Bizarro Elvis Sends A Letter To The President

On the evening of December 21, 1970, music legend Elvis Presley left Graceland, and took a red-eye to Washington DC. During the flight, he composed a letter to President Richard Nixon.

Presley wanted to be appointed a DEA Agent-at-Large. He felt trapped by stardom, and wanted to help the government fight it's war on illegal drugs. The King of Rock And Roll felt that he was put on Earth to make the world a better place.

He got his meeting with The President.

Turn the page. It's April 17, 2013, and Elvis impersonator Paul Kevin Curtis (pictured) has dropped a letter filled with the deadly toxin Ricin into a mail box. The letter is addressed to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Curtis also sends a Ricin-laced letter to Mississippi Republican Senator Paul Wicker.

Suspicious Minds at The Federal Bureau of Investigation intercepted and traced the letters back to Curtis. Following all the insane news of the week, many Americans are All Shook Up.

Now, it looks like Curtis, a conspiracy theorist, will soon be doing The Jailhouse Rock.