This is Andrea Mitchell, NBC NEWS, reporting from somewhere in Iowa.
Iowa is TOO WHITE, TOO EVANGELICAL, yet, for some reason, they too are allowed to take part in our electoral process.
Tonight, hayseed hicks in overalls will attend their local yokel caucus, and choose from among seven, white Republican Presidential candidates to face Our Glorious Leader in November.
Did I already point out that Iowa is too white? There was one black candidate, but he was successfully smeared by President Obama's allies in the mainstream news media. That'll learn 'im!
As for myself, and my effete, metrosexual colleagues from the networks.....Please! Get us out of this horrible place! As my colleague, Howard Fineman said, 'I feel like I've stepped right into a Steven King horror story!' As we pass by the seemingly endless rows of empty cornfields, I am left wondering why the caucus season counldn't begin in a place that more reflects the REAL America, like Chicago's Cabrini-Green Housing Projects, or San Francisco's always festive Castro Neighborhood?
Tonight, Iowa voters will choose one following GOP Candidates:
Former Massachussetts Governor Mitt Romney (cough: Mormon)
Former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum, who hates gays
Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, who hates welfare recepiants
Texas Governor Rick Perry, who hates debating
Minnesota Representative Michele Bachman, who hates gays and Muslims
and Texas Representative Ron Paul, who hates our wonderful Federal Reserve system
....oh, and Former Utah Governor John Huntsman (cough: also a Mormon)
Just now, A farmer just told me that I would make a great scarecrow. Please, get me out of here....
This is Andrea Mitchell, NBC NEWS....