A couple weeks ago, doddering Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid was pulled away from his non-stop jihad against the Koch Brothers.
A bigger threat appeared on the national scene in the form of Nevada rancher Cliven Bundy. Reid contacted The RedSquirrel Report, and sent us this:
Dear Smelly constituents,
A couple week's ago, right-wing rancher Cliven Bundy (pictured) threw a monkey wrench in my scheme to bring a Chinese solar company to Nevada. This company would have made me and my son Rory billionaires, and also saved some frogs. That dirty racist, as well as dozens of well-armed domestic terrorists threatened and bullied agents with The Bureau of Land Management. This should not stand.
I am Harry effing Reid, and I get what I want. I will accept bribes from anyone I want, and I will shower my Chinese supporters with billions of taxpayer dollars if and when I please. I am The Senate Majority Leader, and it's my right. This inbred hick thinks that he actually can roll me? I'll show him.
We discovered with the help of our dedicated news media, Mr. Bundy is a virulent racist. This right-wing maniac said that Blacks should still be living in slavery. It's an absolute lie that our friends in the mainstream news media edited that audio. My personal close friend Andrea Mitchell from MSNBC told me so.
We are learning some incredible things about Bundy. For one thing, He refuses to pay grazing fees. That is why our agents had to kill dozens of his cows. We believe that he is cahoots with those evil Koch Brothers, although I haven't found out how....yet.
He might have lied about The Affordable Care Act at some point. We have some FBI agents bugging his ranch, and when we find anything on him, we'll swoop in and he'll be done.
By the time my friends in the mainstream news media are through with him, we will have the American People demanding his arrest.
None of this unpleasantness would have happened if he had contributed to my last campaign.
That's all for now.
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid