The RedSquirrel Report would like to offer you a chance to serve your country. There is SO MUCH that we don't know about your Mom and Dad, and so we would like to ask you if you would be interested in helping us know them better.
At some point, at the White House dinner table, we would like you to ask your Dad where he keeps his college transcripts. If he tells you where they are, or better yet, if he xeroxes a copy, send it to us at The RedSquirrel Report. We will pay you a $1,000.
That's right. We have a check made out to you, Malia and Sasha. A thousand BUCKS. You can split it 50-50, or Malia can take 60%. It's up to you girls how you want to split the money.
Think about it. A thousand dollars. You can invite all your friends over, and order a hundred pizzas.
The RedSquirrel Report also asks you to monitor your parents for any RACIST remarks. We at RSR are journalists interested in getting 'the inside scoop,' and believe that The President and The First Lady must always set a high standard.
If you want, you can wear a wire, and we can park a surveillance truck a few blocks from The White House. If your parents, or Grandma Robinson, say anything that can be construed as RACIST, and it's caught on tape, we will pay you.
Can you imagine how famous you would become? You would be more famous than Donald Sterling's girlfriend, or even Geraldo Rivera!
Thanks,
Joe at The RedSquirrel Report
p.s.-We will also pay you $1,000 for a funny, embarrassing pic of Valerie Jarrett, or one of your Mom feeding her face.
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