When Black Friday Shoppers Attack

On the Friday after each Thanksgiving, Americans shake off their triyptophan coma, and engage in an all-out, psychotic orgy of avarice and greed, commonly referred to as 'Black Friday'. It's great entertainment for us that take a rain check, and watch the news accounts on TV. People pushing, crushing, and runniing over friend and foe alike, as they struggle to find that television set with that magic '15% off' sticker.

There was that crazy woman in Los Angeles who pepper-sprayed the other shoppers, and there were also American shoppers who were shot on Friday. But nobody could hold a candle to the craziest shoppers of them all.

On Thursday morning, Norma Ridgeway and Joy Rikkets, just a couple a fun-loving ladies from Alburquerque, New Mexico, had a plan.

The plan was to steal a tank from the local Army base, and clean out the local WalMart. Then, at 2400  hours, just before the midnight madness was to begin, they would break the WalMart doors with their tank, and clean out the retail universe.

Our heroes arrived at the local Army base thirty minutes before midnight, and Norma distracted the lone guard on duty, while Joy revved up the tank. When the guard had his back turned to investigate the noise, Norma pulled a gun on him. With the guard subdued, the gals were on their way to some incredible supersavings.

At 11:53 on Thursday night, the crowd was rabid, and WalMart greeters and employees were getting ready to be trampled by insane shoppers. Just then, the tank arrived, smashing in the front doors.

After their spree of mayhem and some incredible deals, the girls jumped back into their tank, and were last seen heading towards the U.S.-Mexico border.

There seems to be squabbling between Federal law officials, the New Mexico National Guard, and military leaders. Nobody wants to retrieve the tank. As one commander states:

"I've done 3 tours in Iraq.  I've seen friends lose limbs, seen comrades killed, but I don't ever think that it's worth the trouble of messin' with shoppers on Black Friday. Those people are just plain crazy!"