Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Valerie Jarrett Looks Forward To 2015

It's that time when we look forward to the new year, so we at RSR thought that we would have presidential adviser Valerie Jarrett back to show us what the Obama regime has in store for America in 2015:

Thank you, RedSquirrel. I hope that you have signed up for ObamaCare. I wouldn't want to send any of my people to your house to 'fine' you.

Yes, 2014 ended with fireworks, and it was a beautiful sight....But, enough with the riots in Oakland and Ferguson, Missouri. 

The important thing is that the administration, along with our trusted adviser Reverend Al Sharpton are working with our Communist friends at A.N.S.W.E.R. to 'fundamentally transform' police departments. We are training 10,000 community organizers as well as our national civilian security force.

Soon, unarmed Black youths will be able once again to take to the streets of America without having to worry about racist White cops gunning them down in cold blood.

The Affordable Care Act is right on track, bringing health care to millions of Americans (and our new immigrant friends). Soon, we will get what we have always wanted:

Single-payer and 20,000,000 new Democrats. To all Americans who have had their health plans cancelled, I say 'tough toe nails.'

Remember on Election Night 2012 when Barack told America that 'The best is yet to come?' Well, we may have been dealt a slight roadblock when our enemies voted to flip the Senate to The Republicans, so that means the administration may have to ignore Congress for the next two years.

Some people think that Barry will be just a 'lame duck'. Think again.

Two-thirds of The American people didn't even vote, but if they did, I'm sure they would want a nuclear Iran. 

Soon, we will close down Club Gitmo, and set the prisoners free to live in peace with their loving families. Then, we can concentrate more on those tea-bagger terrorists.

Finally, let's finally end the War On Women. Those dastardly Republicans elected scores of self-hating GOP women who simply refuse to make the taxpayers fund contraceptives. This is madness!

So, as the big ball drops, and everybody waits for 2015 to finally arrive, I know all Americans are excited that we are one day closer to our ultimate dream....a New World Order! All the administration wants is a world of perfect social justice, where America erases her borders, and be forced to live just like her impoverished neighbors.

Barry knows what's best for everybody. We know there will be some right-wing refuseniks who will resist our efforts. Don't worry, we are opening re-education camps in 2015. As soon as we can figure out how to take your guns away, we'll get it done!

All hail King Barack!

Queen Moochelle Encounters A Peasant At Target

Poor, poor Queen Moochelle. It seems like anytime she tries to mingle with us peasants, somebody inadvertently offends her royal highness.

She recently re-told a story about a trip to a Target department store, where an unsuspecting customer was having trouble reaching for a weed-whacker or something off the top shelf, then broke royal protocol by asking Our Queen to reach up and take the thingy down.

You see, the customer must have noticed that FLOTUS was Black, and immediately thought that she was just a lowly employee or a maid on an errand. Maybe the customer in question was much shorter than Michelle, and thought that perhaps even our haughty First Lady wouldn't mind reaching for said item. 

It was unfortunate that the customer didn't recognize Michelle Obama, the wife of Dear Leader King Barry. Perhaps the customer just saw Michelle out of the corner of her eye, and saw long, muscular arms and thought that she was just a tall, black man.

So, whatever you do, don't ever ask The Queen to reach for anything or ask for any help. In fact, don't look at Her Royal Highness directly, even if she lowers herself by going to places where commoners go.

She may be disguised as a Walmart shopper, with florescent pink yoga pants and an oversized, floppy hat. If you say 'Hi' to Queen Moochelle, she may tell David Letterman about the racist who dared to speak to her.

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

The Walking Dead: A Metaphor For American Politics?

'Give me your money!'
Joe The Cartoonist has gotten into The Walking Dead saga, catching it Wednesday nights on Channel 29.2 here in the Twin Cities area. He thinks that it's a metaphor for politics in America.

The world is wrecked by a Democrat apocalypse, and the living are menaced by low-information, walking zombies. They are animated yet dead, and exist only to sink their teeth into the living.

They remind me of The IRS.

The 'living' remind me of Republicans. They love guns, and spend a lot of screen time arguing amongst themselves.

Moral compass Dale reminds me of Reagan speechwriter Peggy Noonan. He seems very nice, not wanting to do too much harm to the insatiable, flesh-eating zombies. On the other hand, ruthless Shane reminds me of Lee Atwater. He wants to destroy the zombies.

Just like many people who call themselves 'Republican', Dale and Shane don't get along very well.

Katana-wielding Michonne reminds me of Michael Savage. Both are lone-wolves, dispatching low-information zombies, and wary even of allies.

Darryl reminds me of The Tea Party conservative base. He does a lot of the dirty work that needs to be done. Rick is the GOP establishment of the group.

It would be good if The Tea Party and The GOP establishment got along as well as Darryl and Rick. The Governor reminds me of the evil, sleazy side of The GOP establishment. He reminds me of Thad Cochrane.

Republicans constantly argue amongst themselves about who we are and how much dirt we are willing to get on our hands. The 'low-information walkers' just take and take, seemingly without a soul. They see your wallet or your neck or your arm, and try to sink their teeth into it.

Maybe the lesson of The Walking Dead is that it teaches Republicans that you have to be relentless and ruthless as well as smart, and sometimes you have to fight dirty to win.

Yakov Smirnoff's New York Report

Our New York correspondent Yakov Smirnoff sends us this report:

Wow, What a city! New York is starting to look like Bucharest in 1989! As you know, Communist Mayor Bill DeBlasio badmouthed the NYPD after four police officers tussled with a man selling cigarettes without paying the taxes. The man died during this encounter, and Bolshevik tools took to the streets, yelling 'What do we want? Dead cops! When do we want it? NOW!'

State-run news, community organizers, and The Reverend Al Sharpton fanned the flames of anger against the police, and two New York police officers were murdered over the weekend.  

President 0bama responded to this by taking another trip to Hawaii.

I looked at the video of the police taking the man down. If liberals are willing to do this to somebody selling 'loosies', I wonder what they are willing to do to somebody unwilling to sign up for Obamacare? Refuseniks beware!

Leftist tools in The NBA are now wearing 'I can't breath' shirts. Apparently, you can't spell either. Thank you, government schools.

Now, that race-baiter with the huge head Al Sharpton is complaining that he is experiencing death threats. Don't worry, Reverend Al, I'm sure the cops will be happy to protect you.

I wonder if Dear Leader 0bama is planning to replace police officers with his 'national civilian security force'? He's purged America's military, what about all the police across this country?

Here in New York, the police have turned their backs on Comrade DeBlasio. I bet he wishes that he had a 'secret police force.'

That's it for now. Back to you, Little Squirrel.

Yo, B-Hodge Is In The House

Minneapolis Mayor Betsy Hodges was seen flashing a 'gang-sign' with one of her supporters, and those right-wingers at KSPT News did the unthinkable.

They showed it.

Now, DFL officials want to ban our local ABC affiliate from covering Democrat functions. Dayum, our Democrat friends sure are testy.

All KSTP News did was show B-Hodge doing what she does best.....pandering to her base. She also put on a hijab while meeting with local Muslims. I wonder if local Democrats are really thinking about banning KSTP from their functions because the folks at Channel 5 dared to expose Democrats wasting our money, and this whole 'gang-sign' thing is just a phony, made-up excuse.

Here to explain is our 'Gangsta' Mayor herself, sounding a little more like that rapper Young MC:


This is a warning to you gals and fellas at KSTP, yer way overly zealous
I'm jus' doin' what my voters tell us, I'm The Mayor, Don't be jealous

Hey, there smarty, The DFL Party, pandering just like John Marty
KSTP showed me flashing a gang sign, But showin' that picture crossed the line

At DFL functions, party luncheons, We dream about stone-cold tax suction
We tax you any way we get a chance, We will even try to steal your pants

Tax base leaving, victims grieving, wasted money has right-wingers seething
We'll tax you if you try to move, Go ahead, we're busting you

If you earn it, We want it. We'll take it, baby. We're busting you.

Sanctuary city, The Guthrie is pretty, We will give your money over to Zygi
Take some more for the new Green Line, Spending tax money we lose our minds

Oh by Golly, Hey Somalis, I look like a Muslim dolly
I put on a Muslim hijab dress, Pandering to my base is what I do best

And to-marrow, I'll wear a sombrero, To meet with my voters in Longfellow
I'll come runnin' to pander some more

I'm a good liberal, Welcome Senior'

If you earn it, We want it. We'll take it, baby. We're busting you.

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Monday, December 8, 2014

St. Louis Rams Players Arrested, Teammates Go On To Beat Raiders 52-0

Before last Sundays' Rams / Raiders match-up in St. Louis, most professional betters had The Rams favored by 10, but then a very interesting thing happened:

As 5 Ram players were coming out of the tunnel for pre-game introductions, they were arrested by local authorities.

"HANDS UP, ASSHOLES!" Police officer Rick Hudson barked.

As it turned out, it was the best game-time decision of the year. The rest of the team played spectacularly, humiliating The Oakland Raiders, 52-0.

After the game, Rams' Head Coach Jeff Fisher surmised that the 5 players must have been holding the team back.