Monday, October 20, 2014

Wendy Davis Has Two Weeks To Get Back Into The TX GOV Race

She has lied about her life incessantly, pandered like a crazy person, and attacked her Republican opponent in that infamous 'Wheelchair Ad'.

Then, she hastily put together a photo op,  surrounding herself with human campaign props in wheelchairs.

Of course, I'm talking about the spectacularly awful candidacy of Texas Democrat Wendy Davis.

This candidate has two more weeks to make up for all the mistakes. She would be up by at least 10 points if she was running this campaign based on lies and abortion in a Democrat hell-hole like California, but she is running in deep-red Texas.

Still, your bushy-tailed correspondent believes that there are some things she could do to stop from embarrassing herself any more.

This is a real stretch, but she could show common decency and publicly give props to her second husband for raising her two kids. This might appeal to single dads in Texas.

Also, she should thank husband 2.0 for paying for her Harvard education. When all else fails, try telling the truth.

If I ran her campaign, I would advise her to cry. A lot. She should film a campaign ad, where she tells the world that she has learned from her mistakes. Of course, if she makes an attempt to become a decent human being, her Democrat donors will never stand for it.

Still, I'd advise her to turn on the spigots. We're all suckers when we see a woman cry.

I'm sure that Ms. Davis will not be taking my advice. She is relying on millions of illegal aliens flocking into into The Lone Star State. Perhaps if The Democrats turn on their voter fraud machine full blast, she can make it a contest.

Minnedishu Muslims: Food Shelves Violate Human Rights!

Somali-Muslims in Minneapolis have a bone to pick with local food shelves because they don't cater completely to their Islamic diet. Food shelves offer free fruit, vegetables, & a variety of other food products but also offer pork products, which Muslims view as a violation of their dietary restrictions.

Don't tell Mayor Betsy Hodges this, or she and our nutty city council may pass an ordinance requiring your local food shelf staff be trained to prepare food in the Halal way. I just hope that there aren't any Styrofoam food containers on the premises, or that could offend our wacky city council.

The weirdos running The City of Lakes will probably give these Muslims whatever they want. Dhimmicrat politicians like Hodges depend on support from leftists and Muslims to stay in power, so I wouldn't be surprised if they give away anything that Islamic pressure groups demand.

Dhimmicrats like Betsy Hodges pander shamelessly. Someday soon, I can see her cutting a ribbon at some new ALL-HALAL food shelf, wearing a hijab. Of course, she will be joined by Police Chief Janee Harteau, also in a hijab.

Come to think of it, Wendy's offers a mouth-watering Pulled Pork Sandwich. I wonder when The Muslims will take offense to this, and begin protesting your local Wendy's Restaurant. I can imagine them carrying signs reading 'Wendy is violating our human rights!'

Monday, October 13, 2014

Obama's New Spokeman Re-Assures An Anxious Nation

From sea to shining sea, it appears that everyone is concerned about Ebola. Who has it? Is it spreading and where?

Lucky for us, Our Dear Leader sends out his new spokesman to re-assure an anxious nation:

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Can Buyer's Remorse Elect Mitt Romney In 2016?

People are wondering who should be The Republican nominee for President in 2016.

Perhaps we should give 2012 nominee Mitt Romney one more chance, and here's why:

After 2 more years of Obama ineptitude and corruption, the squeaky-clean Former Governor of Massachusetts will be a refreshing change. There is probably 20,000,000 Americans who regret voting for Obama or who didn't even vote at all.

Evangelical Christians should be profoundly ashamed of themselves for not voting for Romney because he's a Mormon. They can redeem themselves by voting for Romney in 2016.

Also, Romney was relentlessly smeared and slandered by Team Obama and the Obama media machine.

Right now, people must be thinking what would be happening in America if we had only elected him. Well, he wouldn't be trafficking illegal aliens all over the country and making American children sick, or selling guns to dangerous Mexican drug dealers.

Romney wouldn't be using The IRS harass the opposition or allowing his Attorney General to become the biggest lawbreaker in the country..

Mitt wouldn't be allowing people with Ebola to threaten the health and safety of The American People.

After two more years of nation-threatening, criminal ineptitude, it would be great to have a skilled problem-solver in The White House.

His campaign slogan can be See, I Told You So.

Thursday, October 2, 2014


Remember Stevie Wonder's 1973 smash hit, Higher Ground? I was on facebook checking out a facebook friend's anti-Obama post, and it triggered this oldie in my mind. I changed the lyrics:

Hamas keeps attacking
ISIS keeps a' whacking
I'll stop all that fracking
Please, pass the bong
Cities keep a' crumbling
My Administration keeps stumbling
Taxpayers keep grumbling
Please, pass the bong
Well, it's only 2 more years an' my regime will end
I got more f-16's and tanks I wanna send
I got plenty of fundraisers and holes of golf to play
So, I'm gonna squeeze in, squeeze in ANOTHER ROUND

Russia keeps invading
Tea Party keep a' hating
My ego keeps inflating
But Congress refuses to go along

Illegals keep on coming
My supporters keep a' bumming
My media keeps on dumbing 
Please, pass the bong.


Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Michelle Obama Speaks To Starving Students

On September 8, First Lady Michelle Obama spoke to the students of Booker T. Washington High School in Atlanta . It was fourth hour, and the children had just thrown away their Obama lunch.

It was Mushed carrots Monday.

With their little stomachs growling, The First Lady stressed the importance of education:

You have to get an education. Me an' my husband send our daughters to the best private school in Washington, and they also get the yummiest school lunches. They get Sloppy Joe's n' French Fries, Shrimp Alfredo, and hamburgers, too.

Did somebody just faint? Just give her some room....She didn't hit her head on the floor. Oh good. She'll be O.K.

I am pleased to announce a new initiative. My husband and I believe that school should be a rewarding experience. Your principal will be handing out a questionnaire to you.

We want to know if your moms and dads own guns, and also if you know any Republicans. If you ever hear anybody saying bad things about my husband, we want you to tell us. We may need to send them to a re-education camp.

Just fill out these questionnaires, and you will earn a box of Michelle Obama Chocolate Chip Cookies. I am sure THAT will stop your stomach from growling.


Al Franken: Mike McFadden Is A (DA....DA....DAAAAA) Rich Leprechaun

'I am your Senator, Al Franken, and I approve of this message....

My opponent Mike McFadden is a (DA....DA.....DAAAAA) rich investment banker.

He has blatantly (DA....DA....DAAAAA) earned a living in the private sector, and he (DA....DA....DAAAAA....) moved his investments to Bermuda (DA....DA....DAAAAA....). While Americans suffer, he is enjoying a (DA....DA....DAAAAA....) Pina Colada on the beach.

He has SO MUCH MONEY that he hides some of his money from the IRS in Bermuda....and some of it in Ireland! (DA....DA....DAAAAA....)

Mike McFadden is a (DA....DA....DAAAAA....) greedy Republican Leprechaun! He won't even share his Lucky Charms!

I need your vote, or this greedy leprechaun might take away your Obamacare, leaving your family to die, while he lives it up in Bermuda. We can't let McFadden win, or he might take his (DA....DA....DAAAAA....) shillelagh to our investments in infrastructure.

I am your Senator, Al Franken, and I approve of this message'