Thursday, November 16, 2017

This Is Bullshit, Part 9

A Conservative Republican candidate running in a special election for the U.S. Senate has a big lead in the polls.

Suddenly, several women appear just weeks before the election and accuse him of committing sexual indiscretions against them 30-40 years ago. His own party demands that he drop out of the race.

Would this be happening if he was behind in the polls? Of course not.

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Pajama Boy Comments On Election Night 2017

Here to give his thoughts on Election Night 2017 is correspondent Pajama Boy:

Hooray!!!! Here I am in Mom's basement, enjoying my hot cocoa with both hands. The results are in and DEMOCRATS win the governorships in deep red states New Jersey AND Virginia!!!

Also, my Marxist man crush Bill DeBlasio wins re-election in the hotly-contested New York City Mayors race!!! TAKE THAT, EVIL REPUBLICANS!!!!

In Minneapolis, TWO transgendered candidates have been elected to the city council!!! Perhaps candidates across the country will go and get sex-change operations to increase their chances of scoring election victory. I'm so excited I think I just wet my onesy!!!

You may wonder why it took a week for me to file this report. Last Tuesday, I was re-living the horror I experienced a year ago, as that monster Donald Trump was breaking Hillary Clinton's blue wall. Watching Election Night 2016 on YouTube, I sobbed, and my tears shorted out my computer.

I believed after Trump won, there would no more elections, and that he would round us all up and send us to concentration camps. I've spent the last year hiding in this pillow fort.

I was surprised to learn that there would be elections in 2017 after all. So, tonight I am watching the nail-biters in New Jersey and Virginia on my new computer. It's wonderful to see the voters reject the Trump agenda! Hopefully, these new governors and Mayor DeBlasio will impeach that creep in the White House.

Last Wednesday, me and three of my friends ventured out of our pillow forts, and walked down to our local library. We looked up at the sky, and screamed at God for allowing Trump to become president. It made us feel a little better.

It's getting a little nippy outside. I think I'll put on my pink pussy hat and take a nice walk. It's good to know that Trump hasn't suspended The Constitution yet.


Tuesday, November 7, 2017

I Think Reagan Said It

Republicans believe every day is the 4th of July, Democrats believe every day is April 15th (Tax Day).....

....while Frederica Wilson believes every day is Halloween.

Monday, October 30, 2017

Happy Halloween From The Deep State

Hello, it's the neighborhood bully, Barack Hussein Obama.

For the first time in 8 years, I'm not hosting the White House Halloween party. I am at the Deep State Mansion two blocks away, taking a break from my on-going leftist  revolution against President Trump and the American people.

I am hiring Communist agitators.....I mean, community organizers, who are training masked AntiFa soldiers all across America. These jobless thugs are doing God's work, putting terror in the hearts of Normal-American fascists.

Halloween is usually fun and scary for The Normals out there on the fruited plain, but watch out for some REAL fun on November 4!

Here's a Halloween tip: Terrify the neighborhood by going as Florida Congresswoman Frederica Wilson! I think it was former President Reagan who famously said:

'For Republicans, every day is the 4th of July. For Democrats, every day is April 15, and for Frederica, EVERY day is Halloween!'

As for our daughter Sasha, she's going as California Representative Maxine Waters. It's cute and a little scary. My wife Michelle doesn't need a mask. She just walks around with that perpetual scowl on her face. Ewww!!!

Malia is off at college. I understand she'll be participating in a commie zombie pub crawl.

Speaking of zombies, I hope that Special Persecutor Robert Mueller will be burning the entire Trump campaign at the stake. What a witch hunt!

Right now, our party is in full swing! Uranium One execs are bobbing for bribes with Hillary Clinton. I hope her Mao jacket doesn't get wet.

Oh look! George Soros has arrived as The Evil Emperor Palpatine! Come to think of it, they could be identical twins. Harvey Weinstein and Bill Clinton are here. Hide the women! Creepy!

There's a van parked out by the front gate, where we have the Podesta Brothers 'handing treats' to little trick or treaters.

OH NO! That orange monster Donald Trump and his Secret Service detail are egging our mansion! Release the hounds!!

He hit our crying Hillary supporter lawn decorations. Call CNN!!! This is grounds for impeachment!!!


Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Questions For Minneapolis Mayoral Candidates

1. If  the city ever got rid of the police, who would be there to enforce the city's styrofoam food container ban?

2. It's Thanksgiving Day, and you've had a tough, long day at your job waiting on tables. Your boss rewards you by giving you a turkey dinner in a styrofoam food container. On the way home, a thug who was lurking near the light rail station assaults you, takes your dinner, and robs you of your tips. Who should go to jail?

3. If you're elected mayor, will you have people from Black Lives Matter and/or Antifa in your administration?

4. If you're elected mayor, will Minneapolis remain a sanctuary city, or will the city begin to obey federal law?

5. Candidates always use the term 'public safety'. We don't use the term 'fighting crime.' Is the term 'fighting crime' racist?

6. Should Minneapolis bring back the anti-lurking law?

7. How do you plan to turn Minneapolis into an even bigger third-world dump than it already is?

8. Minneapolis has lost a quarter of it's population since 1960, and yet brought in 40,000 Somalis in a very short period of time. Have you ever heard the expression demography is destiny?

9. How do you plan to increase city spending and raise property taxes, yet at the same time make housing more affordable?

Thursday, October 19, 2017

Dear Twitter

Dear Twitter,

There is this Trump Isn't Hitler thing trending on Twitter right now, where mental midgets are actually suggesting that our President is somehow WORSE than Hitler.

If you're one of these sick-minded jerkholes, I say this to you:

What you just tweeted is one of the most insanely idiotic things I've ever read. At no point in your moronic tweet were you even close to a factual, rational thought.

Everyone on Twitter is now dumber for having read it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul....

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Dumb NFL Jocks Pawns In Leftist Game Of 'Let's Destroy Professional Football'

Last season, quarterback Colin Kaepernick caused an uproar when he refused to stand for the National Anthem. He said it was in protest against an unjust country that oppresses people of color. He was also seen wearing socks with cartoons of pigs dressed as police.

This season, more highly-paid players are taking a knee against oppression, angering their fans. Many fans see this activity as disrespectful of the America flag and are refusing to buy NFL merchandise or watch games this season.

Here to comment is former player, Otis Mongo:

Thank you, Squirrel.

The players are just pawns in the leftist game of 'let's destroy professional football.' Leftists hate ANY institution patriotic Americans generally enjoy. The anti-America haters in the media and academia have successfully created a rift between the fans and the big, dumb jocks the fans idolize.

Over half of the players are Black. They believe the false narrative that cops are targeting Blacks, and that America is a racist place.

Many players believe there is widespread oppression, so they 'take a knee' or link arms in protest. The fans see this as disrespect of our flag, as well as American soldiers who have paid the ultimate price to protect our freedoms. Many Americans are disgusted, and have tuned out.

The players make millions each season playing the game they love, and 'feel' oppressed. They don't protest Black-on-Black crime in the inners cities, just highly publicized and extremely rare cop shootings.

Now, it looks like everyone involved is at each other's throats. The leftists are doing to the NFL what former President Barack Obama did to America for eight years.

I am asking the fans to not hate the players. The big, dumb jocks are just pawns in the leftist game of 'Let's destroy professional football'.

Thank you.