Our Little Dictator Stumbles Out Of The Gate

Columbus, Ohio-On Saturday, Our Little Dictator kicked off his 2012 campaign at a sparsely-attended rally at THE Ohio State University's Value City Arena/ Schottenstein Center in Columbus. In 2008, Obama ran a flawless campaign, but after three years into his devastating Presidency, it appears that the Buckeye State has had enough.

It appears that The Messiah has stumbled out of the gate this time around. His campaign photographer had to play crowd wrangler to the 14,000 reliable collegiate Obots, moving them away from all of the empty seats.

Still, his compliant Obots came out to show allegiance to Their Messiah.

" When he speaks, I start to feel like I can just about faint", one female student named Julia said.

"It's amazing that our god-like President will actually take time to come down here to speak to us!" said one of her swooning friends.

A male Obot expressed his wish that Obama will speak about an issue especially close to his heart:

"I have $40,000 in student loans. I'm sure hopin' that The President will tell us that I don't have to pay it back".

Obama continued his campaign kick-off in Richmond, Virginia.