Tuesday, April 1, 2014

This Just In: 105% Of Americans Are Enrolled In Obamacare

April 1 White House Press Release:

Following an incredible, last-minute wave of sign-ups, The Obama Administration is pleased to announce that every single American has enrolled in the incredibly popular healthcare law.

We were expecting about 7,000,000 enrollees, but after we counted 15,000,000 illegal immigrants. We can proudly announce that 340,000,000 Americans have enrolled. We know this because our official people-counters at SCYTL says it's true.

Also, 35,000,000 dead people are registered....I mean....enrolled.

We're also happy to announce that EVERY SINGLE AMERICAN is a registered Democrat now. We have sent pre-printed registration cards to every residence, telling everyone who they will be voting for in November.

Many Americans were under the false impression that our website healthcare.gov was not working properly. In reality, the website works perfectly. We discovered that The Koch Brothers and certain talk-radio hosts were spreading misinformation concerning our perfectly-operating system.

Also, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid has disclosed that millions of Americans are indeed just too dumb to sign-up successfully. But they too, are all signed up.

The President thanks Rachel Ray and Lebron James for persuading scores of Americans to enroll in Dear Leader's healthcare law.

Good work, America.

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