Tuesday, June 30, 2015

According To A Recent Poll.....

According to a recent poll, the top 3 douches in America are:


3. Massengill
2. Summer's Eve




1. Barack Obama

#LoveWins.........So Suck On It, Christian Bigots!

Following The Supreme Court's big ruling on same-sex marriage last Friday, supporters took to Twitter, creating the #LoveWins hashtag. Many of us knuckle-dragging social conservatives got to see all the love up close.

The RedSquirrel Report invited same-sex supporter Gavin Longfellow, to share some love with our readers:

Suck it, all you Christian bigots!!! F$## you, and your imaginary friend! SCOTUS has spoken!!

If you support same-sex marriage, today's a great day. If you don't, f$## you!!! You're just a POS!!!

Soon, you will be decorating our wedding cakes. If you don't, we'll drive you out of business!!! If your church refuses to support same-sex marriage, we'll close your doors, you f$##in' BIGOTS!!!

#LoveWins : )

What Should Donald Trump Do Next?

Following GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump's truthful assertion that many illegal aliens commit crimes in America, NBC severed ties with him. They hold on to proven liars like Brian Williams and race-baiters like Al Sharpton.

As the creep in the White House floods the country with millions of criminal illegals, it's offensive to tell the truth in Obamanation. NBC's idea of covering the news is holding a pillow over it's face until it stops moving, making sure that news harmful to Dear Leader is smothered.

I would like to see Trump take his Celebrity Apprentice franchise to one of NBC's competitors. He should make next season into a search for his running mate. That would be ratings gold.

With Celebrity Running Mate, The Don could choose among 12 patriotic celebrities such as John Rich, Brett Michaels, and Trace Adkins. Technically, Gene Simmons cannot be President because he was born in Israel, but I would like to see him in this competition.

Trump can send these celebs out on tasks, such as fundraising and voter outreach. Each week, he could call the celebs who perform poorly into his boardroom, and fire him or her.

They say that many Americans see voting for a president is a lot like voting for contestants on American Idol, and that Barack Obama's voter base see him as a celebrity. Donald Trump is a businessman and celebrity, and now he's a presidential candidate.

Many Americans have found out what a complete disaster Obama is. He's a proven race-hustler, a liar, and an economic illiterate. Yet, to many Americans, it doesn't matter. To them, he's a star.

The Don is a star. Maybe this is how The Republicans can beat The Democrats at their own game.

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Future Community Organizers Training In McKinney

Hey there, future community organizers! Do you wish you could be just like your Black President? Have you ever thought how rewarding it would be to cause trouble and be rewarded for it?

Before Dear Leader Obama was President, he started out as a community organizer. A community organizer is an activist who creates change by stirring up trouble. Sounds like fun, doesn't it?

Tomorrow, we'll be in McKinney, Texas, invading a private pool party and confronting the police when they show up. If you're arrested, you could wind up with your own reality TV show or something. Bring your cell phones!

Did you watch the riots in Ferguson and Baltimore, and think, 'Wow, those kids are getting up in those racist cops faces and screaming at 'em....and the police aren't doing anything about it!'

Remember, our wonderful president has sold guns to Mexican drug dealers and trafficked illegal aliens all over America! He has gotten away with committing Treason, and Congress refuses to do anything about it because he is Black! If he can get away with doing whatever he wants, SO CAN YOU!

Just come to McKinney tomorrow, and we'll show those crackers that the future belongs to us!






Rachel Dolezal Inspires A Nation Losing It's Mind

Recently, The President of Spokane's NAACP got into hot water when people realized she was White. Now, many angry Americans are calling Rachel Dolezal (pictured) a fraud.

She identifies as a Black person in America. Lily-White Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren has identified herself as a Native-American to obtain employment on an American university, and Bruce Jenner has moreless re-identified as a woman.

Now, the spray-tanned Dolezal has been forced out at The NAACP. Is this really fair?

Maybe this is just her idea of living the dream as an American. As children, we were told growing up that you can be whatever you want to be.

Personally, I'm inspired by the Rachel Dolezal story. I too am in the process of changing my identity. From now on, I identify as an illegal alien. Now, where's my free health care?

The possibilities are almost endless. Millions of Americans are sick of being abused and insulted by the government. You work and work just to see the government tax you into the poorhouse. For all you poor, over-taxed shlubs out there, I suggest that you re-identify as a cat.

There. Now, you're a cat. You can demand that the government feed you and scratch your chin. You can jump on a bureaucrat's lap and demand that they pet you because you identify as a cat.

Thank you, Rachel Dolezal. You're an inspiration to us all.

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

A Mattress Girl Update

We were wondering what Mattress Girl Emma Sulkowicz has been up to since graduating from Columbia University. Our roving camera recently caught up with the Visual Arts Major, and sent us THIS:



"I don't need nothing...just this mattress...That's all I need...is this mattress...


 ...and this paddle game...That's all I need is this mattress and this paddle game...


...I don't need nothing else...


...just this mattress and this paddle ball game...and these matches........."

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Just As Every Cop Is A Criminal

Before riots destroyed much of the crime-infested, Democrat-controlled city of Baltimore, most Americans have never heard of Mayor Stephanie Rawling-Blake or Prosecuter Marilyn Mosby. We at The RedSquirrel Report have invited these public servants to introduce themselves to our readers.

So, here they are, Mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake and Prosecuter Marilyn Mosby, backed up by the only and only....Rolling Stones


Let us introduce ourselves. 
We base everything on race
We've run Baltimore for many years
Tax dollars gone to waste

So, we incited a riot in our town
When Freddy died in a police van
and we let the thugs burn the stores down
stealing toilet paper and away they ran

We run Baltimore
but we're not to blame
What's angering you
Our excuses are lame

Who said it was OK. to burn down Baltimore?
The Mayor said 'It's only property.'

We'll give them room to destroy the CVS
then smash up the cop cars, get up in their face

Because poor Black kids are raised 
without their Dad, Freddy Grey was murdered
and we're mad.

Pleased to serve you
But we're not to blame
Let's keep blaming the Republicans
Because Baltimore's in flames 

Race-baiters watch with glee
as the rioting teens
Smashing police cars
Hear the sirens scream (woo woo woo woo)

I shouted out, "Who killed Freddy Grey?"
It was those cops, We'll make them pay

Let us introduce ourselves
We base everything on race
We've ran the cities into the ground
But White Republicans are to blame

We are liberals
playing the community organizer's game
But what's churning your gut
Our excuses are so lame, oh yeah, get down, baby
(who who, who who)

Just like every cop is a criminal, 
and all the thugs are saints
I am Marilyn Mosby, 
There will be no prosecutorial restraint (who who, who who)

So, when you see us 
on the TV screen
Me and Mayor Stephanie, It's all about race
(woo woo)
It's non-stop racial politics
and more tax dollars we get to waste. mm yeah
(woo woo)

We run Baltimore
But we're not to blame.
If we don't get justice
There will be no peace, mm, mean it, get down
(woo woo)