Thursday, October 30, 2014
Happy Halloween 2014 From The Obamas
The First Lady and our Senior Advisers, Malia and Sasha are gorging on candy in the East Wing. They are waiting for trick-or-treaters, who will be getting healthy dried fruit and carrot sticks in their sacks.
Right now, I'm planning a great big October surprise for the country. If you think that Obamacare is scary now, just wait until AFTER Election Day!
I tricked millions of low-information voters into voting for me, and now these terrified Americans are SCREAMING over getting their health plans cancelled. I am also planning a great big executive amnesty for millions of aliens.
Oh look, The White House Halloween Bash is just getting started. FLOTUS is going as The Terminator, although I think her arms are actually bigger than Ahnold's.
We've invited some Walking Dead Democrat Voters, lead by The Crypt-Keeper, Majority Leader Harry Reid. Oh, and look....Nancy Pelosi is arriving as The Thing That Wouldn't Blink.
Here comes Secretary of State John Kerry as Lurch. He doesn't even need make-up or a mask. And look, it's The Great Pumpkin! Oh wait, it's only New Jersey Governor Chris Christie.
I understand that they're not trick-or-treating in Ferguson, Missouri this year. All the stores have been looted, and the candy is all gone.
As always we have our Obama White House traditions, including a tub where guests can go bobbing for bribes. It's always a big hit with our cronies and S.E.I.U. union bosses.
This party will keep going until I declare Martial Law, or until my ghoulish health care czar Zeke Emmanuel tells everybody to make their 'final exit.'
Just remember, if you are dissatisfied with this holiday:
I inherited this holiday from the previous administration.