Soros Vote Machine Company, and they might send someone right over to take a look at it.

Thursday, October 23, 2014

An RSR Exclusive: Former FL GOV Charlie Crist Performed On The Gong Show In 1977

The RedSquirrel Report has discovered this video, featuring Former Florida Governor Charlie Crist. He and his family are seen here performing on The Gong Show in 1977.

He is the former Republican Governor of Florida, currently running for the same office as a Democrat against current Republican Governor Rick Scott.

MN Representative Rick Nolan: My Opponent Has Long Hair And.....MONEY!!!

Republican candidate Stuart Mills has misbehaving, long hair.....and his parents ARE FILTHY RICH!!!! (insert scary music)

His family lights cigars with $100 bills! How can he possibly represent the people of Minnesota's 8th Congressional District??!!

Congressman Rick Nolan is a PROUD CLASS WARRIOR who will fight for you, against these........RICH PEOPLE!!!

I am Rick Nolan, and I approve of this message....

This Is The Democrat Campaign 2014

Recently, Texas Senator Ted Cruz wrote a piece that appeared in USA Today, introducing ten priorities that a GOP-lead Senate will pursue. There is confidence among Republicans they will win back the majority.

Meanwhile, The Democrats are not only running behind, but are making utter fools of themselves:

While Ted Cruz embraces a big pro-jobs, growth agenda, a donor for Kentucky Democrat Senate candidate Alison Lundergan Grimes was caught on tapes bragging that 'She will f... the coal industry.'

Maybe The Democrats in Kentucky should have thrown their support behind Ashely Judd after all.

While Cruz promises to stop the culture of corruption in Washington, The current Majority Leader and the most corrupt politician in the country, Harry Reid, obsessively trashes the Koch Brothers.

While Cruz promises to deal seriously with the twin threats of ISIL and a nuclear Iran, Our Little Dictator is too busy waging his War on America to really care what these bloodthirsty animals do to us and our allies.

Democrats don't care if Muslim extremists stone women to death or sell 5-year-old girls into slavery. They're too busy pursuing their ridiculous campaign based on a fictitious 'Republican War on Women'.

While the Senator from Texas promises to repeal Obamacare, The Democrats will keep this corrupt health care law in place until it collapses under it's own weight, then introduce something even worse. Single payer.

While Cruz promises to secure the border, Dear Leader is trafficking under-aged illegal aliens and spreading dangerous, sometimes-fatal diseases to the children of America.

While Cruz wants to repeal Common Core, supporters of North Carolina Senator Kay Hagen are circulating a campaign flyer depicting a gang of white men lynching a black man.

Go ahead, vote for a Democrat....but only if you're as hateful and unhinged as these Democrat maniacs are. If you're not, welcome to The GOP.

Monday, October 20, 2014

Wendy Davis Has Two Weeks To Get Back Into The TX GOV Race

She has lied about her life incessantly, pandered like a crazy person, and attacked her Republican opponent in that infamous 'Wheelchair Ad'.

Then, she hastily put together a photo op,  surrounding herself with human campaign props in wheelchairs.

Of course, I'm talking about the spectacularly awful candidacy of Texas Democrat Wendy Davis.

This candidate has two more weeks to make up for all the mistakes. She would be up by at least 10 points if she was running this campaign based on lies and abortion in a Democrat hell-hole like California, but she is running in deep-red Texas.

Still, your bushy-tailed correspondent believes that there are some things she could do to stop from embarrassing herself any more.

This is a real stretch, but she could show common decency and publicly give props to her second husband for raising her two kids. This might appeal to single dads in Texas.

Also, she should thank husband 2.0 for paying for her Harvard education. When all else fails, try telling the truth.

If I ran her campaign, I would advise her to cry. A lot. She should film a campaign ad, where she tells the world that she has learned from her mistakes. Of course, if she makes an attempt to become a decent human being, her Democrat donors will never stand for it.

Still, I'd advise her to turn on the spigots. We're all suckers when we see a woman cry.

I'm sure that Ms. Davis will not be taking my advice. She is relying on millions of illegal aliens flocking into into The Lone Star State. Perhaps if The Democrats turn on their voter fraud machine full blast, she can make it a contest.

Minnedishu Muslims: Food Shelves Violate Human Rights!

Somali-Muslims in Minneapolis have a bone to pick with local food shelves because they don't cater completely to their Islamic diet. Food shelves offer free fruit, vegetables, & a variety of other food products but also offer pork products, which Muslims view as a violation of their dietary restrictions.

Don't tell Mayor Betsy Hodges this, or she and our nutty city council may pass an ordinance requiring your local food shelf staff be trained to prepare food in the Halal way. I just hope that there aren't any Styrofoam food containers on the premises, or that could offend our wacky city council.

The weirdos running The City of Lakes will probably give these Muslims whatever they want. Dhimmicrat politicians like Hodges depend on support from leftists and Muslims to stay in power, so I wouldn't be surprised if they give away anything that Islamic pressure groups demand.

Dhimmicrats like Betsy Hodges pander shamelessly. Someday soon, I can see her cutting a ribbon at some new ALL-HALAL food shelf, wearing a hijab. Of course, she will be joined by Police Chief Janee Harteau, also in a hijab.

Come to think of it, Wendy's offers a mouth-watering Pulled Pork Sandwich. I wonder when The Muslims will take offense to this, and begin protesting your local Wendy's Restaurant. I can imagine them carrying signs reading 'Wendy is violating our human rights!'

Monday, October 13, 2014

Obama's New Spokeman Re-Assures An Anxious Nation

From sea to shining sea, it appears that everyone is concerned about Ebola. Who has it? Is it spreading and where?

Lucky for us, Our Dear Leader sends out his new spokesman to re-assure an anxious nation:

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Can Buyer's Remorse Elect Mitt Romney In 2016?

People are wondering who should be The Republican nominee for President in 2016.

Perhaps we should give 2012 nominee Mitt Romney one more chance, and here's why:

After 2 more years of Obama ineptitude and corruption, the squeaky-clean Former Governor of Massachusetts will be a refreshing change. There is probably 20,000,000 Americans who regret voting for Obama or who didn't even vote at all.

Evangelical Christians should be profoundly ashamed of themselves for not voting for Romney because he's a Mormon. They can redeem themselves by voting for Romney in 2016.

Also, Romney was relentlessly smeared and slandered by Team Obama and the Obama media machine.

Right now, people must be thinking what would be happening in America if we had only elected him. Well, he wouldn't be trafficking illegal aliens all over the country and making American children sick, or selling guns to dangerous Mexican drug dealers.

Romney wouldn't be using The IRS to harass the opposition or allowing his Attorney General to become the biggest lawbreaker in the country..

Mitt wouldn't be allowing people with Ebola to threaten the health and safety of The American People.

After two more years of nation-threatening, criminal ineptitude, it would be great to have a skilled problem-solver in The White House.

His campaign slogan can be See, I Told You So.

Thursday, October 2, 2014


Remember Stevie Wonder's 1973 smash hit, Higher Ground? I was on facebook checking out a facebook friend's anti-Obama post, and it triggered this oldie in my mind. I changed the lyrics:

Hamas keeps attacking
ISIS keeps a' whacking
I'll stop all that fracking
Please, pass the bong
Cities keep a' crumbling
My Administration keeps stumbling
Taxpayers keep grumbling
Please, pass the bong
Well, it's only 2 more years an' my regime will end
I got more f-16's and tanks I wanna send
I got plenty of fundraisers and holes of golf to play
So, I'm gonna squeeze in, squeeze in ANOTHER ROUND

Russia keeps invading
Tea Party keep a' hating
My ego keeps inflating
But Congress refuses to go along

Illegals keep on coming
My supporters keep a' bumming
My media keeps on dumbing 
Please, pass the bong.


Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Michelle Obama Speaks To Starving Students

On September 8, First Lady Michelle Obama spoke to the students of Booker T. Washington High School in Atlanta . It was fourth hour, and the children had just thrown away their Obama lunch.

It was Mushed carrots Monday.

With their little stomachs growling, The First Lady stressed the importance of education:

You have to get an education. Me an' my husband send our daughters to the best private school in Washington, and they also get the yummiest school lunches. They get Sloppy Joe's n' French Fries, Shrimp Alfredo, and hamburgers, too.

Did somebody just faint? Just give her some room....She didn't hit her head on the floor. Oh good. She'll be O.K.

I am pleased to announce a new initiative. My husband and I believe that school should be a rewarding experience. Your principal will be handing out a questionnaire to you.

We want to know if your moms and dads own guns, and also if you know any Republicans. If you ever hear anybody saying bad things about my husband, we want you to tell us. We may need to send them to a re-education camp.

Just fill out these questionnaires, and you will earn a box of Michelle Obama Chocolate Chip Cookies. I am sure THAT will stop your stomach from growling.


Al Franken: Mike McFadden Is A (DA....DA....DAAAAA) Rich Leprechaun

'I am your Senator, Al Franken, and I approve of this message....

My opponent Mike McFadden is a (DA....DA.....DAAAAA) rich investment banker.

He has blatantly (DA....DA....DAAAAA) earned a living in the private sector, and he (DA....DA....DAAAAA....) moved his investments to Bermuda (DA....DA....DAAAAA....). While Americans suffer, he is enjoying a (DA....DA....DAAAAA....) Pina Colada on the beach.

He has SO MUCH MONEY that he hides some of his money from the IRS in Bermuda....and some of it in Ireland! (DA....DA....DAAAAA....)

Mike McFadden is a (DA....DA....DAAAAA....) greedy Republican Leprechaun! He won't even share his Lucky Charms!

I need your vote, or this greedy leprechaun might take away your Obamacare, leaving your family to die, while he lives it up in Bermuda. We can't let McFadden win, or he might take his (DA....DA....DAAAAA....) shillelagh to our investments in infrastructure.

I am your Senator, Al Franken, and I approve of this message'

Monday, September 29, 2014

I Am Rep Rick Nolan, And I Approve Of This Message

Right-wing gun zealot Stuart Mills is a 2nd Amendment fanatic. He is way out of the mainstream, and he's just not right for Minnesota.

'Hi, I am Rick Nolan. I represent Minnesota's 8th District in Congress. I believe in common sense gun legislation. There are many people who should not carry a gun.

Me, for instance.

Say hello to my li'l friend!

I am Rick Nolan, and I approve of this message.'

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Was It A Latte', Or The President's Drug Test?

Earlier this week, President Obama stepped off from Marine One, and disrespectfully saluted two marines with a Styrofoam cup in his hand.

This outraged America. Many took to Twitter, and commented on the rather offensive optics of the president saluting marines with a cup of latte'.

Judging from his disastrous presidency, and his strange behavior, RSR has learned the real story of The President's Cup.

Our source at The White House tells us that Mr. Obama has been addicted to drugs since he was in High School. We have discovered that he has a team of doctors and psychiatrists who run a series of tests weekly to make sure that he can 'keep it together' while he's in public.

Every week, this team tests the president. Part of this includes his weekly drug test, where he urinates into a cup for analysis. On Tuesday, he had one of his episodes, forgetting that he was still holding his drug test as Marine One was landing.

It's O.K. America, The President just forgot that he had his drug test in his hand as he was saluting the marines. Carry on.

Sunday, September 21, 2014



President Obama has been arrested. He was handcuffed, and put in a police van after being charged with a myriad of crimes against The American People, including treason and criminal dereliction of duty.

At 1:00 p.m. today, a convoy of 12 high-ranking military officers departed from The Pentagon, with a contingent of military police. They entered The White House, and placed The President under arrest. They read a long list of charges, then Obama was loaded into a police van, where he was taken to an undisclosed location.

Our correspondent rode with the officer and the president, and files this report:

I rode in the police vehicle with an officer and the president, who sat in the back in a state of shock. During the drive, the officer spoke to the visibly seething president, and said the following:

"So, you sold guns to those dangerous Mexican drug dealers, an' they killed that border agent. Then, you gave our f-16's an' tanks to The Muslim Brotherhood in Egypt.

You also used The IRS to target an' harass your political opponents, then sent your people out to lie about it.

You turned your back on our guys in Benghazi while they were being killed, an' sent your people out to lie about that.

Then, you refused to protect our border, and trafficked under-aged illegal aliens. You didn't even tell anybody where you relocated them. You made Americans kids sick with that virus, an' many kids had to go to the hospital.

And for what? Just for a little power.

(looking into the overhead mirror)
Y' know, there's more to life than a little power. Don'tcha know that?"

I just don't understand.

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Have It Your Way, Burger King

The Burger King has had it with American corporate taxes, so he's escaping to Canada.

Barack Obama won't build a fence to keep illegal aliens out of the country, but it appears he might build a fence to keep BK from leaving America's confiscatory corporate taxes.

He might even re-build The Berlin Wall by the time he's out of office.

Burger King's famous catch-phrase is Have it your way. The narcissistic bully in The White House thinks he can, bullying Congress and The Supreme Court, abusing his power by using The IRS to attack critics and opponents, tries to to intimidate our ally Israel....

....and do you remember what Prezzy Stompy Foot did during the government shutdown last October?

It's good to see someone refuse to be bullied by the petulant jerk.

Good for you, Burger King.

Commander Obama's War On Ebola

El Presidente' Obama is sending 3,000 American soldiers to Africa, supposedly to fight Ebola.

This is the same genius who ordered 22 members of Seal Team 6 (the team we are told killed terrorist mastermind Osama bin Laden ) to board the SAME helicopter, which was shot down, killing everybody.

This is the same President Obama who hired his own sleazy army of lawyers that disenfranchised our military voters serving overseas during the election of 2012.

This is the same President Obama who referred to the massacre at Fort Hood as workplace violence, as Islamic maniac Major Hasan Nidal opened fire on unarmed military personnel, yelling 'Allahu Akbar'.

This is the same President Obama who wants a national civilian security force as well-funded as our military.

This is the same President Obama who is purging our military of Christians and anyone who speaks out against The Administration. He is currently gutting the military, and reducing us as a superpower.

This is the same President Obama who refuses to protect our borders against invaders, even though we are hearing that ISIS is in America.

And now, he's sending 3,000 American soldiers, supposedly to fight Ebola. Maybe he should send his national civilian security force instead.

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Yes, We Have No More Bacon

Recently, a restaurateur in Vermont took down a sign after a Muslim took offense to the word 'bacon' on the offending sign.

What's next? Will grocery stores actually begin taking pork and bacon products off the shelves because it offends easily-offended Muslims? What about restaurants, or your neighborhood cafe? I was reading this story, and started humming 'Yes, We Have No Bananas', substituting some of the lyrics:

Oh yes, we'll sell no more bacon
We'll sell no more bacon at all
A Muslim in hijab says it's a big prob
They say pig meat is really unclean
We no longer got' em
Ham from a piggy's bottom
So YES, we have no more more bacon
We'll sell no more bacon no more

Oh yes, we'll sell no more bacon
We'll offer bacon no more
Someone was bitchin' over bacon in kitchen
So we are going halal
You can't have bacon in your burger
Those Muslims will scream bloody murder
So, yes, we have no more bacon
We have no more bacon no more

Monday, September 8, 2014

Dear Leader Has No Strategy

Fresh off another vacation, President Nero admitted to not having a strategy in dealing with terrorists. Between golf, vacations, and wrecking America, Dear Leader just can't find the time.

The President has no strategy in dealing with ISIS, but he has a rather extensive strategy in dealing with his political opponents. During the presidential election of 2012, he disenfranchised our military voters serving overseas, rigged voting machines, and engaged in an unprecedented strategy of blatant voter fraud.

He and his team also relentlessly smeared his opponent Mitt Romney, and used The IRS to harass and abuse conservative groups seeking 501c4 status.

The President has no strategy in dealing with terrorists, but had a strategy in doing harm to guns rights in America. He sold guns to dangerous Mexican drug dealers. This strategy was called Operation Fast And Furious, and it was his strategy to undermine The Second Amendment.

If the drug dealers caused enough death and mayhem, The American People themselves might cry out for strict gun control.

The President has no strategy in dealing with terrorists, but has a strategy to get his way. He ignores, insults, and threatens the other branches of our government. He abuses the power of the presidency regularly, acting like an arrogant, petulant tyrant.

He promised the most transparent presidency ever, yet has an army of lawyers to guard ALL of his records. At the same time, he unleashes his army of leftist regulators, Obamacare navigators, and The NSA to shove their collective snout in your business.

The President says he has no strategy in dealing with ISIS, yet has a multitude of strategies to reduce your freedom. He has appointed dozens of leftist weirdos (called Czars) to push the people, a Cloward and Piven stragedy to overwhelm our system, and a Saul Alinsky strategy to humiliate and intimidate anybody who disagrees.

Wow, with all these strategies, it's no wonder he can't find time to develop a strategy to deal with terrorists. No wonder he wanted to end the war in Iraq.

The war in Iraq was just an annoying distraction from his mission to fundamentally transform America into an impoverished, third-world dictatorship.

Should Minnesota Re-name It's Towns And Cities?

Since the 1990's, the ongoing civil war in Somalia has resulted in thousands of refugees relocating in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Currently, there are over 32,000 Somalis in the state, which boasts of having the largest Somali population of any state in The United States.

In 2006, Minnesota's 5th District voters elected Muslim leftist Keith Ellison. He believes that Democrats should oppose The Second Amendment.

Meanwhile, Somali staffers at Minneapolis city hall declared February 28 'Hijab Day,' as newly elected Minneapolis Mayor, Betsy Hodges and our lesbian Police Chief Janee Harteau pandered to them by wearing hijabs.

More recently, two residents of Minneapolis were discovered to be fighting for the bloodthirsty, Islamic death-gang ISIS. One of them worked at our local airport.

Nobody knows how many more Jihadis reside in Minnesota.

Personally, this bushy-tailed correspondent thinks that our guilty, liberal friends at Lutheran Social Services, Catholic Charities, and World Relief Minnesota haven't gone far enough in making our new Muslim neighbors feel at home. Maybe it's about time Minnesota REALLY gets with the times, and begin changing the names of our towns and cities:

Minneapolis------------> Minnedushu

Only when we begin changing the names of our towns and cities will our new Muslim  neighbors finally feel at home.

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Wow, That's A Great Mug Shot

....and now, a word from our new sponsor....

You're a rock star Republican, and you may be making a run for The Presidency in 2016. Chances are, your insane enemies on the left wouldn't like anything more than to form a grand jury, and indict you for merely doing your job.

Well, you're in luck. The Grand Ole Photo Studio specializes in highly stylish mugshots.

You do not want to run for higher office without them. In fact, Democrats are so hellbent on smearing and eliminating their opponents, you would be a fool not to hire our glamour shot artistes for all your mug shot needs.

Here's one of our satisfied customers:

'After that leftist grand jury indicted me on bogus abuse of power charges, I called Grand Ole Photos, and I must say, the mug shot they took of me looks more like a glamour shot.

I gladly payed $50.99 for a portrait-sized photo, (10) 3 by 5's, and 20 wallet-sized photos:

The professional photographer reminded me to smile, because what Democrats want is an unkempt, angry mug shot they can use against me in their future campaign commercials.

Once again, Thank you Grand Ole Photo Studio for NOT making me look like THIS': 



Charles Barkley: These Ferguson Looters Are Knuckaheads

We continue our non-stop Ferguson coverage with this commentary from Sir Charles Barkley:

Thanks, Squirrel,

What the HELL is wrong with everybody in Ferguson, Missouri? I was watching the news, and saw a bunch of knuckaheads looting stores and smashing store fronts. That's turrble.

People are shot and killed every day. What right does that give you to smash a store window? Somebody built that business, an' you knuckaheads have to smash that window, and rob the store.

The only store nobody touched sold work clothes. Figures. Stupid knuckaheads.

Then, that turrble knuckahead Al Sharpton says that the idiot looters were 'liberating merchandise.' What a jive-talking knuckahead.

Also, that pipsqueak Spike Lee suggested that Ferguson should 'explode'. Knick fans are just knuckaheads.

President Obama called for calm........while his media suck-ups lied about this case, stirring racial tensions, and caused these protests to get out of control. Not cool.

As for Michael Brown, we all feel for his family, but that kid ATTACKED A COP, seriously injuring him. I don't wanna speak ill of the dead, but that was really knuckaheaded. He made a turrble decision.

Then there's that knuckahead who compared the death of Michael Brown with the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. Dial it back, you knuckahead.

Then, those knuckaheads The Black Panthers arrived on the scene. Wow, I feel safer already.

Well, that's it for now. Pull your pants up. You look like a knuckahead.


Our I-Team Report From Ferguson, MO Continues

.....Thank you, Longfellow Loon for that report. It's true, Innocent, unarmed teenager Michael Brown was murdered by racist cop Darren Wilson....

Oh, this just in. Unarmed teenager Michael Brown has been captured on video robbing a convenience store just moments before his encounter with Officer Darren Wilson.

Back to the story.

Michael Brown and his friend, Dorian Johnson, were JUST WALKING, when out-of-control, racist cop suddenly stopped his police car, ordering Brown to get on his knees. While the unarmed teenager complied, the insane cop shot him in the back several times.....

Oh, this just in. Several witnesses agree with the policeman's account. The 'unarmed teenager' attacked Officer Wilson, seriously injuring him. Then, the teenager charged the officer a second time, resulting in the fatal shooting.

According to three different coroners, none of the bullets entered Brown in the back. This contradicts Dorian Johnson's account.

Back to the story.

Now, protesters are demanding the arrest of Officer Darren Wilson for murdering the unarmed Black teenager.

Oh, this just in....

Looters are robbing businesses all over the neighborhood, and smashing store windows Now, they're 'liberating merchandise'. The Obama media deliberately lied about the facts of this incident. Now, they stick news cameras in the faces of the police.

Oh, this just in. The police are on-edge. They get no support from the hapless Governor, Jay Nixon.

Oh great, here comes The Black Panthers to ease tensions. Welcome to Obama's America.

That's it. I'm coming home. This is your bushy-tailed correspondent, reporting from Ferguson.

Quick, get in the van.

Our I-Team Reports From Ferguson, MO

Earlier this month, The Obama media told us that unarmed Black teenager Michael Brown was viciously gunned-down by White cop Darren Wilson.

According to early news accounts, Brown was just walking around the neighborhood with his friend, when an out-of-control, white officer ordered Brown to get on his knees and put his hands on his head. As the teenager complied, Wilson shot him in the back at least 9 times, killing him.

That's what the Obama media told us.

Now, we're learning that Brown ATTACKED and seriously injured Offiver Darren Wilson after committing  robbery just minutes before.

Right now, President Obama is trafficking diseased, violent illegal aliens all over the country, but everybody is distracted by the story in Ferguson. We are hearing and reading about the possibility that bloodthirsty terrorists are getting ready to attack America, but The Obama media believes that story will be bad for Dear Leader's image.

There's also a vast array of crimes committed by Obama Administration officials that we're not talking about because Dear Leader's media wants to change the narrative.

We may have a possible, widespread outbreak of Ebola in America, but that story too can wait. To The Obama media, this story is MORE important.

So, we thought we'd get into the act. We have sent our resident loony lib correspondent, Longfellow Loon, who attended Michael Brown's funeral....


Thank you, Squirrely!!!

Yes, on August 9, Michael Brown was mercilessly gunned down by racist White cop Darren Wilson. I attended the funeral, and was MOVED TO TEARS when the minister compared the murder of Michael to the crucifixion of Jebus!!!

LOOOLOOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOOLOOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOOOOO!!!(honks, blowing his beak into his handkerchief)

I sure hope that something GOOD can come from this horrible tragedy. Hopefully, my new friend Martha from the voter registration booth on the scene of the riots was able to register LOTS of new DEMOCRAT VOTERS!!!!


Also, I'm as proud as a pink peacock to hear OUR MESSIAH BARACK OBAMA call for calm. Why would all the right-wing racist meanies accuse him of exploiting this terrible tragedy? Also, my favorite Black reverend, Al Sharpton spoke for all of us when he said that the looters were LIBERATING merchandise from the shelves!!!


I hear a siren! Back to you, Squirrely.

This Week....On Ferguson, MO

The Obama media isn't just happy to inflict Obama's agenda on America. Earlier this month, The Obama media created a false-flag TV show. We call it Ferguson, MO.

Furguson, MO takes place in Ferguson, a mostly Black suburb of St. Louis. Our story starts with a MURDER of an UNARMED BLACK TEENAGER by a RACIST WHITE POLICE OFFICER. The victim, Michael Brown, was walking home after a long day of shopping for college supplies.

Suddenly, the racist white officer shoots him 6-8 times in the back for no apparent reason other than Brown is a Black teenager. Shortly after, the Obama media cover the race riots that break out nightly in Ferguson, MO.

We meet Percy and his baby-mama Tawanna, who bring their 5-year-old son to the nightly riots, teaching him that white people are evil.

The mostly Black residents notice news cameras covering the riots, and many get to be TV stars on Ferguson, MO by throwing Molotov cocktails, looting the stores, and getting themselves arrested by White cops.

The New Black Panthers join the cast, and call for the killing of Darren Wilson, the officer in question. We meet Martha, who has set up a Democrat voter registration booth on the scene.

Then, we meet the coroners, who determine that none of the gunshot wounds entered the teenager's back.

We learn that the story told by the unarmed teenager's friend who was with him when the shooting happened was not consistent with the coroner's report. We also learn that Brown wasn't buying college supplies....He was committing a strong arm robbery just minutes before the shooting.

Witnesses come out, and tell the authorities that the victim attacked the officer.

Oh, this just in---It appears Ferguson, MO might be ending now that America has learned the truth, but the show has served it's purpose. Distract The American People from far more important stories, and create racial tension. Welcome to Obama's America.

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Dear ISIS, Convert To Christianity Or Die

We here at The RedSquirrel Report are proud to welcome our new Military Correspondent, who has this message for ISIS:

Dear ISIS,

I've been watching you in action for about six weeks now, and see that you have been forcibly converting unarmed people to your satanic cult, and be-heading non-believers.

I also heard one of your leaders say that America is next. Before you try, Let me explain a few things.

This is supermodel Kate Upton. I bet that you would like to put her in a hijab, but I just have to warn you the men of America will annihilate every last one of you if you ever try. Americans are slow to anger, but if you try to put the women of America in one of your garbage bags, you will only unleash our wrath.

American men love women. We don't throw rocks at our daughters or sell them into slavery. When someone we love is raped, we go after the rapist, not the victim. Killing the victim is just plain sick.

I understand that in your sick belief system, you cannot go to paradise if a woman kills you. Maybe I shouldn't tell you about all our terrific female pilots who will soon be dropping missiles on your filthy, stinking heads.

Y'see there genius, that's just one of the reasons we're better than you. We don't disqualify half our population because they pee sitting down. We don't enslave 'em, or march them around in garbage bags and chains. If they want to learn, we teach 'em how to fly a jet, and become efficient, incredible killers.

I heard that you don't like dogs or alcohol. In the west, we refer to dogs as 'Man's best friend'. It's sick that you Muslim extremists cannot open your heart to a dog. They're adorable, loyal, and their noses are wet. Go ahead, Mahmoud, Hug one.

Your aversion to 'man's best friend' isn't holy. It's a maladjustment.

I hear that you disapprove of alcohol. Well, Americans love it. If you can't live in a world where somebody is enjoying themself , that's YOUR problem. You Islamo-Nazis need to learn to unwind in some way other than having sex with a goat. You're wound up too tightly.

America have destroyed a lot of bullies in it's history, so can all your threats. Many of us love The Lord Jesus Christ, and we know how this ends. Yahweh will judge you, and send you to a place where your moon idol Allah can't help you.

So, you think that you dirty-bearded savages can make US convert to your sick belief system? I say this:

Dear ISIS, convert to Christianity or die......Too late, you're effin' dead already. The Great Satan is coming to get you. That is all.

Monday, August 11, 2014

The Nancy Pelosi Humanitarian Award Goes To....

Our source in DC tells us that mentally unstable Former Speaker Nancy Pelosi has been off her meds, which explains her recent bahavior. Recently, she tried to physically attack Pennsylvania Republican Tom Marino as he was speaking on the floor of The House of Repesentatives.

Today, she will be awarding The Nancy Pelosi Humanitarian Award, and we will be covering this important event exclusively. And so, we welcome the Congresswoman:

Heh heh heh.....Wow, I'm seeing a talking squirrel.....and trails....

Today, I am so proud to give this award to a group that so richly deserves this important award. I have been told that Hamas has been fighting for FREEDOM against the Jewish meanies, as the incredibly powerful Israeli bullies have bombed Palestinian schools and hospitals.

I know that Hamas is a humanitarian organization because The Qataries told me so.


This must be one of the Hamas humanitarians Nancy Pelosi was referring to