David Axelrod Tips His Hat To Thad Cochran

About two weeks ago, establishment sleazebag Thad Cochran eked out a win in the Mississippi Republican Primary against Tea Party challenger, Chris McDaniel. The Cochran campaign filled the airwaves with sleazy, race-baiting ads and distributed fliers to draw Black Democrats to the polls.

It appears to have been successful, but McDaniel has refused to concede the race. There also appears to be Mississippi election laws broken, so nobody really knows who will go on to the general election in November.

We've invited our expert on sleazy campaign tricks to comment. Take it away, former Obama Campaign Advisor David Axlerod:

I've been following this race, and I must tip my hat to Thad Cochran. As someone who has worked on several Barack Obama Campaigns, I've used almost every dirty trick in the book, successfully smearing all of his opponents.

However, I'm a little concerned. What if these tactics are used by Republicans all over the country? We Democrats have no conscience, so we use rigged voting machines, disenfranchise America's military voters serving overseas, use creative voter registration, commit massive election fraud, ect.

What will happen in November if The GOP begin fighting fire with fire? Or worse yet, somebody like Lee Atwater comes around putting TV ads like those 1988 Willy Horton ads all over the airwaves?

Everybody says that Cochran played dirty because he's an establishment GOP. Maybe he's just a street fighter who's figured out that politics is like a war. 

I like what Obama is doing right now, importing hundreds of thousands of illegal immigrants. He should get them registered immediately, even the 9-year-olds. It might save The Democrats on Election night.

He's destroying America, but he might save The Senate for us Democrats. As for Thad Cochran, I must say that I am pretty impressed. He'd make a great Democrat.

Condescending Wonka Comments On Obama's Trip To Minneapolis

Wow, The President took a trip to Minneapolis. How exciting.

Many of you Minnepolitans REALLY believe that our friend from Kenya is really concerned for the people of this country. Your faith in Obama is truly inspiring.

The local news media breathlessly reported that the President stepped down from Air Force One, because he really wanted to meet this person named Rebekah, and ask her how she was doing and stuff. What a guy.

He spoke at a 'townhall meeting'. I heard that in order to be allowed in, you needed a 'golden ticket'. I wasn't there, so I'm just wondering if he took any tough questions from the attendees. Did anybody ask him about Lois Lerner or Fast And Furious or Benghazi or the dismantling of The Constitution or why he is trafficking under-aged illegal aliens? 

I'm guessing that he just ran out of time.

Was it really a 'townhall meeting', or was it really a 'pep rally for his low-information voters? Just wondering.

Did anybody faint? I feel a great sense of sympathy for many Obama voters, who seem to have trouble getting enough oxygen in their brain.

I am interested in knowing how many people who attended this 'townhall meeting' had their health plans cancelled by Obamacare. I'm sure that if they did, they would believe Obama when he says that it was the fault of the previous administration. Barry can do no wrong. If you criticize Dear Leader it only proves you're a (whispering) racist.

I'm so happy for Rebekah Erler. I'll bet that the president's visit turned her life around!

What's Going On With The Presbyterians?

Is it true that The Presbyterians are divesting from Israel?

When I was a kid in the 70's and early 80's, I attended Sunday School and church services at Lawron Chapel  in Itasca County. Before Sunday School began at 9:30 a.m., the kids played football, then church organist Grace Stevens would call us in.

Fun fact: 1985 Mr. High School Football Minnesota Mikey Petrich played with us. It was usually my job to cover him. He was too speedy for me to keep up, so I played pretty dirty sometimes. Other times, I played about 20 yards off the line like Paul Krause.

Every Christmas, we held a church play or some kind of program. Wednesday was pot luck night. We had choir practice afterwards.

In mid-June, we had Bible School. Before AND after classes, Reverend James Elvig played softball with us kids.

I don't recall anything overtly political. I do remember someone circulating some sort of flyer against TV smut. Somebody had a problem with the ABC sit-com 'SOAP', starring Katherine Helmond. She went on to play the horny red-headed Mona on 'Who's The Boss?'

I do remember getting into those Jack Chick Christian tracts that I would find in the church. I remember one titled 'Support Your Local Jew.'

So, The Presbyterians are divesting from Israel. They should be reminded that Yahweh made a promise to Abraham in Genesis 12:3:

I will bless those who bless you, and curse those who curses you.

Maybe I'll send them a Chick tract.

Dear Mr. President.....Stop Yer Bitching!!!

Our Kenyan Tyrant made a recent speech before a 'Working Families' Summit. We welcome one of our junior correspondents, who files this report:

We are almost SIX years into this douchebag's presidency, and he's STILL bitching about unequal pay for women. By the way, he doesn't pay the women in The White House as much as the males.

So, he made a speech before a 'Working Families' summit, where he bitched about the plight of American women, then bitched about the plight of American children. Then he bitched about Congress not acting on HIS agenda.

His voice cracked like a 12-year-old bully after being caught by the playground monitor shaking down a smaller kid for his lunch money.

'Oh no, I wasn't trying to take his lunch money! You can't prove anything! It's not my fault! It's the previous administration's fault!'

I'm only 8-years-old, and I know what this summit was about. It was held to perpetrate the myth of The Republican's War On Women. I heard that somebody named 'Rebecca from Minneapolis' wrote this doofus a letter. I heard he took Air Force 0ne to Minneapolis.  I'll bet he went and bitched some more.

I know he doesn't give a rat's ass about anybody but himself. He'll make ANOTHER speech, destroy ANOTHER industry, and bitch about everything.

And I thought that Kyle's Mom was a bitch.

Eric Cartman.
South Park Elementary School.

Chief Lying Weasel Speaks With Forked Tongue

Recently, Our Kenyan Dictator visited the Standing Rock Sioux Tribal Nation in Cannon Ball, North Dakota, and made ANOTHER SPEECH.

Our correspondent was there. He sends this report:

 Thank you, Mighty RedSquirrel


 President Lying Weasel brought his long list of grievances against America, telling his audience that America has a long, terrible history of mistreating us, THE FIRST AMERICANS.

Obama said that America turned their black brothers into slaves and the workers of today into virtual slaves, refusing to raise the minimum wage.

Holy bear crap! Does he ever stop bitching? I wonder if he's like this when he's with his wife, Queen Moose Jaw....

He went on to say that America has a long, terrible history of spreading the evil of capitalism and the disease of freedom. The white settlers stole our land and gave everybody smallpox. Then, some paleface bought a football team, and named it The Redskins to add insult to injury.

Actually, I thank The Great Spirit In The Sky for the white settlers because they introduced something else....CASINOS!

My family and friends are swimming in money. We like it when hard-working Americans make lots of money, then visit us here at Running Bear Casino. Everybody should come down. Next week, Yakov Smirnoff is appearing in our Rainbow Room.

Meanwhile, Chief Lying Weasel has killed jobs. He destroyed the coal industry, The Keystone XL Pipeline, and destroyed many more jobs via Obamacare. 

He's not satisfied with just redistributing wealth. Now he's redistributing dangerous diseases like Tuberculosis, Chicken Pox, & Scabies by trafficking under-aged children from Central America.

I guess giving our ancestors smallpox is wrong, but giving a white man TB is a-o.k. We all know that he's sold guns to dangerous Mexican drug dealers.

President Lying Weasel speaks with forked tongue, and much bull crap passes from his lying lips. God help us.

An RSR Exclusive: Newly Discovered Writings Of Nostradamus

Michel de Nostredame (known to most people as Nostradamus) was a 16th century French philosopher who predicted future wars, the rise of Hitler, and the assassination of two Kennedy brothers. The RedSquirrel Report has recently uncovered more incredible, accurate predictions: 




In the year 2 thousand and 8
The Evil One will arise from Hawaii, or Kenya, or Indonesia
and the idiots will elect him. Twice.


Isis will rise, slicing off heads. The trail of blood will lead to Baghdad.
Boko will take your daughters into slavery. 3 hundred families weeping.
Barak will fire back with a mighty hashtag. Then go golfing. 


Eric the Lawless will sell firearms to the dangerous Aztlan drug dealers
breaking laws at a Fast and Furious pace, destroying lives
The Eagle cries out for justice, while King Barak laughs, then Dear Leader attends another fundraiser.


Barak sleeps soundly, while 4 are killed.
There's a more important matter to attend to. Namely,
another fundraiser in Vegas.


In Nov. 2 Thousand and 8, we will turn Their votes into Our votes
disenfranchising those voters who defend freedom
Donkeys will vote Twice, or Three, some even Four, Five, Six times
And The Dead will arise out of their sleep and Vote.


The Rich and powerful will wine and dine on lobster and sweet potato pie and the fattest, richest foods with The Queen 
Then, a Silver Bird will take The First Family to Aspen, to Hawaii, to expensive vacays
as peasant children go hungry-----at public schools
The Queen says the peasant children are too fat. 

My Galt.io Update

11:00 a.m. Today, I bought 3 shares of RWOW (Republican War On Women), and also started a private cause, (AFGCC) Americans For Global Climate Change, then immediately bought 100 shares at 25gc (galtcoins) a share.

My goal is for AFGCC to go public by the end of the day.

I bought 2 shares of SIIF (Stay In Iraq Forever). It's up 2.5%

I hope to start another private cause, (CFK) Cigarettes For Kittens sometime next week. I'm also wondering if David Duke is running for public office in 2014.

(Disclaimer: One of the rules of Galt.io is that you don't discuss anything that goes on in Galt.io, so it's a little like Fight Club. This post is meant as a parody of what lying, liberal wienies apparently think we conservatives believe and the causes we would support. Normal Americans. even libs, don't really believe that conservatives believe in causes like RWOW and AFGCC).

Generally speaking, libs are full of crap, and so I mock them.