Wednesday, May 27, 2015

An RSR Exclusive: If Looks Could Kill

In an RSR Exclusive, our science correspondent covering The Hillary 2016 Campaign has uncovered startling new facts centering around the leading Democrat candidate. When meeting with everyday voters and reporters on the campaign trail, we have learned that she has been sharing a very special gift.

Following her 2013 concussion, she discovered that she has a very special gift of psychokinesis. Also known as telekinesis, it is the alleged ability allowing a person to influence a physical system without physical interaction.

We know about this strange ability from scary movies like Scanners, where one man made another man's head explode live on TV, and the 1976 thriller Carrie, featuring Sissy Spacek.

One reporter, who asked to remain anonymous, said that he once asked Hillary a tough question during a campaign stop, and:

'Suddenly, she began staring at me in a really intense way. About ten seconds later, the inside of my head felt as if it was on fire. I stopped looking at her, and I woke up on the floor.'

One of Hillary's closest campaign associates told my correspondent that she can move things with her mind.

"Oh HELL, I've seen her make doors slam shut and glasses explode! EVERYBODY is TERRIFIED OF Hillary!'

Her current challenge is to use her gift to move her poll numbers back up.

If you find yourself face to face with Hillary Clinton, you are advised to not look directly at her. Also, don't annoy her with tough questions on important issues. And whatever you do, DO NOT ask her about the scandal-ridden Clinton Foundation or her emails.

Also, don't ask her about Benghazi OR losing six-billion dollars while at The State Department.

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