Top Ten Sheila Jackson Lee Solar System Scientific Facts

Texas Democrat Representative (and amatuer scientist) Sheila Jackson Lee said that The Moon is mostly gas (It isn't). 

From our home office in Bovey, Minnesota, here are The Top Ten Sheila Jackson Lee facts regarding our solar system::

10. Marvin The Martian may attack The Earth if we don't appropriate $5trillion to defend our planet.

  9. Most of our solar system's Methane comes from Uranus.

  8. Lunar eclipses happen when a cow jumps over The Moon.

  7. The surface of Neptune is covered with a layer of Trident gum.

  6. Planet Pluto wa named after Goofy's dog.

  5. There is a golden ring around Sataurn worth $2,500,000,000,000, and Congress should vote to spend your tax dollers to buy it.

  4. The mercury in your thermometer comes from the planet Mercury.

  3. Geocentrism refers to the belief that the universe revolves around our planet Earth. Representative Jackson-Lee, as well as most members of Congress, believe the universe revolves around THEM.

  2. Black Holes are created by extraterrestrials who never knew when to stop digging.

  1. White Dwarfs are RACISTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Top Ten Reasons To Vote For Joe Biden

With all the crimes The Resident of The White House has committed against the country, It's amazing that there are still people who are voting to continue The Joe Biden Crisis for four more years.

From our home office in Bovey, Minnesota, Here are The Top Ten Reasons To Vote For Joe Biden:

10. Violent criminal aliens and Human Traffickers killing and raping Americans!!! Who could ask for MORE!?

  9. Fentanyl. Come and get your Fentanyl!!!

  8. We're going to appoint even MORE Cross-dressers and transgender weirdos in the second Biden administration!

  7. Joe will tell us even more lies!

  6. because he will protect your right to slaughter your unborn baby

  5. With bidenflation, you can fit $200 worth of groceries in JUST ONE bag!

  4. because MAGA is a danger to D.C's corruption applecart

  3. JOE WILL OPEN THE BORDERS AND CLOSE YOUR SMALL BUSINESS

  2. A vote for Biden is a vote for Communist Chinese worldwide DOMINATION!!!

  1. FREE STUFF!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe Biden Wants To Desecrate ALL Our Holidays

So, our corrupt, senile Resident Joe Biden has announced The Transgender Day of Visibility on March 31, the same day as Easter. Normal-Americans and Christians reacted as you would expect.

Your bushy-tailed correspondant is wondering if the America-hating and Anti-Christian biden regime will stop at desecrating the day our Lord and Savior was resurrected. After all, there are many holidays on our calender. 

Perhaps he'll replace Christmas Day with 'Looter's Day' or 'Undocumented Shoppers Day'. That would appeal to Biden's base of criminals and race hustlers. Also, he could say that Inflation is no longer a problem if everything on the shelves are 'free.'

Biden could proclaim a 'Bitch Like An Ungrateful Liberal Day' to replace Thanksgiving. Nearly ALL of Biden voters worship government, not God, and complain non-stop that 'the rich' don't pay their fair share. They don't believe in giving thanks to Our Heavenly Father.

Knowing biden, he would probably rather commemorate the genocide of the Native-Americans by 'the settlers'.

Then, Biden can replace MLK Day with George Floyd Day. Biden's violent supporters prefer Floyd over Martin Luther KIng anyway.

After that, Independence Day can be replaced with '(Government) Dependence Day' or some other new holiday damning America's existence. 

Biden could replace that most romantic holiday, Valentine's Day, with 'National Sodomite LGBQT Visibility Day', even though they already an entire month. Still, it would be an opportunity for Biden to stick it to those straight, CHRISTIAN people. 

Saint Patrick was a Christian, so St. Patrick's Day would need to be desecrated in favor of something that Biden's supporters would support. How about Mohammad's Birthday? A holiday honoring anti-Semetic Minnesota Representative Ilhan Omar? The possibilites are almost endless.

Biden and his ilk HATE Americans who get up and go to work, so he could replace Labor Day with 'Student Loan Forgiveness Day' or 'Undocumented Immigrant Free Money Day'.

So, it's a start. I just hope that biden and his leftist helpers don't see this, and get any ideas.

Men In Black's Agent Zed: Adam Schiff Is A Zanti Under His Human Disguise

As you probably know, The Men In Black is a semi-secret organization that monitors extraterrestrial activity on our planet. There are alien life forms breaking our laws constantly, and outstanding MIB agents do their best to keep The Earth safe and do their work in the most discreet way possible.

The agent in charge, we'll call him Agent Z, has a warning for the voters of California:

Thank you RedSquirrel,

Our organization monitors alien activity, and I feel that i have to warn the voters of California about a potentially terrifying threat regarding a certain candidate for The U.S. Senate. On Earth he is called Adam Schiff.

We have been monitoring him for some time now. His bugged out etyes, his weird, round head are on your TV and computer screens almost non-stop, but his human disguise conceals the fact that his home is a planet called ZANTI. 

In the early 1960's, humans watched The sci-fi TV show The Outer Limits. One episode, 'The Zanti Misfits' featured strange aliens creatures with ant-like bodies and weird, creepy, humanoid faces. As you may or may not know, many episodes of The Outer Limits are based in REALITY.

These are actual creatures living on our planet, and one of these creatures have taken on a human appearance. Be assured that The Men In Black are closely monitoring this alien, as well as his candidacy.

He is currently in a Senatorial campaign against baseball legend, Republican Steve Garvey. My commentary here is in no way an endorsement of Mr. Garvey's campaign, just a warning to the voters who are thinking about voting for 'Mr. Schiff.'

Adam Schiff

Adam Schiff without his human disguise

APRIL FOOLS!

'Easter' Greetings From Nicolae Carpathia

 It's Easter Sunday, and the King of This World sends this greeting:

Happy Fertility Festival, America and The World,

It's Easter, and my demonic, senile flunky Joe Biden has announced 'Trans Visibility Day 2024', because as you know, my demon-possessed transgender children are STILL in the closet!!! NOT!!!!!!

Plans to replace The American People with millions of illegal, CRIMINAL migrants from the Third World is RIGHT ON SCHEDULE! My Obiden Regime will register them to vote, and that orange-haired goody-two-shoes Donald Trump HAS A BIG SURPRISE WAITING FOR HIM ON ELECTION DAY!!!

My WONDERFULLY wicked New York Attorney General Letitia James (The Scourge of New York, The Sorrow of America, Letitia the Corrupt, Letitia the Cruel, Letitia the Racist, Letitia the Thief, Letitia the CONFISCATOR) will take EVERYTHING that the orange man has ever built and every penny will be seized. Soon, he will know what it's like to live under the brutal rule of The Anti-Christ! 

YOU WILL OWN NOTHING AND YOU'LL BE HAPPY!!! ALL HAIL SATAN!!!!

MY UNHOLY TRINITY of Joe Biden, Bill Clinton, and Barack Hussein Obama just had the biggest fundraiser in the country's history, while my media tells the foolish American People that The Republicans are the party OF THE RICH!!! I'M LAUGHING MY ASS OFF!!!!!

My Demoncrats are stealing everything that isn't nailed down, laundering your money, declaring war on the productive, using lawfare to rob you of your freedom, and everyone is distracted watching MARCH MADNESS!!!

While your children find colored eggs and families attend church services, My COMMUNITY ORGANIZER Barack Hussein Obama is busy doing Satan's WORK, 'transforming America' INTO A CRIME-RIDDEN, THIRD-WORLD, IMPOVERISHED SHIT-HOLE!!!! 

My Attorney General Merrick Garland and my Federal Bastards of Intimidation are harrassing Christians and Jews all over the country. Very soon, I will make you accept my mark, or you will be unable to buy or sell or even hold a job! ALL HAIL D.E.I.!!!! YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHIN' YET!!!!

Soon, The U.S. CONSTITUTION WILL BE REPLACED BY THE SATANIC BIBLE!!!! With my degenerate leftist gang in power, GOD IS MOCKED!!! ALL HAIL SATAN!!!!

Letitia James, The Scourge Of New York

As everybody knows, New York Attorney General Letitia James is currently the most evil presence in the universe, so we welcome the extremely evil Vigo The Carpathian (also known as Prince Vigo, Von Homburg Deutschendorf, Scourge of Carpathia, Sorrow of Moldavia, Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer Vigo the Despised, Vigo the Unholy) to explain to us just what bad a person Leticia James is:

Hello, you puny Americans,

I am Vigo, The Scourge of Carpathia, The Sadness of Maldavia. On New Year's Eve 1989, I attempted to take over the world and bring a worldwide season of evil. I failed.

Now, it's 2024, and a River of Slime is flowing under New York in the form of Attorney General Letitia James. This Stalinist Goon is accomplishing something I could only dream about in my most cruel, evil mind.

She has filed bogus fraud charges against developer and former President Donald Trump, and she is trying to destroy him financially. She is robbing him of almost $500,000,000 in the guise of a 'civil fine', charging him with fraud.

This abuse of power makes me and many other evil historical characters look like Mr.Rogers. She has falsely accused Mr. Trump of over-evaluating his own property to get a bank loan. The Bank itself reports that there was no fraud, that Trump paid off the loan, and that the bank is completly satisfied with their dealing with the developer...

....but that matters not to her. What was will be no more! She said, 'I shall take EVERYTHING HE HAS POSSESSED, OWNED, OR HAS EVER BUILT, AND CONFISCATE ALL HIS ASSETS!'

I will even take his home and his Trump Tower!!!!!' Back in my day, you needed a well-armed army to storm a castle!

The grotesque, evil Queen Letitia had campaigned to 'get Donald Trump.' even attacking him for his skin color, referring to him as being 'Too pale, and too stale.' On a mountain of skulls, in HER office of pain, she sits on a throne of blood!

The SHAMELESS news media worships and sucks up to Letitia James like my creepy, little right-hand man, Dr. Janosz Poha (played by Peter MacNichol).

She isn't even trying to lock up the violent criminals running wild in the streets and subways of New York City, spending her time persecuting a man who helped build the city.  She is SO EVIL AND MAD WITH POWER I may try to get a job working for her. I am updating my resume!

There are those trying to resist her insane lust for power. The rebel New York Fire Department boo'd her, and some truckdrivers are refusing to deliver food and supplies into New York City. Many businesspeople are refusing to to business in Gotham, and law-abiding New Yorkers are fleeing the city.

Will she have everyone thrown in prison and ruined financially, or just Donald Trump? What will be the result of her cruel, unconstitutional harvest of HATE? 

This is Vigo. Over and out.

Letitia James, Attorney General of New York, The Scourge of New York, Letitia the Stalinist Goon, Letitia the Cruel, Letitia the Racist, Letitia the Rotten, Letitia The Corrupt, Letitia the Confiscator

Ralphie Wiggum: Ketanji Brown-Jackson Is Brilliant!!!!!

We at The RedSquirrel Report believe in airing all views, so we welcome a typical Democrat voter:

Whoops, I just accidently ate paste....

Hi, my name is Ralphie Wiggum, and I am a Democrat voter. Mean , racist Republicans are making fun of Supremist Court Justice Ketanji Brown-Jackson because she is concerned that The First Amendment may make it easier to spread right-wing misinformation!

We need the government to control the discourse in this country because some right-wingers will lie about Covid and get everybody killed. Purple magic markers taste like grape!

Out of everybody on The Supremist Court, KBJ is the SMARTEST! O.k., so she doesn't kniw what a woman is. NOBODY'S PEFEKT!

I want the government to be in control of free speech. I trust Adam Schiff, Nancy Pelosi, and Liz Chaney and I watch MSNBC and CNN! The government-controlled media NEVER LIES!!!

If the government didn't step in, we would all be addicted to horse de-wormers! All those J6 insurrectionist NAZIS are a threat to OUR DEMOCRACY!!! J6 cost more American lives than The Silver War and the attack on Pearl Harbor combined!!!!

We need the government to censure misinformation on X/Twitter! Mark Zuckerberg and his fact-checkers on facebook do a fantastic job! WHOOPS, I just got some red spray paint up my nose!

If we didn't have the government picking winners and losers, it would be unpossible to know that The Father of our country was Black! Thank you GOOGLE GEMINI!!!!

Finally, Ketanji Brown-Jackson is right, because our wonderful President Joe Biden needs the government to control all the liars who hate him! He has created more jobs than all the Presidents before him, but his haters accuse him of turning the country into a banana republic. 

What's wrong with bananas? I like bananas, but that yellow skin tastes weird!

Biden has made it possible for an American to fit $200 of groceries in ONE BAG! 

BIDEN/ HARRIS 2024!!!  KETANJI BROWN-JACKSON FOR QUEEN OF THE SUPREME COURT!!!

Hunter S. Thompson: Fear And Loathing At The 2024 State Of The Union Address

Your bushy-tailed correspondent was working on a deadline Thursday night, and I had The Minnesota Boys' State Hockey Tournament on in the office, so I didn't see any of the S.O.T.U. show. Afterwards I did see several clips on Twitter/X.

Looking at some of the clips, it reminded me of the words of famed gonzo journalist Hunter S. Thompson, who said 'Politics used to attract the best and the brightest. Now it attracts the dumbest and meanest.'

Biden looked like a psychotic old neighbor, yelling at local kids, paranoid, and exrremely ANGRY. Many pundits have commented that he looked like he was under the influence of several controlled substances, It makes me wonder what Hunter S. Thompson would say if we hired him to cover it:

Holy crap, extreme fear and loathing here at the House of Representatives. I took some amphetamines and Mescaline, and washed it down with a bottle of Wild Turkey. I understand that The Idiot is high on coke tonight (His son Hunter must be around here somewhere), and it will probably help him get through the long S.O.T.U. Address.

God, he looks terrible. The doofus looks like he's wearing a mask. He resembles a really poorly-drawn cartoon, like Beavis or Butt-Head's senile great-grandfather. It's wierd that such a repulsive, loathesome creature can have such incredibly white teeth. It's almost blinding.

Whenever someone this atrocious goes on a charm offensive, it's not charming. It's just offensive.Bill Maher is right. He DOES walk like a toddler with a full diaper.

The Idiot has just started his address. He got 3 words out before The Democrats were already giving him a standing ovation. and screaming like they've spotted The Beatles. I think they're all high on coke too.

Biden is attacking his predicessor, and telling us little people how great everything is and blaming his opponents for everything at the same time.Damn, this double-talking sociopathic buzzard is talking fast!!!

He takes credit for all the jobs he says he created, yet says nothing of the jobs cancelled by Democrats during the Covid shutdown!

This pandering Jerk gets angry and hateful as he speaks about the various strawmen populating his schizophrenic, paranoid fantasyland. His opponents protesting the stolen 2020 election are a threat to democracy, so they must be thrown in his J6 DUNGEON!

Speaker Mike Johnson is sitting behind The Idiot, keeping his cool. If I was him, I'd be smacking Biden 's head with a rolled-up newspaper.

Now the Idiot is yapping about Ukraine. Hey ASSHOLE, What about America???!!!!

The pandering creep lectures The Supreme Court on their repeal of Roe Vs. Wade, and I almost go deaf from the piercing cheers from the unhinged degenerates on the left side of the room. 

Uh-OH, THE iDIOT HAS GONE OFF-SCRIPT. Why is he mentioning U.S.C. Head Football Coach Lincoln Riley? HER NAME IS LAKEN RILEY, YOU BRAIN-DEAD DOOFUS!! SHE WAS BRUTALLY MURDERED BY AN ILLEGAL ALIEN YOU LET INTO THE COUNTRY!!!! To make it even WORSE, he makes it about himself, telling the room 'I lost a child too.'

MY GOD, HE'S FUCKING SHAMELESS!!!! This is just painful. I need more drugs just to get through this.

DAMN YOU, REDSQUIRREL, FOR ASSIGNING ME TO THIS GROTESQUE SHITSHOW!!! I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!!!!

I  can picture all our foreign enemies watching this hideous, rediculous S.O.T.U., and laughing their asses off. Putin's face must hurt by now,  and Hamas is probably thatnking Allah for The Idiot Fraud.

While the commies on TicTok teach America's young males to act like cross-dressing fems, The ChiComs are planning to take over the world. If WE'RE FOOLISH ENOUGH TO RE-ELECT THIS SENILE CLOWN THIS NOVEMBER, WE CAN CANCEL THE 2025 State of The Union Address.

Get me out of here. I can't take this any more!!!

Eric Cartman's 2024 State Of The Union Pre-Buttal

Tomorrow, Resident Biden is scheduled to deliver The State of the Union Address. We at RSR has asked our Junior Correspondent, eight-year-old Eric Cartman to deliver our pre-buttal:

Good evening, My Fellow Americans.. Hopefully, The senile President will deliver The State of the Union Address without keeling over, and heaven help us if Pope Francis shows up during the address tomorrow night.  I'm only an 8-year-old kid from South Park, Colorado, but I am sure the liar-in-chief will try to tell the people that our State of the Union is strong......

I'm telling you that with this corrupt douche and his freak show regime ruining the country I love, the state of the country is like.....TOTALLY WEAK!

Biden has opened the border wide open for every drug dealer, criminal, child trafficker, and VIOLENT, third-world asshole! To make things worse, he's blaming the previous President Donald Trump for the border crisis that Creepy Joe created!

Nobody respects America anymore. NOBODY RESPECTS OUR AUTHORITAH! The world is laughing at us.

These douchebags give our tax dollars to illegal aliens, and lets them stay in luxury hotels while our homeless vets get NOTHING! THE GOVERNMENT CAN SUCK MY BALLS!!!!

I understand that Lyin' Biden will mention The Great Reset tomorrow night. I wonder if that means he will hand America over to The Anti-Christ or something. GOD HELP US!!!

The corrupt Democrats are trying to throw their politcal opponents in prison. Even an 8-year-old kid from South Park sees through this. Fat Fani, fat-head Alvin Bragg, and corrupt Letitia are working with Team Biden to throw Donald Trump in prison, along with patriotic, everyday Americans protesting the stolen 2020 election. 

They think if they pack the courts, take Trump off the ballot, cheat their asses off, throw their opponents in jail, and Take away our freedom of choice THEN THAT WILL SOMEHOW SAVE DEMOCRACY! 

GO TO HELL, YOU EVIL, CORRUPT BULLIES!!!!!

Behind all of this is Barack Obama. He promised to 'transform the country'. Translation: He will turn America into a corrupt, crime-ridden, impoverished shithole! Before that creep came on the scene, America was getting along just fine. 

Heaven help all the normal, everyday Americans still living in the cities. Crime is out of control, with gangs of looters and violent criminals running wild. Alvin Bragg iand Letitia Jamess are too busy persecuting Trump to do anything about the violent criminals wrecking the cities.

Inflation is still through the roof. I notice that my friend Kenny (he's on welfare) is even skinnier than normal, and that my Mom can't afford groceries. We call it 'Our Biden Diet.'

Finally, I want to say something about The National Debt. If you send $100,000,000,000 to defend Ukraine's border but $0.00 to defend America's border, you should be voted out of office.

How can you put the next generation in debt and send billions to countries that hate us? Washington D.C. is corrupt as Hell, laundering money and getting filthy rich off from non-stop wars. 

SUCK OUR BALLS, YOU FILTHY, ROTTEN CROOKS!!!!

Hang in there, Anerica. November is coming. Goodnight.

Here's Biden's New Campaign Slogan

CORRUPTION

COMMUNISTS

CRIMINALS

AND CROSS-DRESSERS

BIDEN-HARRIS 2024

PAM TILLIS SONG PARODY ALERT!!! Nikki Haley, Queen Of Denial

 

In 1993, Pam Tillis had a big country hit with 'Cleopatra, Queen Of Denial'. In the song, our country songstress makes excuses for her wandering boyfriend.

In 2024, presidential wannabe Nikki Haley insists that she'll be the Republican that will take down corrupt Joe Biden, despite the fact that she keeps losing in primary after primary to Republican front-runner Donald Trump,

Here to sing 'I'm Nikki Haley, Queen Of Denial', is the former Governor of South Carolina herself:

Well, I lost in Iowa and in New Hampshire 

But I am still in this race

I'm begging Democrats to vote for ME

because anti-Trump leftist haters  are my base

He beat me in my home state of South Carolina

Still, I flashed my big, winning smile

They call me, Nikki Haley

I am the Queen of Denial

I have big-donor Democrats sending me money

I'm on The Board of Directors at Boeing

I always erupt when they say that I'm corrupt

Meanwhile, Trump's poll numbers keep soaring

They say I'm getting crushed on Super Tuesday

I'll accept help from leftists and pedophiles

They call me, Nimarata Randhawa

I am the Queen of Denial

Queen of Denial, 

I tell my supporters that I'll be the nominee

Queen of Denial

I STILL believe I'll win the Republican primary

They are saying that I'm deluded

and throwing away my chances in 2028

I'm cruising to defeat on Super Tuesday

I think I'll challenge Trump to a debate

Vivek Ramaswamy is a scumbag

Maybe I'll pull ahead when they start The Orange Guy's trials

All hail ME,  Nikki Haley

I am The Queen of Denial

Queen of Denial, 

I am the new voice of The G.O.P.

Queen of Denial, 

They love me just like they loved Hillary

SONG PARODY ALERT!!! Taylor Swift's Super Bowl Song

Two Sundays ago, pop princess Taylor Swift's boyfriend Travis Kelce and his team, The Kansas City Chiefs defeated The San Francisco 49'ers in Super Bowl LVIII 25-22. The TV ratings were high, yet some fans are annoyed with the ongoing Taylor Swift/ Travis Kelce saga.

Taylor Swift has already written a song for Super Bowl 58, a re-make of her 2006 hit 'Our Song''. Hit the musiic:

I'm cheering on The Chiefs in my luxury suite

and the cameras are on......ME!

My new boyfriend is the starting tight-end

NUMBER 87....TRAVIS KELCEEEEE!

There are some fans who can't stand it

and thinks The NFL is fixed!

They're all wrong, Here's my Super Bowl Song

I hope it doesn't make everyone SICK!

CHORUS:

This is our Super Bowl Song 

This is not some publicity stunt

Don't be annoyed if tihe cameras are always on ME!

or if I get to hold up the Super Bowl trophy

My Swifties love ME !I'm the queen of pop

The haters are crying 'Please, make it stop!'

I'm The overexposed Queen of The Kansas City Chief dynasty

Next year we'll win it AGAIN!

I'm not hidin' my support Joe Biden all the WAY!!!!

The guy with orange hair gives me nightmares

He should go to jail, in Guantanamo Bay

I'M a superstar celeb with a Q rating so strong

I don't notice the border or inflation

Here's my next big hit, my Super Bowl Song!

REPEAT CHORUS

Just buy all my albums, I'm all over the radio

I am Time Magazine's Person of the Year

Enjoy my Super Bowl Song with a Miller Lite beer

REPEAT CHORUS

Oh yeah

Oh, oh yeah

I'm cheering on the chiefs in my luxury suite

The NFL cameras are on....ME!

i am the queen of the Kansas City Chiefs

and this is Our Super Bowl Song

Having A Bad Day? Grab A Snickers

 

'I TOOK $9000 FROM MY CAMPAIGN FUNDS AN' I KEPT IT, AND I HAD AN AFFAIR WIT THE GUY I HIRED TO PERSECUTE DONALD TRUMP, THEN I PAID HIM $700,000 FROM THE TAXPAYERS, AND THEN WE DROVE TO TENNESSEE TO HAVE LUNCH, AND THEN WE VACATIONED IN NAPA AN' HOW DARE YOU EVEN QUESTION ME, YOU RACIST????!!  

                                  

Top Ten Reasons Why Biden Won't Be Facing Criminal Prosecution For Illegally Handling Classified Documents

Special Counsel Robert Hur has released his report on Resident Joe Biden's handling of classified documents, and he will not be charged for any crimes.

From our home office in Bovey, Minnesota, here is our new Top Ten Reasons Why Resident Biden WILL NOT face prosecution for his mishandling of classified documents:

10. D.C. has a two-tiered court system. Democrats are almost never tried for anything, even when they're guilty as sin, and Republicans are tried for everything and anything, even made-up charges.

 9. We cannot leave the government in the hands of Kamala Harris.

 8. Nobody will arrest and try a Democrat in a D.C. court. 

 7. 98% of the possible Washington D.C. jury pool votes Democrat.

 6. D.C. jail cells are only for pro-Trump 'election deniers.'

 5. Biden's ChiCom masters won't ever allow him to be arrested.

 4. 'The Big Guy' is too valuable to the global elites and  D.C.'s money-launderers.

 3. Arresting Joe Biden would make Rachel Maddow cry.

 2. It's not a crime if a Democrat does it.

and the #1 reason why Biden Won't Face Criminal Prosecution For Illegally Handling Classified Documents.....

 1. Because Joe Biden is too senile and mentally incompetent to stand trial.

Our New Correspondent Jeff Foxworthy: You Might Be 'America Last'

We welcome new correspondent Jeff Foxworthy to our RSR team. Today he reports on our godawful federal government, as The 'America Last Caucus' continues to punish The American People in favor of foreigners who hate us.

Thank yew, RedSquirrel.

Yew might be 'America Last if Yew vote to send $95,000,000,000 to defend Ukraine's border and $0.00 to defend America's border.......

Yew might be America Last'......

Yeeewwww might be 'America Last' if you put good-for-nothing illegal aliens up in expensive, swanky luxury hotels in New York City, but crap on homeless American Veterans.....

Yewww might be 'America Last' if you open the border wide open for untested, unvaccinated illegal aliens, but make our own citizens take covid shots, booster shots, then harrass and threaten us when we won't wear a stupid mask....

Yewww might be 'America Last' if you don't even visit East Palestine, Ohio after a dangerous train derailment, but suck up to your ChiCom masters........

Yewww might be 'America Last' if you punish America's domestic oil industry and close our pipelines, but beg foreigners to sell us more of theirs......

Yewwww might be 'America Last' if you set violent criminals free to violate everyday Americans, but persecute your political rival(s) because they protest the stolen 2020 Election.....

and.........

Yew just might be 'America Last'......if Alejandro Mayorkas is your Secretary of Homeland Security and Kamala Harris is your Border Czar........

Thank yew.

PSA: Are You Really Saving Democracy?

Are you really 'saving democracy' by having your political opponent(s) arrested and thrown in prison?

or by removing your opponent's name from the ballot and denying the voters their freedom of choice?

or censoring those who disagree with you?

or weaponizing the court systems in deep-blue cities to rob your opponent of his / their fortune and freedom, and making ridiculous, fake, phony charges in the hope you can eliminate your political opponent(s)?

or if you have your Gestapo or a SWAT TEAM smash in the door of your 75-year-old political opponent or his supporters, and CNN ALREADY has their cameras there on the scene at 4:30 a.m. to put on a big arrest show,  as his/her traumatized children cry in terror

or if your allies in state-run media lie their asses off non-stop, demonizing your political opponent(s)

Chances are, you're NOT saving democracy. You are the bad guy.............

A Grandma Thelma Harper Commentary : E. Jean Carroll Has Splinters In The Windmill Of Her Mind

As part of The Democrats campaign of harassment and persecution against former and future President Donald Trump, mentally unstable author E. Jean Carroll sued him for denying that he had raped her 30 years ago.

This week, a jury awarded the author an eye-popping $83,300,000 civil defamation award. Of course, Team Trump is appealing this insane ruling. 

Here to comment is our Senior correspondent, Grandma Thelma Harper:

Dad Gummit! That jury awarded psycho hosebag E. Jean Carroll $83,000,000 in her civil defamation lawsuit against Donald Trump. Normal-Americans know that her elevator doesn't all the way to the top, and she has splinters in the windmill of her mind! Previously, another jury awarded her $5,000,000, but now another jury has awarded her $85,000,000. 

You take a jury of Trump-hating, communist New York liberals who also hate people who work for a living and this is what you get.

I've been reading up on this crazy lunatic Carroll, and learned that she named her pet dog 'VAGINA'! I don't know about you, but I think naming your pet after a FEMALE SEXUAL ORGAN might be a sign that you're a sex-obsessed, perverted nut-job!

I think E. Jean Carroll is playing hockey with a warped puck!

I also read that she said that rape is sexy. There are some folks on Twitter who think she decided to go after Trump after seeing an episode of 'Law And Order: Special Victims Unit.  Jean Carroll is a 'special' victim alright. I think she rides the short bus and wears a hockey helmet everywhere she goes!

Well, I've said enough. God Bless America, and may God Bless and Keep Donald Trump.

Morgan Wallen Song Parody Alert: Woke Culture Is Ruining Everything I Love

Country music superstar Morgan Wallen had several big hits in 2023, one of them being 'Everything I Love', The song reminds me that The evil, killjoy Democrats seem Hellbent to destroy ALMOST EVERYTHING THAT REAL AMERICANS LOVE.

Here to sing about it is the country hitmaker himself. Hit it, Morgan:

I love the movies and the classic TV shows

I liked 'Die Hard', The Terminator, Lucy and Rambo

and watch the NFL before I got sick of all that woke stuff

I've had enough

I won't spend another dollar

this woke p.c. crap I just can't stand

They even cancelled Aunt Jemima and my football team changed their name

I'm White so they blame me for everything

Can't you see what they're doing?

They're ruining EVERYTHING I LOVE

I don't care if you're straight or gay

I wish the drag queens would just go away

Robbing the kids of their innocence

They're teaching sex-ed in the second grade

You can have your Pride Parade

Whatever floats your boat

as long as you leave me and mine alone

Just leave us alone

They took away this country that I loved

I can't stand this anymore I've had enough

You leftist busybodies, treat us like we're your pawns

You won't stop until everything I love is gone

You leftist weirdos are ruining EVERYTHING I LOVE

I won't spend another dollar

at Disneyland or buy another case of Miller Light

politicizing everything, now everything I love is gone

You're so maladjusted

Confusing boys and girls

You're ruining the people I LOVE

I can't turn on the TV

They shove it in my face

Black is good and White is bad

They make everything all about your race

I wish they would stop it

These damn jerks are RUINING EVERYTHING I LOVE

They know damn well 

WOKE CULTURE'S RUINING EVERYTHING I LOVE

But The Left Says That Trump Is The Dictator

 

Corrupt old Joe Biden has his opponents thrown in gulags without any due process.....

....but the left says that Trump is the dictator

Corrupt old Joe Biden is trying to have his main political rival thrown in prison....

....but the left says that Trump is the dictator

Corrupt old Joe Biden is forcing The American People to give up gas stoves,

incandescent light bulbs, and gas-powered cars,....

....but the left says that Trump is the dictator

Corrupt old Joe Biden's corrupt D.O.J. is harassing concerned parents, Catholics, 

and everyday Americans protesting the stolen 2020 election....

....but the left says that Trump is the dictator

Corrupt Joe Biden is busting down the doors of and arresting his political opponents....

....but the left says that Trump is the dictator

Corrupt old Joe Biden's state-run hate propaganda media lies their asses off and demonizes

his enemies....

....but the left says that Trump is the dictator

Social media banned Trump and his supporters.....

.....but the left says that Trump is the dictator

Under Donald Trump's leadership, America exprerienced freedom, peace, and prosperity....

....but the left says that Trump is a dictator

Under Donald Trump leadership, NOBODY who opposed him was sent to jail ....

....but the left says that Trump is a dictator

The unhinged left is lying about Trump, saying that he 'led an insurrection'. They say Trump is 'a threat to democracy.,' and they accuse him of 'trying to overturn the 2020 Election'..

The real insurrection happened on Election Day 2020, the left is THE REAL THREAT TO DEMOCRACY, and most Americans know that if the 2020 election was free and fair Trump would have won in a landslide.

He left The White House after the left cheated and stole the election.....

.....but the left says that Trump is a dictator.

And, Leftists are trying to take Trump off of ballots and take away our freedom of choice....

....but the left says that Trump is the dictator

Some Bushy-Tailed Predictions For 2024

 

It looks like 2024 will be a wild year. I predict the following will happen:

Donald Trump will win The 2024 Presidential Election in a resounding landslide, if only the legal votes are counted, 20,000,000 illegal aliens don't all vote for Biden, and the Trump vote overwhelms all The Democrat cheating and fraud.

Barack Obama will organize his civilian army of illegal aliens. psychopaths from the Third-world, ChiComs, and South-American drug dealers. 

By June, expect a Biden executive order making toilet paper and soup free of charge, although you'll have to stand in a long, long line to get it.

Biden will sign another executive order, mandating a ball-gag for anyone who complains about his latest mask mandate.

Biden will order the arrest of anyone caught using a gas stove and/or violating the prohibition on incandescent light bulbs.

Donald Trump will win 35% of the Black vote because he will be campaigning from a jail cell.

By October, Attorney General Merrick Garland finally schedules trial dates for some of the J6 hostages.

My Super Bowl Prediction: I will hate BOTH teams, I will hope EVERYONE suffers a broken leg, and I will hope both teams lose.

Time Magazine's 'Person of the Year' Taylor Swift will break up with Kansas City Chief Travis Kelce when the team doesn't win The Super Bowl.

And, in a presidential poll, a majority of Americans support the idea of Elon Musk building a sun-bound rocket for celebrities threatening to leave the country if Trump wins the election.

Longfellow Loon Welcomes The New Minnesota State Flag

The communists and cancel culture cultists running our state are embarrassing us again, This time they're replacing the Minnesota state flag. Gone is the classic design with a hard-working farmer and a native-American riding his horse.

Of the many designs submitted, many Americans noticed and commented about how one possible design looked like the flag of Somali Province (Puntland), the home of Anti-Semite fifth District Minnesota Representative Ilhan Omar. 

The commssion in charge of this effort told the public that the new design must bring the state TOGETHER. So far, the new design they picked has brought snickers and derision, so I guess it's brought the state together.

Here to comment on the new Minnesota state flag is our resident leftist, Longfellow Loon:

LOOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

YIPPEE!!!!Minnesota finally has a new flag!!!! Gone is the racist, offensive old flag with that dirty, old farmer. President Biden's Climate Czar John Kerry says that farmers are causing CLIMATE CHANGE, 

Conclusion: By eliminating the farmer from the Minnesota state flag, the state government is SYMBOLICALLY fighting climate change!

LOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOOOOO!!!!!

Us progressives are also offended with the depiction of an Indigenous American riding on a horse. ANY depiction of a native American ANYWHERE is offensive to us, and it must be CANCELLED!!!. I HAVE SEIZURES when I see ANY native Americans DEPICTED ANYWHERE without the states' approval. 

I still have nightmares over the Indigenous-American maiden on the packaging of Land-O-Lakes Butter.

LOOOLOOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOLOOOLOOOOOOO!!!!!! 

This is the new design. It looks rather chilly, blue and green with a white star. Personally, I was hoping for something more COLORFUL, like a combination of a PRIDE flag and something that pays homage to our Somali-Muslim population. I'm just a tad disappointed, but at least I'm not OFFENDED!!!

LOOOOLOOOOLOOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOOOOOO!!!!

In conclusion, I want to thank The State Redesign Commission for their important work in making Minnesota an even more better and progressive state with this new state flag! Our wonderful Governor Tim Walz and Lieutenant-Governor Peggy Flanagan also deserves praise!

LOOOOLOOOLOOOLOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

All hail The Democrat Trifecta! LOOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOO!!!!!!!

Lucy's School Essay: This Is Bullshit

We here at RSR are proud of our 9-year-old Junior correspondent Lucy. She wrote this essay for which her communist government school teacher gave her a 'D'. 

Still, three cheers for lucy, cutting through the B.S. She writes:

In 2023, The American People saw their government violate our constitutional rights and  jail the Biden Regime's political opponents as if we were living in a banana republic. Is it even possible that things could get even WORSE in 2024?

Almost none of the J6 prisoners did anything wrong, yet hundreds lanquish in Biden's gulag. Meanwhile, Pro-Hamas rioters try to break the fence around The White House, desecrate the statues of our founding fathers, and smear red paint on The White House, yet The White House police arrest ONLY ONE of these dangerous rioters.

This is Bullshit.

Biden 'Justice' Department and corrupt, leftist deep-blue cities harass and persecute President Donald Trump and his family OVER NON-CRIMES, but cover up The corrupt Biden Crime Family's numerous crimes. They see nothing wrong about Biden money-laundering and influence peddling, while they are literally trying TO STEAL The Trump Family's business and harass them out of New York City.

This is Bullshit.

On October 7, Hamas terrorists invaded Israel, beheading and COOKING little, innocent Jewish babies, kidnapping and raping young Jewish girls, murdering entire Jewish families, and showing off their crimes against humanity on facebook........yet their supporters demand that Israel accept a cease-fire. 

Bullshit!

The capitol police targetted women on J6 to enrage the Sheepdog Patriot Men who were protesting the stolen election on January 6th. Instead of prosecuting violent criminals, so-called 'law-enforcement take the J6 protestors as hostages, keeping them in Biden's gulags.

Many of them are guilty of NOTHING MORE THAN PROTESTING THE STOLEN 2020 ELECTION.

The political left thinks all they have to do is falsely accuse President Trump of 'insurrection', then act like he has already been convicted. These corrupt lunatics think they can disqualify his candidacy based on their dishonest, repeated accusation(s). They are criminal tyrants, and think that they can do whatever they want to feed their lust for power.

They keep saying that Trump is a 'danger to our democracy'. Let me translate what they're actually saying:

'If Trump wins, he will turn over our deep-state corruption applecart.'

TRUMP'S ENEMIES ARE FULL OF BULLSHIT, AND I HOPE THAT THE AMERICAN PEOPLE SEES THRU IT!