Tuesday, December 31, 2013

The Ballad Of Hunter (The Seven-Year-Old Boy Accused Of Sexual Harassment)

Did you hear about that seven-year-old kid in Colorado who was suspended from school for kissing his female classmate on the hand? For some reason I think of the song El Paso by Marty Robbins when I think about Hunter's Story:

Hunter's a student in a grade school in Colorado
He made the mistake of kissing a GIRL
His little classmate and he were on a playground
She giggled and gave her hair a twirl

He kissed the hand of the young maiden
The two of them were just seven years old
Hunter said that they were boyfriend and girlfriend
Their classmates saw this and their blood runneth cold

They squawked and squealed on little Hunter
Off to the pricipal's office he was se......nn....nnn....nnnt
We'll suspend you from school you little monster
The kid was charged with SEXUAL HARASSMENT

This isn't how boys are supposed to act in Colorado
If it was 'same sex' it would then be just fine
But you kissed a girl and that is a no-no
Showing affection here is crossing the line

Hunter must serve a good, long suspension
We must now rob him of his joy
Next thing we know he will go rape somebody
We have to stop him from being a boy

The liberal teachers want to teach Hunter a lesson
Don't you ever kiss a young grrr--rrr--rrr---rrrlll
Or we'll throw you out of this school
We warn you, don't give it a whirl

There's three assistants to the left of Hunter 
and a school psychologist on the right
saying 'We will call your Mom to our office, Buster.'
You are in really big trouble, get out of our sight

Before young Hunter is to serve his suspension
He sees teardrops running down his girl's cheeks
He says 'The liberal weirdos cannot hurt our friendship
Just one kiss and....

See you in.......two.....weeks....'

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