Monday, October 5, 2015

SNL Features First Robot Performer

Saturday Night Live made history this weekend by featuring a robot in one of it's skits.


The studio audience cheered and laughed wildly.

Wednesday, September 30, 2015

A Question For The Democrat Presidential Debate

The current president boasts that he's destroyed the coal industry. As president, which U.S. industries will you destroy?

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Today's Michelle Obama School Lunch Menu


rice cakes w/ soy paste (with rainbow-colored food coloring)

skim milk

The Pope In Washington: Finally, A 'Christian' Obama Likes

Last week, Dear Leader took a break from his non-stop persecution of Christians to welcome Pope Francis. While Yazidi girls are raped, tortured, and murdered by ISIS butchers, our little dictator welcomed the anti-capitalist pontiff to help him spread his gospel of envy and failure.

I only heard a few lines from the pontiff's speech to Congress, but I understand that he talked about Obama pet cause, Global climate change. This is a serious problem that threatens all life on planet Earth. Right now as I am writing this, it's a Hellish 63 degrees here in Minneapolis. Damn you, global warming.

He also told us that America must do more to combat poverty, because EBT cards, free food stamps, free healthcare, free cell phones, and free housing subsidies ISN'T ENOUGH!!!

The Pope said that all life is sacred, and we need to protect it. Obama took his mic, and added "EXCEPT FOR THE COPS!" I'm not sure if Pope Francis mentioned the Christian holocaust happening across The Middle East. I understand that he agrees with our little dictator that importing 'refugees' from Syria is the 'right thing to do.'

I was just wondering if Francis mentioned Planned Parenthood in his speech. I'm sure it's a sin to butcher live babies, and sell their body parts, but I don't know if The Bible even mentions it.

Did he mention those Yazidi girls being tortured, raped, and murdered? I think I missed it. Well, maybe next time he's in town.

The Pope did perform one miracle while he was in DC. Somehow, he did cause Speaker John Boehner to resign.


Thursday, September 24, 2015

Good News For Republicans

Chances are decent that we will have a Republican President in 2017, unless the current occupant of the White House cancels the election or begins throwing his opponents in prison.

While Real Estate Mogul and GOP front-runner Donald Trump talks about making America great again, and speaks on policy as well as his past positions, Democrat front-runner Hillary Clinton dodges questions concerning all of her illegal activities centering around illegal emails and the illegal use of secret servers.

While Trump is being asked about the President of Kazakhstan, the Democrat presidential candidates are being allowed to run against the last seven years of failure and disgrace without having to talk about who has been in the Oval Office for the last seven years.

While Former Hewlett-Packard Executive and GOP Presidential candidate Carly Fiorina gladly lays out solid policy positions and wins debates, Hillary Clinton keeps anyone who may ask her a tough question behind a rope.

While GOP Senate rock star Ted Cruz eloquently make his case about making America a better, freer place, Hillary Clinton runs away from her history of corruption and ineptitude.

As each of the GOP candidates deal with lying, smirking journalists looking for the next GOTCHA! moment, Hillary keeps their collective nuts in her lock box. Are they afraid of her or something?

While the Dems have their pick of 3 or 4 geriatric socialists, the real energy belongs to the Republican field. Trump is cheered like a rock star at his rallies, and the debates are simply fantastic.

On the other hand, Republicans again will have to deal with rampant voter fraud and Obama's army of inner-city cheaters. So, the Dems have THAT going for them.

The greatest thing that Republicans have going for them is an out-of-touch, narcissistic child-president drunk on power.

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

My Update

Today, I'm investing heavily in this new cause, I Support The Republican Trump Not The Democrat Trump (ISRTNDT), buying 500 shares.

Also, I'm really excited in Scott Walker 4 President (SW4P). I've just bought 1000 shares at 100gc's a share, and.....Wait a minute.... He's about to make an announcement.

Oh, shit. Does anybody wanna buy my SW4P shares at 10gc's a share?

Also, I've just bought some shares of All Lives Matter. Oh look, there's a crowd gathering outside my house.

Well, that's all for now.

Red Forman: Muslim Invaders Tell Germans To Cancel Oktoberfest?

It appears that the Muslim invaders are demanding that Germans cancel Oktoberfest, and The Council Of American-Islamic Relations are demanding that Republican Presidential candidate Ben Carson withdraw from the race because he doesn't think he wants a Muslim President. 

Here to give his two cents on these two news stories is our correspondent Red Forman. Take it away:

Thanks, Squirrel.

So, these Muslim dummkopfs want the Germans to cancel Oktoberfest. Hey you assholes, how about cancelling Ramadan? How 'bout I put my foot up your ass? 

You're demanding that The Germans cancel their national party. How about the world demands that you eff off. So, I suppose it's because you disapprove of alcoholic consumption. You Muslims disapprove of beer, you don't like dogs, and you keep your women covered up in Burkas.

No wonder you're so hard to be around. You're wound up too tightly. I think you need a dog. Look into it's eyes, and kiss it's wet nose. How is it possible to not love dogs? Also, you treat women like crap. If you treated them better, you would find out they're lots of fun.

Then, there's these bullies at The Council Of American-Islamic Relations who want presidential candidate Ben Carson to withdraw because he gave his opinion. He said he didn't want a Muslim president. For Christ's sake, we ALREADY have a Muslim president. How's that working for us?

They demand that Dr. Carson drop out of the race? I demand that they go play a game of Hide-And-Go-Eff-Themselves!

This control freak Obama can see all this, and still he wants to bring in even MORE MUSLIM REFUGEES? I guess in his world there's not enough commies and Muslims bullying the rest of us and demanding that we do this and do that. As a normal-American, I love beer, women, dogs, and freedom of speech.

But don't hate this douche Obama for despising our freedoms. They don't like it where he from.

Red Forman, Normal-American