The Secret Service Secretly Serviced In Colombia

Secret Service agents preparing for President Obama's weekend trip to the Summit of the America's meeting have gotten themselves embroiled in a prostitution scandal. If they would've just moved this meeting from Cartegena, Columbia to Sandra Fluke's Georgetown Law School dormitory, this would not have been a story. Here to bring us the story is our correspondent on the ground, Sister Mary Bloodyknuckles:

Thank you, RedSquirrel. May God bless and keep you.

Hail Mary, full of grace. It appears that while President Obama's Secret Service team were supposed to be preparing for the president's trip to Cartegena for the Summit of the Americas, there is a sex scandal. They have been caught getting secretly serviced by Colombian whores in a hotel in Cartegena, and that eleven 'members' are now on administrative leave.

The Obama administration is deeply embarrassed by these revelations. What these agents need is a session in 'Shame Training'. (similar to 'sensitivity training'). Damned, whore-mongering perverts. 

What'sthematter, Secret Service? 'Can't find enough sluts here in America?

You know, this would have never made the news if you just moved this Summit of the Americas meeting to Sandra Fluke's Georgetown University dormitory. I understand that Georgetown girls have quite an insatiable appetite for fornication. Just bring a wallet full of contraception. Our prim Ms. Fluke and her friends seem to like it when somebody else pays for that stuff.

Put your evil-doing hands on the desk. I'm gonna smack 'em until I draw blood!

You have disgraced America. Thanks, jack-a$$es.

I SAID, 'PUT YOUR EVIL HANDS ON THE DESK!'