Obama Battles The Strawmen

It's amazing that Mr. Obama's tongue hasn't fallen out of his mouth yet.

There has never been a more dishonest, insanely demagogic politician in this country's history. One of his favorite rhetorical devices is the use of  'the strawman'. Obama and his allies relentlessly lie about his opponents and their positions on policy matters as they paint their enemies as selfish and inhuman.

If a Republican tells you that it's a nice, sunny day, Obama suddenly appears to tell you that Republicans believe in discriminating against rainy days. He also has an army of vicious liars in the mainstream news media.

When someone expresses doubt about the hoax of man-made global warming, The Democrats accuse their opponents of destroying life on the planet.

Last week, he spoke about pay equity in The White House Rose Garden. After he finished his speech, ground workers dried out his speech and fertilized the garden with it:

Republicans believe that women should be denied a basic human right to be paid as much as a man. That is why I introduce MY NEWEST INITIATIVE. Evil Republicans are waging a WAR ON WOMEN, believing that women should be kept barefoot and pregnant, and BE FORCED to pay for their own contraception! On the other hand, us Democrats believe in pay equity! (the audience cheers wildly)

Just don't ask me why women are payed less inside The Obama White House. Hey, the boss is a Muslim. They should be glad we let them appear in public.

That reminds me. I think that it's simply awful the way Republicans keep pushing Grandma off a cliff. Today, I am introducing my new agenda. We're calling it 'The Republicans Must Stop Pushing Grandma Off Cliffs Act of 2014'. If the Republicans don't vote for MY plan, I will go over their heads. (wild cheering)

Remember, I have a phone and a pen. (wild cheering)

Also, I keep hearing that Republicans abuse their own kids. This simply cannot continue, so I am pleased to announce 'The Republicans Must Stop Abusing Their Own Kids Act'. I don't know why Republicans do such terrible things to our young, but I AM WILLING TO STOP THEM! (more wild cheering)

Also, The Republicans are destroying the economy. They insist on drilling for oil and digging for coal, then they cut taxes for the richest Americans. This has to stop. Our world cannot continue to be RAPED by these capitalists. (wild cheering)

Remember, they didn't build that. (more wild cheering)

I am pleased to announce that I have resurrected our economy by laundering money through Solyndra. Then, I stole half a trillion dollars from those able to pay for it, AND showered my supporters in the form a 'stimulus.' Also, I've made lots of money by selling guns to dangerous Mexican drug dealers. I am pleased to announce that my policies have worked! (Obama does an end-zone dance as the audience cheers)

Some Republicans tried to stop me. Shame on them. They must want me to fail because I'm black.

That's my time. Allahu Akhbar.