A Statement From School Lunch Inspector 283-448891

I am a School lunch inspector, currently stationed in the town of Raeford, North Carolina. I wish to thank The RedSquirrel Report for giving me this opportunity to set the record straight, concerning the events of the other day.

On Tuesday, I was working my school lunch patrol at West Noke Elementary School, when I witnessed a four-year-old pre-schooler unwrapping a turkey and cheese sandwich.

I also spotted a 6080 taking place. A 6080 is Dept. of Agriculture code for 'criminal intake of sodium'. The little girl had potato chips in her possession.

Also, I noticed that she had taken a banana and a small carton of apple juice out of her little lunch box. The girl was also committing a 3545 (that carton of apple juice was high in sugar). I took out my walkie-talkie and told my dispatcher, "Mrs. Obama, I'm going in".

Then I sprung into action.

I told the 4-year-old to step away from the lunch. At first, she appeared to be confused by my presence. Then, I informed her that her home-packed lunch did not meet USDA nutritional requirements. She appeared somewhat beleagured, but she did comply, backing away from the table slowly.

I threw the illegal foodstuff into the wastebasket. After consulting with the kitchen staff, they presented government-approved chicken nuggets to the child.

We saved that little girl from the lunch her parents packed for her. Once again, the government saves the day.

Thank you, RedSquirrel Report, for allowing me this opportunity to tell my side of this story. I also wish to re-assure the American public that the government will be there whenever parents pack a lunch that doesn't meet USDA nutritional requirements.