Monday, April 30, 2012

Anti-Bullying Sodomite Douche Bullies Students

There. Quite an attention-grabbing headline, ain't it?

Christian students at a high school journalism convention in Seattle got quite an earful 
when guest speaker, unhinged anal-rights advocate Dan Savage started throwing insults at his under-aged victims.

Savage was given a platform to speak about bullying in school, but his message, ironically dubbed 'It Gets Better', included an avalanche of bible-bashing and homosexual advocacy. Judging from eyewitness accounts, it never did get better.

As several of the students got out of their seats, and walked out, the real bully in school screamed at them:

"Pansy a$$es!

Even though these kids were taking part in a journalist convention, 'Journalism On The Edge,' we should still remember that kids are prisoners in an American government school system, a ridiculously unfair, downright oppressive tyranny created to victimize Christians and independent thinkers. These indoctrination centers are run by professional child abusers, and they are there to churn out compliant, submissive conformists.

Our Little Marxist Barack Obama has openly endorsed the virulent, anti-Christian message of Dan Savage, and why WOULDN'T he?  He is also a bully, an alinskyite  Chrislamist who regularly uses intimidation to humiliate those who dare disagree with him.

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Obama And His Fascist Goons Go Crazy

Here are several related stories that your bushy-tailed correspondent is covering this week.

Obama EPA appointee Al Armendariz (pictured) was
discovered on video, explaining how he gets the hated oil and gas companies to obey the Obama government and it's weird, zero-growth energy policies:

"I was in a meeting once and I gave an analogy to my staff. The Romans used to conquer little villages in the Mediterranean, They'd go into a little Turkish town somewhere, and they would take five guys they saw and crucify them. And then you know that town was really easy to manage for the next few years".

Now does this sound like a public servant? IN AMERICA?

Meanwhile, Terrible Ted Nugent was in Federal court this week. It appears that he illegally killed and transported a bear in Alaska during a 2009 trip. The Lacey Act was so obscure that even the presiding judge wasn't aware of it. The state of Alaska didn't even want to pursue the matter, but the feds insisted. Can you imagine what trouble Mr. Nugent would be in if he sold illegal guns to Mexican drug dealers?

I wonder if that had anything to do with that speech before the National Convention of The National Rifle Association two weeks ago? Hmmm?

Oh, and another thing. A fallen NAVY SEAL, who had requested that Mr. Nugent perform his song Fred Bear at his funeral, will not get his final wish. It appears that 'somebody' has banned Nugent from the funeral.

Oh, this just in. Ted Nugent's performance for the soldiers at Fort Knox has also been cancelled.

Meanwhile, The Obama Administration has proposed yet another edict, this one banning farm chores for farmers under the age of 18. Has anyone ever told Our Glorious Leader that farm chores has always been an American tradition?

Also, the Obama publicly called out eight Romney campaign donors. This is a typical Obama/Chicago thug tactic meant to intimidate private citizens. This is part of Obama 2012 strategy of chilling free speech.

How does Our Little Dictator and his army of fascist goons find the time to harass and victimize so many Americans?

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Obama's War On The Family Farm

Obama's War On America continues this week, and the new front is the family farm.

Our Little Dictator's Labor Department took aim at the traditional family farm, and issued a edict against parents who give their kids farm chores. It appears that there are still a few vestiges of rugged American individualism and freedom left, and our little disciple of Alinsky will have none of that.

Obama and his leftist czars want to erase our freedom, our traditions, and rob America of her identity. The greatest tradition we have is the independent family farm, and this little community organizer believes that he is qualified to tell these great Americans their business.

Obama knows how to sow discontent, milk the taxpayer, butcher the rule of law, and plant disinformation and lies, but what the hell does he know about the family farm?

This jack-a$$ ate dog.

Young farmers learn invaluable life lessons and independence, and Obama is relentlessly hostile to those that aren't likely to submit to the lure of the welfare check.

I also think that this is a war on parents. With this new dictate, it seems as if Obama believes that parents giving their children chores is a violation of their human rights. The grown-up meanies must be taught who the real boss is.

With this edict, Obama and the bureaucrats will end 4H, and replace it with a 90-hour federal government training course.

Knowing what we know about federal bureaucracies, Obama and his friends will probably wind up killing the golden goose.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Come Join George Clooney And The Man Of Constant B.S.


One lucky winner has a chance to meet actor/heartthrob George Clooney and dine with The Little Dictator himself, Barack Hussein Obama- mmm....mmm....mmm........

Just contribute $3 (we really want $50, but with the mess The Messiah has made of the economy, we realize that very few people can even keep a roof over their heads, much less send us money). Hell, we will probably wind up dining with a room of Hollywood hotshots anyway.

When you contribute at least $3, your name will go into a great big hat, along with thousands of other suckers' names, and we will pick the winning name out.

Then, (if we pick your name), you will attend a big, glitzy dinner with the star of Oh Brother, Where Art Thou, George Clooney,  and The Man of Constant BS, President Obama!


So, what the hell are you waiting for? Send at least $3, and WIN!

Just send your contribution to:

Good Luck, Suckers!

--Ann Marie

Ann Marie Habershaw
Chief Operating Officer
Obama For America

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

I'll Take PRESIDENTS THAT ATE DOG for $200, Alex....

Something happened last week, and I'm trying to remember what it was.  Oh, darn it, I can't quite remember why I am writing this post. It's at the tip of my.....Oh, I just remembered, #ObamaEatsDogs.

We had a lot of fun with this last week. There were the all the columns and the #hash tag games, but where do we go from here? How do we go on knowing that  #ObamaEatsDogs?

One thing for certain, America is changed. Well, Our Little Indonesian Dictator promised change. From now on, you may be seeing some strange things, such as:

A contestant on Jeopardy blurts out, "I'll take PRESIDENTS THAT ATE DOG for $200, Alex".....

Actually, there is only one answer, so this would never be a category.

You're watching 'The Shining', but there's something even weirder than seeing Jack Torrence slowly go mad. You imagine seeing this:
all work and no play makes jack a dull boy and obama ate dog
all work and no play makes jack a dull boy and obama ate dog
all work and no play makes jack a dull boy and obama ate dog

If Obama wins re-election, will it be the same as the American people giving their approval? Is it O.K. that our President,  #ObamaEatsDogs? Really?

Will there be actual American families sitting down at their Thanksgiving dinner table, with a roasted dog with an apple in it's mouth next to the centerpiece? And if you object, will you be accused of treating that family as 'the other?'

For the last week, I've almost forgotten that in three years he has introduced death panels, harassed Boeing Air and Gibson Guitars, had Solyndra and unionista leaders bobbing for bribes at last year's White House Halloween party, killed Keystone, behaved like a communist dictator, acted extra-constitutionally (Let me take a breath),

libelled, slandered, demagogued, brow-beat, intimidated, threatened and ridiculed his opponents.

Does it matter if #ObamaEatsDogs?

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Earth Day: A Counterpoint

We at The RedSquirrel Report believe in airing a diversity of opinions. Today is Earth Day, a day where millions celebrate the planet. Chances are, there's a celebration where you live.

However. there are those who do not share in that sentiment. Curtis Jennings, a contrarian conservative from Vermont, sends us this:

Thanks, RedSquirrel.

Today is Earth Day. I want to start by saying that I'm celebrating this pagan, communist holiday by kicking a spotted owl's ass.

Earth Day was created by the Commie Wisconsin Governor Elmer Anderson. This jack-a$$ designated April 22, 1970 as the first Earth Day, which was also Communist V.I. Lenin's 100th birthday.

Leftist weirdo Ira Einhorn emceed the first Earth Day rally. Later, he murdered and composted his girlfriend in his closet, for which he was convicted and sentenced to life in prison. See, kids? Liberals are friggen sick in the head.

I remember the good ole days when the smog and pollution was so thick that you couldn't see across the street where thousands of sheeple are gathered, celebrating Earth Day. Hey! Why don't you people get a job?

One thing I do approve of are those 10K Earth Day Runs, or as I call them, 'Running all over Mother Earth's face'.

Why should we be kind to Mother Earth, anyways? Sometimes she opens up, and people are killed by earthquakes. Then, she drowns us in tsunamis. You just can't trust that b.....

 I prefer to think about how God told us to use this planet. In fact, he told Adam to 'subdue' the planet. Today, 50,000 acres of forests will be that things of real beauty can be made, such as pianos, homes, and baseball bats. Now that's what I'M talkin' about!

Some people are celebrating Earth Day today. Go ahead, just don't push your weird gaia worship in my face while you're doing it. That's all for now.

What My Client, Mr. Nugent, Meant To Say, Was....

Hello. My Name is A. Carl Lazlo. I am Ted Nugent's attorney. Last week, my client spoke before the attendees at The National Convention of The National Rifle Association.

As you know, he said some things that could have been construed as a' 'threat' against the President of the United States, Barack Hussein Obama. But, let's take his remarks apart, and let's see what my client really meant to say, shall we?

"If Obama wins in 2012, I'll be in jail or dead by this time next year".

There will be many, many people who will die by this time next year. People die of heart attacks, car accidents, cancer, and suicide. Maybe Mr. Nugent will be alive then, maybe he won't be, so who knows what the future brings? There will be many Americans in trouble after Obamacare kicks in. There will be those refusing to obey the individual mandate, including Mr. Nugent. Or perhaps, Mr. Nugent might be referring to Obama's 'Death Panels'.

It could also be that my client was speaking of 'Fast and Furious'. He lives in Texas. It is possible that Mr. Nugent could be killed by a Mexican drug dealer who bought a gun illegally from Obama's Attorney General Eric Holder.

It's just a fact of life. In fact, death is just part of life. If Obama wins, many people will probably resort to cannibalism. Mr. Nugent may go to jail for cannibalism-or maybe not.

Then, there's this statement:

"We need to ride into that battlefield, and chop their heads off in November. Any Questions?"

I refer to that famous case of The Commielib Supporters for Obama v. COMMON SENSE! This was a figurative statement. Mr. Nugent is speaking about Election Day, and you idiots in the news media know that.

Finally, My client referred to The Obama Administration as "vile, evil, an anti-American", and "they are 'wiping it's a$$ on The Constitution'...."

It's amazing that I keep hearing that Mr. Obama knows The Constitution, and that he actually taught Constitutional Law. Well, he must have forgot to wake up on the first day of school, because Mr. Nugent political opinions are protected by THE FIRST FRIGGEN AMENDMENT!

I don't know what the hell Obama was doing while his Law Professor was teaching the FIRST AMENDMENT. He was probably on a cocaine bender, or reminiscing about his younger days eating dog flesh.

But I digress. Mr. Nugent is expressing what all Americans with their heads screwed on straight know. The President has repeatedly acted extra-constitutionally, and behaves like a petty, Communist dictator.

I am happy to have cleared that up. Thank you.

A. Carl Lazlo

Friday, April 20, 2012

Obama Woks The Dog

When the state-run news media harped on GOP Presidential challenger Mitt Romney for transporting the family dog Seamus on the roof of the family car 30 years ago, we believed that Obama and his allies would just use that story to dog the former Governor until Election Day.

That was, until newshound Jim Treacher of The Daily Caller discovered a passage in Our Wonderful Leader's autobiography 'Dreams From My Father'. It appears that young Barry Soetero was 'introduced' to dog meat as a boy growing up in Indonesia. This has resulted in a shocking Twitter hash tag game #obamadogrecipies, where conservatives relentlessly mock The Messiah.

So, we asked Joe the Cartoonist to open a Twitter account on Tuesday, and file this shocking investigative report on the cruel, mocking underbelly of the right-wing #hashtag culture. Joe writes:

For starters, it was apparent that the ringleader of this madness would be 'that queen of right-wing slime', Michelle Malkin. Within minutes, I found myself recoiling in horror as I read what others had tweeted:

#obamadogrecipies German shepherd's stew....chicken-poodle soup....hambeagle helper....Great Danish.

I didn't feel safe. It's a mean-spirited mob on Twitter, and the gang was going to be downright abusive of Our Glorious Reader tonight, but somehow I felt that I had to go along with the crowd. I decided to ingratiate myself to these sick meanies, so I contributed these doggy tweets:

#obamadogrecipies greyhound au gratin, Chihuahua chili dog, creme Vichy sheepdog
deep-fried basset, and spanielkopita.

I felt my very humanity slip away, as I witnessed and took part in the ABUSE we were heaping on Our Wonderful, God-like Leader. Malkin further disrespected The Great Connoisseur of canine flesh, mocking The Obama Youth rendition of The Barack Hussein Obama mmm....mmm.....mmm song. In my opinion, Michelle Malkin was born without a heart.

There were thousands of tweets, making fun of The Messiah's unamerican upbringing in Indonesia. Then it was suggested that these dog recipes be compiled in A COOKBOOK! After monitoring and contributing to this horror, I finally ended my session on Twitter after 14 hours. My, that went fast.

I admit there was laughter, but I also felt deeply mortified about having taken part in this feast of mockery.

On behalf of The American people, I must say that I am thoroughly ASHAMED of the way we mistreated the President. I apologise to this Chrislamist from Hawaii or Kenya or Indonesia, or wherever he comes from.

This is no way to treat a visitor, and if our President was raised on dog meat, I say, 'Who are we to judge the weird culture from which he came?' Perhaps, that is why he is so at odds with America's traditions and our unique, rugged national identity.

Please accept our humble apology, Mr. President.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Secret Service Pays Ted Nugent A Visit, Stays For Some Barbecue

The White House is in lock-down this week, because Motor City Madman Ted Nugent made an 'impassioned' speech to the National Convention of The National Rifle Association on Saturday. Part of his remarks are as follows:

"If Obama  wins re-election, I will either be dead or in jail this time next year".

Subsequently, some of The President's nervous staff have gone into crisis mode. DNC Press Secretary Melanie Roussell has tweeted The Republican National Committee over 30 times, demanding that Republican Presidential candidate Mitt Romney condemn Nugent's remarks.

We at The RedSquirrel Report have learned that agents have indeed payed a visit to Ted Nugent's ranch in Crawford, Texas, where they interviewed him. After the five minute interview, Nugent invited them to stay for some barbecue and target practice in the back 40.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Hillary Clinton To Host MTV Spring Break Party In Daytona 2013

MTV President Van Toffler announced today that Secretary General Hillary Clinton will host Music Television's Spring Break coverage in Daytona Beach next year.

The former first lady caught the attention of Music Television production staff during last week's Summit of the Americas in Cartegena, Colombia. where she put on quite a show.  She was photographed drinking copious amounts of alcohol,  and cavorting with several female companions.

"When you think of MTV Spring Break in Daytona Beach, you think of extremely skimpy bikinis, lots of alcohol, and music, music, music. We all saw the former first lady making a spectacle of herself, and thought she's be perfect for MTV," Toffler added.

The MTV honcho said that Flo Rida, Pitbull, and Nicki Minaj will be among the performers next year.

"Who knows? Maybe Mrs. Clinton will take part in next year's big wet t-shirt contest. I bet that her husband will be there with a water bottle".

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

It's Spring Break For Hillary Clinton

It looks like those Secret Service agents weren't the only ones having a wild, wild time in Colombia. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton apparently partook in the nightlife of Cartegena.

Breaking away from a meeting at The Summit of the Americas, she and some of her female colleagues let their hair down at one wild Cuban-themed hot spot, the Amore De Mono. There, she was spotted drinking heavily. One of her security detail knocked a camera out of a photojournalist's hands as the Secretary of State snorted a line of cocaine off a local woman's butt.

Her security guard took the camera, and shattered it on the floor.

Then Hillary and her girls got up, and formed a conga line. As they jiggled around the room, she and her friends really put on a show, kissing and grabbing at each other inappropriately.

Then, Pat Benatar's 'Love Is A Battlefield' blared from the speakers. Hillary and her companions did the actual dance from the 1983 music video, as the other patrons watched. Then, the former First Lady cannonballed into a swimming pool.

This Isn't A Real Obama Campaign Email-Yet.


It's too bad that you didn't win a Dinner With Barack, but here comes yet another promotion.

If you donate $25 to the Obama campaign, we will send you an 'Obama and Stripes' American flag.

Show off your loyalty to our glorious leader. We have only 2,000,000 of these Chinese-made flags, so send your contribution before they're all gone. We here at Obama For America want these flags to be seen from sea to shining sea!

Send you contribution of $25 or more to:

Jim Messina
Chief Campaign Director
Obama For America

Disclaimer: This is not a real Obama campaign email, but just give them a couple weeks. They've already operated a 'dinner lottery' out of The White House.

The narcissist-in-chief sees nothing unsavory about a 'U.S.' flag with his likeness emblazoned over the blue field.

Maybe the voters really want an Obamunist dictator.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Is This Honeymoon Over Yet?

A man carries his new bride across the threshold into their honeymoon suite, and she sits at the edge of the bed, anticipating her wedding night. The amorous bride tries to kiss her new husband, but he puts the palm of his hand over her eager lips, and pushes her face away.

She tries again, attempting to embrace him. He pushes her away. She sits on the edge of the bed, incredulous, as he takes the elevator to the lobby.

20 minutes later, he comes back, and tells her:

"Honey, I really love ya, but you need to be 'fundamentally transformed'. So, I'm going to bring you to a plastic surgeon tomorrow morning. Good night."

He gets into the heart-shaped bed, turns his back, and turns off the light".

Likewise, Our Little Dictator has said that he wants to 'fundamentally transform' America. While some of us believe that America is the greatest, fairest, and most prosperous society planet Earth has ever seen, Obama the Kenyan Marxist sees an America that needs to be drastically altered.

It's hard to believe that so many Americans disliked America so much.  Do they think that transforming America into Mozambique will somehow improve things?

Obama 2012 voters will be like a bride who has no problem with her new husband sending her to the plastic surgeon. They're the ones relaxing by the hotel pool with their faces wrapped in bandages, while the rest of us are seeking an annulment.

Shtuff Democrat Operatives Say

This week, public relations guru and Democrat operative Hilary Rosen really stepped in it, when she told CNN host Anderson Cooper that Ann Romney has never worked a day in her life. While the Romney campaign has used the intemperate remark to unite the conservative base,  our cartoonist Joe has come up with an idea that would bring in a lot of young voters.

If you spend time on YouTube, you've probably seen those ''Sh*t (fill the blank) Say" videos. There's Sh*t Boyfriends Say, Sh*t Girlfriends Say, Sh*t Human Resource People Say, Sh*t Guys With Girlfriends Say", etc.

Joe the Cartoonist thinks that Romney should direct his team to produce a series of related videos, entitled "Shtuff Democrat Operatives Say". Each video would be a collection of short video clips, mostly from CNN and MSNBC, with Democrat operatives telling America what they really think. It would be a terrific way of ridiculing these alinskyite bullies, and appealing to young voters.

Here is the first video:

Cue funny background music-

Hilary Rosen: Guess what? His wife has never actually worked a day in her life.

Sandra Fluke: Contraception, as you know, can cost a woman over $3,000 at law school.

Hilary Rosen: Well, first, can we just get rid of this word 'war on women'? The Obama campaign has never used it.

Joe Biden: I think the 'war on women' is real (on MSNBC's The Ed Show 4/12/12)

Hilary Rosen: President Obama does not use it-This is something The Republicans are accusing people of using, but they're actually the ones spreading it.

This is followed by an Obama impersonator reading several lines from campaign request emails from Obama For America regarding his 'the war on women' meme.

Bill Maher: What Hiliary Rosen meant to say, I think, was that Ann Romney has never gotten her ass out of the house to work....

Maxine Waters: The tea party can go straight to hell!

Ed this right-wing slut. What's her name? Laura Ingraham....

Hilary Rosen: Let's put 'the faux war against stay-at-home moms' to rest.

Keith Olbermann: Malkin is a mashed up bag of meat with make-up on it.

Your bushy-tailed correspondent thinks that this is a great idea. Perhaps Glenn Beck and his crew at GBTV can begin producing these videos, and then put them on YouTube.

The Secret Service Secretly Serviced In Colombia

Secret Service agents preparing for President Obama's weekend trip to the Summit of the America's meeting have gotten themselves embroiled in a prostitution scandal. If they would've just moved this meeting from Cartegena, Columbia to Sandra Fluke's Georgetown Law School dormitory, this would not have been a story. Here to bring us the story is our correspondent on the ground, Sister Mary Bloodyknuckles:

Thank you, RedSquirrel. May God bless and keep you.

Hail Mary, full of grace. It appears that while President Obama's Secret Service team were supposed to be preparing for the president's trip to Cartegena for the Summit of the Americas, there is a sex scandal. They have been caught getting secretly serviced by Colombian whores in a hotel in Cartegena, and that eleven 'members' are now on administrative leave.

The Obama administration is deeply embarrassed by these revelations. What these agents need is a session in 'Shame Training'. (similar to 'sensitivity training'). Damned, whore-mongering perverts. 

What'sthematter, Secret Service? 'Can't find enough sluts here in America?

You know, this would have never made the news if you just moved this Summit of the Americas meeting to Sandra Fluke's Georgetown University dormitory. I understand that Georgetown girls have quite an insatiable appetite for fornication. Just bring a wallet full of contraception. Our prim Ms. Fluke and her friends seem to like it when somebody else pays for that stuff.

Put your evil-doing hands on the desk. I'm gonna smack 'em until I draw blood!

You have disgraced America. Thanks, jack-a$$es.


Thursday, April 12, 2012

How About The Feinstein Fee?

At Powerline blog, John Hinderacker has written a piece about Our Little Dictator's latest class warfare gimmick, The Buffett Rule. Basically, the Buffet Rule raises taxes on millionaires. It's meant to appeal to Americans who are envious of those who earn high incomes.

In ''How Should The Republicans Respond To The Buffett Ploy?'', Hinderacker suggests that the Republicans could also get in the act, and propose their own symbolic tax increases, such as 'The Clooney Rule', which would raise taxes on Obama's allies in Hollywood, the ambulence chaser tax for lawyers, and the K Street rule for lobbyists.

I also have a couple proposals:

The Feinstein Fee: Named after California Senator Diane Feinstein, is a 50% tax hike on the corrupt members of Congress and their spouses who make their fortunes directly from their wife's position on Congressional Committees.

The Timothy Trickle: The Republicans should propose that even members of The President's Cabinet pay their taxes.

The Solyndra Surcharge: A 90% corporate tax rate for Presidential cronies who launder money for the President's re-election bid immediately before going belly-up.

Of course, none of these proposals will make a dent in the Federal deficit or raise much revenue, but there again, neither would the Buffet Rule, This ridiculous proposal is just a symbolic gesture meant to appeal to Obama's base of jealous liberals.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Get On The Bus

James O'Keefe's latest Project Veritas video (Eric Holder Edition) has given me an idea. Since there is no such thing as voter fraud (just ask our friends at Take Action Minnesota), I would like to run an idea by my friends at Minnesota Majority.

On November 6, Let's all synchronize our watches, and meet at a predetermined location. At 0645 hours, we will board two buses, and have ourselves some DFL-styled fun.

Cue the Mission Impossible Theme Music:

At 0700 hours, we will arrive at a polling station in South Minneapolis, and get in line. Dan McGrath (our Dan McGrath) will approach the poll worker table, and tell the smiling poll worker lady:

Good morning. I'm Mark Ritchie.

The poll worker hands him his ballot.

Then. one of our sisters (how about Sue Jeffers?) approaches the poll workers:

Hi. I'm Sandy Pappas....

She is followed by "Paul Thissan", "Tom Rukovina", "Phyllis Kahn", "Mindy Greiling", "Yvonne Solon", and so on....

Then, we get back on the bus. It's on to our next stop. We will repeat this process several more times. I bet that we all could vote five or six times before our Democrat friends even get out of bed. If you're busted, just plead ignorance of the law.

It's a valid defence.

But, if you're arrested. just remember. We've never heard of you.

Reverend Jeremiah Wright: Damn You White America

Last week, we at the RedSquirrel Report rejoiced when Obama's preacher, the Reverend Jeremiah Wright, resurfaced. Is it just me, or do you suspect that the state-run news media tried to lock Barry's wacky minister away in the attic for the last couple years?

To celebrate The Reverend's return to the national spotlight, we have invited him to write a column. Here it is:

Damn You White America,

From the beginning of time, all evil can be pinpointed to the existence of the white race. From Cain to George Zimmerman, evil come to be when the devil created the Caucasian. A white man's greed runs a world in need, and America was founded by white demons, such as that pedophile, Thomas Jefferson.

All of America's founding fathers were slave traders. That fat honky Benjamin Franklin dragged Puff Daddy's great-grandpa out of Africa. To Franklin, it's All About The Benjamins. Mr. Thomas Jefferson forced his slaves to dry-clean his clothes on the East side.

Some honkys have skin like us, but they worship a different God. That black Pecker wood Clarence Thomas and that pizza-making, Steppin Fetchit Herman Cain has consorted with the devil Republicans. America drops bombs on black babies, then sings 'God Bless America'.

Nah, nah, nah. Not God Bless America....GAWD DAMN AMERICA!

Whitey came out in droves to vote for Barack Obama....BECAUSE THEY ARE RACISTS....They voted for him to assuage their white-hot guilt. Whitey watches Oprah and they watch Bill Cosby and Fat Albert 'cause they're RACISTS!

The honky stole our culture and they broke the beautiful nose off the sphinx. The white Greek queer boy Alexander The Great and that tea-baggin' Voltaire brought the HELL of white culture to the world.

Only when we throw off the slavery of the white man's capitalism, and replace it with the freedom of Communism will the black man finally be liberated.

Well, that's all for now. Peace out.

The Reverend Jeremiah Wright.

You're So Vain, I Bet You Think This Holiday Is About You

During Sunday's 134th annual White House Easter egg hunt, the Narcissist-In-Chief shot some hoops with former NBA superstars Darryl 'Chocolate Thunder' Dawkins and Mitch Redmond, who presented a special basketball with Our Little Dictator's image emblazoned on it.

Last month, we discovered a company that made 'American' flags, with Our Communist Dictator's likeness replacing the 50 stars.

I guess the country is equally divided, because after the nice ham dinner, I enjoyed my Easter in a slightly different way:

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Charles Manson: Well, It's About Time

Today, psychotic serial killer Charles Milles Manson will be up for parole for the twelfth time. Maybe he'll get lucky, and twelve will be the charm.

In 1969, he and members of his "family" committed several grisly murders in the Los Angeles area, including the murder of pregnant actress Sharon Tate. During the sensational trial that followed, the American public discovered that Manson was attempting to touch off a race war.

Manson believed that The Beatles were sending him messages found in their 'White Album'. Charlie's name for this war was 'Helter Skelter'.

It is 40 years later, and it looks like Charlie may be getting his wish. If you look at the news in the month following the killing of unarmed teenager Trayvon Martin, we are finding a cast of maniacs and idiots willing to kill or harm other people because of the color of their skin.

The New Black Panther Party is threatening to begin a bloody race war. In Tulsa, three white knuckleheads murdered five black men. A 78-year-old white man was beaten by a mob of black teenagers. You have race hustlers Al Sharpton, Jessie Jackson, as well as Our Little Dictator fanning the flames of hate.

You know we may be in trouble if Charles Manson tells the judge that he would like to remain incarcerated for the time being, because he wouldn't feel safe with 'those Black Panther nutcases running 'round.

Critics Corner With Gerald Snotley

Our resident music and arts critic Gerald Snotley is back, fresh off his eyelash-replacement surgery with a music review. So, here he is, as joyless and over-analytical as ever. Take it away, Gerry:

This week, I am reviewing the new music video by those lowbrow bumpkins, The Oak Ridge Boys. Their brand new video, 'Whatcha Gonna Do?',  features YouTube lips sync train wreck, Keenan Cahill.

My right-wing Republican boss, The reprehensible RedSquirrel, has decided that it would be fun to torture me by asking me to review this terrible music video.

As a typical, joyless arts critic, I am simply appalled by the incursion of this untalented midget in this video. Is he in the group now?

But, there again, I don't understand the concept of  'fun'. I believe that artists make music to please over-critical killjoys like myself. I am proud to say that I haven't given a positive review since the brilliant Elvis Costello released his 1978 masterpiece, 'My Aim Is True'.

But, back to the review. The producer of this his terrible music video apparently set up a camera in somebodies apartment, and cut on labor costs by keeping the camera on a tripod for the entire 'shoot'. The camera never moves. I believe that one of my eyelashes fell out as I watched this disaster.

The Oak Ridge Boys can barely lips sync to their own song. Their vertically-challenged co-star appeared to struggle with this song also. I would encourage Mr. Cahill to use this video as proof that he is handicapped, so that he may collect disability benefits.

During the guitar solo portion of this video, the Oak Ridge Boys and their little friend act as if they were playing the instruments. Usually, this is act is called 'playing air guitar'. It looked more like they were playing 'air mandolins....badly'.

As I suffered through this music video, I realised that this was the uncoolest thing I have ever seen. I wrap up this review by saying that I hate my boss. Damn you, RedSquirrel. Damn you.

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Happy Easter Weekend From The Obamas

Happy Easter, America. It's your Messiah, President Barack Hussein Obama.

This weekend, as we celebrate the resurrection of my poll numbers, I would just like to remind some of you that you haven't donated to my re-election. And so, I would like to tell you of a special offer this week. If you donate $3 to my campaign, I will send you an Obama flag. Fly it high.

Yesterday was a Very Good Friday, as we found out that Gallup reported that my approval number is back at 50%. It's an OBAMA EASTER MIRACLE!

First Lady Michelle and her army of food inspectors are going door-to-door, and confiscating ALL of the fattening chocolate bunnies, and marshmallow peeps from EVERY house in America. Everybody, have an Easter Carrot. It's good for you.

As for that Hispanic Honky, George Zimmerman, my flash mob in Sanford, Florida is telling that judge, 'CRUCIFY HIM!'. My friends The Black Panthers has offered 50 pieces of silver to anyone who can bring that killer to justice.

Just as Jebus had those hateful Sanhedrin to deal with, I have nine, unelected judges who are trying to overturn my health care law! If these extremist Republicans were alive back in Biblical times, they would just let Lazarus die! 

To my Jewish friends celebrating Passover and watching 'The Ten Commandments', I offer the bitter bondage of crushing taxes.  So it is written, so shall it be done.

Later on, I will go to church with Michelle and our daughters, Malia and Sasha, and enjoy a nice worship ME!  Actually, the service won't be in a church. It will take place in a public school. Turn to you hymnal, to page 43.  Barack Hussein Obama..... mmmm....mmmm....mmmm......C'mon, sing it louder! Sing to your Messiah like you mean it!....

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Toys (In Happy Meals) Are Still Legal In California

Kids rejoice! Today, a California judge struck down a class-action lawsuit against McDonalds, and their happy meals.

The lawsuit was originally introduced by the busybodies at The Center For Science in the Public Interest. The organization's head lawyer, Burger M. Meisterburger stated that McDonalds should not offer a toy with happy meals in the state of California. Here is his statement:


The C.S.P.I. filed the lawsuit on behalf of a joyless busybody in San Francisco.

Mega Millions Miser Claims Zimmerman Bounty

It's been quite a week for 37-year-old Mirlande Wilson. On Monday, the Baltimore-area resident made the astonishing claim that she had all 6 numbers in Friday's record-breaking Mega Millions drawing. Lottery officials report that there were 3 winning tickets, splitting the jackpot exceeding $650,000,000.

Wilson, who had entered in an office pool with her co-workers, has told reporters that the winning ticket was bought by herself, apart from the tickets in the office pool, so she will not share the $110,000,000 prize with her co-workers.

She has later admitted that she isn't sure if she had the winning numbers.

Wilson, a McDonalds employee, is now making the shocking claim that she has Trayvon Martin shooter George Zimmerman, in her custody. She has contacted the New Black Panther Party, and wants the $10,000 reward they had offered for Zimmerman's capture.

Wilson says that she will not share the reward with her search party. Also, she cannot prove that she has Zimmerman in custody.

Obama Is Going MAD

Thank you.....thanks......The teleprompter wants everyone to sit down. Thank you.

America has a 400-year history of unfairness and downright meanspiritedness. It's a non-stop nightmare of slavery and mistreatment of women. The Republicans mistreated the native Americans, The Aztecs, The Mayans, then imported racism worldwide. Now, The Republican Party is waging a war on women, for it is Republican Leader Paul Ryan and company that wants to take contraception away from women, and keep them bare-foot and pregnant.

Congressman Ryan will try to push your pregnant grandma off a cliff if he isn't stopped. Not even former Republican President Ronald Reagan would be in favor of that.

Ryan and his friends will try to bankrupt Medicare AND Social Security with this new budget. And now, nine, unelected officials may strike down my 'god-like health care gift' to this rotten, racist country, and rule it UNCONSTITUTIONAL. If The Republicans and The Supreme Court aren't stopped, people will start dying.

Deep cuts in the next budget will cause satellites to crash into schools, and the children will be killed by falling space debris....and because the Republicans will steal their health care away. .

There will be no schools left, and all the children we Democrats brainwash will never have the opportunity to take out college loans. That reminds me, Paul Ryan wants to close down and board up all the colleges, too.

If Paul Ryan and the Republicans pass their budget, there will be no police, the C.I.A. and the F.B.I. will close their doors, and the air will be thick with smog. All the rivers will suddenly be filled with nuclear waste, and all the food with become poisonous.

Frogs and locusts will fill the sky, and Rush Limbaugh will laugh like a maniac.

It wasn't me who caused skyrocketing energy prices, although that's what I wanted.  It was the Republicans who scuttled the Keystone XL Pipeline. If these Republicans were around during the time of Columbus, they would be like the Flat-Earth society. If these Republicans could time travel like me, they would go back in time, and make cars and in-door plumbing illegal.

Don't let those racists prevail. Remember, if I had a son, he would look like Trayvon Martin. When you step into that voting booth, I want you to vote for me, and think, 'I'm doing this for Trayvon'. Thank you.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

CURRENT TV Viewers Just Finding Out That Olbermann Is Gone

Keith Olbermann, the former host of MSNBC Countdown with Keith Olbermann, has parted ways with Al Gore's lowly-rated Current TV, The firing happened on Friday, but viewers of his program are just finding out today.

Viewers of FOX NEWS found out almost as it happened, as did viewers of Glenn Beck TV.  Many Americans already knew that Olbermann was fired because they are viewers of FOX NEWS and GBTV....not Current TV.

The crew aboard the International Space Station found out on Saturday afternoon. In fact, the ratings are so low for Current TV, that some of Olbermann's co-workers are just finding they are out of a job. One of his assistant floor directors found out by accident, having seen the news on Sean Hannity's evening program on FOX NEWS.

Today, we spoke to another Current TV host. Our reporter asked Cenk Uygur about Olbermann's dismissal. After a long. pregnant pause, he could only ask:

"Keith Olbermann was fired? When did that happen?"

Client 9, Eliot Spitzer has been hired to take Olbermann's place, and the rating are already so low that The Drudge Report is readying the red siren, with the following headline:

Current TV:  We Will Advertize New Spitzer Program On Sides Of Milk Cartons

"We were thinking about running color bars. Remember when MSNBC host Ed Schultz suspended himself for a week, and his rating went up?" asked one Current TV producer.

"We may try a show with no host, and see what happens".

Is This Really The American President?

Our Little Dictator continued his war on America today during an Associated Press luncheon, as he badmouthed this country's free-market system

Our Indonesian Bully prefers The Chicago Way over The American Way, demagoging the capitalist economic system that has brought about the greatest, most generous society in the history of the human race. He railed against the unfairness of the free market, and badmouthed the new Republican budget proposal, calling it 'social darwinism'.

He railed against inequality. What does he have against diversity....of incomes? Bigot.

By the way, Our Bully-In-Chief introduced his own 2013 budget proposal last week, but it was unanimously rejected in the House of Representatives, 0-414. Apparently, his budget was so extreme, that Nancy Pelosi wouldn't even vote for it.

This little time-traveling historian even suggested that the current Republican Party would be too extreme for Ronald Reagan. There he goes again. That's the second time in the last three weeks Obama has lied about a Republican President from our past.

If Barry dislikes the American system so much, then why is he here? There are plenty of Communist dictatorships and leftist banana republics all over the world, where everybody is equal, and nobody is allowed to fail. There are places that have already been ran into the ground.

Why punish us?

Meet The Most Unpopular Co-worker In America

An employee at a Baltimore McDonald's claims that she holds one of the three winning tickets of the $656,000,000.00 Mega Millions lottery jackpot.

37-year-old Mirlande Wilson had entered into a ticket pool along with her co-workers, but claims that she had also bought a lone ticket for herself.  It was that lottery ticket that supposedly holds all six winning numbers, although she's not even sure if the numbers match.

The RedSquirrel Report talked to her co-workers, and axed them what they thought:

"Dang, she shudint' even come back", said one perturbed co-worker.

Wilson's crew chief added this:

"Oh no, sh' dint". There's NO way she gonna take our money!"

Mirlande Wilson didn't go to work on Monday.

Monday, April 2, 2012


Last Wednesday night, Our Child Dictator unified Republicans and Democrats for a second straight year, as The House of Representatives has voted down his 2013 budget
proposal, 0-414. Yes, that means that for the second straight year, his budget was unanimously rejected, except for the 25 members of The House who weren't present for the vote.

That means that not even Nancy Pelosi would vote for it. She didn't even have to read it to know what's in it. Your bushy-tailed correspondant hasn't read his proposal, and I know that I wouldn't have voted for it either.

If we had an intelligent 8-year-old running this country, he or she could have introduced a budget that would make sense to at least 30-40 House Democrats.

How can this arrogant, inept child even RUN for re-election?  I wonder how some Americans are actually thinking about giving this clown another four years to destroy what he hasn't ruined yet.

I have a question for all you Obama voters out there. Do you think that punishing the successful will make your life better? Yeah, I realize that many of you are standing in line waiting for your 'Obama money', but I'm talking to the adults of America.

Maybe we're just out-numbered, and most Americans want to see capitalism ended. Maybe the majority of voters are so hateful of the achievers in America, they want the government to show no mercy to entrepreneurs. I suppose that skyrocketing heating bills and the price at the pump is just a small sacrifice.

Obama is a relentless liar and an over-hyped fraud, who has damaged this country more than any public figure in our country's history, and he will still get at least 45% of the popular vote in November.

This President has a record now. There's not a single member in the House of Representatives who has confidence in his ability to introduce a budget that even deserves to see the light of day. The Democrats voted to pass the unconstitutional Obamacare, but none of them would vote for this budget.

Just how bad can a budget be?

Cookie Monster: That Michelle Obama Is A B....

TMZ, You have been scooped by The RedSquirrel Report.

Six weeks after a school lunch inspector in North Carolina confiscated a 4-year old's packed lunch, controversy has hit the 'Seseme Street' set.

After a recent visit from the First Lady Michelle Obama, the craft food inspector for the show has confiscated all fattening food, including cookies.

This hasn't set well with The Cookie Monster. The voracious blue superstar has stormed off the set, and is threatening to quit the show. An assistant floor director fills us in:

"Yeah, Cookie just snapped. He was about to videotape a segment, when he noticed that somebody had taken away the cookies. Somebody has replaced his cookies with fruit and vegetables. He picked up a stalk of broccoli, and asked the director, 'What is this?'

Our director had to break the news to him, that Michelle Obama has ordered all fattening food taken from 'Seseme Street', and everybody will be eating healthy foods, like carrot sticks and broccoli from now on.

You should have seen what she did to Mr. Hooper's Grocery Store.

And so, Cookie started yelling, 'Who does that b.... think she is? I'm the f...... Cookie Monster, as he started throwing the fruit at the director. COOOOOKIIIEEEE!!!'

Then, Cookie stormed off the set, and he's been in his trailer since. Some t.v. stars can be rather temperamental."

We will let you know if Cookie Monster will win back his right to eat cookies.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

What Died On Representative Corrine Brown's Head?

The RedSquirrel Report has discovered the REAL reason for Florida Representative Corrine Brown's crazed meltdown on CNN the other day.

The Congresswoman was on with anchor Brooke Baldwin to talk about the Trayvon Martin case, when Baldwin asked the leftist Democrat if she and her black colleagues would care as much if the victim was a white child instead of the slain 17-year-old Martin.

Representative Brown appeared to be offended by the question, and told the anchor about a female murder victim in her district. When Baldwin pressed Brown on the victim's name, the representative from Florida's 3rd District looked off-screen because she had trouble recalling the victim's name.

Then the Representative began to yell wildly at the CNN anchor, indignantly reminding the news anchor that the black members of Congress are THE CONSCIENCE of that legislative body.

In a RedSquirrel Report exclusive, we have discovered that the CNN news anchor had asked another question that was actually edited out of the interview.

Brooke Baldwin:................"What the devil is that thing on your head?"

Representative Corrine Brown's meltdown really started there. She answered:

"That's my hair, Bitch!"

Are They Operating A Lottery From Out Of The White House?

Today, I got this email from Obama For America:


Didn't win the jackpot last night?

There's another drawing at midnight. We're picking the last guest for Dinner with Barack.

You have a much better shot at winning this.

Donate $3 or whatever you can before midnight and be automatically entered:

Remember. Every donation doesn't just give you a chance to get dinner with the President, it also provides the resources that will help open all those field offices and hire all those organizers.


Obama For America

Isn't it illegal to use your office to offer prizes in exchange for political donations? Our Little Dictator is jumping all over this Mega Millions lottery fever in order to attain campaign contributions. Wow, it seems like he is sullying the hell out of The White House, Isn't he?