Obama's College Secret EXPOSED!

In Our Dear Leader's first directive as President, he ordered all of his college records sealed.

Nobody has been able to open his college transcripts at Occidental College, Columbia University, or Harvard Law School. He has spent millions keeping his records a secret.

NOBODY remembered him in college, which is peculiar. The professors have no stories to tell about the future PRESIDENT. How is this possible?

So, why won't he open his records? Did he receive bad grades? Did he even attend class?

The RedSquirrel Report has discovered the reason for all the secrecy concerning Barry Soetoro's college career. We spoke to a former janitor at Occidental College who wishes to stay anonymous. He describes Soetoro:

"Damn, that kid was CONSTANTLY BAKED! There was constant smoke in his dorm room. He was a total SCREW-OFF! I remember the day when I was emptying some wastebaskets just outside the door of Dean Winter's office when Barry was called in. I put my ear to the door...."

We spoke to the former college dean, and he confirmed that in the future President's first year at Occidental College, the dope-smoking freshman was flunking out. The Dean of Academic affairs, Dean Jonathon Winters, called Soetoro in to his office, and said the words that NO college Freshmen ever wants to hear:

"Barack Hussein Obama....Grade point average.....0.00.... "Stoned and stupid is no way to go through life, son."