Sunday, March 2, 2014

An RSR Exclusive: David Corn Knows Something The Rest Of Us Don't

This week, Mother Jones journalist David Corn (pictured) took to Twitter, and shared Jeremy Schulman's stunning story, "Study: Global Warming Will Cause 180,000 More Rapes By 2099". Then, Corn tweeted the following:

Nothing confounds many conservatives like #science and #reserach. Someone should do a study on this.

And so, conservatives on Twitter had some snarky fun at Corn's expense, making fun of the way he misspelled 'research.'

Subsequently, your bushy-tailed investigative journalist has learned that Corn DID NOT misspell 'research'. There is a super-secret laboratory, where scientists actually do reserach. David Corn knew this.

The government has gone to great lengths to keep this under wraps.

We have discovered that our government has successfully sent reserachers into the future to ask rapists what it was that made them so violent, and we already know that global climate change will be to blame.

Our RSR correspondent asked one reseracher (who asked that his identity be withheld to protect his anonymity) about other exciting studies that will effect life on our planet for decades to come. We have learned the following:

Home-schooling will result in 20,000 mass-shootings by 2120. Reserachers are currently reseraching ways to combat the ill-effects of home-schooling.

Opening the Keystone XL Pipeline will result in 10,000,000 grandmothers being pushed off a cliff by 2050.

Stay tuned as we stay on top of this developing story.

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