Monday, January 16, 2012

Satanists, Atheists, And Bill Maher Cheer Tom Brady On To Victory

On Saturday, the New England Patriots defeated the Tim Tebow-led Denver Broncos, 45-10.

Patriot Quarterback Tom Brady threw for a play-off record five touchdowns in the first half, while Bronco Quarterback Tim Tebow's season of miracles came to a crashing end.

There was no parting of the red, white, and blue pass rush, as the Patriot defence chased Tebow through the desert of no answers. Meanwhile, satanists and atheists from all over cheered for New England QB Tom Brady.

At the Los Angeles Church of Satan, the devil worshippers spent their sabbath praying for and cheering on the Patriots. After each Brady touchdown, they filled their chalices with blood, and took a long swig.

Each time Tebow was sacked, the devil worshippers praised Satan loudly, chanting in Latin as their heads spun around. Tim Tebow finished the game having completed only 9 of 26 passes for only 136 passing yards.

"Behold, the mighty power of Satan!" they yelled.

"All hail SATAN, and his disciple TOM BRADY!!" they chanted.

Meanwhile, in Salem, Massachusetts, a coven of wiccans celebrated in a more quiet manner.

Gavin Snotley, President of Americans for a Godless Way, celebrated with his 12-year-old son.

"The fact that Tim Tebow played poorly is proof that there is no God", snorted Snotley. wiping his nose on his sleeve.

Bill Maher, host of a lowly-rated HBO talk show, celebrated with Hef at the Playboy Mansion. Maher tebowed on the plush living room carpet each time Tebow was sacked or threw an incompleted pass, as Hefner's girlfriends giggled.

"Take THAT, Tebow....and that imaginary friend of yours!", Maher sneered.

Meanwhile, during the post-game press conference, England Patriot Quarterback Tom Brady was asked if it was indeed Satan that had delivered victory for the Pats. All he could do was smile sheepishly, and say, "Next question, please."

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