Obamacare By Morning, Over Six People Served

During the opening of last night's CMA Awards, hosts Carrie Underwood and Brad Paisley brought down the house as they mocked Obamacare. They used George Strait's classic tune 'Amarillo By Morning' to make their point.

Maybe this song parody can rally the country against this scam.

I imagine that everybody will add a verse or two to this song, so here's mine. Enjoy:

Obamacare By Morning I can't seem to enroll
America's in trouble, and deeper in the hole
My plan was cancelled, and we're no longer free
Obamacare By Morning, is where I'll be

Obamacare By Morning, Why is this taking so long?
I'll wind up with Hemorrhoids, sitting here all week long 
I have cataracts and dementia, and I'm down to my last nerve
Obamacare By Morning, over six people served
 
They took away my health plan, it's been replaced by this scam
This website's driving me crazy, and Sebelius doesn't give a damn
I remember when this plan was mine, back when I was free
Obamacare By Morning, is where I'll be

The RedSquirrel Report Endorses Cam Winton

On Tuesday, the voters of Minneapolis will elect a new Mayor.

Your bushy-tailed pundit is endorsing renewable energy businessman and political newcomer Cam Winton.

I am voting for this outsider because he speaks like someone who demonstrates the market discipline of a businessman, not a bureaucrat. I think that's what he means when he refers to himself as 'a fresh set of eyes.'

The candidate has appeared on The Northern Alliance Radio Network with Mitch Berg and the Up And At 'Em Show with Jack Tomczak and Benjamin Kruse, and appears to be what I am looking for in a steward of the taxpayer's money. He will lead the fight against wasteful spending.

Candidates Betsy Hodges, Mark Andrew, Don Samuels, Jackie Cherryhomes are all former members of The Minneapolis City Council, the body that brought us big, shiny boondoggles instead of making sure that our city has enough cops. Cam Winton is a dark-horse outsider who describes himself as "fiscally conservative and socially inclusive".

By fiscally conservative, I take that as meaning he's against large, pricey boondoggles that his opponents have generally supported. Cam Winton believes in spending the taxpayer's money on basic services, like more police officers and filling the city's potholes in a prompt manner.

In 2004, The City of Minneapolis completed The Hiawatha light-rail line. It costed over $700,000,000 to build, and goes to The VA Administration Building, The Minneapolis-St. Paul Airport, and The Mall of America.

We have city buses 7C, 7D, and 7E that used to do that, so we didn't need a train. Now, the money-wasters want to waste even more money on street cars. Cam Winton is leading the opposition against this wasteful spending. He also opposes the wasteful spending on Orchestra Hall, which now sits empty. To my way of thinking, this is welfare for the rich---and it is foolish.

Cam Winton isn't a fire-breathing conservative, but this bushy-tailed conservative believes that he is the best candidate for this office.

See you at the polls.

Comedian Jackie Mason Tells It Like It Is

This is The RedSquirrel Report Evening News, with anchor Jackie Mason:

Good evening,

In Washington, That good-for-nothing, lying schmuck Barack Obama told several more whoppers today, as millions of Americans had their health plans cancelled. What gets me is he lies and lies, then lies about having lied. It's a wonder that his tongue hasn't fallen out of his mouth.

This lying weasel spends all his time lying. It's like he has a mental disease. If he wasn't President, he'd be locked up in prison or in the nut house.

It used to be respectful thing to be President. We Americans used to look up to our Presidents, but this creep acts like that obnoxious, crying 7-year-old jerk who would sit behind you in class, smacking you in the back of the head. Then, he cries to the teacher after you retaliate. What a classless chump.

This schmuck always says he knows nothing. Biden knows nothing. Hillary knows nothing....yet he always acts so haughty like he's Mr. Know-It-All.

This dirty schlemiel is always pointing his finger, and is always blaming everybody else when he screws things up, then takes credit for everything right after telling us that everything stinks.

He blames a video for our heroes getting killed in Benghazi, The NRA for Fast And Furious, then after The American People complain about cancelled health plans, he says,'Don't blame me, blame your health plan for cancelling itself.'

He says if you like your health plan, you can keep it. He lied like crazy for 5 years. He lied on TV. He lied on the campaign trail. He lied in speeches. Then the American people got their cancellation notices.

Watch, he'll say the cancellation notice you got in the mail isn't real. It's just a mirage.

His low-information putzes will believe him. What a psychotic, lying schmuck.

Ob-La-Di, Ob-Ba-Ma

Desmond tried to log in to the marketplace
but the brand new website it was down
His health care plan he had to replace
on his keyboard he began to pound and pound

Ob-La-Di, Ob-Ba-Ma, Health Care Law (Blech)
Obamacare's the law of the land
Ob-La-Di, Ob-Ba-Ma, Health Care Law (Blech)
His premiums just went up another grand

Five hours later he went and tried again
but that website still didn't want to work
He tried to find out much he'll have to spend
Those Democrats are a bunch of effing jerks

Ob-La-Di, Ob-Ba-Ma, Health Care Law (Blech)
Obamacare's the law of the land
Ob-La-Di, Ob-Ba-Ma, Health Care Law (Blech)
His boss told him they had to cancel his plan

In a couple of weeks, they say the website should be ready to go
With his jobless kid, can remain on his plan,
Desmond will be so deep in the hole

He's still tries to log in to the marketplace
Obama tells him that he should shop around
Desmond wishes the government would get off of his case
looky here, the friggin' website is still down

Ob-La-Di, Ob-Ba-Ma, Health Care Law (Blech)
Obamacare's the law of the land
Ob-La-Di, Ob-Ba-Ma, Health Care Law (Blech)
Desmond's boss told him that they cancelled his plan

In a couple of weeks, they say the website should be ready to go
With his jobless kid, can remain on his plan
Desmond will be so deep in the hole

Desmond's trying to get in the marketplace
but it's more than he can stand
He has gotten lost in cyberspace
His premiums went up another grand

Ob-La-Di, Ob-Ba-Ma, Health Care Law (Blech)
Obamacare's the law of the land
Ob-La-Di, Ob-Ba-Ma, Health Care Law (Blech)
It looks like the government has cancelled our plan

If you wanna be sick. Think Ob-Ba-Ma-Ma-Care

It Wasn't Me (Obama Remix)

Someone is responsible for Benghazi, Operation Fast and Furious, The bugging of our allies, various IRS 'scandals', the harassment of FOX NEWS, the on-going Obamacare disaster, Solyndra, The NSA scandal, the stimulus rip-off....

....but it isn't the president. He knows nothing, nothing. Does he know ANYTHING about his own presidency?

He's so gosh-darn brilliant, yet nearly everything associated with his presidency has been a disaster. He takes no responsibility for anything except for killing Osama bin Laden and keeping General Motors alive.

When he's not blaming former President George W. Bush, the finger-pointing child prezzy blames his enemies, The Tea Party, and the imperfect history of Western civilization. When it comes to his ineptitude and rampant wrong-doing, we are supposed to disbelieve our lying eyes.

He reminds me of Shaggy's 2000 pop hit 'It wasn't me':

They caught me red-handed
stealing a trillion dollars
rewarding  friends with stimulus
The tea-baggers began to holler

I can't keep my lies straight
about what I said about Benghazi
I blamed it on a video
and sent out Susan Rice and Hil..ar....yyy

How can you grant that woman access to The White House?
There's four dead heroes, so just cling to the story.
Just say that you found out while reading the newspaper
Plausible deniability

To be a great leader you have to know how to lie without shame
state-run media will help you pass the blame
never admit fault and make crazy claims
tell your low-information voters you too want change

Angie Merkel caught me spying
(wasn't me)
Fox News caught me lying
(wasn't me)
They found out 'bout Fast and Furious
(wasn't me)
America is furious
(wasn't me)

Everybody hates Obamacare
(wasn't me)
Don't blame me, It isn't fair
(wasn't me)
They want to impeach me over Benghazi
(wasn't me)
I'll just send out Jay Carney

The First Lady Vows To Replant Her Victory Garden

Here at The RedSquirrel Report, we endeavor to bring you all the hard-hitting news.

As you know, the nightmarish partial government shut-down had paralyzed the country, and nowhere was this more true than THE WHITE HOUSE GARDEN. As 800,000 non-essential employees helplessly sat by their phone, waiting for that call that would bring them back to their cushy government jobs, The First Family was also hurt.

The shut-down forced First Lady Michelle Obama to neglect the victory garden.

Where there was once bountiful, ripening tomatoes, green peppers, carrots, and rutabagas, the soil became overgrown with ugly weeds, dust, and small tumbleweeds. Rabbit and squirrel prints are still visible in the wounded dirt.

The scene is straight out of The Grapes of Wrath.

It's a heart-breaking sight that sears into the memory, so we invited First Lady Michelle Obama to speak to us, her subjects:

Thank you, RedSquirrel,

Once again, the right-wingers have brought incredible hurt to something I care deeply about.

A garden needs someone to water it, nurture it, and sometimes a garden needs someone to pulls the weeds. My full-time staff of 50 could not be here to work in the garden, because The Republican anarchists had to shut-down the government. When there is a shut-down of the government, it's the garden that suffers.

I haven't been back to the garden. Instead, I am working HARD at arranging my family's next jet-setting family vacay. I think we may bring 10,000 of our friends. I am trying to narrow it down between a $150,000,000 African safari or maybe a $170,000,000 trip to Hawaii.

Of course, I also have The White House Halloween Party to organize.

I do have good news concerning my victory garden. Senator Al Franken is hard at work, securing $5,000,000 to be invested in my garden as part of the upcoming farm bill. It will be money well-spent.

I know how important my victory garden is to The American People. I vow to replant the tomatoes, rutabagas, and carrots someday. Thank you, my subjects.

Your Queen, Michelle Obama.

Our Resident Commie Reviews Limbaugh's New Book

Book review by Gerald Snotley------


OH NOOOO!!. The Rush book is coming! The Rush book is coming!

Right-wing bully Rush Limbaugh's new book Rush Revere and the Brave Pilgrims features Rush Limbaugh's 'Two If By Tea' corporate spokesman "Rush Revere" and his time-travelling, talking horse Liberty. It's a cross between a Tea-Bagger rally, Bill and Ted's Idiotic Adventure, and Mr. Ed.

Rush and his time-travelling horse tell Limbaugh's version of the Pilgrim story and the settlement at Plymouth Rock.

Of course, everybody knows that these genocidal white Europeans were kept alive by friendly native Americans, and payed them back by introducing smallpox. The white settlers would have starved to death if it weren't for native Americans, so The Pilgrims created Thanksgiving to thank the Indians for saving them. The kindly Indians trusted the treacherous white man, and were almost destroyed.

Limbaugh believes that these white settlers were almost wiped out because they tried socialism. Everybody knows that socialism works. Just look at The Soviet Union, Communist China, as well as The Killing Fields in Cambodia. Just bow to your rulers, or die. It works perfectly.

This infernal tale is ALREADY #1 ON AMAZON, AND IT'S NOT EVEN OUT YET! WHAT IS WRONG WITH EVERYBODY???

Actually, I didn't bother to read this book. I knew that it would be a painful, downright unbearable experience. Just listening to this blow-hard's radio program for ten minutes caused my eye-lashes to fall out. I hate my boss. Damn you, Squirrel. Damn you.