Thursday, June 5, 2014

Emperor Obama: Say Goodbye To Fossil Fuels

Today, Emperor Obama addresses his subjects on the subject of energy:

 Good morning, my impoverished American cave people,

Today, I proudly announce that I have kept TWO campaign destroy The Coal Industry AND that energy prices would necessarily skyrocket.

I am happy to announce that soon the America that you grew up in will be reduced to 4th-world status. Soon, there will be NO WAY to pay your energy bill. It will be impossible to start up your computers or heat your homes, unless I say you may.

Say goodbye to cheap, plentiful fossil fuels. Soon, we will close all the nuclear plants, and rely on the sun and kelp from the ocean to supply us with all our energy needs. I foresee a time when nearly everyone will be living in straw huts.

Eventually, you will be completely dependent on ME. Soon, you will need to contact one of my commissars, and he or she will get you in contact with an ENERGY NAVIGATOR, who will have the power rob you of your earthly possessions.....or grant you an ENERGY SUBSIDY.

If you are a registered Democrat, you probably WILL receive your energy subsidy......unless there's a problem with our website, energy,gov, which will be up-and-running in 2017.

We may replace energy grids with 'energy welfare offices.'

Global Climate Change is disturbing the balance on this fragile, tiny planet. So, within three years, we will drastically reduce CO2 by eliminating millions of producers of this pollutant.....PEOPLE!

This will be an orderly process. We will do away with 'domestic terrorists', such as land-owners and conservative refuseniks. We will herd them up, and put them in our FEMA camps. Then, they will disappear, and along with them, excessive amounts of CO2.

These are exciting times.

Allahu Akbar. (ululate)

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