Thursday, April 25, 2013

A Message From DHS Director Janet Napolitano

From time to time, it's important for our government officials to report to the American people. Today, we are pleased to welcome this message from Department of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano. Hit it, Big Sis:

Thank you, RedSquirrel. As you know, it has been a very tough week for The Obama Administration. There was the Boston Marathon Bombing and the fruitless search for Tea Party suspects. Then, there was the Ricin letter scare. We thought that Paul Kevin Curtis was a Republican, but he was a registered Democrat, so we had to release him.

Oh, and then there was the horrific explosion near Waco, Texas.

DHS tried it's darndest to produce a suspect that would satisfy the state-run media's hopes and dreams to extinguish and criminalize the dreaded Tea Party, but those two Chechen idiots had to kill the cop at MIT, hijack that car, and go throwing grenades at those police officers.

I apologize to Salon's David Sirota. The Tsarnaev brothers made him look like a real dumb ass.

On the positive side, everyone in Beantown stayed indoors when we ordered that city-wide lock-down. After my boss gets his amnesty for illegal criminal aliens signed, the American people will NEVER want to leave their houses again.

Yes, the families who lost loved ones in those bomb blasts in Beantown are probably hurting almost as much as President Obama is since the Senate shot down his background check proposal last Wednesday.

I just hope that the American people don't catch on to the fact that we're trying to get Osama bin Laden's kid out of the country.

One last thing. If you see anybody with pastry shaped like a gun, Christians trying to spread their faith, or anyone engaging in patriotic behavior, call my office.

Thank you.

Janet Napolitano, Director of Homeland Security

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