Thursday, September 27, 2012

You Make The Call

 The NFL Referees Association ended their strike last night, and will return to work. On Monday night, the talk across the country was about the terrible officiating in the Monday Night Football game between the Seattle Seahawks and the Green Bay Packers.

Limbaugh made some comparisons between the replacement refs and Our Little Leader, so I thought I'd get into the act. It seems every day your Red Squirrel ref would like to throw the yellow flag at Obama and members of his Administration:

"We have taunting the loyal opposition, as well as the private sector." ("You didn't build that.")

"We have offensive interference committed against private business." (Obama vs. Keystone, Obama vs. coal, Obama vs. Boeing, Obama vs. Gibson Guitars, Obama vs. The Catholic Church).

"Upon further review, Obama Care is overturned."

"Members of The Obama Campaign went Out Of Bounds. Roughing the opponent." (Mitt Romney is a felon. Where are Mitt Romney's tax records? Mitt Romney killed Joe Soptic's wife)

This gang from Chicago reminds me of the old Oakland Raiders. Sheesh.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

America Just Threw Up

The Narcissist-in-Chief has no time for our ally Benjamin Netanyahu of Israel, but he made time to appear on The Late Show with David Letterman last week.

While Egypt erupts, Benghazi burns, our economy suffers, the Muslim Brotherhood threatens us, and state-run media hides the truth, he and FLOTUS appeared on the cluck-fest known as ABC's The View yesterday, where he said the following:

"I've been told I'm just 'eye candy' here.

It's not even October, but I've already barfed up my Halloween candy. Here is a picture of an average, normal American reacting to Our Dear Leader's quote:

Our Dear Leader Desecrates Our Flag....Again

Earlier this year, Our Narcissist-in-Chief introduced the new Obama flag. Someone should have told him that Americans pledge allegiance to the flag, not to a king, or a dictator.

Obama's image appeared in the blue field where the stars belong.

Last week, the Obama Campaign introduced ANOTHER flag. This one has his little emblem, and what looks like orange smear marks where the bold, red stripes belong.

What the hell is wrong with this clown? Are we supposed to pledge allegiance to HIM?
"I pledge allegiance to the desecrated flag of the Empty Chair Dictator of The nation formerly known as The United States of  America....and to The People's Republic for which we're coerced to stand....a nation under Obama...subjugated by him and his leftist Czars...with misery and injustice for all...."   

Just over a week ago, our Ambassador Chris Stevens was raped and murdered by a blood-crazed Islamic mob in Benghazi, Libya.

The orange smears on the new Obama flag bear a striking resemblance to the smeared blood that stained the walls close to where Ambassador Stevens was brutally killed.                             

The stars and stripes is our American flag, in war and peace. We put our hands over our hearts and pledge allegiance to the red, white, and blue. Where does this anti-American impostor get off desecrating our flag and country? If he has a problem with our flag he should leave, and go back to Kenya, or Indonesia, or wherever the hell he comes from.

Friday, September 21, 2012

Our Brand New RSR Presidential Poll Has Arrived!

In our brand-new RSR Presidential Poll, we asked 737 registered living and dead Americans who they planned to vote for on November 6.

President Obama enjoys a 7-point lead over challenger Mitt Romney. We over-sampled Democrats by +14%.

Many of our dead respondents were Republicans before they died. All of the dead respondents will be voting for the incumbent.

We also asked our respondents when they usually got out of bed. Most hung up on our pollster, but some of the respondents answered the question. Among those who get up before 10:00 am, Romney leads by 22%.

Among those who get up after 12:00 noon, Obama enjoys a whopping 46% lead.

Obama also enjoys huge leads among 26-year-old children and drug addicts.

They might as well cancel the election.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Obama: Viva Las Vegas

As American Ambassador to Libya Christopher Stevens was being sodomized and murdered by a bloodthirsty Islamist mob, our emotionally detached Celeb-in-Chief was taking a trip to the glitzy lights and fun of Las Vegas.

After all, a murdered ambassador isn't really a crisis. The only crisis in the mind of Our Dear Leader is that he's behind challenger Mitt Romney in some presidential polls. So, as Egypt erupts and Benghazi burns, this shameless, soulless weirdo flew to Vegas for a yet ANOTHER fundraiser.

Well, the Vegas lights are calling me, as Benghazi is set on fire
If I don't raise more money for my campaign, than I will be retired
I got cronys waiting on me....with money to burn
and also some lefties....with huge concerns
I'll spin the wheel, and watch the wheel turn

Viva Las Vegas
Viva Las Vegas


Sunday, September 16, 2012

Meet Karen Lewis: Head Of The Chicago Teacher's Union

Teachers in the Chicago Public School system went on strike last week. The union is dead-set against evaluating teacher's job performance. I guess you could say they're fighting for their right to do a crappy job.

Meet Karen Lewis, the head of the Chicago Public School Teacher's Union.

Lewis is infamous for her a tough-talking, confrontational style. This terrifying creature bears a strong resemblance to Jabba the Hut. Ms. Lewis and the intergalactic bounty hunter has never been seen together in the same room.

The RedSquirrel Report spoke to Ms. Lewis about the strike:

RSR: Why did the teacher's union go on strike?

KL: Moah money...teesha evalwashion NOOOOOO!!!!! No teesha evalwashion....

RSR: An average teacher in Chicago makes over $70,000 plus generous benefits. An average resident in Chicago averages only about $30,000 a year. We're also in a serious recession. Is this really the best time to go on strike?

KL: Moah money goooood....Kids stooopid.....Uniaaaan POWAAAAAA!!!!.....

RSR: Mayor Rahm Emanuel expressed a desire for this strike to end quickly. What do you hope for?

KL: Jabba wants POWAAAAA....Moah money....STRIKE!!!! Me laugh hahahaha at taxpayaaaaaaa....suckahs....Jabba loves picket line....Jabba uses stupid students....They carry our signs....They join with uuuniaaaan.

RSR: What do you think about school choice?

KL: NOOOO! No choice.....nevah......We bought politicians....They work for Jabba....
Jabba has fat belly but Jabba has sharp elbows!! It's been ten minutes an' Jabba hasn't eat....Get in my belly, squirrel!

RSR: Good heavens! Well, this is a good time to end this interview. This is your bushy-tailed correspondent....Holy crap! Jabba the Thug is chasing me! Start the car!

Thursday, September 13, 2012

I'm Developing A List Of Reverse-Racial Code Words

Legendary songwriter Bob Dylan used to joke that he was payed by the word. Many people are payed by the hour. MSNBC host Toure' is payed to say stupid, outrageous things, usually of a racial nature.

If he's payed by the stupid, inflammatory statement, MSNBC should give him a raise.

It also appears that he has become the unofficial keeper of the imaginary dictionary of racial code-words. Toure' recently added the word, 'crime', to this ever-expanding list of racial code words!

In the world of political correctness, the speech code rules the day, especially on the college campus. There are words that will get whites (well, conservatives) a citation from the speech police if you're caught using them.

I've decided that it's only fair to develop a REVERSE-racial speech code. These are words and phrases that I THINK racially-sensitive libs and minorities should not be allowed to say in the presence of any Caucasian. At some point, I'd like to introduce this idea to the universities all across America.

Who knows? Someday we will compile a master (did I just say 'master'?) list, and create our own imaginary dictionary.

Here's just a few words and phrases I've compiled thus far:

European-American, punctuality (or 'White-people's time), crackers, honkeys, peckerwoods, skin-heads, or TEXANS....

Hee-Haw, standing your ground, straight hair, pale-faced, colonialism, non-dairy creamer, Uncle Tom, Uncle Sam, terrific grades, taxpayers....

This is just the beginning. I am through being oppressed!

As Obama Fiddled

On Tuesday, Our Dear Leader and his Administration was caught with it's pants around it's ankles, as Islamist mobs in Egypt and Benghazi, Libya rioted.

It was September 11, and nobody saw it coming. In recent weeks, Our Child Dictator has blown off numerous national security briefings. Instead, the Fundraiser-in-Chief has spent much of his time begging donors for campaign cash.

On Tuesday (September 11) Our Ambassador to Libya, J. Christopher Stevens, was brutally raped and murdered by a psychotic mob, as Obama fiddled.

Republican Presidential candidate Mitt Romney made a statement. After all, somebody had to. President Empty Chair reacted by empathizing with the Islamist mob. Then, Obama's Secretary of State Hillary Clinton lied to America, telling us it was the friendly mob that tried to help our Ambassador get to the hospital, as Obama fiddled.

The attack on Ambassador Stevens was blamed on a videographer who made a YouTube vid about Mohammad, supposedly inflaming the mob. The Obama State Department released a statement warning against hurting the 'feelings' of these bloodthirsty animals.

Meanwhile Israeli President Benyamin Netanyahu was attempting to arrange a meeting with Our Child Dictator, but President Barack Kardashian was busy with something REALLY important....

He's scheduled to appear on The Late Show With David Letterman, where Obama will probably fiddle some more.

Then, Obama flew to Las Vegas for yet ANOTHER fundraiser Wednesday Night.

Our people are being brutally murdered, yet Obama seems emotionally detached. Even as he reassures the American people that the guilty will be brought to justice, he sounds like a soulless automaton. He sounds cold, and appears to be bored by other people's suffering.

Benghazi burns, Egypt erupts, America is out of work, as Obama fiddles.

Monday, September 10, 2012

And The DNC Sinned A Great Sin

In Cecille B. DeMille's 1956 epic "The Ten Commandments", Moses (Charlton Heston) returns from the mountaintop with the stone tablets, where he's met by Joshua (John Derek). The young stone cutter tells the grey-haired prophet that while he was away receiving God's law, the newly-freed Hebrew slaves had become sinful and disobedient.

DeMille the narrator then describes the frenzy of sinning, drunkenness, lust, violence and perversion. The corrupted men of Israel were busy chasing the women around and engaging in knife fights.

As I watched last week's Democrat National Convention, I imagined the great narrator's voice in my mind, as those wacky DEMS went NUTS. It appeared as if The DNC was DESIGNED to stick a finger in the eye of God himself:

And it came to pass, that the party of donkeys sinned a GREAT sin against all that is good and decent.

The delegates wore gaudy, even grotesque hats, and festooned themselves. Some even fashioned giant vagina costumes....

The children of the DNC insulted those in Christ, and held a Jumah instead.

Then a woman of loose morals came forth, and demanded thirty pieces of GOLD, so that she could afford a supply of sheaths.

They shook their fist at God and the great city of Jerusalem, as Antonio the Inept from the City of Lost Angels made a mockery of the voice vote....

They celebrated baby sacrifice at the alter of their God NARAL. Their leader appeared, resembling the man-woman Chaz Bono....

Prince Rahm-Emanuel spoke as violence and death and murder engulfed the city of Chicago.

Then Queen Michelle spoke, saying, "Surely, me and my boastful husband Obama are just poor little lambs!"

Then, a woman with an unclean spirit began clucking like a chicken with a demon inside her. The crowd cheered Jennifer Granholm.

Then, the great deceiver BUBBUH arrived, and lies filled the convention center. The Godless conventioneers cheered, as the angels cried.

Then the Sodomites celebrated, and there was much revelry. An illegal alien was invited to speak.

The golden man-child King Obama, which the news media created and idolized, spoke,
saying,"Surely, ye can vote for me instead of that Mormon,,,,Yeah, I will need four more years to tax the wealthy as well as the merchant." 

The scribes at MSNBC said, "The speeches gave me a tingly feeling in my leg....and it was good."

Woe unto you, Democrats. You have sinned a great sin against all that is good. If Obama wins in November, Woe be unto all of us.

Day 2 DNC: Bubba Broke My TruthTeller 3000

In the 1990's there was a hit on the country charts, "Bubba Shot The Jukebox". I thought that it would be interesting to run former President Bill Clinton's Wednesday night speech through our TruthTeller 3000.

As Dierks Bentley's song goes, "What was I thinking?"

Let's just say that Bubba Blew Up the TruthTeller 3000.

Within 10 minutes, TruthTeller 3000 began smoking, as Clinton spoke to the swooning delegates at the DNC. The impeached former president's speech was an impressive blitzkrieg of false facts, straw men, legendary Clintionian double-talk, bait-and-switch, misdirection, sarcasm, multiple false-narratives, and crowd-pleasin' Democrat jabberwocky.

Perhaps the most telling line of his speech was when he asked his people, "Are we better off than we were four years ago?" 

Thousands of Clinton worshippers, mostly NEA unionistas, government employees, Service Employee International Union thugs, and lefty activists  yelled,"Yes!!!!"

Thursday, September 6, 2012

The Highlight From Day One At The DNC

Day One at The Democrat National Convention featured the speech from First Lady Michelle Obama.  She wowed those in attendance, speaking about her hard-knock early days in prep school, the expensive law schools she and her husband attended, as well as getting by on their six-figure salaries.

She also told those in attendance that her husband didn't believe in 'us vs. them', in regards to his political opponents, as long as the 'them' aren't Republicans, conservatives, small business owners, Constitutionalists, FOXNEWS, guitar companies, non-union shops, the State of Arizona, all of the states suing over ObamaCare, Catholics, talk radio, Glenn Beck, or those dubbed 'racists'.

The BS flowed quite nicely off her tongue, and she appeared happy and relaxed. All of those expensive, taxpayer-funded vacays appears to have really done wonders for her.

After the state-run news media refused to air any of the numerous speeches delivered by minorities at last week's Republican National Convention, we here at the RedSquirrel Report are happy to report that all the cable news channels (as well as the networks) aired this terrific speech.

To not air this speech would have been simply disgraceful. It's good to know that our friends from the state-run news media will be airing speeches from minority speakers this week.

After last week, I was starting to think that MSNBC had a problem with minorities.

What Did Clint Eastwood Do?

I don't believe that anyone has ever taken to the stage of a major political party's convention, and performed improvisational political comedy before.

Clint Eastwood made history a week ago at the 2012 Republican National Convention, using an empty chair as a stage prop. Speaking to the empty chair as if he were speaking to Our Dear Leader, it looked like something Bob Newhart would do.

At first, I didn't know what the 82-year-old screen legend was doing up there. He seemed to sputter. He also took long pauses, and appeared to be searching for what to say next. It looked like the friendly GOP delegates were trying a little too hard to help him out with laughter.

Then, when he said, "When the guy doesn't do the job, we have to let 'em go," I got it. This wasn't just for the GOP party faithful- He was speaking unscripted for all Americans with common sense.

Here is a legend of the silver screen who gets America.

What is the best thing about the empty chair? Maybe it's the fact that it couldn't talk back, annoying us with typical Obama BS, like,"Just let me be clear".  After hearing Our Dear Leader's empty promises and demagoguery for over three years, it was fun to see Eastwood mock Obama.

He told the empty chair what many of us would like to tell Obama.

In the week that followed Eastwood's performance, thousands of Americans have taken comical photos of empty chairs, and put them on the Internet. The empty chair has caught on as a symbol of a president that isn't getting the job done.

Monday, September 3, 2012

Todd Akin, Candidate From The Future

It was two weeks ago when that genius Todd Akin appeared on Missouri television KTVI's "The Jaco Report," and in answering a question pertaining to abortion after rape, told the host:

People always want to try to make that as one of those things, well, how do you slice this particularly tough sort of ethical question. It seems to me, first of all, from what I understand from doctors, that's really rare. If it's a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down. But let's assume that maybe that didn't work or something. You know, I think there should be some punishment, but the punishment ought to be on the rapist and not attacking the child.

The RedSquirrel Report has learned that Todd Akin is from the distant future. He appears to be like the man from that episode of "The Outer Limits" ("The Sixth Finger"), who steps into the teleportation booth, and comes out many thousands of years more evolved than we. His large forehead contains much information, yet he hasn't really grasped female reproduction as we know it.

In HIS world, a woman CAN shut it down, there's no such thing as rape, and all pregnancies are planned.

Since Akin made his strange statement, the DEMS have jumped all over his gaffe, making the claim that this is what Republicans really think. Meanwhile, nearly all Republicans are distancing themselves from the candidate, wishing that Akin would have just stayed 20,000 years in the future.

We've also learned that Akin's Democrat opponent, unpopular incumbent Claire McCaskill, gave Akin $1.5 million for his primary run. Somehow, the McCaskill Campaign must have found out that Akin was woefully ignorant on basic female reproduction-in the year 2012.

Also, it seems that a lot of Missouri Democrats wanted Todd Akin to win the Republican Primary, so they took advantage of The Show-Me State's open primary. and voted for the conservative from the distant future. Here's another photo of Akin, from the year 102,567.

Todd Akin was born in the year 21,952, and he has a lot to learn.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

How About A Theme Song For MSNBC?

Well, those loony kids at MSNBC really went bat shit at the Republican National Convention, didn't they?  Certifiable leftist nut-jobs Chis Matthews, Ed Schultz, Rachel Maddow, and 'meltdown with' Lawrence O'Donnell were practically seeing and hearing 10-foot racist rabbits.

I'd like to see MSNBC introduce a new theme song for the upcoming Fall season. May I suggest "Brain Damage" from the classic Pink Floyd album "Dark Side Of The Moon"?

The lunatics are on the air
The lunatics are on the air
FOXNEWS is killing us in the ratings-and it's not fair
The lunatics are on the air

We got racism in our heads
We got racism in our heads
We are bats in the attic Rachel, Chris, Lawrence, and the Ed
We should be strapped in a bed

Our TV Critic: Not Impressed With RNC Coverage

Dear NBC, ABC, CBS....

Your liberal bias was on display last week, as you refused to televise any speech delivered by minority speakers during last week's Republican National Convention.

Terrific speeches by former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, Texas Senatorial candidate Ted Cruz, Democrat-turned-Republican Artur Davis, and newcomer Mia Love were not aired.

Many Americans believe that you refused to air these speeches because you will not allow the American people to see that members of minority groups can also be a Republican.

This sort of media bias is shameful, and your dishonesty is disgusting.

I must say it. I was not impressed.

Everything You Say Is Racist

Good morning, fellow racists....

Have you seen those crazy kids over at MSNBC lately? It appears that Obama's favorite cable 'news' channel has become quite a racially-obsessed rabbit hole as of late.

Meanwhile, Your liberal overlords in state-run media and in academia are developing a speech code for a better, politically correct America. For a liberal, you can stop a debate in it's tracks if you just remember to accuse your Republican opponent of 'being a racist.'

So listen up, America. Here are just the latest entries in the ever-expanding list of words, phrases, and activities our leftist overlords deem racially unacceptable. Also, note that the list grows almost daily, and it's your responsibility to educate yourself on these changes.

Voter ID laws, state's rights, The Constitution, saying "You people.", mentioning food stamps or welfare, mentioning gun violence, referring to urban centers, any criticism of Barack Obama. not praising Barack Obama, Not voting for Barack Obama....

Black holes, brown-outs, in the red, in the black, black sheep, taking a nap, being niggardly, asking a black employee "why are you late?"....

Referring to Chicago, Standing Your Ground, self-defence, protecting your property, protecting your life, protecting your family....

American exceptionalism, our founding fathers, Republicans, the word 'angry', the south, the Professional Golfer's Association, as well as the phrase 'holding down the fort'....

That's all for now. I'll have more later.