Who's The Genius (Behind The Life Of Julia)?

Your bushy-tailed correspondent was there on Thursday morning when The Obama Campaign rolled out "The Life Of Julia" and the torrential mocking that resulted, but only The RedSquirrel Report listened in on the brainstorming session that PRODUCED this grotesque piece of propaganda.

Obama: "Think, people, think! We tried the War On Women crap, but that backfired.  We tried race-bating on Zimmerman, but THAT blew up all over us. And don't even get me started on Romney's dog Seamus!

Jim Messina: We didn't know that Zimmerman was a Peruvian-black man, Mr. President.

Obama: I need something that reminds the American people of MY GOD-LIKE greatness.

Jim Messina: We are working on a slide show we call "The Life Of Julia".  As you can see, it depicts a faceless, incompetent NOBODY named Julia who is dependent on YOU throughout her entire life.  In panel 'A', we see Julia at age 3....

Obama: ....So she wasn't aborted? You DO know that I'm a supporter of infanticide.

Jim Messina: No, Mr. President. Julia isn't aborted. At age 3, she attends Head Start, where she spends important time AWAY from her Republican parent(s). You also see that under President Mitt Romney, Head Start funding will be slashed. Us libs want to institutionalize the crumb-crunchers as soon as they can walk!

....Then in panel "B'', 17-year-old Julia is set to graduate from high school, because of your 'Race To The Top' law. We have successfully dumbed her down, and she has been indoctrinated by the government school. Meanwhile, under that maniac Romney, Julia's parent(s) got a tax cut for home-schooling her. Julia goes on to win The National Spelling Bee. She probably becomes a Mormon.

...On to panel "C'', 18-year-old Julia takes $100,000 in loans, and because of YOU, she gets a Pell Grant. Meanwhile, Richie-Rich Romney destroys her dream of being a professional student.

Let's skip to panel ''F'', After a steady diet of Womyns Studies courses and a worthless Major, Julia is primed to declare her undying allegiance to The Messiah after you make the stupid taxpayer pay for her college education.  Romney on the other hand has condemned Julia to a life where she may have to (egad!) work her way through college! The monster!

In panel "G". Julia has a baby. There's no baby-daddy, no grand parents, no friends, no faith....but again, she has HER MESSIAH Barack Hussein Obama. With that weirdo Mormon as President, Julia becomes a doctor AT A CATHOLIC HOSPITAL!

Obama: Does Julia get married with Romney as President?

Obama Staffer: She marries....a man.

Obama: DAMN HER!

Jim Messina: In panels "I" and "J", our faceless ward of the state has food stamps, her trusty ebt card, Medicare, Medicaid, Obamacare, and her college loans are payed in full because of HER MESSIAH. She has an alter to YOU in her one-room apartment.
She has everything.........but a job. Or a husband. 

Finally, in panel "K", Julia gets her Democrat Lifetime Service Medal from The Democrat Party U.S.S.A. ObamaCare keeps her alive until she passes away at the age of 167.

....and you are STILL PRESIDENT. So it is written, so shall it be done.

With that eeevil Romney as President (if Mitt's Great-grandson Bringham is the President in 2176), Mormons declare a Theocracy in America, and begins rounding up
all non-Mormons.

Obama: Wow! Great work, Ginger! Let's do it!

Forward

Communist Russia



Communist China







Communist America

Our Little Dictator Stumbles Out Of The Gate

Columbus, Ohio-On Saturday, Our Little Dictator kicked off his 2012 campaign at a sparsely-attended rally at THE Ohio State University's Value City Arena/ Schottenstein Center in Columbus. In 2008, Obama ran a flawless campaign, but after three years into his devastating Presidency, it appears that the Buckeye State has had enough.

It appears that The Messiah has stumbled out of the gate this time around. His campaign photographer had to play crowd wrangler to the 14,000 reliable collegiate Obots, moving them away from all of the empty seats.

Still, his compliant Obots came out to show allegiance to Their Messiah.

" When he speaks, I start to feel like I can just about faint", one female student named Julia said.

"It's amazing that our god-like President will actually take time to come down here to speak to us!" said one of her swooning friends.

A male Obot expressed his wish that Obama will speak about an issue especially close to his heart:

"I have $40,000 in student loans. I'm sure hopin' that The President will tell us that I don't have to pay it back".

Obama continued his campaign kick-off in Richmond, Virginia.

Janet Napolitano Needs Your Help

The RedSquirrel Report is always eager to help in the war against terrorists, foreign and domestic, that pose a threat against America. It's in that spirit of cooperation that we welcome Director of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano:

Thank you, RedSquirrel. Yesterday was May Day. As you know, domestic terrorists broke windows and caused some damage across this country. Just be secure in knowing that me and my officers are hot on the trail of these Tea Party Right-wing terrorists that committed these acts.

For the last couple years, we have been watching these right-wing groups and inappropriately groping possible perps at airports across the country. Last week,  I was under the impression that May Day would be falling on Sunday. Unfortunately, I had forgot to take down the 2011 calender in my office. My bad.

And so, my office was caught with our pants down, and those dastardly Tea Party troublemakers went on a destruction spree across the country. As President Obama's Director of Homeland Secretary, I am asking for your help. If you know anybody who  votes Republican, or has at some time expressed dissatisfaction with my boss, President Barack Obama, please contact my office. We need to bring these right-wing fanatics to justice. For the record, I have changed my calender.

Thank you.

Janet Napolitano
Director Of Homeland Security.

Happy May Day From The Director Of Parks And Recreation

Happy May Day!

As Director of Parks and Recreation, I am excited to tell you all about the variety of May Day activities The Board of Parks and Recreation has in store FOR YOU!

At 2:00 pm, come down to the park and watch our friends with The Occupy Movement, as they protest corporate America, and engage in some window-breaking.

Please, bring something to cover your mouth, for some of these protesters may be carrying tuberculosis. Also, if you are bringing your pre-teens, keep them at a safe distance. There may be a few rapists in the crowd, and we warn you that the signs these protesters carry may be offensive if you're not an anti-Semite, or would like to 'see the rich killed'.

At Floyd B. Olson Parkway, there will be a May Day Parade. Come on down and bring your wicker baskets, filled with whatever you wish. I suggest you gift wrap some soaps. The protesters will appreciate that.

Several local government unions wanted to burn Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker in effigy, but I personally refused their request. They may do it anyway.

Finally, join us at The May Pole, and dance to the music of Toxic Cannibal. What a SLAMMING way to wind down our May Day festivities.

So, come on down and have some May Day fun!


J. Red Squirrel
Director of Parks and Recreation

Mayor M. Dilettante
Office of The Mayor of the Minnesota Organization of Bloggers

Obama's Self-Congratulation Campaign Continues

Late yesterday, Our Little Dictator took a secret trip to Afghanistan, and made a very unsecretive, nationally-televised speech, announcing a draw-down from the war-torn country.

That was just part of his "I Personally Killed Osama Bin Laden Tour 2012" festivities in conjunction with the official launch of his re-election campaign, which has gone on since inauguration day 2009.

Also, as part of this celebration, is his self-congratulatory ''Gutsy Call'' campaign. At this rate, he may introduce legislation that will make May "I Killed Osama Bin Laden"  a month-long national holiday.

The Messiah took a short break from congratulating himself by insulting and denigrating the presumptive GOP Presidential candidate Mitt Romney, suggesting that the former Massachusetts Governor WOULD NOT HAVE ordered the hit. Of course, Obama knows this, because on top of all of his other God-like powers, he can also read minds.

Obama may demand that the Republican-ran House of Representatives pass a national 'Year Of Obama' declaration in to honor the fact that The President ordered the hit on Osama Bin Laden. Of course, the House GOP probably will refuse. Obama will retaliate by labelling them 'rascists'.

Personal note: The President isn't the only one this week to make a gutsy call. Your bushy-tailed correspondent put on his pants one leg at a time. GUTSY CALL!

Bronies-The Future Of America?

This week, The RedSquirrel Report is issuing a warning to America.

We are learning about a strange subculture of dorkish zeta-males who call themselves Bronies (brother + pony). dedicated fans of 80's cartoon My Little Pony. The TV program features a fantasy world of girlish, pastel-hued ponies. with precious names such as Pinky Pie and IceCream SunTickle. Each pony has a cutie mark.

This developing Brony culture appears to have many Americans concerned for this country's future. Many are mortified that supposedly grown men would obsess over a cartoon whose targeted audience consists of 9-year-old girls. This bushy-tailed correspondent considers this development rather comical.

Still, we here at The RedSquirrel Report would like to help our readers know how to identify a Brony. Perhaps you may even know one. This is what we know:

A herd of Bronies will walk into a tattoo parlor, and each one will ask the tattoo artist for a 'cutie mark'.

In 2009, a Brony was spotted riding a magic unicorn into the White House, promising to lower the sea levels. He has since done untold damage to this country.

While some men defend this country in the armed forces, others are into paintball wars. Bronies throw 'glitter bombs'.

Your emasculated, 26-year-old son gets a free physical check-up, payed for through your insurance. After the exam, your doctor brings you the bad news:

"Your son has a severe case of 'Acute Lameness'.

If your son spends a lot of time in his room, cuts classes at the community college where he's enrolled, or eventually flunks out, he may be a Brony.

Some Bronies actually glue a unicorn horn onto their foreheads. If your son does this, he may have a problem if he comes home from the job interview with one protruding from his skull.

There are documented examples of dads who actually try to get their Brony sons addicted to pornography, rather than see their sissified sons wallow in this Bronified state. This is not recommended.

From what we know so far, Bronies are harmless. Still, if your Brony's weird obsession impedes his ability to function as a young adult, consult a psychologist.

The RedSquirrel Report will keep you updated on this important story. Stay tuned.