Thank you, RedSquirrel. Today, I address you, our subjects, concerning a serious threat to our Dear Leader's regime. His name is Tom Francois.
|right-wing troublemaker Tom Francois|
Mr. Francois is dangerous because he dares to criticize Dear Leader on Twitter. We have sent two SS (Secret Service) agents to his residence. We wanted to tear his property to pieces, but the right-wing maniac told our agents that he had nothing to hide.
Mr. Francois has the unmitigated gall of photo-shopping tasteless, mean-spirited images of Dear Leader & Queen Michelle, which he tweets almost daily. We are afraid that one of his 'followers' on Twitter may try to harm King Barack, which could ignite an orgy of bloodshed and carnage from sea to shining sea.
Here at Homeland Security, we ignore Muslim terrorists, and harass patriots and those associated with the dreaded Tea Party movement. Mr. Francois is guilty of acting in a highly-conservative manner. We ignore the nightly bloodbath of gunfire in Chicago but harass Second Amendment advocates.
We believe that Mr. Francois supports The Second Amendment. In fact, he told our SS (Secret Service) agents that he is a gun-owner. The monster.
Mr. Francois is a cabinet builder residing in Phoenix, Arizona. We believe that he hides bombs in those cabinets he builds....and probably assault weapons. We're also pretty sure that he has made a political contribution to our enemies.
He may have even met with the evil Koch Brothers.
We have been watching Mr. Francois for a while now. While we were monitoring him, The Tsarnaev Brothers and their handlers were carrying out the assault on The Boston Marathon. Whoops. Our bad.
We are asking his neighbors to spy on him. If anyone out there has a photo of Mr. Francois plotting with a 'Timothy McVeigh-type', please send your photo(s) to me.
Your country and the regime will appreciate it. Thank you.
Janet Napolitano, Director of Homeland Security.