Monday, November 12, 2012

The Best Is Yet To Come

On Election Night, I watched the presidency slip away on my Twitter timeline, and listened to Hugh Hewitt, Ed Morrissey, and James Lileks.  I couldn't stand to watch any of the Election Night TV coverage.

While I didn't watch Obama's acceptance speech, I can imagine what his trusty teleprompter told him to say. Here is an excerpt thru my TruthTeller 3000:

Thank you.....thank you.....thanks.....Don't faint....

I would like to thank my vanquished opponent Mitt Romney for a SPIRITED campaign.

Now is the time for America to come together and accept me as your dictator for life, or until those dirty Republican meanies try to impeach me for the myriad of crimes I've committed against the country.

Until that time, I can promise right here that THE BEST IS YET TO COME. Pretty soon you'll want to throw away those Obama Phones I bribed you with. All I can say to my voters is that I'm gonna leave something really nice in your Christmas stocking.

Don't worry. Those evil rich folks will be paying for everything.

My friends, now is the time for compromise, and let me make this clear. It will be MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY!

Thank you......thanks.....Don't hyperventilate, ma'am, I'm not God. Not yet.

Under my sterling leadership, the private sector is DOING JUST FINE, but I am not satisfied. In my second administration, I promise to lower the sea levels. I mean it this time.

I believe I have gone ten whole minutes without boasting that I killed Osama bin Laden. Osama is dead and GM is ALIVE!

Now that I WON, it's important for the other side to compromise. In other words, I'm gonna raise taxes on those eeevil rich folks, and it would be a bad idea to oppose ANYTHING I do. Don't even try!

Four years ago, my teleprompter told me to say that we are days away from FUNDAMENTALLY TRANSFORMING AMERICA. Four years from tonight, I promise you, my brain-dead subjects, that NOBODY will be able to even recognize this country anymore!


Thank you!

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