Happy Halloween From The Obamas

Happy Halloween, America. It's the neighborhood bully, President Barack Hussein Obama.

As Michelle and our Senior Advisers, Malia and Sasha, hand out candy and dried fruit to trick-or-treaters, union leaders and Solyndra executives will be bobbing for bribes in the White House ballroom. This week, I am stealing candy from some, and redistributing the candy to the suckers who got college loans, but won't pay them back.

And we always have plenty of vampires to suck the taxpayers of their blood.

Earlier today, I got quite a scare, when a girl in a scary witch costume came trick-or-treating. I opened the door and saw her, and said, "My! What a scary little witch!"
She gave me an unblinking, evil eye, and yelled, "I'm not wearing a costume! I'm Nancy Pelosi! I'm here for the 2:00 p.m. meeting!"

Now those two hooligans, Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck, are egging my house. I better get Attack Watch on the case. I have The Great Pumpkin on the t.v. right now......oh, that's New Jersey Governor Chris Christie on CNN.

What the hell is that snickering sound? It sounds like a red squirrel.

One neighbor that I WON'T be inviting to the party is that grumpy old man, Michael Savage. That mean old man's psychotic mutt, Teddy, keeps digging through Michelle's victory garden.

We have a swingin' Halloween Bash in full force. Oh look, there's the Night Of The Living Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid hobnobbing with the winner of our drag queen contest, Representative Barney Frank of Massachusetts. Wow, that's one heck of a Marilyn Monroe costume.

Austan Ghoulsbee has the scariest costume of them all. He's arrived as a tombstone, with the words 'Rest In Peace, American Economy 1776-2011'.

The presidential election will be in full swing next year, and if you think that this Halloween is scary, just wait! Halloween 2012 promises to be the most horrifying freak show EVER!  But don't worry, America.

My 'civilian security force'  in purple t-shirts will be patrolling the streets, and on election day 2012, the Black Panthers will be standing guard outside each polling place.

Happy Halloween on behalf of The Obamas, and if you don't have a great Halloween, just remember:

I inherited this holiday from the previous administration. Thank you.

The One.