Government Shutdown Horror Stories

As some GOP lawmakers attempt to defund the horrendous ObamaCare law, Team Obama accuse them of trying to shut down the government. Of course, Senators like Ted Cruz from Texas insist that the idea is to fund the government while defunding ObamaCare.

Democrats act as if our lives will be in peril if bureaucrats aren't governing our every move we make. It's like Obama threatening the country with sequester horror stories:

Park rangers will be laid off, and hundreds of Americans will be eaten by bears.

Air traffic controllers and TSA agents will be let go, and planes will fall out of the sky, smashing into elementary schools and killing small children.

Food inspectors will be sequestered, and if your child isn't killed by falling aircraft, he or she will be poisoned by rotten food. They will be turned into brain-eating zombies.

The federal government will close down the Washington, Lincoln, and Jefferson Memorials. However, work on the Great Obama Sphinx continues.

The Department of Agriculture will close it's door, so everyone will starve.

Do you remember how terrifying the shut-down of 1995 was? Neither do I.

Enough of the fear-mongering already.

Obama: I Didn't Set The Red Line

A while ago, President Obama threatened Syrian Dictator Bashar al-Assad with retaliation if he crossed the red line by attacking Syrian rebels with chemical weapons.

Yesterday, our 9-year-old President denied that his Red Line Declaration was HIS. Here is his latest statement:

My fellow Americans,

I want to correct my critics who are unfairly using my words against me.

To be perfectly clear, this isn't MY red line. It's THE WORLD'S red line, but I DID NOT set the red line. If it was MY red line, Bashir al-Assad would never have dared to cross it. Nobody dares to cross a red line that I draw.

Also, this isn't MY credibility on the line. It's THE WORLD'S credibility on the line. When everything goes as it should, it's because of ME. I am ALWAYS perfectly credible.

Don't blame ME for this. Blame THE PREVIOUS ADMINISTRATION, THE GOP, or SOME OTHER PARTY OR GROUP OF FOLKS. You can't prove that I am at fault. I am only passing through. I've only been here for the last five years, so don't lay this on me.

You didn't see a red crayon in my hand. There is no photo or video of me with a red crayon in my hand, and if you can produce a photo or video of me with a red crayon in my hand, it must be a political cartoon or perhaps it's a photoshopped image.

I didn't do it. You didn't see it. You can't prove anything.

I never said ANYTHING about ME drawing a red line in the sand. I killed Osama bin Laden and kept GM alive, so I didn't HAVE TIME to draw OR set no red line.

Got it?

Barack Hussein Obama, President of the United States

If I Was Running For Congress

Debate moderator: So, candidate RedSquirrel, Why are you running for Congress?

Me: I want an ObamaCare exemption.

Assad Crosses The Line

A year ago, American dictator Barack Obama warned Syrian dictator Bashir al-Assad against using chemical or biological weapons against his enemies in Syria. Such an attack would be crossing the red line, which could result in a harsh response by the American military.

One year after our toothless leader issued this empty threat, it appears that Assad has ordered a chemical attack against scores of rebels outside of Damascus.

So, what will Obama do now? Our team of experts in International Relations believe that Dear Leader will adopt The Bugs Bunny Strategy depicted below:

We Have Obtained A Special Preview Of BHO's Speech

President Creepy will address the nation today at The National Mall in DC. This comes 50 years after Martin Luther King's I Have A Dream speech.

The RedSquirrel Report has obtained a special preview of Obama's speech to be delivered at 2:45 EST. Here are some excerpts:


It was 50 years ago when Martin Luther King stood at this very spot, and made some epic statements. He famously said that people should not be judged by the color of one's skin, but the content of one's character.

Well, Dr. King was a great leader, but he was no Messiah. Dr. King spoke well, but I have the power to take over the health-care system and order the death of an American via drone strike!

He never knew the power that I wield. I can snap my fingers, and rob taxpayers of a trillion dollars...then shower my supporters Solyndra and The Service Employees International Union with that money.

Dr. King was great, but he never had a army of corrupt, socialist crooks willing to do anything for him and a compliant media working as his personal secretary.

Dr. King was great, but he isn't THE FIRST BLACK PRESIDENT.

I stand here as a living testament that we have come so far, yet we STILL have so far to go. There are still some who want to stand in our way, pushing Voter ID laws, and violating our right....to vote 2,3,4....up to 10 times....

Remember, only military voters serving overseas need to be disenfranchised. None of them would ever vote for me.

Then there's that White-Hispanic George Zimmerman who violated Trayvon Martin's right to beat the hell out of him. After so much black-on-white violence that has occurred in this country in the last 5 years, It was shocking to see a non-black victim actually fight back against his black attacker. 

Only dangerous Mexican drug dealers and my personal army should have guns.

We CAN be proud of some great successes though. Abortion is legal, so my daughters Malia and Sasha will not ever be punished with a baby. We can be proud of all of the social services and entitlements available to our permanent, dependent underclass.

Because of me, America will not stand in the way of your right to taxpayer-funded sex-change operations, contraception, and abortion. Because of me, those rights are now set in stone.

My Communist father had a dream, where little black children and little white children can come together, and mindlessly chant their prayer to me....

Barack....Hussein....Obama....mmmm....mmmm....mmmm....

....and brain-dead, low-information voters can proudly wave their Obama flags. I wish that my Communist father could see what his son has done to this country.

Soon, I will forgive your college loans, as long as you agree to work for me and my gang of community organizers. It will be the only full-time job that still exists.

Thank you. That's my time. Praise Allah.

MnSure Covers Bunyan

Minnesota's ObamaCare health exchange, known as MnSure, rolled out it's $9,000,000 ad campaign last week.

It features Minnesota icons, Paul Bunyan and his pal Babe The Blue Ox. The TV commercials depict the legendary lumberjack as a accident-prone dweeb, dependent on the state for his health care. Gone is the independent, rugged persona.

Instead, they have turned him into your dependent 26-year-old child.

Nowhere is ObamaCare mentioned, and neither is the individual mandate. They fail to mention fines, penalties, lost jobs, or the unaffordability of The Affordability Care Act. The billboards scream about '10,000 reasons to enroll in MnSure'.

They don't mention that all Americans are being forced to get insurance. I guess that must be reason 10,001.

Following the roll-out of this controversial ad campaign, Minnesota bloggers started a #hashtag game on Twitter, #badmnsureadconcepts.

Here's My Top 10 Bad MnSure Ad Concepts. Actually, some of these are better than using Paul Bunyan.

10. Former stars of The American Wrestling Association fill an emergency room.

  9. Axl falls out of his tree house, and breaks a leg. Oofta.

  8. Bullwinkle and Rocky are taken into a hospital after suffering hypothermia.

  7. The Hanson Brothers from Slapshot get into a brawl, and need reconstructive surgery.

  6. Goldy, The University of Minnesota mascot, has his face pressed against the window of a neonatal care unit. He faints when he learns that he's a father of FOUR babies.

   5. The 'So I called it in' guy from Fargo describes his various maladies treated for free because of MnSure. End of story.

   4. A commercial done in the style of the classic Bob Dylan 'Subterranean Homesick Blues' video

   3. A MnSure 'navigator' tells Former Minnesota Vikings head coach Bud Grant that everything is covered, and the stone-faced coach actually smiles.

   2. Minnesota Timberwolves' mascot Crunch gets his tail caught in an escalator at The Mall of America.

   1. Joe Mauer is injured.........AGAIN???!

The Stand Against Obama

A couple weeks ago, I watched the 1994 miniseries Stephen King's "The Stand" on YouTube. As I reacquainted myself with this story, a thought came to me.

Something quite similar to this story is actually happening in America right now.

The Stand begins, as a weaponized type of the superflu escapes from a government lab in California. An infected guard tries to take his family away from the danger, but they die somewhere in West Texas.

The super-influenza goes by the name of Captain Trips, and it spreads quickly, killing almost everybody.

Survivors immune to the sickness begin having strange dreams of a very old black woman named Mother Abigail. She sits on her porch in Nebraska and tells each dreamer to come to her, and to avoid the evil man in the cornfield.

These characters, from New York City and Texas, and many places in between, make their way to Mother Abigail's house. They come together, and discover the meaning of their dream.

They have been brought together to make A Stand against the evil one named Randall Flagg.

To me, this story has become the story of the modern Right. Author Stephen King would definitely laugh at my explanation. He is a lib who once referred to Glenn Beck as 'Satan's retarded brother.'

But still, the Mother Abigail character reminds me of The Right's spiritual magnet, Sarah Palin. Randall Flagg reminds me of Barack Obama.

The Right loves Sarah Palin. Tough, conservative guys, everyday Tea Party people, as well as leather-clad bikers love her. Just as is the case in The Stand, many on Team Good keep the faith, while some lose theirs.

Some of the less-faithful characters in The Stand remind me of establishment Republicans, or RINOS. They talk a good game while running for office, but then they are corrupted by DC. Real champions resist corruption and thrive even after they are ridiculed by the state-run media.

Meanwhile, Obama Flagg rules with fear and intimidation. His followers are a dependent and criminal mob of low-information voters, who are easily corrupted. Obama Flagg seduces and deceives his underlings as he runs their lives.

In 2014, we have an opportunity to make our stand against Obama and his Democrat friends in Congress. The mid-term elections are coming, and we can break his power if we keep the faith.