Thursday, March 29, 2012

Roseanne's Reign Of Terror Continues

Psychotic ex-comedienne Roseanne Barr took a break from her vanity Presidential campaign to re-tweet the home address of George Zimmerman's parents. Apparently, the Green Party candidate was feeling jealous of the attention that director Spike Lee was getting, and wanted to nudge him off the front page. That Rosey is such a publicity hog.

Yesterday, the unhinged director of "Do The Right Thing" had re-tweeted the home address of David and Elaine McClain, thinking that was Trayvon Martin shooter George Zimmerman's address.

Perhaps Roseanne, America's self-appointed voice of sanity, believed that if some crazed stalker can kill George Zimmerman's parents, then their son would cease to exist, and that in turn, would bring Trayvon Martin back to life. Kill three people so that you can bring one back.

Sounds perfectly logical to me.

Rosey (a.k.a. the Red Queen), a Green Party candidate, has recently suggested that the wealthy must give up their wealth, or be sent to the guillotine.

If you would like to come and see Roseanne Barr, she will be having a fundraiser at The Athens Lunatic Asylum in Athens, Ohio on April 1.

And after that, she will attend another fundraiser in Hollywood sometime in May.

Update: Roseanne erased the tweet in question. whew!

Why Is Pat Robertson Talking About Football?

Hi, folks. Today on the 700 Club, I am going to talk about football. As you know, those heathens, the Denver Broncos, have sent God's Favorite QB Tim Tebow to the New York Jets. Now, because the Broncos have exiled this fine Christian, I am predicting pestilence, frogs, and locusts to rain down on them, and they may finish 0-16 next season.

God bless the New York Jets! May the blessings of God shine on this fine franchise! I only hope that their current QB Rick Sanchez doesn't get angry if he loses the starting job. Remember when Cain lost his cool, and BRAINED his brother Abel with a rock?

I pray that Head Coach Rex Ryan will put together the best offensive line to protect Tebow, and his terrible arm.

Alas, the Denver Broncos went and got Peyton Manning, who left the Indianapolis Colts. He has a bad neck, but hasn't called our prayer line yet. I am not sure if God will completely heal his neck, since he has joined that team of HEATHENS.

One team that will incur the full wrath of GOD is the New Orleans Saints. They play dirty, and I am PRAYING for a hurricane that will break the levees, and flood The Superdome! In the name of the father, the son, and the holy hosts at the CBS, NBC, and FOX Pregame shows....

God bless Jeremy Shockey, for we believe that he is the Saint who spilled the beans on that bounty business. If he confesses the sins of that team, he should be forgiven.

But there again, nobody likes a snitch.

I have a prophesy that the New York Jets will win the Superbowl, 63-40. Go Tebow!


Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Mr. Jay-Z Goes To Washington

I am a little embarrassed to admit this, but your bushy-tailed correspondent almost missed this story, with all of the the Trayvon Martin news and the goings on at The Supreme Court this week.

Today, rapper/entrepreneur Jay-Z (Representative Shawn Carter-All Night Party) won a special election in New York last week, and was sworn in today as the new Congressman from the State of New York.

And today, he took to the floor, and rocked The House. He took to the mic and rapped, as some of his new colleagues 'waved their arms in the air like they just didn't care'.

Oh, this just in. Jay-Z didn't win a special election. Illinois Congressman Bobby Rush wore a hoodie and made a speech honoring slain teenager Trayvon Martin, before the Representative from Illinois 1st Congressional District was escorted out.

The hoodie was not in keeping with The House's dress code.

Way To Go, Spike

Imagine that you're 72-year-old David McClain of Sanford, Florida. You and your wife Elaine are minding your own business, when you learn that a certain celebrity has retweeted your home address to his 240,000 followers. Oh, and now you've had to flee your home, and relocate to a hotel.

You live in fear because your home address has been mistakenly misidentified as the home address of Trayvon Martin's shooter, George Zimmerman. You're receiving death threats, and somebody has sent you a letter, which reads, 'taste the rainbow'. a reference to the bag of Skittles that Trayvon Martin was holding when he was killed.

Spike Lee, unhinged director of racially-charged films "Do The Right Thing", and "Malcolm X",  has turned The McClain's world upside down.

After the McClains are finished suing ole' Spike, I think that the judge should force this 'twit' to pay restitution. He should be forced to direct a suspense thriller about what he did to this elderly couple. I can see it now. Jaleel White, the kid who played Steve Urkel in 'Family Matters', can portray the a$$ who made the elderly couple's life hell.

That's one Spike Lee film I'd like to see.

This Week, Business Is Booming In The Race Hustling Industry

The tragic killing of Trayvon Martin has sure been a terrific boon for the race hucksters, and a badly needed distraction for President Obama. 

Every once in a while the Reverend Jessie Jackson will crawl from under his rock, and hawk his race-based grievances. Nobody knows if he works, but he has built quite an racket (or empire) because a lot of people like the way he spiels.

Then there's the always available Reverend Al Sharpton, shooting off his big reckless mouth. So what if he causes a few storefront firebombings and destroys a few reputations along the way?

I am seeing some revolting things on the horizon, and it's where race-hustling, grief, and exploitation of tragedy intersect. I sense that Trayvon will probably become a brandname, as commercialized as Che. His own Mom is trying to trademark her dead son's name, but the hucksters better make their money fast, because this story is starting to unravel like the Duke Lacrosse Rape Case.

The Black Panthers have introduced a 'Wanted: George Zimmerman" poster. I wonder if you can purchase one at The Black Panthers Boutique, down at the mall. I just hope that these idiots don't start a race riot.

Since the Trayvon Martin story exploded all over the news, we see many people wearing hoodies in solidarity with the 17-year-old. I wonder when Jay-Z will roll out a new line of hoodies, with a Trayvon Martin label.

What's next? Are they going to use Trayvon in a Skittles commercial? I wonder who will play him in the Made For TV Movie.

You also have Obama operatives exploiting this tragedy to help their boss. Case in point: The crass soullessness of political advisor/ MSNBC guest host Karen Finney, as she blames the shooting on those racist Republicans. Meanwhile, Obama has done nothing but fan the flames of racial strife.

I think that I'm like most Americans. I would just like to know the truth of what happened between Trayvon Martin and George Zimmerman, with a little less exploitation, if you don't mind.

Maybe He's Taking Up Yoga

In Seoul, President Deep Bow met with Russian President Dmitri Medvedev, but didn't appear to know that a hot mic was picking up their private conversation. Here's some of what he said:

On all these issues, but particularly missile defence, this, this can be solved but it's important for him to give me space.

The hot mic also caught this:

This is my last election. After this election I have more flexibility.

There's quite a bit of speculation as to what Our President was actually telling the Russian President. Many on the right believe that after he guts our military, Obama will back out of Europe. He is asking the out-going Russian leader Medvedev to pass along this message to Putin.

Obama is suspiciously confident that he will be re-elected. He must know something that the rest of us don't.

In Obama's first term, he has consistently abused the power of his office and has acted as if The U.S. Constitution doesn't even exist. We at The RedSquirrel Report wonder what he means by '...after this election I have more flexibility'.

If you have your head screwed on straight, you don't even want to think about what Obama might do to America in a second term.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

This Settles It For Me

Recently, I got this Email from Obama's chief enforcer, David Axlerod:


I like Obamacare.

I'm proud of it-- And you should be, too.

Here's why: Because it works.

Obamacare means never having to worry about getting sick and running up against a lifetime cap on insurance coverage. It gives parents the comfort of knowing that their kids can stay on their insurance until they're 26, and that a "pre-existing condition" like an ear infection will ever compromise their child's coverage.

It's about ending the practice of letting insurance companies charge women 50 percent more--just because they're women.

And Obamacare can save seniors hundreds of dollars a year for prescription drugs--and gives them access preventive care that is saving their lives,

President Obama has never lost sight of the fact that this reform is about people. People like his own mother, who spent the last years of her life fighting cancer--and fighting with insurance companies, too.

That shouldn't happen, And because of Obamacare, it can't.

So, next time you hear someone railing against Obamacare, remember what
they're actually saying they want to take it away.

And, today, stand with me in saying, "Hell yeah, I'm for Obamacare".



P.S.--Side note:Can you imagine if the opposition called Social Security "Roosevelt Security"? Or if Medicare was "LBJ Care"? Seriously, have these guys ever heard of the long view?

Has David Axlerod ever heard of The Constitution?

The Real Hunger Games

It's the year 2014, and America's economy has been destroyed by it's power mad President. The private sector has been over-regulated and taxed to death. The State has nationalized all industries, and The President signs an executive order making it illegal to drill for oil.

The coal industry has been successfully bankrupted by the corrupt President-turned-dictator. Most of America's food has been turned into bio fuel, and the executives of several fraudulent green energy companies routinely bribe the Dictator.

Just like Communist Ethiopia of the 1980's, the Dictator has used hunger to control the population. Transporting food has become prohibitively expensive with skyrocketing gas prices, and so food can't be delivered to grocery stores. The Dictator calls a press conference, and announces that America will be renamed Obamerica. He has voided The Constitution, and after passing his health care takeover, He controls every aspect of American life.

It is Winter, and with no coal plants to warm homes, the hungry people freeze. 

Along with his allies in the TV networks, the Divine Dictator creates a reality TV Show.

The program features a three-person 'death panel'. The trio travel from city to city, and they pick one young man and one young woman (age 16-25) from each of the eight cities they have visited to compete in a televised, fight to the death competition. The grand prize for the final two survivors is a lavish dinner with The Dictator.

The Southern States of the former United States of America have ceded from the Union in early 2014, refusing to live under The Dictator's tyranny. Many citizens from the Northern States try to find freedom in these free Southern States, but many are shot trying.

The Dictator has ordered a wall built, from California to Maryland, and has hired  illegal aliens to guard it. The dictator has formed a civilian security force. They don purple t-shirts.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Is Gaffe Machine Biden Possessed?

Over at, they are having a field day over White House Gaffe Machine, Vice President Joe Biden. ("Has Joe Biden Lost His Marbles?")  Your VP has called the killing of Osama Bin Laden the most audacious raid of the last 500 years.

It was even more audacious than the D-Day invasion! Then, he made an embarrassing faux pas during a major press conference with Irish Prime Minister Enda Kenny. Before a roomful of reporters, the Vice President said:

"You know there's an old Irish saying, There's all kinds of old Irish sayings. At least my Grandfather Finnegan, I think he made them up, but it says, may the hinges of our friendship never go rusty.

Well, with these two folks that you're going to meet, if you haven't already, there's no doubt about them staying oiled and lubricated here. Ladies and gentleman.

Now, for you who are not full Irish in this room, lubricating has a different meaning for us all".

Brownchickenbrowwwwncow. Audible gasps filled the White House reception, with embarrassed journalists groaning nervously.

Just in case you don't know what it means to be 'lubricated' in Ireland, it means 'drunk'.

Our friends at Powerline question Crazy Joe's sanity. Your bushy-tailed correspondent has a different theory. I theorize that the Vice President is possessed by a very goofy demon.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Al Sharpton: We Much Have Justice For Trayvon Martin

America was shaken with the news of the killing of 17-year-old Trayvon Martin. There seems to be a lot of confusion and possible false accusations being hurled around concerning this case.

We at The RedSquirrel Report are hopeful that everyone will keep a cool head, so until the facts are known, we have received the following Letter To The Editor from that paragon of truth and reason, the Reverend Al Sharpton. It reads:

On February 26, little Trayvon Martin of Sanford, Florida was just walking home from the grocery store with a bag of skittles and a small container of bottled tea, when racist Hispanic Honky George Zimmerman came out of nowhere and shot him dead.

We much rethink this Second Amendment thing, as well as 'Stand Your Ground ' laws. There are way too many black people getting shot just because they trespass on some cracker's property. And the death toll is even worse when you engage in a little home invasion. From accounts that I've read, Zimmerman shot this child because he wore a hoodie.

My friends and associates at The Black Panthers have put up 'Wanted: George Zimmerman", posters. That means so much to Trayvon's family. Also, director Spike Lee tweeted Zimmerman's home address in case you feel that you know.... pay him a visit.

I am so glad that President Obama has jumped in the fray. As usual, he's calming the racial tensions of this nation as only Obama can.

I totally agree that if Our Messiah had a son he would look like Trayvon. As I was sayin' just the other day, 'Wow, Almost all the hoodie-wearin' gang-bangers I know look just like Barack!'

Also, we much give Trayvon's family a camera. I keep seeing that photo of him as an 11-year-old child, even though the news media knows his real age of 17. That poor family's camera must've broke.

I want to announce that I am going to organize a march in every city across this country,  and keep marching until Zimmerman is arrested for murder. We may just throw a few firebombs in some windows across America while we're at it.

One last thing. I am calling on Attorney General Eric Holder to charge George Zimmerman with a hate crime. If AG Holder is 'my people's Attorney General', this is the time to prove it,

I want to thank The RedSquirrel Report for this platform to express my concerns. We much keep fighting for justice if they want any peace. Thank you.

Don't Tell Your Parents That You'll Be Working For Obama

Students in a Fairfax County, Virginia Middle School were recently given an assignment to conduct opposition research on the four remaining Republican Presidential candidates.

The teacher, Michael Denmon, apparently forgot to tell his little campaign workers not to tell their parents, because the American people have found out. We don't know if the class Republican will get an 'F' for blowing the whistle on Mr. Denmon's little Civics lesson at Liberty Middle School.

But back to the assignment. The students were forced to do opposition research ONLY on the Republican Presidential candidates. then devise a plan to attack their weakness(es).

"This assignment was just creepy beyond belief", one racist Dad said, apparently not being sufficiently accepting of a black President. " something out of East Germany during the cold war".

Oh, get with it man! Don't you know that Our Messiah is FUNDAMENTALLY TRANSFORMING AMERICA? Everybody's kids belong to Obama now, and he can use them in any way he wants. Just what was your first clue that government schools are leftist indoctrinating centers?

For many, the first clue were those disturbing YouTube videos, with little crumb crunchers reciting their daily prayer to their Master Overlord Messiah (Barack Hussein Obama....mmm...mmm....mmm.....)....

I just wonder what would've happened if we never found out what was going on in that class. I'm thinking this:

"Good morning, Obama Campaign workers. Today, I have a special visiting guest lecturer. The floor is yours, Mr. Axlerod".

"Why, thank you, Mr. Denmon. Hi, kids. Today I'm here to teach you how to SMEAR Republicans. This should be fun".

Friday, March 23, 2012

They're Coming To TakeAction Minnesota Away, Ah-Ha!

The Minnesota State Senate passed Photo ID on Friday, and our disappointed friends at Take Action Minnesota sent the following statement:

Once again, The 1% is SILENCING the voice of the 99%, as the Republican-ran Minnesota State Senate voted to put MN. Photo ID on the November ballot. Soon, over 700,000 Minnesotans will lose their right to vote. Don't ask us us where we get that number. We pulled it out of.....never mind.

This vote was along party lines, as the corporate-owned Republicans voted to do the eeevil 1%'s bidding. Soon, our right to steal elections may be seriously curtailed, and the corporatists will realize their dream of robbing the world blind.

On Friday afternoon, over 250 unemployable Minnesotans with nothing else to do layed themselves in front of the Senate Chambers (like the brat kid at the grocery store, embarrassing his Mom)-but our loud chants were not enough to stop The Republicans in their quest to bring back Jim Crow.

The Republicans also voted to do away with same-day registration. With the election being eight, short months away, how can they possibly expect ANYONE to fill out a registration form by November?

Even though we didn't prevail today, we are still plotting our next move with ElectionStealers Rx Us.....I mean, Minnesota Secretary of State Mark Ritchie.

Keep fighting,

Dan McGrath (the other Dan McGrath)
Executive Director,
Take Action Minnesota

Did The Etch O Sketch Shake Up Romney's Candidacy?

GOP rivals of former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney think that they have found something that can derail his Presidential aspirations.

Shocking....SHOCKING!, downright scandalous revelations came to light this week, as an insider in Romney's campaign compared the GOP front-runner's perceived lack of core convictions with the method of erasing an image from an Etch O Sketch. 

"You can kind of shake it up, and we start all over again", said Romney Campaign Communication Advisor Eric Fehrnstrom.

Waitaminnut. Isn't that just another way of saying that you run to the right in the primaries, then to the center in the General Election?

This non-story supposedly feeds the popular narrative that Romney is a flip-flopper with no core convictions, but maybe it also tells us that he is smart enough to not be seen as a stiff ideologue. Results matter to him, whether you're a conservative, center-right, or moderate. His critics (Rick Santorum for one) act as if Romney has cornered the market in flip-flops and misdirection.

But back to Romney's DOOMED candidacy.This week, the former Governor scored yet another victory in Illinois, winning that state's GOP Primary. Eventually, he will be forced to accept his party's nomination, and then be smeared by Obama's attack dogs. We don't know if David Axlerod will use an Etch O Sketch to attack Romney.

Today is Friday. It's been three days since these revelations came to light, but other news stories has wiped this non-story off the front page. The news cycle has shaken the Etch O Sketch, and it's not much of a story anymore.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Stop Minnesota Voter ID Or Else!

Hey, fellow unionistas! The tea-baggin' 1% lapdog Republicans are voting to strip Minnesota of it's franchise. Today is the day that the Minnesota State Senate votes to put the new State Photo ID law on the November ballot!

Come to the Capital today at 12:30, and yell, bang drums, vandalize the Capitol building, and MOST IMPORTANTLY, INTIMIDATE  those dirty, rotten Republican dogs.

This is mandatory. We, your union bosses, BETTER SEE YOU DOWN AT THE CAPITAL....OR ELSE! The eeevil 1% from Wells Fargo have bought the Republican majority, and now they are trying to rob black people, Hispanics, the poor, the elderly, and poor college students of their God-given right to vote (cough, cough, illegally).

These evil bastards know that it's these loyal groups that will mean the difference between a fair Minnesota, ran by Democrats, or a state where the eeeevil 1% get to fulfill their dream of robbing the state BLIND!

Be there or else!

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Another Obnoxiously Cloying Leftist Movie Review

A Review of HBO's Game Change by Gerald Snotley

I was glad to curl up with HBO movie Game Change, the REAL story behind the 2008 Presidential election, with Ed Harris as Senator John McCain and a simply dead-on Julianne Moore as McCain's V.P. candidate Sarah Palin.

Before I continue with this review, I wish to thank everyone who sent me well wishes, cards, and flowers while I was in the hospital. My eyebrow transplant surgery was successful, and I believe that I've finally recovered from the nightmarish Mitch Berg/ Ed Morrissey song parody, "Lawyers, Cheese, And Bratwurst".  I'm still contemplating a lawsuit against 1280 The Patriot, and it's weekend yapfest, The NARN.

But, enough of my personal suffering and emotional distress....on with the review.

It was the year 2008, and the nation was deep in the Bush Depression. The lame duck President was lying and our soldiers were dying. The Democrats have nominated our new black Savior, Barack Obama, while the Repubes hang their thin hopes on John McCain. With McCain trailing in the polls, the Arizona Senator decides to go for broke, and pick cartoonish, moose-hunting WOMAN Governor Sarah Palin as his running mate.

The hero and conscience of this story is McCain's Campaign Director, Steve Schmidt (played phenomenally by the great Woody Harrelson). He relates his story to the fairest and straightest reporter in the business, CNN's Anderson Cooper.

While Schmidt sits Palin down during the short vetting process in the film's most revealing scene, he is horrified to learn of this bubble head's complete lack of knowledge in domestic issues and international politics. The goofy Palin believes that we attacked Iraq because their leader attacked America on 9-1-1.

The always fabulous Julianne Moore channeled both Palin and Wile E. Coyote deftly, while Ed Harris played the old and dour McCain spectacularly. Harris, Moore, and Harrelson portrayed McCain, Palin, and our hero Schmidt so spot-on that the real McCain, Palin, and Schmidt should be arrested for merely impersonating themselves.

Our three main stars should be given at least two special Emmy Awards each, one for their incredible acting prowess, and one for sending Palin into the dust heap of history forever and ever and ever.

As fun as it was to watch Sarah Palin have her brain tied in knots by reporters like Katie Couric, one is still left wondering: Do most Republicans think that Saddam Hussein attacked us on 9-1-1? Also, should this made for Cable TV movie be used as evidence to incarcerate Palin? It's obvious that she is mentally unstable.

It is so good to know that Home Box Office had the courage to tell the REAL story of Sarah Palin. It makes me shudder to think of what MIGHT HAVE happened if we had elected John McCain President. Why, we would've had a total nincompoop only a heartbeat away from the highest office in the land..

I am Gerald Snotley, and this has been my obnoxiously cloying leftist movie review. So long.

Longfellow Loon's Review Of The Newest Obama Propaganda Film

The Road We've Travelled- A Film Review by Longfellow Loon

LOOLOOOLOOOLOOLOOLOOLOOLOOLOOO!! (sob) sniff. sniff. I just watched seventeen minutes of sheer (sob) cinematic heaven, the awe-inspiring "The Road We've Travelled", starring Our Wonderful Leader, President Barack Hussein Obama!

"The Road We've Travelled" was directed by Academy Award-winner Davis Guggenheim, who won his Academy Award for that MASTERPIECE "An Inconvenient Truth".

You may have already seen this wonderful director tell that dirty right-winger Piers Morgan that the only negative thing he had to say about Obama was that THERE WERE JUST TOO MANY ACCOMPLISHMENTS. It almost looked like that CNN host was about to spit his teeth out in disbelief. The nerve of him!

Likewise, I must say that the only negative thing about this loontastic film experience, was that it ended after only 17 minutes. If I had fingers, I would be crossing them in hopes that Director Guggenheim makes a sequel.


This wonderful film was narrated by the greatest actor of all time, Tom Hanks. I think that he will receive a special 'greatest performance in a millenium' Oscar for his terrific performance. Also, former President Bill Clinton gives a stirring performance. He may receive at least two awards come Oscar time, including another Nobel Peace Prize.

I cried uncontrollably when Our Glorious Leader spoke so eloquently about his dear, dear Mother, and how America's health industry killed her when she needed health care.  I believe that Obamacare can save all the moms, if he can only keep those eeeevil Republicans from ruining our health care system all over again.

As I watched in awe how our Dear Messiah SAVED this country from the economic crisis, it makes me as proud as a pink peacock. If I could inject just a little criticism, I would just question the director's under-utilization of god-like reverb.

As a proud Minnesota Dhimmicrat, I believe that Obama's only misstep was the murder of Osama Bin Laden.

As loontastic as this cinematic experience was, I was disappointed that there was no mention of algae, magic unicorn farts, solar panels, or Reverend Jeremiah Wright.

Maybe he's saving the best for the sequel!


Monday, March 19, 2012

Here's Some Of Joe The Cartoonist's Artwork....

If you are looking for someone to illustrate your book or do some album cover artwork, you can reach Joe here, or email him at

More Incredible Barack Obama Presidential Facts

Our history professor-in-chief, Barack Obama, recently made a factually dubious claim regarding former President Rutherford B. Hayes. So, we at The RedSquirrel Report have dug around and uncovered more interesting 'facts' that the god-like Presidential historian has revealed to a world hungry for his knowledge:

1. Our second President, John Adams, was married for a time to a woman named Morticia.

2. President Franklin Pierce invented the nipple ring.

3. 'Old Hickory' Andrew Jackson sang and danced professionally with his brothers, Marlon and Tito.

4. Thomas Jefferson once wrote the following in his journal:
"Today I met my new negro slave named Sally Hemmings. Damn, that girl is fine. I believe that I've contacted an acute case of Jungle Fever".

5. President Chester Arthur had a large, sunken bath installed in the White House, where he enjoyed frequent bubble baths. During bath time, he wore a large top hat and drank champagne. His butler was also his father.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Is Obama Full Of Crap Or What?

This week, Our Little Dictator spoke before another crowd of know-nothings and dunderheads at St. George's Community College in Largo, Maryland, and the human cattle in attendance cheered and laughed as he mocked his GOP opponents.

The narcissist-in-chief made fun of his Republican opponents, and at the same time, ridiculed them for dismissing wind and solar power, bio fuels, AND he also said that they were ALL against better fuel standards. He failed to mention his secret weapon, algae.

Like an eight-year-old playground bully, the president childishly ripped on the loyal opposition, and told one whopper after another. 

"I guess they like their gas guzzlers," he sneered. "We're trying to work towards the future, they want to be stuck in the past".

Yeah, Bozo, That's want we be stuck in the past.

"We've heard this kind of thinking before. If some of these folks were around when Columbus set sail, they would have not believed that the world was round. They must have been members of The Flat Earth Society".

None of Professor Obama's Ivy League theories work in the real world, so now this obnoxious, petulant child can only lash out and try to sound professorial while speaking to his libtard base. Some might wonder why he won't release his college transcript. Judging by this speech, he must've sucked at history.

O.L.D.U.S. also suggested that these Republican bumpkins would have agreed with those who said that television wouldn't last or that the automobile was "only a fad". He knows this because he has an electric car that travels through time.

Not satisfied with lying about the current slate of GOP Presidential hopefuls, he also told a weird whopper about former President Rutherford B. Hayes. The former President died a long time ago, so he couldn't defend himself.

During the harangue, someone fainted. Apparently, a lot of Obama supporters do not get enough oxygen in their brain. I wonder if these libtards were there because their remedial English teacher told them to go to this rally, then write a paper.

An Obama aide must have made the decision to get him off the stage before he could start joking about how the Republicans would've been involved with the Salem Witch Trials, or that most Republicans are holocaust deniers.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Ginger Messina Sent Me This Email Yesterday

I got this email from Jim Messina yesterday. I've added some personal thoughts in parenthesis.


(Dear Jack-a$$, I'm not your friend. I'm using your email to ridicule you.)

If the general election were held today, President Obama would lose to Mitt Romney-according to the latest poll from the Washington Post-ABC News.

(If I had my way, your pal Obama would've been impeached and removed from office by now.)

Now, many other polls put the President on top. But all point to the same reality: We're looking at a race that will be tighter than you think. And the other side has groups ready to spend hundreds of millions of dollars to tear down President Obama.

(WAAAAAA-HAAAAAA!!!!!Stop picking on me! I'm The President!!!!)

We cannot underestimate someone like Romney who has showed he will spend and say anything to win.

(You and your creepy, Alinskyite friends has the state-run propaganda ministry, Hollywood, Media Matters, the unionistas, and George Soros.)

We need to turn up the pressure now.

(Are you saying that you're going to send your friends at the S.E.I.U. to beat up anybody who opposes your boss?)

If the idea of President Romney scares you, it's time to own a piece of this campaign.

(No, I've gotten over my fear of a white man winning the Presidency.)

Donate $3 or more today.



Jim (Gingers Have No Souls) Messina
Campaign Manager
Obama For (Destroying) America

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Was That Wrong?

This week, Nancy Hurlbut found herself in a hive of controversy. Several war veterans expressed their outrage to her display of the American flag with a likeness of President Obama outside of the Democrat Campaign Headquarters in Lake County, Florida.

She was surprised to learn that they were accusing her of desecrating the old red, white, and blue.

The local party Chairwoman's actions appeared to spark quite a bit of outrage, so we at The RedSquirrel Report have invited Nancy to give us her side of the story.

"Thank you RedSquirrel Report. Really, I don't know what the kerfuffle is about. I thought that showing off this redesigned flag was perfectly normal. Heck, we pledge allegience to Obama every day.

This controversy leads me to believe that it's not about the flag, as I told FOXNEWS. It seems as if certain elements just cannot accept Barack Obama as President. I think that these racist war veterans are protesting the fact that our wonderful President is black..

Heck, I'm sure this wasn't the first time a great ruler's image was displayed publicly like this. I just hope that these right-wingers are satisfied that I took the flag down.

I am sorry if anybody was offended by the flag with our Messiah's likeness on it, but I didn't know that I was doing anything wrong. Thank you.

Another Voter ID Horror Story

Our friends at TakeAction Minnesota sent us this horrifying account:

Meet Tyrone, 29, from North Minneapolis.

He is typical of most black residents of North Minneapolis. Chances are, he has no identification, and is probably in trouble with the law. A few weeks ago, we showed him Minnesota Majority's offensive online banner of a black convict, the illegal alien, a little old lady, and a corpse walking into the voting booth.

We asked Tyrone what he thought of the ad. At first, he said that he wasn't aware of the ad until we showed it to him, and then he said that the depiction of the black convict in the ad was offensive. Then, I explained to him that Republican-led Minnesota State Legislature were attempting to pass a law that would make it illegal for African-Americans to vote without identification.

"ONLY African-Americans must have ID?" He asked us angrily. "F......'  Jim Crow Republicans!"

My associate told him that while all voters would need ID to vote in Minnesota,  it would be especially discriminatory for African-Americans and Latinos.

"Why would it be discrimination if EVERYBODY has to show the ID?" he asked. My associate and I looked at each other, and gulped.

He looked at us, and his eyes turned red. 

" Are you sayin' that we don't know how to get an ID? What the f...You guys think we're a bunch of idiots, or somethin'? I already got a driver's licence...." (He reached into his pocket, and pulled out his Minnesota Driver's Licence). "See THAT, Fool?"

It was then when my associate and I nearly wet ourselves.

Is Barack Obama Dumber Than Michael Scott?

This week, Our Little Dictator made another speech, and took credit for America's increased oil production, AND at the same time, appeared to be angry that it had taken place, while knowing that it wasn't true.

He has actively denied drilling contracts on federal lands, as well as off-shore areas, but has took credit for increased drilling on private land, even though he has no say in the matter.

He made the decision to kill The Keystone XL Pipeline, killing tens of thousands of jobs, and now, blames The Republicans for killing the project.

The President takes credit for everything, unless it can't help him politically, while blaming the 'previous administration' for everything that may be hurtful for his chances at re-election. It all depends on which group he thinks he's speaking to at any given moment.

In 2008, he bragged that he would drive America's coal industry into bankruptcy, and also supported cap and trade. He supported expensive fuel, and now blames The Koch Brothers and oil speculators for expensive gas.

Obama reminds me of Michael Scott, the idiot boss on "The Office".  

Remember that 'casino night in the stockroom' episode, where Michael accidentally invited both his current girlfriend and his on-again-off-again girlfriend? Well, it looks like Obama is clumsily attempting to juggle two 'girlfriends' at the same time. One is the leftist, enviro-crazy and the other wants steady employment and cheap, plentiful fossil fuels.

And he is having a heck of a time lying to both constituencies.

I just remembered. There was an episode of 'Family Ties', where Alex P. Keaton asked two girls to the prom. That didn't end well either.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Voter ID Horror Stories

As the Minnesota State Legislature considers the proposed Voter Photo ID law, we at The RedSquirrel Report have learned of some shocking allegations that our friends from TakeAction Minnesota are levelling at Voter ID proponents, Case in point:

Gladys Gunderson, of South Minneapolis tells us that on Election Day 2010, she had almost made it out the door with her oxygen tank in tow, when she heard a knock on the door. As she parted the curtain, she saw a man she recognized from the evening news standing outside the door. 

'That looks like Minnesota Majority's Dan McGrath!', she thought.  She opened the door.

"Gladys Gunderson?"


"My records here indicate that you regularly vote for Democrats", the man said, looking over his clipboard.

Gladys told the man that she was on her way to the polling place, but before she knew it, the man raised a blow-dart to his lips, and blew a dart into her neck. She began to feel woozy, and fell unconscious.

When she regained consciouseness, she had discovered that the polls were closed. Gladys had been disenfranchized.

The Media Hyposcrisy KlusterFluke

It's official. Leftists have no soul. We just have to destroy them.

Following Sandra Fluke's insane testimony before Nutty Nancy's Steering Committee,  Rush Limbaugh referred to the Obama operative (as any normal person would) as a 'slut'.  When you TESTIFY before a  congressional meeting, and you demand the taxpayers pay for your contraception, you just might be called a naughty name.

We have since learned that this episode was really meant to distract the American people from the President's ineptitude, and we have also been reminded of all the chronic misogyny and hypocrisy coming from the left.

So, what's next? I wouldn't be surprised if we see the following report on 'Entertainment Tonight' soon:

Media sensation Sandra Fluke will begin videotaping TWO new shows, a daily show produced by Oprah Winfrey's HARPO Productions, AND also a new prime-time show on MSNBC.

Her daily show, tentatively entitled Ladies Fight Back, will deal harshly with evil, conservative talk radio hosts who dare criticize Ms. Fluke. Sandra will also have friends like Bill Mahrer and Ed Schultz on to talk about evil conservative talkers. In a regular feature of the new show, Fluke will receive a supportive phone call from President Obama.

Fluke: "There is a war against women. I believe that there are those on the right that will try to silence me by calling me names or criticize me. I think we need to fight back. Having TWO new shows is a start".

Ladies Fight Back will be sponsored by Planned Parenthood, but the federal government will force the Catholic Church to pay for the commericals.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

A Statement From Rush Limbaugh

I feel like I need to clear a few things up. Last week, I apologized to 30-year old Obama operative Susan Fluke, who posed as a 23-year-old Georgetown Law Student. 

Following her outrageous show before The Democrat's pretend committee, I allowed myself to sink to the left's level when I referred to Ms. Fluke as 'a slut', and suggested that if she wanted $3,000 for contraceptives, then the tax-payers should be allowed to 'watch' her.

If you listen to the state-run news media, you would be under the impression that I've lost my sponsors, my radio show, my home, my wife, and now I'm living under a bridge. Goodbye, Carbonite. Hello, dinner in a dumpster.

If you got your news from Media Matters, or it's allies NBC, ABC, CBS, ect., you would probably believe that Barry Soetoro himself is about to come in here, evict me, and give my show to that fathead Ed Schultz.

If that's what you think, then you're dreaming.

The truth is, I have new sponsors breaking down the doors here at The E.I.B. Studios. At least 2 of the former sponsors are begging to come back. When I see their pathetic faces pressed up to my window, I pull the window blinds down.

This was ALREADY the biggest radio show around. Now, we're even BIGGER! (starts singing:) Goold....Finger!

I'm even thinking about creating ANOTHER big controversy that will make this Fluke kerfuffle look absolutely tame!

I want to thank the lamestream news media for falling into my trap. Suckers.

I Heard It On The NARN

The American left has been quite successful at changing our society, and a lot of this is due to their success at bastardizing the language. In the last 30 years, homosexuals have became gays, killing unborn babies has become abortion, and taxing and spending has SOMEHOW become "investing in America".

So, I was listening to Mitch and Ed on The NARN a few weeks ago, when they were talking about the right-to-work legislation making it's way through the Minnesota State Legislature. I don't remember who said it, but one of the hosts referred to union dues as job ransom.

'What a terrific, descriptive term,' I thought. 'It cuts through the crap, and tells it like it is'.

Most Americans know that it is simply unfair that you have to pay a 'job ransom' as a condition for employment. The union boss takes your money, and gives it to The Democrats, whether or not you agree with their agenda.

The left has transformed our society with their use politically-correct jargon, jabberwocky b.s., and messssssaging. It's good to hear two of our guys launch a little rhetorical Bunker Buster straight at THEM. Taking back the language will be one of the ways we take the country back

Friday, March 9, 2012

A Real Barnyard Exhibit

Minnesota State Representative Mary Franson is facing an unprecedented D.F.L.B.S. blitzkrieg, after posting a video of herself, reading a letter from a constituent.

In said letter, the constituent compared the way the welfare system treats recipients like zoo animals or livestock. The welfare state keeps people dependent and caged in the system. And so, the local leftist smear machine have twisted the context of the letter, and are misleading the public, telling us that the state rep has compared welfare recipients to animals.

In the last couple weeks, a local lefty radio jack-ass with no ratings has tweeted out Representative Franson's home phone number, and also encouraged the local alinsyite pigs to harass her and her family. There's a teacher in Central Minnesota who is encouraging the bullying of her three children.

Representative Franson has received death threats and the always available sheeple protesting on her lawn. On Friday, still more protesters heckled Franson during a meeting, and demanded her resignation. There's also the hyper-offended parrots from The Alliance for a Better Minnesota and Take Action Minnesota spreading even more hate and lies on the local evening news, along with the local media hyenas.

They are trying to force her out of office, so they'll have something to crow about.

We at The RedSquirrel Report defend Representative Franson from these dishonest, dirty attacks, and so far it looks like the state rep from Alexandria will not be cowed.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Why Me?

Checking out Hot the other day, something caught my eye.  It was a title for one of their latest posts, "Rush Limbaugh And The Year Of The Squirrel".

My initial thought was ,"After 13 months of working in complete obscurity , I HAVE ARRIVED!"

It must have been one of my killer posts, where I said something ingenious! Maybe Michelle (I was already calling her by her first name) will even let me be a contributor to that superb news blog.

And then I started reading....and my heart sank.

Apparently, "The Year of the Squirrel"  refers to the ridiculous lengths that Team Obama will go to distract the American people away from the domestic disaster that is The Obama Regime this election year. The inspiration came from the animated feature, "UP!", where the lovable Dug the Dog is distracted by a squirrel.

The latest distraction appears to be a squirrel named Sandra Fluke.

Please, everybody. I am asking my conservative brothers and sisters in the blogosphere, relieve me of this terrible emotional burden. I don't want to be associated with the lies and deception told by our little dictator and his Alinsyite ilk.

No, Mr. President, Your Energy Agenda Makes No Sense

Yesterday, the Liar-In-Chief conducted his first press conference in 2012, and one reporter actually asked him a pertinent question. FOX NEWS Ed Henry asked our little dictator the following:

"Your critics will say on Capitol Hill that you want gas prices to go higher, because you have said before that will wean the American people off fossil fuels onto renewable fuels. How do you respond to that?"

The answer was a stew of condescension and Alinskyite derision.

"Ed,  just from a political perspective, do you think that The President of the United States of America, going into an election, wants gas prices to go up even higher? (Turning to the room at large, he added), "Is there anybody here who thinks that makes a lot of sense?"

No, Mr. President. It doesn't. Your entire energy agenda makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

Yet again this clown is caught in another bald-faced lie. During the campaign of 2008, he promoted cap and trade, and told the San Francisco Chronicle that his with his energy plan that 'electricity will necessarily skyrocket'.

Americans like their fossil fuels because there's a lot of it and it's relatively cheap. Obama likes laundering money through fraudulent solar panel companies.

In November, the American people has an opportunity to tell President 'Zero-growth' that we want him to get out of our way.

Obama's Not So Super Tuesday In Oklahoma

The Republican Primary's Super Tuesday was about as exciting as watching paint dry. In short, Former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney eked out some wins, Former Senator Rick Santorum won in a couple states, while Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich won in his home state Georgia. Not much has changed, and all four GOP candidates remain in the race.

We still don't know why Texas Representative Ron Paul is still in this thing, except that maybe his Paulbots simply refuse to go away.

What raised my eyebrows on SUPER TUESDAY was The Messiah's less-than-dominant showing in Oklahoma. I am sure that he spent almost none of his 'billion dollar warchest' in the reddest state in the country, but the numbers still are kinda interesting.

The last time I checked, Obama IS the incumbent, and yet 45% of the Democrats in the Sooner State voted against him in this Primary. The second place finish went to notable pro-life activist Randall Terry, who received just under 20%.

If you are the President-incumbent, and receive ONLY 55% in a state primary, could you conclude that the other 45% of the state's Primary voters are literally PROTESTING against your presidency?

I'm just saying.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Just A Proposal: The Breitbart Memorial

We lost a great American last week, with the passing of new media superstar, Andrew Breitbart.

I have read A LOT of hate coming from the uglo-leftists and trolls throughout the blogosphere and Twitter, and I heard his Big Hollywood co-hort, Larry O'Connor, say that it's a good thing to show the world what these leftist haters have to say about him following his death.

The left hated, and continues to hate him even after his passing because he was so devastating in his effectiveness.

In their world, leftists can malign, slander and bat conservatives around all they want. Leftists be as corrupt and obnoxious as they want to be, and no one is supposed to expose them. Breitbart showed the world how the leftists operate, and that's what drove them so crazy.

So, I have a proposal for all my fellow Breitbart admirers out there.

You have The Lincoln Memorial, The Washington Memorial, The Vietnam War Memorial, The World War 2 Memorial, and The 9-1-1 Memorial.

Let's create The Breitbart Memorial.

I have some ideas of it's design. Just as The Vietnam War Memorial has 56,000 names inscribed on it's sides, I propose that The Breitbart Memorial would have all the hateful comments that were written about him after his death chiseled on it's sides.

This could be a very interesting way of illustrating to the world just how effective he was.

Sandra Fluke's Statement Thru Our TruthTeller 3000

Georgetown Law Student Sandra Fluke sends us this statement. We have put it through our TruthTeller 3000.

Our Messiah, President Barack Hussein Obama, was polling poorly among women voters, and in a shameless, desperate effort to scare women, called on me to bail him out with my ridiculous testimony last week.

This latest episode begins with the GOP debate a couple weeks back, when out of the blue, former Clintonista George Stephanopoulis asked an extremely strange, out-of-place question regarding the BANNING of contraceptives. The Republican candidates didn't know it, but we were framing a non-issue in order to make them look like knuckle-dragging Neanderthals.

As for me, I could have gone to any law school in the country, but I chose Georgetown, because it's a Catholic institution. As a 'reproductive rights activist', I believed that I could pressure the institution into offering contraceptive services even if it violated their worldview.

On the day of my bizarre testimony before the Democratic steering committee, the idea was to create outrage. It just so happens that radio icon Rush Limbaugh said on his program what all normal Americans really think.

 In Obama's America, that's a no-no. Thank you.

Let's Meet Team Obama: Up Close And Personal

Hey kids, The RedSquirrel Report is beginning a new feature this week, where we will meet a member of Team Obama's re-election team. Today, we put the spotlight on his 2012 Campaign Director, Jim Messina.

Messina, 41, graduated from Montana University, where he received a B.A. in Political Science, and Majored in Chilling Conservative Speech.

In 2009-2011, he was Obama's White House Deputy Chief of Staff. In September, it was Messina who proudly announced the debut of, the Obama snitch site. He specializes in intimidation tactics, attacking America's right of free political speech.

His Wikipedia entry discloses that he was born in 1969, but your intrepid correspondent couldn't find a date-of-birth. I'm guessing that he's a Taurus. This bull-headed ginger apparently has a severely damaged moral compass.

Last week, Messina, also known as the leader of the 'Bully Brigade' sent a threatening letter to the infamous Koch Brothers, where he demanded that they, along with an organization they're associated with, Americans For Prosperity, disclose their donors list. This is a favorite Messina intimidation tactic.

If Obama is re-elected, Messina will probably open a new office in the West Wing, The Office of Criminalizing Political Dissent. Sounds exciting.

Friday, March 2, 2012

We Congratulate Janet From Accokeek, Maryland

I got ANOTHER email from Obama For America yesterday. Here it is, with some personal commentary in parenthesis.


(I am not your friend. You are wrecking this country, so I'm using this stupid email to ridicule your campaign).

You probably don't know Janet from Accokeek, Maryland, but you two could be having dinner with President Obama together sometime soon.

(Pass the potatoes, you corrupt, lying crapweasel.)

Janet was the first guest selected for the next dinner with Barack, and we're counting down the hours until we draw the next name,

(I'm counting the minutes. Really.)

The second seat could be yours-You'll be automatically entered when you donate $3 or whatever you can today.

(This President reminds me of the drunken black guy, or sometimes it's a drunken Indian who stands in front of the grocery store, begging for money. No, this is even MORE ANNOYING. This clown and his pals have really defiled The Office of The Presidency.)

Janet told us when she donated $25 last week she was just trying to show her support for the President.

(She sounds like a meth-head.)

No one ever thinks they'll be picked until they are.

(And no one thinks they''ll be violated by this administration until they are).

Take a chance. Chip in $3 or more today to be automatically entered.

(Automatically entered? That sounds painful.)


(Thank this, you soulless twit).

Juliana Smoot
Deputy Campaign Manager
Obama For America

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Behold, The Cult Of Obama

Welcome to the Church of Obama.  Forget about those religious fanatics, The Promise Keepers. Our Promise Breaker will be coming to a football stadium near you!

Our Dear Leader promised to close down Guantanamo Bay Prison. Instead, Our Dear Leader is appropriating $750,000 for a soccer field for these psychotic killers. Wow, talk about loving your enemies!

Send your precious little crumb-crunchers to one of our elementary schools, where he or she will mindlessly learn to recite our morning prayer to Our Dear Leader, mmm.....mmmm....mmm.........

Don't believe the lies that those dirty, materialistic Republicans are telling you.  The REAL unemployment rate is NOT over 11%. Repeat after me. The real unemployment rate is not over 11% Come, drink the Kool-Aid, and deny your lying eyes.

Now, let us pray:

Oh Dear Leader, Deliver us from the previous administration. We praise you for not waiting for the Congress to act! Praises for you and all of your unaccountable Czars, like Cass Sunstein and John Holdren. Praise be unto you.

We adore and worship you and your rattling head. We praise your holy teleprompter and the god-like reverb. We hyperventilate and faint in your presence.

Give us this month our Obama Check, as we stand in line. Punish, tax, and over-regulate those who won't support your re-election. For thine is the bribes, the cronys, and the divine corruption for four more years.....Amen.

Romney's Crippled, Doomed Candidacy

The Presidential candidacy of former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney was dealt yet another blow on Tuesday, as the Michigan native won two more primaries in Michigan and Arizona.

The pundits and those in the mainstream news media agree that winning these two important states have damaged the Republican candidate's chances of winning his party's nomination, and many are saying that all four GOP Presidential challengers should just drop out of the race now.

"We still think that John Huntsman has a shot", said a MSNBC reporter, wishing to remain anonymous."Romney looks weak".

Meanwhile, The President is riding high, having swept all of the Democratic primaries. Multiple violations of his Constitutional oath have apparently made the incumbent very, very popular.

Many in the mainstream news media agree that forcing Catholic institutions to offer contraception in violation of their faith is a great big winner. Plus, demagoging the achievers in American society appeals to his sizable base of out-of-work crybabies.

It also looks like almost 40% of all conservative voters are also planning to vote for Obama this November, give or take 20%.

This week,  Obama championed his exciting new energy proposal, based on the harvesting of algae. GOP candidates Romney, Santorum, Gingrich, and Ron Paul all appear to be floundering in the belief that drilling for oil may increase our domestic supply.

Next week is Super Tuesday, where voters in 10 states will vote for a candidate who has absolutely no chance of being elected in November. Soon, a hopelessly crippled GOP nominee will go on to the general election, and probably lose all 50 states, including Texas-by 20 percentage points.

It's a good thing that the winner of the 2012 Presidential election won't be sneaking into the bedroom windows of American women, and stealing their stash of contraception. Damned knuckle-dragging Republicans.

RIP Andrew Breitbart 1969-2012


 You showed us how citizen journalism is done.