Thursday, July 17, 2014
My Archie Andrews Obituary
The law-abiding Andrews and his friend were reportedly walking in a gun-free zone, where Andrews was killed.
Apparently, the criminal knew that his red-headed victim and his gay friend weren't armed.
'Damn gun control!!! It just makes us normal, law-abiding Americans sitting ducks!!', said a visibly shaken Reggie Mantle, Archies former band mate. 'Everyone knows that Archie and I had our differences and were longtime rivals, but man, this is horrible and sad.
I haven't felt this bad since John Lennon was murdered.'
In a statement, The Archies long-time manager has announced that the band will not continue without Archie. The band had the number one single of 1969, "Sugar Sugar'.
It has been announced that every radio station in The United States will pay tribute to this pop music icon by broadcasting his signature hit 'Sugar Sugar' this Monday at noon EST.
Archie is survived by his parents, Mary and Fred, his main crushes Veronica Lodge and Betty Cooper, his rival Reggie Mantle, his best friend, Jughead Jones, and pal Dalton Doiley.
Funeral plans are pending.