Thursday, February 2, 2012

Ladies And Gentlemen....We Present The Occupy Wall Street Superbowl Halftime Show Sponsored By The Tides Foundation

This Sunday, the New England Patriots will face the New York Giants in Superbowl XLVI.  Our friends in the OWS Movement are threatening to protest at the game, so I was just wondering what it would be like if these criminals and killjoys commandeered the halftime show. I imagine that it would go something like this:

The two teams make there way to the locker rooms, and the stadium goes dark.

Suddenly, an abrasive voice booms over the public address system:

"This is Richard Trumka of the AFL-CIO, presenting da' Occupy Wall Street Superbowl Halftime Show, presented by The Tides Foundation. Now, put yer hands together, or my friends from the Service Employees International Union will BUST YOUR FACE!"

A worker in a purple t-shirt hits the lights, and a huge drum circle marches towards the fifty-yard line:


Then, hundreds of dirty protesters take to the field, and begin yelling anti-capitalist and anti-Semitic slogans. A dozen or so protesters chase terrified, screaming cheerleaders along the sidelines.

Then, the protesters burn a 14-foot paper mache figure of a Wall Street banker in effigy, singing the Soviet Union National Anthem.

After that, we hear Trumka's voice again:

"Wasn't that some great singin' or WHAT? That brought a tear to my eye! We have time for one more song. Here is the sponsor of this Superbowl Halftime Show. Mr. George Soros!"

A stretch limo stops on the fifty-yard line, and Soros gets out. In his creepy, Hungarian accent, he lip-syncs his tribute to Zuccotti Park ("Zuccotti Park is melting in the dark",), 'ala "MacArthur Park".

Finally, Trumka wraps it up:

"Wow, that was a great halftime show, wasn't it? I have an announcement. The teams will have to wait about an hour to take the field for the second half. It appears that several of the protesters defecated on the field, so that will have to be cleaned up.

Also, an outbreak of tuberculosis appears to have broken out in section 1A.  Thanks, and enjoy the second half!

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