Gobble gobble, my subjects. I hope that you're with your family this Thanksgiving, and I hope that if you voted for me, that you REALLY get up in the faces of all your conservative relatives who voted for that loser Mitt Romney.
As you dig into that turkey leg and enjoy the cranberries, I hope that you remember the less fortunate-like those suckers who lost their job at Hostess.
See what happens when you don't give in to my unionista thug allies?
On this special holiday, I just wanna tell my subjects what I am thankful for. First of all, I am thankful for stupid, gullible, low-information voters.
I am thankful for my god-like reverb, my superior ground game, and my best friend....my teleprompter.
Of course, I am thankful for FLOTUS, my darling daughters, and everyone in the state-run news media. Without your relentless lying, I would have had to rely solely on outright vote fraud to win re-election.
On this Thanksgiving Day, I propose a 'fundamentally transformed' Thanksgiving from this day forward. Since America believes in ME more than that old fogey GOD, I want every family to bow their heads in prayer, and thank ME for all you have....
....your Obama phones, 99 months of unemployment compensation, your college loans forgiven, free contraception, ect.
Also, if it weren't for ME and my Democrat allies in The Senate, Big Bird would have ended up on that fat-head Chris Christie's dinner table.
I am announcing an executive order, mandating that every household place a listening device on every kitchen table in America. My civilian security agents and my czars are listening in on you right now.
I want to dispel a rumor that my family will be roasting a dog. Damn all of you conservatives on Twitter. You just won't let that go, will you?
Finally, I am thankful for Attorney General Eric Holder. If it wasn't for him, I'd be spending Thanksgiving in a Federal Prison somewhere.
Thank you. And thank me.
President Barack Hussein Obama, mmmm....mmmm....mmmm