Tuesday, February 21, 2017

A Word From Our New Sponsor.....

Come on down to F&R Department Store! We have a great Not My President's Day Sale!

F&R has great deals for all you special snowflakes who STILL haven't accepted the result of last November's presidential election! Don't cry, baby! After the NOT MY PRESIDENT'S DAY rally, come down to F&R, and re-stock your supplies!







Diapers for only $10. (Of course, we accept EBT CARDS!) We also have TOP BRAND PACIFIERS for only $1!

So, come on down to F&R!


Sunday, February 19, 2017

Belts For Black Guys

February is Black History Month, and The RedSquirrel Report is combating a terrible scourge effecting Black communities across the country.

Sagging pants.

It seems that a high number of Black males are not even aware that their pants are sagging far beneath the waist, even revealing their underwear.

How does one find employment dressed this way? They look idiotic.

RSR are proud to supply belts to the less-unfortunate. Please donate $15 to Belts For Black Guys, P.O. Box 56, Minneapolis, MN.

Together, we can help them dress themselves properly.



(Note: This is just a parody. DO NOT give us your money.)

Homesick For Taconite Lyrics

In May 2015, I recorded a CD at Black Apple Productions in Minneapolis. I had written a batch of songs more less relating to memories of my childhood on Northern Minnesota's Iron Range. By September, the artwork and the first 300 copies of Homesick For Taconite were done.

Since then, 40-50 copies have been sold or given away to co-workers and people I know. Hopefully, I'll get a distribution deal set up soon, and maybe I'll get a couple music vids finished and put up on YouTube. When they're done, I'll blogpost them here.

Here are the lyrics for the ten songs that appear on Homesick For Taconite.


Scenic Highway

I'm on my way home, to the Scenic Highway
I'm so homesick, I miss my family
It's where I grew up....the Scenic Highway
That song on the radio reminds me of yesterday

I'm on my way home, to the Scenic Highway
'Going back to the place I know where I belong
Tall, tall trees line the Scenic Highway
Crickets serenading me with their little happy song

My spirit tells me we should get together
and have a little party with family and friends

I'm on my way home to the Scenic Highway
'Maybe plant some roots down, and grow a little family
Tell the girl I love I think I'm ready now
There's no place quite like the Scenic Highway

My spirit tells me we should get together
and have a little party with family and friends

I'm on my way home to the Scenic Highway
I'm so homesick, I miss my family
It's where I grew up....the Scenic Highway
That song on the radio reminds me of yesterday
There's no place quite like the Scenic Highway


Clotheslined By Love

It started the day I blew right on thru that stop sign
when I saw Jenny Potter hanging clothes on the line
Her long, blond hair and her sun dress just a' swayed in the breeze
The way that girl looked could drive the devil down to his knees
She knocked me out she knocked me right out flat on my ass
I never thought that I could ever fall so fast
She was shining like an angel sent from above
You could say on that day I clotheslined by love

I was clotheslined by love
I was clotheslined by love
I was clotheslined by love
I was clotheslined by love

I took a standing eight and then I took a deep breath
I was in love now and it scared me to death
It seemed as if my heart was hanging on the line
I prayed to God Almighty, 'Would you make that girl mine?'

Woo!!!

I was clotheslined by love
clotheslined by love
clotheslined by love
clotheslined by love

I was clotheslined by love
clotheslined by love
clotheslined by love
clotheslined by love
She was sent from above
I was clotheslined by love



Hurricane Janelle

I don't know if it was April or May
when Hurricane Janelle took our Daddy away
It might've been the beer or humidity
that uprooted our family tree
I don't know if it was April or May
when Hurricane Janelle took our Daddy away
That homewrecker left Mom in a bind
and drove her down to the welfare line

I don't know if it was June or July
when Hurricane Janelle made my big sister cry
You could say those were turbulent days
when Hurricane Janelle took our Daddy away
I don't know if it was June or July
when Hurricane Janelle made my big sister cry
Category 5's pack a powerful force
Thank you Satan, for no-fault divorce

Now, Old Janelle struck a long time ago
We're alive and kicking, well what do you know?
Some of us kids got a touch of grey
The family tree's a' growing and we're doing o.k. (say!)
Old Janelle struck a long time ago
We're alive and kicking, well what do you know?
Some of us kids got a touch of grey
The family tree's a' growing and we're doing o.k.

I was on Facebook today
and I friended my step-brother Ray
I asked him, 'How are you doin', bro?'
He said, 'We're doin' o.k.
Me n' my wife are expecting in May...'
I was on Facebook today
and I friended my step-brother Ray
I asked him, 'How are you doin', bro?'
He said, 'We're doin' o.k.
Me n' my wife are expecting in May
Me n' my wife are expecting in May.'



Chickadee

Hey there pretty birdy, You look so fine
Come on, and press that little beak right next to mine
I love you, (You) know it's true, Chickadee
Yes, I love you
I love you, Fly with me, Chickadee

I knew I always loved you, I knew all along
You make the sun shine when I hear your song
Come along, Fly with me, Chickadee
Come on, baby
I love you, Fly with me, Chickadee

Come on, Honey Bunch, Let's go build our nest
My heart is beating inside this warm, red breast
Love you best, more than the rest, Chickadee
Come on, baby
I love you, Fly with me, Chickadee
I love you, Fly with me, Chickadee



Little Suzi Sejnoha

First day of First grade
Oh man, I got it made
I'm not in Kindergarten any more
Saying 'Hi' to classmates
New year, clean slate
Hey looky who's standing at the front door

Little Suzi Sejnoha
Cutest little girl I ever saw
Her desk was only three rows away from mine
I'm a' going ga-ga
for Little Suzi Sejnoha
Maybe I can talk to her in the lunch line
(That would be fine)

Third-hour recess
Little Suzi in that dress
Our class was playing dodgeball outside
I threw the ball at Sue
Didn't know what else to do
Hit her in the head and she began to cry
I just wanted to meet her
'Didn't mean to hurt her
I was just turning on my boyish charm
She wiped off her face
and wiped the dirt from her lace
Then, she hauled off and socked me right on the arm

Little Suzi Sejnoha
Cutest little girl I ever saw
Her desk was only three rows away from mine
I'm a' going ga-ga
for Little Suzi Sejnoha
Maybe I can talk to her in the lunch line
(Yeah, yeah)

Jungle gyms, climbing trees
Played with frogs, skinned our knees
Eventually, we became good friends
We played football
and chased each other down the hall
Man, I would love to be 'tackled' by Suzi again

Little Suzi Sejnoha
Cutest little girl I ever saw
Her desk was only three rows away from mine
Yes, I'm a' going ga-ga
for little Suzi Sejnoha
Maybe I can talk to her in the lunch line



Agate-Picking Woman

There's a lady from Minnesota
way up there, right on the Iron Range
A little grandma, with worn-out sneakers
You could say she goes against the grain

Let me tell you about that agate-picking woman
She takes her agate bucket to the mines
God bless that little agate-picking Grandma
Today, I wonder what today she's gonna find
She's that agate-picking woman

Now, she digs those pretty, pretty colors
Those gemstones only God could design
She takes her bucket, and walks for hours
picking rocks in that old, deserted mine

Let me tell you about that agate-picking woman
She takes that agate bucket to the mines
God bless that little agate-picking Grandma
Today, I wonder what she's gonna find
She's that agate-picking woman

When she gets home, She empties that bucket
Then, she will check out those pretty stones
Smooth those edges in a rock tumbler, tumblin'
(and) listens to a little radio

If you see that lady from Minnesota
The woman with those worn-out sneaker shoes
a little ore dust on her black windbreaker
Tell her I'll be coming home real soon

Let me tell you about that agate-picking woman
She takes her agate bucket to the mines
God bless that little agate-picking Grandma
Today, I wonder what she's gonna find



Wild Strawberries

I think about the good 'ole days
when I was just a kid
A song or taste will take me back
or remind me of something that I did
Us kids were always a' running around
We used pine cones for baseballs
We had lots of room to grow, but most of all

I love wild strawberries

We also had plumb and apple trees
and Mama would can that fruit up
We were wild and we were free
'Didn't know if we had it rough
Playing hockey in the deserted mines
when the ponds would freeze in December
We had each other and we had fun
and I also remember....

I love wild strawberries....wild strawberries

Mama died about three years ago
and I've been living in the city for years
I think about moving back some day
if I could just get myself into gear
I dwell inside these memories
of a better time
Talking on the phone with my brothers and sisters
But, you know that I'm.........
thinking about...........
wild strawberries



Are There Any More At Home Like You?

I went out with your sister, now I don't even miss her
after all the Hell she put me through
I thought that maybe I was cursed, things went from bad to worse
on the day that I met you

Just stay away, Devil's daughter
I've doused my doorposts with holy water

Just warn me now, and tell me true
Are there any more at home like you?
Just warn me now, and tell me true
Are there any more at home....
any more at home like you?

Oh, Please do tell, Is this the end of my Hell?
It's the least that you can do
Now I know just what you're all about, In the name of love I cast you out
I won't be your fool

Just stay away, Devil's daughter
I 've doused my doorposts with holy water

Just warn me now, and tell me true
Are there any more at home like you
Just warn me now, and tell me true
Are there any more at home like you

Just warn me now, Devil's daughter
I've doused my doorposts with holy water

Just warn me now, and tell me true
Are there any more at home like you
Just warn me now (warn me now), and tell me true (tell me true)
Are there any more at home....like you
like you



Chasing The Afternoon Away

Chasing the afternoon, just chasing the afternoon away
We'll be chasing the afternoon, chasing the afternoon
Chasing the afternoon away

(I'm) gonna catch some fireflies
See the moon light in my girl's eyes
What a way of winding down the day!
Kissing on the front porch swing
Not doing much of anything
She takes my hand, We go upstairs, and we
do what we may

Feel the pull of the moon
Got me crazy like a loon
Happy while the crickets serenade
Tonight was made for you and I
Night owls, tonight we fly
Chasing the afternoon away

And we'll be......

Chasing the afternoon, chasing the afternoon away
We'll be chasing the afternoon, chasing the afternoon,
Chasing the afternoon away

Oh yeah............

Today the clock stopped at 4:55
I'm so glad I made it out of work alive
I'm going home, and I'm gonna play

And we'll be....

Chasing the afternoon, chasing the afternoon away
We'll be chasing the afternoon, chasing the afternoon
Chasing the afternoon away
Chasing the afternoon away



God Bless This Old Dump

God bless this old mess
We liked it, more or less
One day it will be condemned
So, God bless this old dump until then

It was the house nobody wanted
Some even thought it was haunted
The plumbing didn't work
and the front door, she needed a jerk

So, God bless this old mess
We liked it, more or less
One day it will be condemned
So, God bless this old dump until then

One day, they tore it down
and Mom got a new place in town
We still have memories
All that's left are the trees




















Thursday, February 16, 2017

Commie Anthem Parody Alert (If I Had A Hammer)

One of President Trump's defining campaign policy initiatives relates to the issue of stopping illegal immigration. During the presidential campaign, he promised to build a wall along our southern border, and he vowed to make Mexico pay for it.

It appears unclear if this is doable, because Mexico's President Neito says that he won't pay for the wall.

What his policy needs is a good, rousing song. So, in the spirit of the leftist protest folk singer Pete Seeger, we have re-written one of his most famous songs.


If I had a hammer
I'd hammer in the morning
I'd hammer in the evening
all across the Rio Grande
I'd hammer out the drug dealers
I'd hammer out the welfare cheats
I'd hammer in jobs
for my brothers and sisters
All across this land

If I had a wall
I'd wall off the illegals
I'd wall off the migrants
I'd keep them off my land
I'd keep out the killers
I'd keep out the beheaders
I'd wall in jobs
for my brothers and sisters
All across the land



Is It Trump Derangement Syndrome Or Demonic Possession?

Wow, new President Donald Trump has been in office for about three weeks and his enemies are going insane. One day after his inauguration, there was a woman's march in Washington D.C., where women paraded around in huge vagina costumes and Madonna threatened to blow up the White House.

So, we asked our religious correspondent, Catholic Sister Mary Brokenknuckles to comment about these recent events centering around the new president and his enemies. Take it away, Sister Mary:

God Bless, RedSquirrel,

Our Mother Mary, full of grace. God's blessings be to America for not electing that Satanic career criminal and pro-abortion witch,  Hillary Clinton.

Yes, there was a 'women's march' in DC. Speaking at that unholy get-together was unbalanced actress Ashley Judd. She sounded like she was speaking in tongues. I understand  that recording engineers actually replayed her speech backwards, and it actually made more sense. I personally believe she is demonically-possessed.

The unholy skank Madonna suggested that someone 'blow up The White House.' I understand that The F.B.I. payed her a visit. I am sure she has an unclean spirit living inside her.

What she needs is an exorcist. Please, God, have mercy on that skank's soul.

There were even women walking around in giant vagina costumes in front of innocent children. I suppose you can chalk it up to 'Trump Derangement Syndrome.'  CNN offers non-stop criticism and false news bashing Trump. We get it, CNN....You HATE him!

Congress voted to confirm Betsy DeVos as the Secretary of Education. She wants to do away with those ungodly Commoncore Standards. I hope that she takes the wooden ruler to the knuckles of the communist teacher's unions. Did you see those 'Democrat activists' block her path to that school? Come to think of it, the Demoncrats used to block people from school doors in the 1950's!

Some things never change!

Then there are these psychotic, unhinged so-called 'protesters,' For God's sake, these aren't protesters! They're violent thugs! If CNN were around in the 1930's, they would've referred to the NAZI Brownshirts as 'protesters'!

Some of these Hillary voters need to grow up. You lost. Try to win next time.

At the Screen Actor Guild Awards, Meryl Streep attacked our blessed President. Personally, I won't know what I will or should think about the important issues of the day until I hear what Ms. Streep has to say. (I'm rolling my eyes sarcastically.)

Now, I will say a little prayer for the Hollywood creeps attacking the 10-year-old son of the President. Dear Lord, In the name of your mother Mary, I hope you give those creeps in Hollywood the great big holy slap in the face! Amen!

The leftists are attacking our wonderful new Attorney General Jeff Sessions, and that psychotic demagogue Elizabeth Warren was slapped down for reading a 31-year-old letter from Coretta Scott-King.

The letter was written BEFORE Ms. Warren learned that she was born native-American.

The leftists are just unhappy that for the first time in 8 years the AG isn't a corrupt, Black criminal.

Nancy Pelosi called Trump advisor Steve Bannon 'a White-supremacist.' We've always known that Nan is bat-shit crazy, and she probably has a very insane, unclean spirit living inside her.

When a commie calls you a 'White-supremacist', that means 'you are effective.'

I'm so disappointed that grotesque nightmare Rosie O' Donnell and her obnoxious Hollywood friends have STILL not left America. They promised to leave America if Trump won. Damned liars. There is no place in Heaven for liars!

Well, that's all for now. God Bless....





Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Some Scenes From The Trump Inauguration

.....while the new president 'spouted hate against women, gays, immigrants....'



....'Whether we are Black or Brown or White, we ALL bleed the same red blood of patriots...'



the loyal opposition engaged in some Democrat party outreach.







Bill Clinton: Wow, I'd sure like to stick a cigar inside Ivanka......

Hillary Clinton: Down, Bill.

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Obama's Teary-Eyed Farewell Speech

'We did it! Well, actually I DID IT!

Somehow, I sold guns to dangerous Mexican drug dealers, committed treason against America too many times to count, and ignored the separation of powers....and avoided prosecution for a myriad of crimes against the American People!

A week before I was elected president, I vowed to 'fundamentally transform' this racist, unjust nation, and promised 'hope and change'. It's not FAIR that The United States flaunt her affluence, power, and freedom, so I knocked this country down a few pegs. I ran this government like a third-world dictatorship!

I am proud that under my rule race relations has greatly improved. Now, Black Americans can exercise their right to engage in 'The Knock-out Game' all over the fruited plain and jump all over police cars. However, our battle continues. Soon, White Americans will pay reparations for slavery! I may not get to the promised land....or maybe I might!

We remember the 'gentle giant' Michael Brown and murder victim Trayvon Martin. They remind us that this country still has a long way to go when it comes to race relations.

We will not ever be treated equal until we nationalize the police.  I regret that I was never able to have my fully-functioning 'National Civilian Security Force'. Adolf Hitler had his Gestapo, but he was White.

It's just not fair.........

I tried to bring 'sensible' gun control to this racist nation, but those maniacs at The National Rifle Association obstructed my efforts. Hopefully, my friends at the UN can do something about gun violence in this country.

However, I brought affordable health care to all Americans, undocumented immigrants, and Syrian migrants alike. I promised the American People that 'if you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor', but that right-wing gasbag Rush Limbaugh and obstructionist Republicans in Congress stopped me from fully fulfilling that promise.

(sniff) I just realized that on January 20 you pitiful Americans will no longer have me as your President. Do not worry, for I am setting up my shadow government to keep the orange man in check.....unless he indicts me and most of my inner circle first.

That brings me to my former Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton. I believe that she was cheated out of the presidency by Vladimir Putin and his hackers. We will need an army of 'community organizers' to riot and harass the illegitimate president-elect until he resigns from office and Hillary is installed as the rightful puppet....i mean....president.

But I say this to you (sniff)...

Don't be discouraged. When they go low, we go high. We Democrats are born to rule, tax, and punish the other side. We are the party of the Obama phone and generous welfare benefits. We are the party of the rigged voter machine. We are the party of Hollywood, CNN, undocumented 'dreamers' and CAIR!

And speaking of undocumented 'dreamers', let me tell you about 'another dreamer.'  The Reverend Martin Luther King said, 'I have a dream.' His dream is our dream! Let's make it happen!!!


Aztlan Now! Allahu Akbar!!!!

That's my time (sniff)!!!!