Sunday, December 30, 2012

The RedSquirrel Looks 'Forward' To 2013

In 2013, Michelle Obama will stick her nose even deeper in our business. In 2012, FLOTUS told schools what to serve for lunch. In the coming year, family farms will be replaced by state-run 'victory gardens'. America starves.

As America falls off the fiscal cliff, the American people resort to cannibalism to survive. The real unemployment rate explodes over 20%, and over half the country is left dependent on the government. The MSM has a name for this, The new O.K.

Obama's chief liar Stephanie Cutter will replace George Stephanopoulis as the new host of ABC's This Week. You remember that he helped Bill Clinton lie his way into the White House in 1992.

Seeing what Barack Obama has done to the American economy, Mexico will close it's border with America.

The hapless Republicans will compromise with Obama on new gun-control legislation. As a result, only dangerous drug dealers and members of the Muslim Brotherhood will be allowed to own arms.

In entertainment news, Cable television star Honey Boo Boo will receive an Honorary Doctorate from Harvard.

Kim Kardashian will finally marry someone more annoying than she is----Kanye West.

North Korea sets off an 'Electromagnetic Pulse Bomb', and we lose our electrical grid. Also, all of our cell towers are knocked out. The American people live in abject horror, as we are forced to speak to each other FACE-TO-FACE!

The American people finally learn that our election system is a damned joke. Have a great 2013 everybody!

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Public Service Announcement: Keep Your Guns, America

In the aftermath of the horrible massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut, it seems that America has become unglued. We had a lone mass murderer, Adam Lanza, killing 20 children and 6 unarmed teachers.

It was already a gun-free zone. Maybe someone should have told Adam Lanza that guns weren't allowed on school grounds. Yeah, that would've stopped him.

Now, we have politicians threatening our Second Amendment rights, and anti-gun Americans are really losing it, threatening to murder gun-owners as well as members of the National Rifle Association.

I guess what we need is another public service announcement. Here we go again:

We are all shocked and saddened by the murders in Newtown, but this is no time to trade in our freedom. We are a nation of gun-owners. We will never completely eliminate violence, but guns in the hands of good people can even the odds.

Threatening law-abiding citizens on Twitter and members of the NRA is just plain stupid.

Then, you have the politicians who are always willing to pass more bad laws, endangering this country even further. Don't encourage them.

Remember, an armed society is a polite society. Keep your guns, America.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Dear Congress, Hillary Can't Testify Today

Recently, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton turned down a request to testify before Congress on matters related to the Benghazi massacre. We were told that she couldn't testify because she had a cold....and a concussion.

 Dear Congress,

Hillary can't testify today, because she has a cold........and a concussion.


Hillary's Mom

I believe I saw this on the 70's sit-com "Welcome Back, Kotter"....

The RedSquirrel Report has an insider at the State Department, who knows a guy who has a girlfriend who has a co-worker at the White House Gift Shop who knows a guy who overheard Hillary say this, boasting to colleagues:

Incredible. One of the worst performances of my career and the MSM never doubted it for a second.

Your bushy-tailed correspondent asked our source at The State Department, who told us why she thinks Hillary got out of testifying before Congress:

Oh, she's very popular. All the Lesbos, Commies, Lefties, Towel-heads, Bloods, and Dems  just love her. They think she's a righteous dude.

We'll stay on top of this developing story.

It's Time For The World To End

Well folks, the Mayan calender ended last Friday. Everybody is joking about the world ending on December 21, 2012, but I think that it's about time. The world is falling apart, and people are behaving as if they're possessed or something.

Maybe it's time for God to pull the plug.

For one thing, America is hopelessly racist. On Election Day, 91% of Black voters discriminated against the qualified white man. The free market has been under attack in the last four years, yet most voters STILL blame White former President George W. Bush.

Illinois Congressman Jesse Jackson Jr. was easily re-elected to Congress, even though he's been 'away', incapacitated by bi-polar disorder, and indicted on corruption charges. Jackson resigned the congressional seat, but I don't understand why. It seems to me that mental disorders and corruption are resume enhancers for Democrats.

Meanwhile, 'Fauxohontas' Elizabeth Warren unseated uber-moderate Republican Scott Brown in Massachusetts. We still don't know if Cher sang Half Breed at her victory party.

Florida voters threw conservative superstar Alan West out of Congress. Did I mention that I think the voters are possessed?

The American people have flushed our Constitutional Republic down the toilet, opting for free Obama phones and taxpayer-funded contraception. We could have elected a squeaky-clean candidate with a history of turning failing businesses around. Instead, the voters re-elected a virulent anti-American who taunts the entrepreneurs, kills our industries, sells guns to Mexican drug-dealers, GIVES weapons to our enemies, and turns his back on Americans killed in Benghazi, Libya.

Watching the Obama sycophants in the state-run propaganda media relentlessly hype Dear Leader is like watching one of those Left Behind movies on the Trinity Broadcasting Network.  I can see Diane Sawyer and the other starry-eyed newscasters gladly tout Anti-Christ.

Obama has recently gave The Muslim Brotherhood in Egypt 20 state-of-the-art F16 fighter jets. Yet, Congress will not impeach this maniac. They won't investigate Benghazi. They're not interested in massive election fraud. These crooks don't care about America.

Two weeks ago, 20-year-old Adam Lanza shot up an elementary school in Newtown, Connecticut, killing 20 children and 6 teachers. As a result, the libs want to strip us of our Second Amendment rights. They're all over Twitter, threatening to kill believers in gun rights. This isn't helpful.

It looks like we're screwed, folks.

Monday, December 17, 2012

Santa Claus: So, I Understand Obama Has A 'Naughty' & 'Nice' List

Recently, Dear Leader jokingly claimed to have made up a "naughty" and "nice" list in regards to the loyal opposition. As a result, Saint Nick has sent us this open letter to the Narcissist-In-Chief.

Dear Jack-A$$,

So, YOU have a 'naughty' and 'nice' list, huh? Let me remind you that you did not originate the concept.

I am trying to keep track of all the outrageous things you've done this year. We have a file cabinet on you, Buster..

Just recently, you GAVE The Muslim Brotherhood in Egypt 20 state-of-the-art F16 fighter jets. Arming Muslim extremists isn't the best way to get on Santa's good side.

You sold illegal guns to dangerous drug dealers in your Operation Fast and Furious, and doing your damndest to cover it up. Your sale of these weapons have created horrible carnage and heartbreak.

I also saw you and your campaign steal the presidential election. I keep the TV on FOX NEWS in my office, and we have Limbaugh blaring in the break room.

By the way, I really don't appreciate your union thugs attempting to unionize our operation up here. Damned purple-shirted, Commie thugs.

You told the entrepreneurs and hard-working Americans 'You didn't build that'. When the elves heard that, I had to put a swear jar in the workplace. Since you killed the coal industry, I can't even stick a lump of the dirty stuff in your stocking. Instead, you're getting a steaming reindeer turd!

As America stumbles along under your inept leadership, and the victims of Hurricane Sandy suffer, you plan a Hawaiian Christmas vacay. You are truly a jack-a$$.

I still have a 'naughty' and 'nice' list, but there's also my sh..list. There's about 5 people on the list, and you're one of them.

Mele Kalikimaka, A$$-Hole.

Santa Claus

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

They're Planning The Obama Inauguration Parade

It was announced that Jim "Gingers Have No Soul'' Messina will be in charge of Barack Obama's second inaugural parade. I can imagine it now:

Good morning, America. This is Bill Burditsman, and welcome to Our Glorious Leader's Second Inauguration parade. Later on, The One will take his oath of office in a private ceremony. He will be surrounded by friends, The Muslim Brotherhood, The Communist Party USSA, and cronies from Solyndra and Light-Squared.

We're not sure if he will take his oath on a Bible or a Quran. Oh wait, the parade is starting!

Our lead float features Sandra Fluke and Lena Dunham, as well as six weirdos in giant vagina costumes. There is a large sign that reads: "Our Lady Parts Thank You, Mr. President!" Impressive.

Next, we have The New Jersey Chapter of Obama Youth. They are marching down the street, and chanting:

"Barack Hussein Obama mmmm.....mmmm......mmmm......"

Up next, we have the SEIU Marching Band. Oh wait. they spotted a few protesters....and NOW THEY ARE BEATING THEM WITH THEIR INSTRUMENTS!

Our next float features our friends from south of the border, brandishing guns that our President sold them in his highly successful Operation Fast And Furious. Hey kids! It looks like they're throwing candy!

Next, we have some honored guests---Egypt's President Mohamed Morsi and Russia's Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev, riding on a float. There's a missile on the float, with a large sign that reads: "FLEXIBILITY". Yes! We all need to be flexible!

....and there is The President! He has stopped the parade for a moment. He gets out of the limousine, and.....he deeply bows to Morsi and Medvedev.

Next is First Lady Michelle Obama's Victory Garden float, There are 10 severely malnourished fifth graders sitting on the float, which is festooned with eggplant, freshly-picked cabbage, and carrots.

Now, the limousine takes it's final turn towards Pennsylvania Avenue, where thousands of supporters with signs and Obama phones greet the President....

My Nominees For Time Magazine's Person Of The Year

In 1927, aviator Charles Lindberg was named the first Time Magazine's Person of the Year. He thrilled and changed the world, making the first solo flight across the Atlantic Ocean aboard The Spirit Of St. Louis.

85 years later, Sandra Fluke, a 31-year-old college student is named as a nominee. Her claim to fame is that she publicly demanded taxpayer-funded contraception.

Her parents must be so proud.

Time Magazine's Person of the Year is the individual or group of people who influenced the world-for better or for worse. This year, I nominate a cast of nobodies and low-information voters who appears to have stolen our country away from us.

Along with the aforementioned Fluke, here are my nominees for Time Magazine's Person of the Year:

Julia is the faceless nobody who lives her entire life dependent on Dear Leader. She was created by The Obama Campaign. Within hours of her debut, Julia was banished to The Island of Misfit Campaign Mascots, but remains the perfect personification of how America's Kenyan babydaddy thinks of his supporters.

The low-information voter: This category describes most Obama voters. It appears that many Americans believed the awful economy was STILL George W. Bush's fault. The low-information voter were willing to believe all the state-run media's chanting points.

Well, there are my nominees. It looks like the end is near. Danged Mayans.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Glenn Beck-Artiste Extraordinaire

Last week on Blaze TV, Glenn Beck had some fun, placing an Obama bobble head in a mason jar filled with 'urine'. Stay calm, everybody. It was only beer.

He called it art. Actually, it was done in response to a painting by Michael D' Antuono that depicted Our Little Dictator as Jesus.

We here at The RedSquirrel Report supports the arts, and have called upon our resident Arts and Music critic, Gerald Snotley, to share his thoughts on Beck's work. Take it away, Gerald:

Glenn Beck DESECRATED an Obama bobble head in a large container of wet stuff, and called it his art. To sum up my feelings on this piece, I paraphrase Gay Oscar from "The Office"....

"This isn't art....It destroys art....It's kitsch....This is so much more offensive than the most hard-core porn...."

Of course, this piece is a pale imitation of Andres Serrano's "Piss Christ". While Serrano's piece was ground-breaking and quite beautiful, "Obama In Pee Pee" is downright offensive. I haven't been this offended since Mitch Berg and Ed Morrissey butchered Warren Zevon's "Lawyers, Guns, and Money" on The NARN.

We must wonder what sort of outrage Beck may commit next. I hope that Mr. Beck never tries to impersonate Karen Finley. The thought of Beck smearing chocolate all over his fat, pasty-white body is almost enough to make my eyebrows fall out in horror.

Perhaps, Beck will try his hand at photography. Robert Maplethorpe and his bullwhip would roll over in his grave.

Arts Critic Gerald Snotley
If Beck's piece WAS good, he would have been given an NEA grant. Instead, this buffoon tried to sell this Obomination on E-bay. They had the good sense to remove this horrible piece off their website.

Oh damn, my eyebrows are starting to fall out again.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Wanda Weighs In

On November 8, actor Jamie Foxx made an appearance at the Soul Train Awards, and referred to Barack Hussein Obama as 'our lord and savior'.

In other words, Jamie Foxx's lord and savior illegally sold guns to dangerous Mexican drug dealers, abandoned Americans in Benghazi to be murdered, regularly bad-mouths and bullies the job creators, kisses up to The Muslim Brotherhood....

....hob knobs with Marxist unionistas, made crazy accusations against his opponent Mitt Romney, then engaged in massive vote fraud, steals an election....

launders billions of dollars in phony green energy rip-offs like Solyndra, steals many more billions from hard-working taxpayers, showers his crooked, lazy supporters with the money and calls it 'stimulus'....

preaches the politics of division and envy and abuses The Constitution....

Maybe Jamie Foxx was referring to a different Barack Hussein Obama.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Mele Kalikimaka Means Obama's Hawaiian Vacay

Mele Kalikimaka is what Obama says, as he goes on his Christmas vacay
He and Moochellimaka are gonna live it up, while American jobs go away
As America goes off the fiscal cliff
His voters don't care, so what's the diff
Mele Kalikimaka is Obama's way of saying 'Screw you.'

Mele KaliBenghazi means He don't care, So what if four Americans are dead
Obam Kahuna needs a vacation bad, and another 18 holes will clear his head
'cause stealing the election was a full-time job
He an' Moochelle will laugh at all you middle-class slobs
Mele Kalikimaka is Obama's way of saying 'Screw you.'

He knows the voters aren't very bright
They hated Romney 'cause he's successful n' white
Mele Kalikimaka is Obama's way of saying 'America, Screw you.'

Mele Kalikimaka is what Obama says, as he goes on his Christmas vacay
Taxpayer Moolah will pick up the bill, Our Little Dictator will be gone for 17 days
So who cares if the taxpayers are hosed?
And the stores on Main Street are all closed
Mele Kalikimaka is Obama's way of saying 'America, Screw you.'

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

And Tonight's Powerball Numbers Are.... even the Powerball

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Hey Paul, Just Live And Let Turkeys Die

As American families gather around the dinner table this Thanksgiving, vegetarian pop star Paul McCartney wants you to know that he disapproves of eating turkey.

He has sent a message, as part of a new campaign from our friends at PETA:

"Say No, Thanks To Turkey....Go Vegetarian."

We here at The RedSquirrel Report would like to send a message to Mr. McCartney:

"Paul, just Live And Let turkeys Die."

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

The President's Thanksgiving Address To America

Gobble gobble, my subjects. I hope that you're with your family this Thanksgiving, and I hope that if you voted for me, that you REALLY get up in the faces of all your conservative relatives who voted for that loser Mitt Romney.

As you dig into that turkey leg and enjoy the cranberries, I hope that you remember the less fortunate-like those suckers who lost their job at Hostess.

See what happens when you don't give in to my unionista thug allies?

On this special holiday, I just wanna tell my subjects what I am thankful for. First of all, I am thankful for stupid, gullible, low-information voters.

I am thankful for my god-like reverb, my superior ground game, and my best teleprompter.

Of course, I am thankful for FLOTUS, my darling daughters, and everyone in the state-run news media. Without your relentless lying, I would have had to rely solely on outright vote fraud to win re-election.

On this Thanksgiving Day, I propose a 'fundamentally transformed' Thanksgiving from this day forward. Since America believes in ME more than that old fogey GOD, I want every family to bow their heads in prayer, and thank ME for all you have....

....your Obama phones, 99 months of unemployment compensation, your college loans forgiven, free contraception, ect.

Also, if it weren't for ME and my Democrat allies in The Senate, Big Bird would have ended up on that fat-head Chris Christie's dinner table.

I am announcing an executive order, mandating that every household place a listening device on every kitchen table in America. My civilian security agents and my czars are listening in on you right now.

I want to dispel a rumor that my family will be roasting a dog. Damn all of you conservatives on Twitter. You just won't let that go, will you?

Finally, I am thankful for Attorney General Eric Holder. If it wasn't for him, I'd be spending Thanksgiving in a Federal Prison somewhere.

Thank you. And thank me.

President Barack Hussein Obama, mmmm....mmmm....mmmm

Do You Realize...There's A Grenade In Your Suitcase?

We begin this story with a helpful tip for all you holiday travelers:

Don't pack a grenade in your suitcase.

On November 10, TSA agents at Will Rogers Airport in Oklahoma City discovered a grenade in Wayne Coyne's carry-on luggage.

Wayne Coyne is the eccentric frontman of The Flaming Lips.

The resulting panic caused cancelled and postponed flights. Later, the spaced-out popster apologized on Twitter.

I wonder if the TSA agents on the scene broke out in song:

Do You Realize....You have a grenade in your suitcase?
Do You Realize....Or is your head filled with an empty space?

Monday, November 19, 2012

Hi Barry, Let Me Introduce Myself

Dear Jack-A$$, congrats on your re-election.

Yesterday, Jim Messina sent me yet ANOTHER email. It appears that nobody associated with your administration knows who I am yet, so I will introduce myself.

My name is J. RedSquirrel. I am a blogger from Minneapolis.

In September 2011, I was one of many conservative bloggers who turned ourselves in to The Regime following the debut of your snitch website Attack Watch. As a result, I was put on your email list. I estimate that your campaign has sent me about 300 email requests for campaign contributions.

As it turns out, my only use for your emails was that I used them to ridicule your presidency on my blog,

Until the day you are impeached and removed from The White House, I am gonna dig up your victory garden. This right-winged critter intends to be like the little squirrel running thru the house in "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation", sending terror through the hearts of your staff.

I might jump out of your Christmas tree.

One more thing, Buster.  You and your corrupt administration are gonna have me ripping at your ankles for the next four years. I hope that I have rabies.


J. RedSquirrel

My Savior Is Better Than Your Messiah

Jesus turned water into wine (John 2: 1-25), while Obama rigged voting machines, turning votes for Romney into votes for Obama....

Jesus fed the multitudes with 2 loaves of bread and 5 fish (Matthew 14: 13-21), while Obama got over 100% of the vote in many areas across America.

Jesus preached that the meek shall inherit the Earth (Matthew 5:5), while Obama kisses up to The Muslim Brotherhood and corrupt union bosses.

Jesus gave his life for all humanity, while Obama watched Americans get brutally murdered in Benghazi, before going beddy bye....Then, he jetted off to Las Vegas for yet another fundraiser.

Jesus teaches love and forgiveness, while Obama preaches division and envy.

Jesus had his 12 disciples, while Obama has his 37 leftist czars.

My Savior's Father wrote The Ten Commandments, while Obama is a devotee of Saul Alinsky's Rules For Radicals, which was dedicated to Lucifer.

Jesus broke bread, blessed it, and told his disciples "Take this and eat it, for this is my body." (Matthew 26:26), while Obama broke and killed many bodies, selling guns to dangerous Mexican drug dealers in Operation Fast And Furious.

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together

The newly "re-elected" President is SO POPULAR,  Americans from all 50 states have signed petitions TO SECEDE FROM THE UNION.

The Child Dictator came into office promising to be the great unifier. Instead, millions of patriotic Americans want to break the country up because of him and his corrupt administration. I guess the darned spoil sports just can't stand the sight of the first black president winning re-election.

Your bushy-tailed rebel is ambivalent towards this movement. I would like to preserve the United States (Man, I never thought I'd EVER write or say THAT). On the other hand, Our Child Dictator just stole the election, and commits crimes against this country almost on an hourly basis.

As crazy as it is to talk about secession, free people have a right to dissolve the United States if that's what they want to do.

So, if this IS a growing movement, I think that it deserves an official song. Submitted for your approval, is my song for the secession movement....

....A song parody of Taylor Swift's groovy break-up super-hit, "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together". C'mon' secessionists, sing it proud:

Remember when America broke up that other time
The southern states said,"We've had enough," 'cause like
And there was a really bloody Civil War
And there was lots of blood and guts and death and gore
Now there's a commie jerk who thinks he is God
The jerk promised hope and change-the fraud 
He said, 'Trust me. Then he lied and lied.
He seems to think The Constitution is two-ply

Ooooh ooooh ooooh ooooh ooooh Then we watched him steal the election
So, ooooh ooooh ooooh ooooh ooooh This time We're telling you. We're telling you

We are never ever ever getting back together
Hey Blue states, we don't see the point of staying together
So, Lets draw lines, that side's yours,
This side's mine and we'll be fine
And let's not ever ever ever get back together
Time to sever

We're really gonna miss ObamaCare (Yeah, Right!)
And being ruled by The Empty Chair (Yeah Right!)
And he, hammers away at our freedoms with 37 czars,
his lyin' media whores, and his friends at CAIR

Ooooh ooooh ooooh ooooh ooooh Hey there little liberal loonies, There is a recourse
Ooooh ooooh ooooh ooooh ooooh This time We're telling you. We want a divorce.

We are never ever ever getting back together
Blue states, we don't see the point of staying together
So, Let's draw lines, That side's yours
This side's mine and we'll be fine
And let's not ever ever ever get back together

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Barack, The Phony President Of America

In August, I parodied "John, The Phony King Of England", a song from Disney's animated version of "Robin Hood".

In this highly catchy song, Little John and the merry critters of Sherwood Forest ridicule the corrupt, childish Prince John. The scene reminds me of the conservative critters on my Twitter timeline, mocking our own phony King Barack.

My Twitter timeline has blown up with stories of massive Democrat vote fraud, so I thought I'd give this parody another try. C'mon kids, sing along:

Well, history will say how on Election Day
Team Obama committed fraud
And now they gloat how they suppressed the vote
while the compliant media nods
We all know the machines were rigged
Mitt votes went to Barack
The media lies, we're disenfranchised
It came as no big shock

As corrupt as he is inept
We don't know where the votes are kept
Obama is the phony President of America
A pox on the phony President of America!

He sits alone on a giant throne
Acting like he's the king
He sold guns and diverted funds
As Soros pulls the strings
And he stood with The Brotherhood
while our people in Benghazi died
The useless hack, and his lying flacks
They really have a lot to hide

As president he really sucks
The tough questions he always ducks
A pox on the phony President of America!

He taxes us into the poorhouse
and attacks free enterprise
We want to work, but the leftist jerk
wants a government that's super-sized
We all know he suppressed the votes
with the help of leftist hacks
We'll find a way to make them pay
and take our country back

Hey Mitt, we all know you won
overturning this thing will be fun
From the phony President of America
The lying, flying
The vote buying
Angry Nation
Blundering, plundering
Sleazy, greazy
Barack, the phony President of America

Monday, November 12, 2012

The Best Is Yet To Come

On Election Night, I watched the presidency slip away on my Twitter timeline, and listened to Hugh Hewitt, Ed Morrissey, and James Lileks.  I couldn't stand to watch any of the Election Night TV coverage.

While I didn't watch Obama's acceptance speech, I can imagine what his trusty teleprompter told him to say. Here is an excerpt thru my TruthTeller 3000:

Thank you.....thank you.....thanks.....Don't faint....

I would like to thank my vanquished opponent Mitt Romney for a SPIRITED campaign.

Now is the time for America to come together and accept me as your dictator for life, or until those dirty Republican meanies try to impeach me for the myriad of crimes I've committed against the country.

Until that time, I can promise right here that THE BEST IS YET TO COME. Pretty soon you'll want to throw away those Obama Phones I bribed you with. All I can say to my voters is that I'm gonna leave something really nice in your Christmas stocking.

Don't worry. Those evil rich folks will be paying for everything.

My friends, now is the time for compromise, and let me make this clear. It will be MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY!

Thank you......thanks.....Don't hyperventilate, ma'am, I'm not God. Not yet.

Under my sterling leadership, the private sector is DOING JUST FINE, but I am not satisfied. In my second administration, I promise to lower the sea levels. I mean it this time.

I believe I have gone ten whole minutes without boasting that I killed Osama bin Laden. Osama is dead and GM is ALIVE!

Now that I WON, it's important for the other side to compromise. In other words, I'm gonna raise taxes on those eeevil rich folks, and it would be a bad idea to oppose ANYTHING I do. Don't even try!

Four years ago, my teleprompter told me to say that we are days away from FUNDAMENTALLY TRANSFORMING AMERICA. Four years from tonight, I promise you, my brain-dead subjects, that NOBODY will be able to even recognize this country anymore!


Thank you!

Thursday, November 8, 2012

How Did Obama Do It?

On Sunday, it seemed that Mitt Romney enjoyed a sizable advantage among Independent voters. On election night, that advantage was gobbled up by Barack Obama's vote fraud machine.

That, and his base of Hispanic voters, black voters, and single women who voted with their lady parts.

But let's not gloss over the Democrat vote fraud machine. Our military people serving the country overseas didn't receive their absentee ballots in time, and they were disenfranchised by Team Obama. Meanwhile, illegal aliens in Nevada were pushed into buses, threatened with deportation, and transported to polling places, courtesy of Obama's unionista allies.

Americans from all over the fruited plain stood in long lines on Tuesday, only to be told by election workers that they had already voted. In Ohio, Scores of Americans complained to poll workers that the touch-screen machines weren't working properly.

In every case, each voter were trying to vote for Romney, but the machine would count the vote as one for Obama.

In The Buckeye State, one in every five votes was bogus.

In Philadelphia, Republican poll watchers were thrown out, and in one polling station, the people voted with a mural of Our Dear Leader watching them. It was finally covered.

Meanwhile, ten Colorado counties revealed a total voter registration that exceeded 100% of their residents of eligible voting age. One county has a voter registration of 140%.


Americans stood in long lines on Election Day. The GOP base were willing to crawl through glass for the opportunity to be rid of this divisive, leftist president.

Election Day 2012 closely resembled Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day, yet the media is telling us that 2.3 million FEWER people voted for the ticket of Romney/Ryan than McCain/Palin in 2008.

Your bushy-tailed correspondent does not believe this for a second. I want to know what is really going on.

Team Obama have sharp elbows. They are street fighters from the most corrupt city in America. They also disenfranchised the absentee military voters in 2008.

One more fact: Barack Obama lost every state that has a voter I.D. law. Something is rotten here

When our friends on the other side speak glowingly about 'Obama's superior ground game', much of that includes the suppression of our military vote, rigging vote machines, stealing votes, and other methods of election fraud.

Former President Charles Logan Congratulates Obama

Dateline Tuesday: After the networks called it for Our Dear Leader, the Obama news media broke out the party hats, while many of the worlds most corrupt and evil dictators congratulated The One.

Russian strongman Vladimir Putin sent his best to Obama. So did the psychotic Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

Venezuelan Dictator Hugo Chavez also sent Obama his best.

Even a former U.S. president sent Barry his best-Former President Charles Logan. Here is his message:

Bravvvvo! Mr. President.

Congratulations on your re-election. I am in awe of your sublime unscrupulousness. I am amazed that anyone who has devastated America as you have can win re-election, but you did. I tip my hat to you sir.

You've wrecked the economy, and heaped insults upon the private sector. You've TARGETED entire industries! You've screwed the taxpayer, and showered your supporters with money as well as Obama Phones. And I thought I had no shame!

What you did with Benghazi was a masterstroke of outrage! I have witnessed you for the last four years, and wonder if indeed you were even born with a conscience! Your callousness amazes me, jetting off to Vegas while Americans are being murdered.

I can only wonder just what I could have gotten away with if I had ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, and MSNBC covering for me the way they suck up to you. Perhaps, I would have gotten away with the murder of former President David Palmer.

But there again, I also had Jack Bauer on my case. And my crazy wife.

Then there's Operation Fast And Furious. Selling guns to Mexican drug dealers? You are the most emotionally-detached, ethically-challenged, creepy individual I have ever seen, and I admire you.

As for your re-election campaign....It was a masterpiece of lies, sleaze, and fraud.

You and that magnificent sonofabitch Attorney General of yours trample on The Constitution is ways that I ( and the writers of "24") could never even imagine.

I salute you, Sir.

Fmr. President Charles Logan.

Monday, November 5, 2012

Behold, The Democrat Vote Fraud Machine

Presidential challenger Mitt Romney has opened a small lead on incumbent Barack Hussein Obama, yet many in the Obama media are telling us that Our Dear Leader has the lead.

Republicans are overlooking an important factor when looking at poll data. Democrats cheat and lie relentlessly.

They are trying to build a bandwagon effect, and discourage Romney supporters. They do this while accusing conservatives of voter suppression.

Lenny Curry, the Chairman of the Florida Republican Party, received a letter falsely stating that he is ineligible to vote. Many other Floridians have also received this letter.

They were all Republican. The authorities are looking into this.

In Ohio, or as Barack Obama spells it, Oiho, busloads of non-English speaking Somalis are being bussed around the state, and 'instructed' to vote for 'Brown'. Our sources believe that 'vote for Brown' means Ohio's uber-leftist Senator Sherrod Brown.

Hugh Hewitt wrote a book a while back, 'If It's Not Close, They Can't Cheat'. The radio host gives conservatives a heads-up concerning The Democrats penchant for dirty election tricks involving dead voters, Dems voting multiple times, and voter intimidation.

Here in Minnesota, we are voting on a new voter I.D. Law. Some Democrats believe that The Gopher State has no vote fraud problem. Of course, if you win elections by cheating, you're not going to see vote fraud as a problem.

I refer to Secretary of State Mark Ritchie and his cohorts as 'ElectionStealers R Us.'

All across America, Romney voters are complaining about touch screen machines that change votes for Romney into votes for Obama. It's strange that these machines never change an Obama vote to a vote for Romney. Your bushy-tailed correspondent recommends that you always triple-check your vote.

Recently, a plane carrying ballots for active duty military went down. I'm sure that was only a coincidence.

I think that Mitt Romney will have to win the popular vote by at least 7 points just to win a clear victory. Barack Obama and his armada of lawyers are ready to contest the election if it's even close.

Oh, and this just in: 40 buses from Chicago have arrived in Iowa. Must be vacationers or something.

If you see voter fraud, or something that doesn't look right, call The National Election Integrity Hotline at 855.444.6100.

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Team Obama Presents: Children Of The Damned

Adolf Hitler had his Hitler Youth, Communist Russia used the kids to spy on their own parents, and America has it's own communist president who's willing to use children to retain power.

In the new Obama campaign ad, Democrat larva sing 'We Are Children Of The Future.' With each excruciating verse, these brainwashed crumb-crunchers decry a host of horrors, and blame their parents. Here's a short sample:

We haven't killed all the polar bears / But it's not for lack of trying
The Earth is cracked / Big Bird is sacked
And the atmosphere is frying

We're the Children of the Future
American through and through
But something happened to our country
And we're kinda blaming you

Either Team Obama are trying to offend us, or they're trying to make us laugh. This unintentionally comical, ridiculous song begs to be parodied.

I prefer my version:

Obama killed the coal industry / He killed Keystone too
Solyndra's a fraud / He thinks that he's God
But we are blaming you

He attacks the private sector / and says ,'You din't build that.'
Corruption and sleaze / America on it's knees
He acts like a ten-year-old brat

Obama turned his back on Benghazi / while the consulate burned
Brave Americans were killed/ while the MSM shills
They don't seem concerned

Monday, October 29, 2012

Obama Keepin' It Classy

In the new Rolling Stone interview, Barack Obama referred to challenger Mitt Romney as 'a bullshitter'.

Oh great, we have a president who needs his mouth washed out with soap.

My First Time

This is a presidential campaign ad?          

26-year-old TV producer Lena Dunham is the star of "My First Time", the new Obama campaign ad. In it, she compares voting with losing your virginity.

It looks like Team Obama still hasn't NAILED DOWN their base of young, single liberal skanks.

Twitter has exploded with a bounty of parodies, so I thought that I would get into the act:

"Like.....your first time should be with a beautiful black man who is has his image on his own flag.

He should be mysterious. Those conservative meanies want to know about that crisis Benghazi. But take it from this 26-year-old womyn....Nobody needs to know. 

He understands young hipster chicks like me....Many of us of contraception! We should get free birth control, taxpayers should pay for it. Because, who wants to be punished WITH A BABY?!

So, your first time should be with the black guy....unless you're one of those RACISTS.

Obama has taken 300,000,000 Americans by the hand, then screwed them! So, you'll want someone who's EXPERIENCED. Sure, the second time will be even more painful than the first time. 

He supported the Lilly Ledbetter act. I don't know what the Lilly Ledbetter Act is, but I can say 'Lilly Ledbetter'.

He also sent guns to super-kewl, hunky drug dealers across the border. He soooo 'Miami Vice!'

So, I went into the voting booth and pulled the curtain, and picked up an OTD. YAY! 

Just remember, when you do it for the first time, you are also doing it with everyone HE'S done it with.

Thank you."

Monday, October 22, 2012

Doubleteam On Long Island

If last Tuesday night's townhall debate was a big WWE wrestling match, it would have gone something like this:

Tonight's townhall debate between Our Dear Leader and challenger Mitt Romney features guest referee Candy Crowley from CNN, and a seemingly unassuming studio audience of 'undecided' voters.

These 'undecideds' will ask the questions....and here comes the challenger Mitt Romney, former Governor of Massachusetts. Gosh, his hair is perfect. Ooh, and here comes The Champion, Our Dear Leader himself. It's clear to see that the champion is not going to give his President's World Champion Belt up without a fight.

After his Debacle In Denver, The President will have to keep his lies straight tonight.

And Candy Crowley rings the bell, and the Townhall debate starts....

One voter just asked The Champion what he knew about the attack in Benghazi. After a pointed back and forth with the challenger, the Champion is looking to our moderator, and she throws Mitt Romney head-first into the turnbuckle. Strangely enough, the audience appears to condone this.

Now, a woman (an Obama plant) is asking the challenger how is he different from former Champion George Dubya, and our combatants trade round-houses. Obama has gouged Romney's eyes, as Obama's wife Michelle breaks one of the debate rules by applauding.

It looks like Romney has just powerbombed The Champion into the floor following a question pertaining to the national budget. Oh, look fans! Romney has Obama in a sleeper....but moderator Crowley has told Romney to break the hold and sit down.

The Bamster took the opportunity to tell A Big Whopper, knocking the challenger nearly out of the ring.

Now, Romney is straightening his hair and tie, and he jump-kicks Obama during a discussion on Jobs and Unemployment. The Champion bails out of the ring. His eyes are crossed, and he shakes his head, clearing the cobwebs.

Wow, this is a real battle, folks. It looks like the time limit will run out. Romney was about to smash Obama's head in with his patented elbow smash, but moderator Candy Crowley has rang the bell. She has interrupted him repeatedly throughout the match.

Post-match analysis: Most pundits declared it a draw, with no clear winner. Following this match, it was determined that moderator Candy Crowley was out of bounds (and factually incorrect) in her double-team of Romney.

The final debate will be in Boca Raton,Florida, with WWE superstar The Undertaker in the studio audience. Rumor is that if moderator Bob Schieffer from CBS 'Face The Nation' tries shows extreme bias, the 'walking dead man' will lay the smackdown on the moderator....with a folded chair.

See you then. Good bye from the campus of Hofstra University. So long!

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Napolitano: Federal Reserve Bldg Bomber Fits Tea Party Profile

21-year-old terrorist mastermind Quazi Mohammad Rezwanul Ahsan Nafis was arrested on Wednesday, attempting to destroy The Federal Reserve Building in Manhattan. He wanted to disrupt the presidential election.

The genius thought that he had obtained a thousand-pound bomb, but made the mistake of dealing with undercover agents, and was arrested when he tried to detonate it.

Director of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano:

"As you know, we have been watching the Tea Party for the last couple years, and Mr. Nafis fits our profile as a possible terrorist. Quazi Mohammad Rexwanul Ahsan Nafis was definitely associated with a Tea Party group we have been surveiling. We're not  absolutely sure, but his name sounds quite Lutheran.

I just want to assure the American people that they are safe under my watch."

DHS Director Napolitano went on to say that Homeland Security officials are also hot on the trail of another Federal Reserve foe, Texas Congressman and former Presidential candidate Ron Paul.

UN Warns America: Do Not Elect Mitt Romney

Also in the news:

The United Nations will be monitoring America's presidential election, sending their international election monitors to polling stations across the nation. Meanwhile, the third-world dictators who run the UN are issuing a warning to America:

Do not elect Mitt Romney.

To this, America has replied:

Hey UN, why don't you go play hide and go f... yourself?

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Happy Halloween 2012 From The Obamas

Hello, it's the neighborhood bully once again, wishing you a happy Halloween.

The First Lady is already planning a terrific Halloween party. Malia and Sasha are helping their Mom as she shops for fun Halloween supplies.

Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid will be scary living lawn ornaments, scaring trick-or-treaters and guests alike. Nancy will be a terrifying witch and Harry will be The Crypt-Keeper. I understand that several House Republicans will try to crash our party dressed as dirty, out-of-work coalminers. Spoil sports.

Then, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and advisor Valerie Jarrett will both be arriving in their giant vagina costumes they stole from The Democratic National Convention.

Like last year, we'll have Solyndra execs and bosses from The Services Employee International Union bobbing for bribes in the Main Ballroom. This year, we're inviting you to our Halloween party, but you have to contribute to my re-election.

If you contribute $5 or more, you will be entered in a drawing. We will pick 2 winners who will be allowed in the same room with my friend and supporter, George Clooney.

Still, we are getting some folks who keep egging my house....uh....I mean, the PEOPLE'S White House. Darn those Twitter conservatives. This is what those right-wing meanies do when they're not hijacking my hashtags.

I'll have a special treat for all the out-of-work trick-or-treaters. Obama Phones in every bag!

You might be wondering what my Halloween costume will be. It involves a toilet seat hanging around my neck. Well, they call me an empty chair....

I can't wait for Halloween Night. It should be a real riot. I sure hope that this wonderful country can avoid the riots that will break out across America if I should somehow lose my bid for re-election, so ACORN and SCYTL better come through.

Finally, if for some reason you fail to have a Happy Halloween, just remember:

I inherited this holiday from the previous administration. Thank you.

The Vice-President Forgot His Ritalin

During the Vice-Presidential debate on Thursday night, Joe Biden laughed at, scowled, and interrupted counterpart Paul Ryan over 80 times. It appears that he also tried to blind his opponent, showing him his ultra bright teeth throughout the 90-minute debate.

He acted up like the 7-year old that the neighborhood hates. Perhaps Our Dear Leader forgot to give Crazy Joe his Ritalin or something.

Syndicated columnist Charles Krauthammer opined that Biden did a terrific impression of Jack Nicholson in 'The Shining'.

During the debate, he spinned several whoppers. He made the startling claim that the consulate in Benghazi didn't ask for help before the attack on September 11. He also spoke against both the Iraq and Afghanistan Wars, although Biden conveniently failed to mention that he voted to approve force in both cases.

As a Catholic, he approves of taxpayer-funded abortion. For some reason, the  discussion of bloodthirsty Iranian mullahs and 'nuclear weapon delivery systems'
seemed to hit Joe's funny bone.

But it was Biden's obnoxious, disturbing behavior that made him 'the star of the show'.  The debate was probably a draw, but Biden's incessant mugging and acting up probably costed the incumbent ticket the votes of Independent and women voters.

It appears that Biden has multiple mental disorders. Hairplug-Neuron Bidenosis? Hyena Complex? JackAssparger's Syndrome?

Our Vice-President is a nutcase. Someone should run some tests on him.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Stephanie Cutter: If It Weren't For That Meddling Romney

Our Dear Leader's Deputy Campaign Manager Stephanie Cutter sounds like a villain at the end of an episode of Scooby-Doo:

"The Obama Administration would have gotten away with lying about the Benghazi attacks if it weren't for that meddling Romney...."

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Finally, That All-Important Snoop Dogg Dorsement-Enizzle

I have been waiting for that important residential-pizzle dorsement-endizzle from Snoop Dogg to let me know who I should vote for on November 6.

Thank God that my wish came true yesterday, as the dope-smoking gangster-rapper imparted his political wisdom on the masses. He re-posted a list originally created by twitter user @DragonflyJonez. Here is a list why he WON'T be voting for Mitt Romney:

 1. He's a white ni..a
 2. This muthaf...a's name is Mitt
 3. B.... got a dancing horse.
 4  He a h..
 5. He looks like he say ni..a all the time
 6. This muthaf...a's name is Mitt
 7. He always interrupts and talks over people like he's better than them. B...I will beat the sh.. out of you
 8. He's a Mormon but he ain't got no hoes
 9. He reminds me of every boss I ever hated
10.The muthaf...a's name is Mitt

Here is a list why he will be casting his vote for Our Dear Leader:

 1. He's a black ni..a
 2. He mad cool yo.
 3. That ni..a look like he can fight.
 4. He wears a durag like me.
 5. Michelle got a 'fat a..'.
 6. He' BFF's with Jay-Z
 7. He's hugged Beyonce and sniffed her neck
 8. We use the same hair clippers
 9. He smokes Newports
10.I seen that ni..a hoop before and he got a jumper

Your bushy-tailed correspondent is thinking about going on a nice, long vacation. You don't even need me here.

Will Mark Levin Buy Sesame Street?

As the debate unfolded on Wednesday night, Mitt Romney suggested that as President he'll cut funding to the Public Broadcasting Company. He said that he liked Big Bird and debate moderator Jim Lehrer, but that Public Broadcasting could easily keep operating without the taxpayer's footing the bill.

Of course, you'd expect the left to have a hissy fit over that.

Sesame Street earns hundreds of millions of dollars a year on merchandising alone. Even the producers readily admit that they don't really need taxpayer money to keep The Children's Television Workshop going.

Enter conservative talker Mark Levin. Late last week, he proposed that he and a team of investors buy Sesame Street. Your bushy-tailed correspondent finds this idea intriguing, for there could be big changes in store if a big-name conservative suddenly took over the show:

For instance, Levin could hire his old boss, Edwin Meese, to teach Bert and Ernie about The Constitution.

Conservative author and Twitter maven Kurt Schlichter could be hired to host a daily segment, #ConservativeLifeCoach. He could wear a whistle around his neck, and teach all the 26-year-old children how to behave like self-sustaining adults.

I'm also hearing rumours that talk-show host and Sesame Street beat reporter Guy Smiley may be replaced by this guy.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Obama's Denver Debacle

On Wednesday night, presidential challenger Mitt Romney resembled Manny Pacquio, riddling Our Glorious Incumbent with an impressive command of facts and life experience. Barack Obama spent the night getting his head snapped back repeatedly.

The challenger offered practical solutions, while the incumbent wanted to get into a ideological fight. Mitt Romney knows the economy because that's what he does. Everything that Obama knows about the economy he learned in a college faculty lounge.

The challenger had debated other terrific Republican candidates earlier this year, while Our Glorious Leader spends his time sharing yuks with Letterman, Fallon, and the ladies at The View. The President was used to speaking before adoring, swooning supporters. On Wednesday night, he tried to speak of  'evil corporations sending jobs overseas', but kept getting interrupted. Darn that debate format.

By the time it was over, Democratic strategists were in shock.

Yet, it could have been even worse. The former Massachusetts Governor could have used the words 'money-laundering scheme' to describe Solyndra- and that the money could've hired 2,000,000 teachers.

The President and his challenger will debate two more times. The next debate will concentrate on foreign affairs. I'd like to know how Obama will defend his horrendous record. Recently, he jetted off to Las Vegas as our ambassador Chris Stevens was being raped and murdered by a bloodthirsty, psychotic mob. Perhaps The President had a high-level meeting with advisers Siegried and Roy.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

What Has Happened To This Country?

                                                        1951. I Like Ike

                                         1984. It's Morning Again In America

                               2012: Vote Like Your Lady Parts Depend On It       

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Open Letter To The Muslim Brotherhood

With all the horrible news coming out of the Middle East in recent days, your bushy-tailed correspondent thinks that this is a good time to send a message to our Muslim neighbors:


My name is J. RedSquirrel, and I'm an American. Real Americans believe in the freedom of speech, an important freedom which is guaranteed in The First Amendment of The United States Constitution. In America, citizens are free to speak without being hassled by the government or burned at the stake.

Our current President supposedly knows this, having taught Constitutional Law at one time.

Talk radio superstar Rush Limbaugh, as well as the leftist nut jobs from MSNBC are free to say whatever is on their mind. You can also express yourself through your writings, as well as contributing your money to your favorite candidate.

This month, we've noticed a threat to freedom. A video has been blamed for inciting riots in the Middle East. The new Egyptian leader Mohamed Morsi has suggested that America be more shariah-compliant. Mr. Morsi, I sincerely hope you read this.

America will never bow to shariah. You can only make us mad.

I am willing to help you out of your cultural rut. You guys seem stuck somewhere in the 11th century, so let me help you out.

I notice that Moslem men are real uptight about women. You stick 'em in burkas, you don't let 'em go to school, and you don't even let them drive.

On the other hand, American men love women. We love looking at them. They're fun to be around. We work side by side with them. I keep hearing horror stories about how you treat women.

I hear that when your daughter is raped, you bury her up to her neck, then throw stones at her until she's dead. Where I come from, that's sick.

I also hear that you are trying to bring your warped worldview to America. I must warn you. If you even try to put the women of America in burkas, the men of America will kill you.   

Another thing about Americans- We make fun of each other. Liberal and conservatives rip on each other all the time. We're also free to make fun of religions. If you can't laugh at your prophet 'Mo', you'll never fit in.

Sincerely, America.

P.S.- Hey Mohamed Morsi, one more thing. I got your blasphemy right here....

We're Gonna Party Like It's 799

Let's keep the hits a' coming. Yesterday I was listening to Glenn Beck as he and the boys made some fun of the Muslim Brotherhood.

They referenced "1999", Prince's iconic hit from 1983. Here is my remake in honor of our friends in the Middle East.

I was dreaming when I read this, I read it in The Holy Quran
Our cleric told me to kill you, so I strapped on this bomb
We have to clear the way for the 12th Imam
So Mahmoud is working on this nuclear device in Iran
Because we say 2,000 twelve twelve party over, Oops, out of time.
So we're gonna party like it's 799.

You better accept Shariah, or we'll chop off your head
We won't stop until the infidels are all dead
So join in the party of The Muslim Brotherhood
You'll be our dhimmi, or we will shed your blood

It's 2,000 twelve twelve party over, Oops, out of time.
So we're gonna party like it's 799.

Living On A Prayer 2012

Last Spring, 80's rawk icon Jon Bon Jovi took a ride on Obama's Air Force One, so we at The RedSquirrel Report gave him a good ribbing.

I was thinking about Bon Jovi's big hit, "Living On A Prayer". If you remember, the song about desperate times came out during that horrible time of economic degradation ....The Decade of Reagan.

Whatever happened to Tommy and Gina?

Now our economy is in the toilet, and our working-class hero Jon Bon Jovi is jetting around with our Cloward and Piven disciple Barack Hussein Obama, and attending glitzy fundraisers while the middle class has it's incomes stolen by QE3.

What America really needs is for our Jersey-born troubadour to make a remake of this iconic song of the 80's, and update it. It would go something like this:

Tommy used to work at the coal mine
Obama took his job, now he's down on his luck- It's tough. So tough.
Gina worked at Solyndra
It was a money-laundering scheme that went belly-up.- So tough.

She says, "These food stamps is all we got.
as we wave goodbye to our foreclosed lot.
Just like Fast and Furious, our future's shot
But we love Obama. We're proud Obots."

Bon Jovi, like he cares
If we are Living On A Prayer
As he rides around on Obama Air
While we're Living On A Prayer


Thursday, September 27, 2012

You Make The Call

 The NFL Referees Association ended their strike last night, and will return to work. On Monday night, the talk across the country was about the terrible officiating in the Monday Night Football game between the Seattle Seahawks and the Green Bay Packers.

Limbaugh made some comparisons between the replacement refs and Our Little Leader, so I thought I'd get into the act. It seems every day your Red Squirrel ref would like to throw the yellow flag at Obama and members of his Administration:

"We have taunting the loyal opposition, as well as the private sector." ("You didn't build that.")

"We have offensive interference committed against private business." (Obama vs. Keystone, Obama vs. coal, Obama vs. Boeing, Obama vs. Gibson Guitars, Obama vs. The Catholic Church).

"Upon further review, Obama Care is overturned."

"Members of The Obama Campaign went Out Of Bounds. Roughing the opponent." (Mitt Romney is a felon. Where are Mitt Romney's tax records? Mitt Romney killed Joe Soptic's wife)

This gang from Chicago reminds me of the old Oakland Raiders. Sheesh.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

America Just Threw Up

The Narcissist-in-Chief has no time for our ally Benjamin Netanyahu of Israel, but he made time to appear on The Late Show with David Letterman last week.

While Egypt erupts, Benghazi burns, our economy suffers, the Muslim Brotherhood threatens us, and state-run media hides the truth, he and FLOTUS appeared on the cluck-fest known as ABC's The View yesterday, where he said the following:

"I've been told I'm just 'eye candy' here.

It's not even October, but I've already barfed up my Halloween candy. Here is a picture of an average, normal American reacting to Our Dear Leader's quote:

Our Dear Leader Desecrates Our Flag....Again

Earlier this year, Our Narcissist-in-Chief introduced the new Obama flag. Someone should have told him that Americans pledge allegiance to the flag, not to a king, or a dictator.

Obama's image appeared in the blue field where the stars belong.

Last week, the Obama Campaign introduced ANOTHER flag. This one has his little emblem, and what looks like orange smear marks where the bold, red stripes belong.

What the hell is wrong with this clown? Are we supposed to pledge allegiance to HIM?
"I pledge allegiance to the desecrated flag of the Empty Chair Dictator of The nation formerly known as The United States of  America....and to The People's Republic for which we're coerced to stand....a nation under Obama...subjugated by him and his leftist Czars...with misery and injustice for all...."   

Just over a week ago, our Ambassador Chris Stevens was raped and murdered by a blood-crazed Islamic mob in Benghazi, Libya.

The orange smears on the new Obama flag bear a striking resemblance to the smeared blood that stained the walls close to where Ambassador Stevens was brutally killed.                             

The stars and stripes is our American flag, in war and peace. We put our hands over our hearts and pledge allegiance to the red, white, and blue. Where does this anti-American impostor get off desecrating our flag and country? If he has a problem with our flag he should leave, and go back to Kenya, or Indonesia, or wherever the hell he comes from.

Friday, September 21, 2012

Our Brand New RSR Presidential Poll Has Arrived!

In our brand-new RSR Presidential Poll, we asked 737 registered living and dead Americans who they planned to vote for on November 6.

President Obama enjoys a 7-point lead over challenger Mitt Romney. We over-sampled Democrats by +14%.

Many of our dead respondents were Republicans before they died. All of the dead respondents will be voting for the incumbent.

We also asked our respondents when they usually got out of bed. Most hung up on our pollster, but some of the respondents answered the question. Among those who get up before 10:00 am, Romney leads by 22%.

Among those who get up after 12:00 noon, Obama enjoys a whopping 46% lead.

Obama also enjoys huge leads among 26-year-old children and drug addicts.

They might as well cancel the election.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Obama: Viva Las Vegas

As American Ambassador to Libya Christopher Stevens was being sodomized and murdered by a bloodthirsty Islamist mob, our emotionally detached Celeb-in-Chief was taking a trip to the glitzy lights and fun of Las Vegas.

After all, a murdered ambassador isn't really a crisis. The only crisis in the mind of Our Dear Leader is that he's behind challenger Mitt Romney in some presidential polls. So, as Egypt erupts and Benghazi burns, this shameless, soulless weirdo flew to Vegas for a yet ANOTHER fundraiser.

Well, the Vegas lights are calling me, as Benghazi is set on fire
If I don't raise more money for my campaign, than I will be retired
I got cronys waiting on me....with money to burn
and also some lefties....with huge concerns
I'll spin the wheel, and watch the wheel turn

Viva Las Vegas
Viva Las Vegas


Sunday, September 16, 2012

Meet Karen Lewis: Head Of The Chicago Teacher's Union

Teachers in the Chicago Public School system went on strike last week. The union is dead-set against evaluating teacher's job performance. I guess you could say they're fighting for their right to do a crappy job.

Meet Karen Lewis, the head of the Chicago Public School Teacher's Union.

Lewis is infamous for her a tough-talking, confrontational style. This terrifying creature bears a strong resemblance to Jabba the Hut. Ms. Lewis and the intergalactic bounty hunter has never been seen together in the same room.

The RedSquirrel Report spoke to Ms. Lewis about the strike:

RSR: Why did the teacher's union go on strike?

KL: Moah money...teesha evalwashion NOOOOOO!!!!! No teesha evalwashion....

RSR: An average teacher in Chicago makes over $70,000 plus generous benefits. An average resident in Chicago averages only about $30,000 a year. We're also in a serious recession. Is this really the best time to go on strike?

KL: Moah money goooood....Kids stooopid.....Uniaaaan POWAAAAAA!!!!.....

RSR: Mayor Rahm Emanuel expressed a desire for this strike to end quickly. What do you hope for?

KL: Jabba wants POWAAAAA....Moah money....STRIKE!!!! Me laugh hahahaha at taxpayaaaaaaa....suckahs....Jabba loves picket line....Jabba uses stupid students....They carry our signs....They join with uuuniaaaan.

RSR: What do you think about school choice?

KL: NOOOO! No choice.....nevah......We bought politicians....They work for Jabba....
Jabba has fat belly but Jabba has sharp elbows!! It's been ten minutes an' Jabba hasn't eat....Get in my belly, squirrel!

RSR: Good heavens! Well, this is a good time to end this interview. This is your bushy-tailed correspondent....Holy crap! Jabba the Thug is chasing me! Start the car!