Dr. Walter Turgeson: TRUMP WAS RIGHT. SAY IT!!!!

And now, our expert's press conference starts:

The President is working closely with The CDC and state governors to control this virus, and if things go well, we can go back to normal in a few weeks.

If you're already infected or if you're already sick, we urge you to stay home and self-quarantine yourself. We also urge every American to wash your hands often with warm, soapy water for 20 seconds. We also suggest that you practice social distancing.

Now, I must take this time to set a few facts straight. It's a popular, fashionable opinion that President Trump has been lacking in leadership and the news media has been unceasingly critical of his job performance during this critical time , but:

WE'RE DOING THE BEST WE CAN! WHILE YOU TRUMP-HATING NATTERING NABOBS ARE GETTING ON HIS CASE, HE IS DOING HIS BEST. WHEN HE ISSUED THE TRAVEL BAN FROM CHINA IN JANUARY AND SAVED THOUSANDS OF LIVES, YOU ASSHOLES ACCUSED HIM OF BEING A XENOPHOBIC RACIST. 

WHILE HE WAS SAVING LIVES AND TRYING TO PROTECT THIS COUNTRY, THE DEMOCRATS WERE BUSY IMPEACHING HIM!

WHEN OBAMA WAS PRESIDENT, 19,000 AMERICANS DIED FROM THE SWINE FLU, BUT YOU JERK-OFFS WERE SO BUSY GIVING HIM A TONGUE BATH YOU DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO ASK HIM ANY TOUGH QUESTIONS! 

NOTHING WAS CANCELLED.WITH BARRY IN THE WHITE HOUSE! THE NBA, NFL, NHL, THE NCAA, THE COLLEGES, PRIMARY ED WAS ALL WIDE OPEN FOR BUSINESS! 

PRESIDENT TRUMP IS DOING A FINE JOB! SAY IT!!!!!SAAAAAAAY IT!!!!

I Am Michael Bloomberg, And I Approve Of This Message

In 2012, there was a crisis in New York City. People were drinking soft drinks in REALLY HUGE cups. Luckily for New York City, Michael Bloomberg was the mayor.

He sprung to action, and quickly banned those large drinks.

Thanks to Michael Bloomberg, obesity in The Big Apple decreased by almost 0000,0075%

Michael Bloomberg: Getting Things Done

The Coronavirus Song ( 'Dirty Laundry' By Don Henley)

The scaremongering news media ghouls are trying to scare us to death over Coronavirus, even though almost no Americans have died from it. Here to tell us about it is Don Henley. Hit it, Goldenthroat:

I make a living off of scaring you
Just believe the BS and jive we spew
We will leave you shaking in you shoes
Here comes Coronavirus

There's a pandemic in China and it's coming here
CNN is screaming, screaming in your ears
We create a state of panic and fear
Here comes Coronavirus

We blame it all on Trump, This will take him down
Blame it all on Trump, This will take him down

The bubble-headed anchor comes on at 5
He'll hype the danger and panic with a gleam in his eye
You are all going to die
from the Coronavirus

They're telling us to 'Bring out your dead'
There won't be enough hospital beds
So much fear and worry we will fill your heads
Here comes the Cornavirus

We blame it all on Trump, This will take us down
Blame it all on Trump, Dow Jones sinking down
Blame it all on Trump, This will take him down
We are gonna die, Blame that impeached clown

Dirty little media spreading crazy lies
They're gonna smear the prez, The sickness weaponized
How much crap are you gonna buy?
Here comes the Coronavirus

We can do the innuendo, we're just a bunch of ghouls
More when it's said and done, more people are killed by the flu
We hope that you become unglued
Here comes the Coronavirus

Blame it all on Trump, This will take him down
We are gonna die, Everyone in town
Blame it all on Trump, This will take him down
Every ones's gonna die, Death is all around