Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Red Forman: What's Wrong With These Kids Today?


Lately, there has been a lot of news about young people committing heinous acts of mass-murder. On the same day James Holmes was convicted on all 165 counts from the 2012 attack on the movie theater in Aurora, Colorado, Muslim convert Muhammad Abdulazeez murdered 5 military personnel at a recruiting center in Chattanooga, Tennessee. A few weeks ago, Dylann Roof killed 9 Black Christians as they were worshipping God in a church.

What is wrong with these kids today? RSR asks our parenting expert, Red Forman:

Thanks, 'Squirrel.

Parenting can be really scary, because kids can be royal dumb-asses. I used to be really concerned for my kid Eric, but compared to some of these dipshits in the news, I'm downright proud of my son.

Racist psycho Dylann Roof murdered 9 people in a church in Charleston, South Carolina. That little douche needs to be strapped to old sparky, and while we're at it, his barber should also be arrested. A lot of dumb-asses are blaming Confederate flags, but that is just plain silly and stupid.

James Holmes opened fire in a movie theatre in Aurora, Colorado. Let me tell you something folks, if your kid looks like this:

You have a problem on your hands. Your kid is a dumb-ass. Do us a favor, and have the insipid douche bag committed.

Then, there's these homegrown jihadis and screwed-up kid weirdos. I think that parents need to check in from time-to-time on their kids. If your 24-year-old kid has grown a large, bushy beard like Mohammad Abdulazzez, ask him about it. Go through his desk. If he has written a manifesto, call the authorities before he becomes the next Unibomber.

If your kid is walking around dressed like Osama bin Laden, check the calender. If it isn't Halloween, you probably should be concerned. Teach your kid the value of human life. Then, take him out hunting or fishing. Try to have some quality time with your dumb-ass.

Also, your kid might need a good ass-kicking from time to time. At the very least, THREATEN to kick his ass. I think this does wonders.

That's all for now. As you were.

Red Forman, Dad.

Monday, July 27, 2015

Here We Are In Sanctuary City

Here we are in Sanctuary City,
where illegals live, where liberals take pity
You can't send us home
Here we are in Sanctuary City
We left because our old home's shitty
You can't send us home

Just an alien livin' down the street
free health care, hangin' off yer teet
I'm your welfare case, food stamps so I can eat
Libs say that's just fine
if I can't read a stop sign

Dear Leader he has his scheme
re-defining the American dream
Don't you dare call his agenda extreme
or we will call you a racist pig
don't you dare turn off the spig

Amnesty....
Amnesty....
Amnesty....
Amnesty....

Obama is tearing America apart
If you don't let them stay you have no heart
Don't upset the LaRaza apple cart
We must be losing our minds, our minds
America is running out of time

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Hank Hill: Has Everybody Lost Their Minds?

The RedSquirrel Report welcomes our new correspondent Mr. Hank Hill, who sends us this:

My name is Hank Hill, law-abiding, Normal-American dad. I would like to say a few things about a recent news story that happened in the country I love.

Up in Minnesota, there is a liberal charter school that sent a class on a 'field trip' to a place called 'The Smitten Kitten." This store sold....uh....adult toys. I don't think that kids really need to be educated in this manner.

I remember my wife Peggy telling me about some of the funny looks she got from the kids when she was called in to teach Sex-Ed. Teaching about our plumbing is alright, I suppose, but Sex-Ed isn't meant to be fun. It's meant to be scary and dark. Personally, I would rather give all the kids an egg, and tell the kids to take care of that egg for a week.

It would be better if the eggs screamed and cried constantly.

If the kids wanted to learn something, send them on a field trip to a dairy, or Strickland Propane. Teach them about the wonderful world of Propane and Propane accessories.

The big problem with some people is that they do not observe boundaries. An illegal alien doesn't, and that also goes for some of these priests and teachers who.....get too close....to the kids. These people just ain't right.

Sex is....uh....good. But it is for us ADULTS...even for those with a narrow urethra.

Thank you.

Hank Hill
Arlen, TX




Obama's America, Part 2

In Obama's America....

Iran can get their hands on nukes, but American military personnel aren't allowed to arm themselves. The corrupt president can threaten to disarm law-abiding Americans, while selling guns to dangerous Mexican drug dealers.

A Black criminal can attack a police officer. If he dies, the president sends a delegation to his funeral. A White woman is murdered by a violent criminal alien, and Dear Leader honors her memory by heading off to the golf course.

Illegal Aliens can move to a sanctuary city, and are rewarded for breaking the law. Normal, law-abiding Americans get no sanctuary from horrible laws like Obamacare, and are politically-harassed by Dear Leader's Secret Police, also known as The IRS.

Black thugs burn down a city, but that's o.k. The inept, corrupt mayor can always expect America's taxpayers to re-build it.

Race-baiters force towns to take down the Stars N' Bars, while same-sex marriage supporters get to raise their rainbow flags high. In fact, our Communist president lights The White House like a rainbow flag.

Muslim killers are called lone wolves. One racist oddball murders 9 Black Christians in a church? Let's blame the entire White race.

Black foreign leader Nelson Mandela dies, and our child-king orders flags lowered at half staff. 5 American soldiers are slaughtered, and we're still waiting.

The corrupt fraud in The White House wants to give convicts the right to vote. If you're a military voter serving overseas, he would rather disenfranchise you.

The control freak in The White House is putting together a race database that would almost make The Anti-Christ envious, while guarding all of his personal records. Then, he has the nerve to boast that his administration is the most transparent in history.

Welcome to Obama's America.

Monday, July 20, 2015

George Takei And The Politics Of Outrage

Have you ever noticed that all a liberal has to do to get his or her way is just act like they're becoming unhinged?

A few weeks ago, same-sex supporters won a victory in the Supreme Court. Gay actor George Takei STILL wasn't happy, because there was a dissenting view. Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas dared to disagree with the majority opinion, so Star Trek's Mr. Sulu made an offensive, racially-charged remark about the Black-Conservative.

The actor called him a clown in black face, then said that Thomas made him angry.

I wonder what would happen if a Conservative called the president a clown in black face, then said, "He makes me soooo darned angry." Will the Huffington Post suddenly excuse the racially-charged remark? Hell no. They will take that remark, and demand that every conservative denounce and condemn that remark.

It's part of the leftists' Alinskyite tradition of targeting, polarizing, and freezing the enemy.

Then, there's all the recent race riots. Black-Americans are being excused for smashing and burning down stores in their own neighborhood because they are supposedly angry. It's like we're giving them an excuse to do ANYTHING they want just because they cannot control their emotions.

It starts at the top, with our petulant, six-year-old president, complaining and sniveling from his high-chair in The Oval Office. Whenever Congress refuses to submit to his every whim, our little dictator does something like barricading The World War 2 Memorial. I still think this Iran Nuclear Arms Deal is his temper tantrum against the people of Israel for re-electing Benjamin Netanyahu.

A lot of Black-Americans see the way the President behaves and acts, and think that they do not have to follow or obey the rules. They see him getting away with anything he wants, and believe that they can too.

By the way, have you ever heard of an actual leftist organization called ACT UP? A lot of Americans get what they want like the bratty kid in a grocery store when they act up.

Instead of giving these spoiled, snot-nosed leftist brats what they want, we conservatives should slap them silly, and send them to their rooms without supper.

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

When Our 6-Year-Old President Talks About The Economy....

Here is how your bushy-talied correspondent reacts when he hears our 6-year-old president speak about the economy:



"Barry, Barry, Barry.....You're glib. You don't even know what you're talking about."