Monday, April 7, 2014

Ron Swanson Tells Valerie Jarrett: Stay Away, You Psychotic Witch

Obama advisor Valerie Jarrett paid a visit to Hollywood, demanding that scriptwriters include a pro-Obamacare message in the TV shows you watch.

We here at The RedSquirrel Report have asked TV superstar Ron Swanson, star of NBC'S Parks And Recreation, for his opinion concerning this development:

Dear Valerie,

Stay the Hell away from Pawnee, you evil, psychotic witch.

Is there ANYTHING about America that you and your freakish commie regime haven't desecrated yet? You don't seem to know just how pissed-off this country is over having their health plans cancelled, and they don't like it when Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid calls them 'liars.' And now, you demand that our writers place a positive spin on Obamacare. Val, this isn't North Korea.

I'll be happy to explain some things to you, since you're not from here. Let me clue you in, honey.

I am an American. I like lots of meat on my plate, and stuff on my TV that makes me smile. Real Americans hate rabbit food and overt communism in our TV shows.

Also, Real Americans hate Obamacare. We hate being lied to almost as much as I hate skim milk. We don't like busybodies telling us how to live our lives. Also, Real Americans strive to attain awesomeness, not government dependency or Obama-styled suckiness.

Obamacare should be repealed, not shoved down our throats. You've destroyed the greatest healthcare system the world has ever seen, but I'll be damned if you also turn 'Parks And Recreation' into pro-Obama propaganda. Our screenwriters will not turn April Ludgate into another dependent 26-year-old child, looking for an Obamacare subsidy. She's busy making our viewers laugh.

If anything, we might do a show about badly Obamacare sucks.

That is all for now.

Ron Swanson, Real American

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