Wow, I didn't even know that Debbie Downer wrote for The New Republic. Yesterday we learned that the Valentine card you present to your honey is responsible for producing 18.5 grams of planet-choking CO2. Here to present even more joy-stealing Valentine's Day facts is the writer of that TNR piece. Take it away, Debbie:
Thanks, RedSquirrel.
It's true. The Valentine's card you buy for your girlfriend or wife is responsible for 18.5 grams of CO2. (wha-wha)
Also, if you go to enjoy a romantic dinner, that chicken you're eating was probably tortured, and kept cooped up in a tiny cage in order to keep it from getting any exercise. (wha-wha)
If you bought your honey a box of chocolates, just remember that somebody raped Mother Earth extracting the chocolate, coconuts, and cherries. (wha-wha)
Valentine's Day is the one day of the year when most cases of venereal diseases are contracted. Also, feline AIDS is STILL the #1 KILLER OF CATS....(mmmmeeeeoowwww mmmmeeeeooowwww)
....and it's official. I can't have kids. (wha-wha)
Thank you, Debbie. Now please go away.
On a similar note, the person who wrote the article about the Valentines Day cards wrote it for a magazine which has thousands of subscribers and uses tons (literally) more paper than your card. So, with all due respect, screw 'em. And tell Al-Earth's-Rectal-Thermometer-Gore to shovel my snow. Nice article, Joe.
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