Friday, July 10, 2020

A New Red Forman Commentary: I'm In Favor Of More Police Brutality

Here with his newest commentary on police reform is our normal-American everyman, Red Forman:

Thanks, Red....

Right now it's 2:30 in the 'morning', and there seems to be a gang squealing their tires about as loud as they can about a block away. Normally, the cops would be stopping this crap, but the neighbor-hood police station was set on fire and gutted,

Nowadays, there's a lot of talk about de-funding the police and dismantling the Minneapolis Police Department. Before I leave this lawless shithole forever, I'd like to add my two cents. I. too. have a complaint concerning police brutality.

I wish there was more of it. 

If your head is screwed on straight, you would know that the progressive weirdos running Minneapolis are unfit to run anything. They were supposed to give the police direction. On the evening of May 28, the city government told the police in the 3rd precinct to evacuate their station, and allow it to fall in the hands of a violent, hateful mob

The dumbfucks running Minneapolis turned East Lake Street into a war zone, and now the officers from the 3rd Precinct are suffering from PTSD from the horror of May 28. On that terrible night, many officers were saving one last bullet in their guns in case The Walking Fucktards decided to beat them to death.

The Governor should have called in the National Guard on TUESDAY 26, and told the police that you guys do whatever it takes to bring order to Lake Street. I'd be cheering if I saw a bunch of these rioting pricks get shot and arrested.

The news media dumbasses saw what we saw up close. A lot of  businesses on Lake Street burned to the ground by anarchist fuckheads. We saw idiots break the doors at Target and Cubfoods, and a bunch of felonious assholes looted these stores. The dummkopfs in the news media keep calling them 'protesters.' Stop calling them 'protesters.' They're vandals, arsonists, and looters.

The next time I hear someone call one of these rioting assholes a 'protester', I'm gonna clock somebody. If my son Eric ever took part in a riot like this, I'd disown him, and probably kill him.

I hope that the 3rd Precinct gets re-built. I say, make it bigger and badder than U.S. Bank Stadium, and we can jail the pricks who set it on fire.

And while I'm here, I have some choice words for the 'woke' cancel-culture goon squad. Since they're doing away with Aunt Jemima, I'm thinking about changing my name to 'Red Jemima. I'll have a t-shirt made with my big head in blackface, with a big middle finger. Get a fucking life, commie.

Thursday, July 2, 2020


The most obnoxious, stupid new word in the far-left lexicon is the word 're-imagine.' Minneapolis City Counsel President Lisa Bender uses this word when describing her dream of replacing Minneapolis Police with God-knows-what:

'We need to 're-imagine' public safety.'

This idiotic silliness needs a song parody. Hit it, Minneapolis City Counsel President Lisa Bender:

Re-imagine no police department
Your brain will explode if you try
No need for law enforcement
Bullets filling the sky

Re-imagine violent criminals
destroying the peace

You may say I'm a dingbat
but I'm not the only one
We're the clowns on the Minneapolis City Counsel
Only the criminals should have guns

Re-imagine businesses burning
You don't have to try
No Wendy's, banks, and Arby's
Infernos and smoke reach the sky

Re-imagine violent leftists
destroying your neighborhood

You may say I'm a moron
but I'm not the only one
We're the clowns on the Minneapolis City Counsel
Only the criminals should have guns

Wednesday, July 1, 2020

Pajama Boy Loves The Shutdown

Nearly all self-respecting , hard-working Americans hate this shutdown. but we've found one American who really likes it:
Hello everybody!! It's Pajama Boy!

I'm here in my pillow fort. My Mom just made me some nice, warm cocoa, and I'm holding my cup with both hands (This tiny cup is surprisingly heavy!)....

My friends who were furloughed from their jobs at Starbucks have time to visit me now that the coffee place is drive-thru only. It warms my heart to think about all the people across the fruity plain staying indoors and enjoying a cup of warm cocoa!

I had quite a scare the other day when I looked at my pillows in my fort and discovered that Mom had ordered them from that Christian freak Mike Lindell! I was so traumatized I had an accident in my onesie!

I am concerned about My Lord and Savior, and President-For-Life Barack Hussein Obama. I haven't seen him since Covid 19 shut everything down. I haven't seen him on the news, taking credit for the strong economy. WHY IS THAT!!!???

I'll ask my Mom if I can stay up late tonight, and watch my man-crush, CNN's Don Lemon. Maybe he'll know..

These Democrat governors are serious about keeping their states safe. I wish that Republican governors cared as much as Democrat governors. Sigh....(Takes a sip).....

I hope that Pete Buttigieg gets back into the presidential race, and that he beats President Orange Man Bad!

Well, that's all for now. I'll have more later. Reporting from my pillow fort, is your shutdown correspondent.....

Pajama Boy.

Tuesday, June 30, 2020

Tim Walz Extends The Shutdown

Good Afternoon. I am The Governor of Minnesota, Tim Walz.

I regret to inform everybody that I will be extending the shutdown for another three weeks. Covid 19 has devastated this great state, and so I won't be turning my official Governor of Minnesota Covid 19 DIAL.

I strongly urge everyone to stay indoors. If you worked in a hotel, a restaurant, or if you owned your own business, I order you to stay away from your job.

On the other hand, Bobby's Candy Store in St. Cloud can stay open. Bobby is my personal friend. He gave to my campaign, so he can stay open.

I call on the residents of Minnesota to observe social distancing. Everyone needs to stay at least 6 feet away from each other. I have created two lists. One list is of 'essential' jobs. 

The other is 'non-essential' jobs.

As you can see, Church services are 'non-essential', while abortion clinics are 'essential'.

Hotels, restaurants, and private businesses are 'non'essential', while government employees and bureaucrats are 'essential'.

So, don't go outside unless I approve of your 'outside activity'. I am closing all schools, although teachers and college professors are 'essential.' because leftist indoctrination remains essential to keeping this state under Democrat control.

Three weeks from today, I'm pretty sure that I'll be keeping the state locked down for another three weeks. You're welcome.

Monday, June 29, 2020

March 17. 2020; Minnesota Is Shut Down

Hello, I am the Governor of Minnesota, Tim Walz. Capital T....i....m....Capital W....a....l...z...

I have received word that a terrible disease is sweeping the entire world, and that it will surely kill more than 2 million Americans by June. I have directed my people to create a DIAL that will guide us through this pandemic, and hopefully the human race will not become extinct by September.

I am consulting with the experts, and they say that about 60,000 Minnesotans will die by August 1. Knowing this terrible fact, I am ordering a shut-down of the state.  

The residents of Minnesota will be encouraged to stay locked inside their homes, although you will be allowed to go outside and exercise in the prison exercise yard....I mean, within 100 yards from your front door.

You will also be allowed to shop for food. Your welcome.

And Now, A Message From Joe Biden

Hello, all you dog-faced so-and-so's,

I am here in Iowa, or Indiana, or Michigan, or somewhere else, running my campaign for Senate. I can't remember where I'll be tomorrow. I used to be a real good boxer, but had to go into politics after suffering a concussion against Corn Pops. 

You know, we hold these truths to be self evident, That all men and well-endowed women are created by the thing. You know the thing...........Oh wow, I almost said 'God.' If the Democrat party leaders catch you showing reverence to the almighty, they throw you out!

I am happy that Amy whatshername, Michael Bloomberg, the other gay guy, and that other damned liar dropped out of the race, or my old boss Barack Obama would have had to send 2 guys to break their legs. It was time for the moderates to get behind 'Ole Joe.

It's down to 3 candidates. Myself, Bernie Sanders, and Tulsi Giblets. You may wonder what it will take to win this nomination. It will take a 4-letter word: VOTES!

Remember Black voters, if you don't vote for ain't......BLACK!

I'm really tired. I'm going home, and take a good, long nap. See ya in November....