Sunday, June 16, 2013

A Word From HHS Secretary Kathleen 'Cruella' Sebelius

Today, we welcome Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius:

Dear delicious little Americans,

We your overlords were displeased to learn that little Sarah what'sherface is getting a lung. Somehow, that little girl escaped the clutches of my death panel. I'm so angry that I can barbecue a Dalmatian.

Other than that, Dear Leader is pleased to see his Obamacare being implemented, and we are in the process of hiring thousands of sadistic IRSS agents to enforce compliance.

Our delicious scheme was to force responsible Americans to pay for the health care of illegal immigrants, the irresponsible, and all government employees. We were toying with the idea of exempting the corrupt, psychotic weirdos in Congress who fashioned and voted for this deliciously awful piece of legislation. The American People would be happy to subsidize their Obamacare premiums.

The Affordable Care Act was designed to be completely unaffordable, even for your congressional representatives who voted for it. Ultimately, we WILL have our single payer system. That's why we passed this Obamacare law that resembles something that The Antichrist would design.

Well, that's all for now. As you were, you delicious little puppies.

Kathleen 'Cruella' Sebelius, Health and Human Services Secretary

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