Wednesday, August 30, 2017

The First Lady Announces Change To School Lunch Policy

In a move that will please kids and parents alike, First Lady Melania Trump will be announcing a change to school lunch policy.

Soon, the old Michelle Obama-era healthy lunches consisting of uncooked broccoli, rice cakes, rabbit food, and mystery foodpaste patties will be replaced by Sloppy Joes, meat and potatoes, soups and sandwiches, and nachos.

Wave goodbye to starvation school lunches, kids. Soon, you will eat like normal people again.

Replacing History

It appears as if leftists are doing all they can to erase history. Lately it's been statues of Confederate generals.

You would think these statues are going to be replaced with something. Don't be surprised if you see these statues and memorials take their place.........

10. The Statue of The Welfare Recipient

  9. The Statue of The Put-Upon Muslim Migrant

  8. The Statue of The Undocumented Immigrant

  7. The Statue of The Undocumented Dreamer and His Extended Family (This will be 50 statues and it will block traffic.)

  6. The Black Lives Matter Memorial (This will also block traffic.)

  5. The Statue of The Antifa 'Protestor'

  4. The Statue of Michael Brown 'The Gentle Giant'

  3. The Kneeling Statue of Colin Kaepernick

  2. The Statue of Barack Obama, George Soros, and Mohammad

  1. The Statue of Hillary Clinton

My Top Ten Demands Of Black Lives Matter

Recently, Black Lives Matter made a list of ten demands on White people. Your bushy-tailed correspondent thinks it is a good idea to return the favor. Here are my top ten demands of my fellow Black Americans:

10. Stop asking me if I have a lighter. I didn't know that lighters were that expensive. Buy one.

 9. Stop 'auditioning'. (Black guys walk down the street and/or go on light rail trains, and start rapping or singing. Usually, they sound horrible. Many times I'm tempted to offer them $5 if they'll just shut up.)

 8. Get a belt or pants that fit. Normal people don't want to see your undies hanging out. You look stupid.

 7. Start treating females with respect. I always see Black males lurking around downtown and when they see an attractive female, they use vulgar, lewd language as their way of saying 'hello.' If that's your idea of a charm offensive, it's not charming.....It's just offensive.

 6. Stop asking strangers for money. You shouldn't leave the house without enough money for you to get through the day.

 5. Stop asking me for bus or light rail fare.

 4. Marry your baby mama.

 3. Stop picking fights with the police.

 2. Get yourself off the Democrat plantation. What the Hell have you got to lose?

 1. Get yourself a good education.

Thursday, August 10, 2017

Trump Should Make A Deal With Kim Jong-Un

This week, we are witnessing a war of words between President Trump and North Korea's potbellied dictator, Kim Jong-Un. North Korea has been testing their missiles, and threatening to nuke Guam, and Trump is threatening to retaliate.

Your bushy-tailed correspondent thinks this is a great opportunity. Un's eccentric father, Kim Jong-Il, had a history of kidnapping actors, and America has actors who promised to leave America if Trump won.

President Trump should make a deal with the NORK leader. If they don't nuke Guam (or anywhere else), we will send them Matt Damon and Rosie O'Donnell.

We are hearing this week that Un has about 60 miniature nuclear warheads that can fit inside their ballistic missiles.  Perhaps Trump can reduce that number by sending Meryl Streep,  director Michael Moore, or Communist Sean Penn to North Korea.

We can hold these actors to their promise to leave America, and President Trump can literally save the civilized world if he makes this deal. On top of that, the North Korean dictator can begin his very own collection of Hollywood actors. Everyone wins.

Thursday, August 3, 2017

Hillary Clinton's New Book 'What Happened' (Page 345)

Looking back, I realized that the American people let themselves down. The racists and misogynists took the right-wing extremist kooks to the voting booths en masse, while the majority of Americans were simply too fat and happy with the job I did as Secretary of State, and didn't bother to vote.

The Obama coalition of undocumented immigrants, millennials, and unmarried women failed to carry me over the finish line. Oh, and the Republicans engaged in massive voter suppression.

On the other hand, I learned that my team could have done a better job. The next time I run for President, I will make sure we don't ignore those flyover states. We really thought that I had Wisconsin, Michigan, and Pennsylvania in the bag.

Also, I was shocked to learn just how horribly biased and right-wing the news media could be. They caught and reported my every little misstep, and were instrumental in dooming my candidacy.

Then, there was F.B.I. Director James Comey. Just before Election Day, he aired all my dirty laundry for the entire country to see. I believed that when my husband met with Attorney General Loretta Lynch on that airplane that I was in the clear.

Finally, the Russians interfered with the election. They wanted a weak America, so they threw their support behind Donald Trump. I gave them 20% of our uranium, and they betrayed me because I'm a woman. Both Russia and America are very misogynistic places.

I'm just glad that I had friends who donated to my candidacy in Saudi Arabia and Yemen. Those societies know how to treat women like me.

Ultimately, America wasn't ready for a woman as President.