Sunday, July 31, 2011

A RedSquirrel Report Exclusive

You have seen the strange photo of soon-to-be former Representative David Wu (Democrat-Oregon), in what appears to be a tiger costume. We at The RedSquirrel Report have done a little digging into the real story, and have learned the startling reason the Congressman was seen in the tiger costume.

The real scandal is that members of the United States House Of Representatives only make a yearly salary of $174,000, plus COLA (cost of living adjustment).

Congressman Wu was forced to find a second job. In this economy, the only employment he could find was as a mascot for a local high school football team.

Welcome to Obamaville.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

I Am Sarah Palin, And I Approve Of This Message

This week, self-described comedian George Lopez disclosed on Piers Morgan's CNN talk show that if former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin is elected president, he will leave America.

Should George Lopez leave? Could America survive if the star of the new Smurfs movie took his immeasurable talent, and left?

Could Sarah Palin turn this around, and use this threat by George Lopez as a campaign promise? ("If you vote for me, I will throw comedian George Lopez out of the country".)

What would happen to America if every illegal alien threatened to leave America if Sarah Palin is elected president? Would America cease to exist, or would most of us just have a great, big laugh.

Maybe I should conduct a poll.

The 'Mascot' To Resign From Congress

Representative David Wu (Democrat-Oregon) will resign from Congress, following allegations of a sexual assault on the daughter of a longtime friend and campaign donor.

But all is not lost for the seven-term congressman. The upcoming football season is upon us, and he still has his gig as the mascot for a Portland South High Tigers football team, to fall back on.

This is the first time (since last month) that a Democrat sex fiend was forced to resign from Congress, when Anthony Weiner (Democrat- New York) was forced to pull out of Congress.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Loon Of The Week Lifetime Award

My liberal associate, Longfellow Loon, is back. He is just getting over the trauma of the state government shut-down, and is here to resume his Loon Of The Week award. This is a very special week, because Longfellow is honoring long-time Minnesota legislator Linda Berglin. Take it away.

Thank you, Squirley! I am giving a LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT LOON OF THE WEEK AWARD to
Minnesota State Senator Linda Berglin. This week, Senator Berglin has announced that she will be resigning her seat, which she has held since the mighty dinosaur roamed the land. During her 30 years in the state senate, and  9 years in the state house of representatives, she was instrumental in pumping up Minnesota's health and human services system, which is the reason why the lucky people of Minnesota are sooooo healthy! If it weren't for high taxes and Linda Berglin, Minnesotans would have to live like those poor, backward slobs in Texas and Florida. Those states have no state tax! I wonder if the children in those states wear shoes? How do schools stay open in Texas? Are there paved roads?  And so,  I salute Linda Berglin.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Page 1 (George Soros-The 6,666 Page, Unauthorized Biography)

"Congratulations, master. It's a boy!"
Hell exploded loudly. Molten springs danced inside Soros' maternity ward, as the young concubine's birth canal caught on fire.
George Dracul Soros was ushered into the world. The year was 1490, and the newly-born spawn already had plans for world domination.  Media Matters won't even exist for another 500 years, yet the baby Soros was already signed up for London's School For Economics Fall quarter, 1951. As George's father cradled him in his large, red arms, he growled softly:

"Oh, my little one. Together, we are going to usher in such sublime heartaches to that old fogey's (Yahweh) creation. Together, we will make him rue the day he ever threw me out of Heaven! We will break currencies. We will legalize drugs, leaving a trail of brain-dead zombies in your wake! You will take over the Democrat Party U.S.A.! Then, as the heavenly host wails uncontrollably, I will spit molten lava into the face of God!"

But for Soros to take over the Democrat party U.S.A., there had to be a U.S.A. By 1490, the Muslims had conquered much of Europe, so Spain's Queen Isabella...(continued on page 2)

Let's Get Something Straight Here

The assailant who set the car bomb off in Oslo, Norway, then gunned downed those kids on Utoya island was not a Christian..

A Christian is someone who follows the teachings of Jesus Christ.

The 32 year-old suspect, Anders Beuring Breivik, supposedly described himself as a fundamentalist, right-wing Christian, and made the claim that the massacre was 'necessary'.

Apparently, his Bible and mine are not the same book. I can't find the verse that reads:

"....and then Jesus said, 'Go forth, and kill the innocents. Verily I say to you, Disguise yourself as a police officer, and gun them down as they try to swim to safety".

One day soon, Blondie will be face to face with God.... and at that time, he'll have some 'splainin' to do....

Proverbs 28:12

When the righteous triumph, there is great elation; but when the wicked rise to power, men go into hiding.

Thank God for conservative women like Michelle Malkin, Sarah Palin, and Michele Bachmann

Proverbs 29:2

When the godly are in authority, the people rejoice. But when the wicked are in power, they groan.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

In Your Face, Drudge Report!

Your bushy-tailed reporter is proud to announce that The RedSquirrel Report has just reached the 500 page view mark!

This Just In....

The American public are equally divided on what Congress should do about the looming debt ceiling crisis. According to the new RedSquirrel Report Poll, nearly half of  registered voters support the Republican 'cut, cap, and balance' plan.

About half of the American people prefer the Democrat 'tax, spend, and lie' plan.

God Bless The UUUUUU....SSSSSS......AAAAAA!!!!!!!

Last Friday, television's littlest troll (Bill Maher) invited a self-described comedian named Marc Maron and another guest named Dan Savage, who's main accomplishment is that he's really, really, gay, to his late-night cesspool, 'Real Time With Bill Maher', or something.

During the program, the guests discussed which Republican presidential candidates that they would like to rape. Well, to be exact, which presidential candidate they would like to have 'an angry f...' with. But, since no self-respecting Republican would ever do 'it' with either one of these losers, you can say that they probably mean 'rape'.

This year, a British singer was arrested for singing 'Kung Fu Fighting' in a club. In Vancouver, a comedian was fined for making fun of a lesbian couple who were heckling him. These stories make me very glad that I'm an American.

As singer Lee Greenwood says in 'God Bless The U.S.A.',  I'm proud to be an American, where at least I am free'. Free to laugh at raping presidential candidates. As long as they're Republicans.

It also helps if nobody is watching your program. After all, if a leftist jerk like Bill Maher engages in hate speech, but no one turns the channel to view it, does it make a sound?

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

BDS Wednesday, Part 2

Another item in the snickeringsnarkysnivelous Bachmann Derangement Syndrome news media involves a report that her husband, Marcus, runs a (GOTCHA!) Christian counseling center. (cough....cough....bigotracisthomophobe). It even appears that (are you ready for this, America?) that he has (wait for it) COUNSELLED present and former homosexuals.

The insaniacs in the soros propaganda media and the pro-gay mafia are confident that this should be the end of the Bachmann candidacy.

You see, this is why we need our public school system, where captive, little skulls can be indoctrinated into the gay acceptance agenda.

BDS Wednesday

Rush Limbaugh has noted that when the left are in power, they're scary-and when they're out of power, they're fun to watch because that is when they're at their most unhinged. It looks like the BDS (Bachmann Derangement Syndrome) wing of the drive-by news media will not wait for next year's presidential election (1980-styled landslide) to show just how wacky they are. This week, a strange story has splashed all over the sorosphere, as well as the regular loonylefty news media, concerning a report than Republican challenger Michele Bachmann suffers from migraine headaches.

These migraines can leave the candidate incapacitated for days, and (GOTCHA!) she relieves the pain with DRUGS!

The (cough....cough....female) candidate may have used Midol in the past. Perhaps Attorney General Eric Holder should look into this.

In a totally non-related story, a new poll finds that Bachmann leads the field of Republican challengers.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

We Want More!

The economy is in shambles, with real unemployment over 16%. Our enemies are laughing at us. The individual who currently occupies the White House believes that The Constitution is toilet paper. Cronyism and corruption is at a grotesque, unprecedented level. Yet, the corrupt, childish Kenyan in the White House is still raising more money (so far) than all of the Republican presidential candidates combined. Your bushy-tailed bloggmeister was wondering just who is contributing so much campaign d'oh! to the Obamunist.

Could it be that America's enemies are stuffing his campaign coffers in order to finish America off?

We Got Your Shovel-Ready Jobs!

All along the U.S.-Mexican border! Thanks to Operation Gunrunner, we need grave-diggers. Remember to thank President Obama. Let the dead American border agents' families pain be your gain!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Just A Suggestion

We all know how the Democrats and their accomplices in the drive-by news media change and bastardize the meaning of words. They frame the debate to with bumper sticker slogans or illogical mental pictures. Whether it's the infamous hockey stick used in the 'global warming'...whoops!....'global climate change' debate, or the 'debt ceiling'. The Republicans should banish the picture of 'the debt ceiling' from the national  lexicon, and call it 'the debt hole'.

Let's force the little dictator and his friends in the Senate to keep saying the words 'We need to keep digging deeper in our debt hole'.

We Were A Little Distracted Last Week

Last week, the propaganda arm of the Obama Administration (the news media) distracted America with wall-to-wall coverage of the Casey Anthony 'not guilty' verdict. Meanwhile, some of us have learned that the little dictator's Guns-For-Druglords Program (also known as Operation Gunrunner) got it's funding through his stimulus. One of these guns were used in the murder of border agent Brian Terry.
CBS' Julie Chin got so choked up over Casey Anthony 'not guilty' verdict, she had an on-air breakdown. I have to wonder: Did Julie Chin have an on-air breakdown after the murder of  the border agent?  Of course not.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Happy Fourth Of July To All, Even You Unpatriotic Commie Pukes

Harvard researchers recently released a study which concluded that fourth of July parades turn young people into Republicans. You may be asking yourself , 'Why should us Dembots feel left out of the fun?' 
Just remember, all you joyless leftists. There ARE places that you can take the kids if you don't want them to be tainted or brainwashed by red, white, and blue imagery or love of this country.
Here are 10 places to take your little Demspawn.
10. An art gallery. Maybe there's photograph of a cross in a jar of urine on display.
  9. A gay night club. Just make sure that you avoid any Log Cabin Republicans that may 'swing by'.
  8. Visit a mosque.
  7. Barack Obama's birthplace. All of them.
  6. Madison, Wisconsin. Just take in the all of that civility!
  5. Visit MSNBC. Just make sure that you arm yourself with tranquilizer darts. Ed Schultz and   Lawrence O'Donnell are on the loose.
  4. Visit your local PBS station, and work the phones.
  3. Visit your local La Raza headquarters.
  2. Work for ACORN!
  1. Help your local AFL-CIO or SEIU 'bust some heads'.

Stimulus Was A Howling Success

As it turns out, the critics of the Obama's Stimulus are mistaken. The Obama regime dumped a document last Friday afternoon that revealed that each stimulus job costed the taxpayer $278,000 . The money laundering scheme was money well stolen...whoops!....spent.  This slush fund probably bought the motivation of 20,000,000 potential voters who might otherwise stay in bed on the first Tuesday in November 2012.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Where Is Triumph The Insult Comic Dog When You Need Him?

On Thursday night, I was watching the local news coverage of the looming government shut-down. On the steps of the Minnesota State capitol building, were scores of willing pro-Dayton tools....and Shot In The Dark's Mitch Berg. I couldn't see Mr. Berg or the group of college Republicans who where getting harassed and threatened on the capitol steps. I guess that the local news media didn't want their viewers to see anything that opposed their agenda.

And so, after The Republican legislative leaders gave up on reducing taxes, met Governor Crazy-Eyes on much of his wish list, offered a 'lights on' bill to keep the most important functions of the state government running (which he flatly ignores), the news media covers this ridiculous CANDLELIGHT VIGIL. As I watched this idiotic spectacle, a thought crossed my mind. Where is Triumph the Insult Comic Dog when we need him? It would've been a riot to see Conan O'Brian's roving correspondent Triumph ridicule these willing Democratools, and then follow Governor Crazy Eyes around. Minnesota has a proud political tradition. We elected Jessie Ventura and Al Franken. After Triumph gets done with Mark Dayton, Minnesota may be the first state to have it's governor committed.