Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Looking For Artwork For Your Next Album Cover Or Book? E-mail Joe

Here are some samples of artwork by Joe, our resident cartoonist/artist. If you are looking for artwork for your next album or book, you can contact Joe at dealjoseph@msn.com.

Sarah Palin Continues To Annoy The Sh.. Out Of The Left

Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin continues her national bus tour, as leftist journalists are left to wonder if she will ever announce her presidential candidacy. On Sunday, she joined the Rolling Thunder motorcycle rally for M.I.A.'s, looking positively awesome in a helmet. Cheerfully thumbing her nose at the lefty journalists who continue to smear , libel, slander, and ridicule the former governoratrix, the lamestream media are left grumbling in her bus emissions. I hope she runs, then wins the presidency. I want to see their heads explode.

The Barack Obama Drinking Game, Part 2

Oh, and another thing. When The Messiah says , "I will not rest until....", everybody takes a swig. I'll have more later. Carry on.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

The Barack Hussein Obama Drinking Game

Wanna get really sh..faced? Then play the Barack Hussein Obama Drinking Game. Invite your friends over, and make sure you're liquor cabinet is well-stocked. Then. as Barry starts his televised speech, press conference or State Of The Union Speech, take a shot every time he:

Says the phrase 'Them Folks', when referring to whites, Jews, business owners, Christians, the rich, Republicans, the bitter-clingers,

Bullies one of the aforementioned groups, then talks about 'bipartisanship',

uses the phrase 'I inherited this from the previous adminstration'. He cannot start a sentence without first blaming George W. Bush for everything.

abuses the personal pronouns I, me, mine, myself. Barry loves to toot his own horn, so take a shot when he brags about his amazing, fantastic self.

Well, that's it for now. You may want to keep a telephone nearby when you have to call 911. You and your friends may discover that you have an acute case of alcohol poisoning half-way through the speech. Cheers.

Finally, The ME-ssiah Is Coming!

Today, President Barack Hussein Obama, fresh off his embarrassing European Panderpalooza jaunt, visits tornado-ravaged Joplin, Missouri . No one knows what miracles the ME-ssiah will perform, or if he will find new ways of screwing things up even more.

Congrats To MSNBC's Ed Schultz

99.9999999% of the American public didn't even know who Ed Schultz was before his weird apology to radio host Laura Ingraham this week, whom he called a 'right-wing whore, or something along those lines. He offered to take himself off the air for the time being, which has doubled the ratings for his MSNBC show. Some media analysts consider the whole thing a stunt for ratings, while others believe that new owners COMCAST put Schultz in their doghouse, or in his case, a pigpen. So, congrats to Ed Schultz, who has probably doubled his viewers during his absence. 'Way to go, Ed.

Thursday, May 26, 2011


It was a beautiful thing when Benjamin Netanyahu schooled our little narcissist-in-chief last week. Usually, our little Alinskyite invites his victim to the press conference or state of the union speech, humiliates them, and then has his dutiful state-run newsmedia catch that mortified expression on live television, whether it's Judge Samuel Alito or Representative Paul Ryan.
Last week, it all boomeranged on our child dictator. After Obama tried to humiliate President Netanyahu with this tactic from Obama's playbook (Rules For Radicals by Saul Alinsky), the Isreali leader turned the tables, telling those present in the oval orifice that Isreal will not go back to the 1967 boundaries. Obama looked like a boomerang hit him right between the eyes.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Page 5,293

After Soros ruined the British pound in 1992, he set his evil sights on America. His agenda rested on making excessive drug use manditory in the United States. George Soros' plan was to turn America into a nation of dependent drug zombies, willing to vote Democrat for all eternity. His Demoncrat candidates would do his bidding, wrecking the american economy, racking up trillions and trillions of national debt, then finally, crashing the American dollar. Soros would be there to bet short on the American currency, and cash in.
On election night 1994, Hell was a very angry place. Newt Gingrich and the Republicans took control of both houses of Congress. Soros was particularly revolted with the presence of clean-cut Ohio Senator John Kascich. When President Bill Clinton signed Gingrich-Kascich's balanced budget into law in 1999, Soros and his demons knew that they had to start over.
It was a visit to the 9th circle of Hell, Soros' father's crib, when Soros devised his most diabolical plan ever. There, he found his father's video collection. As George Soros would say later in his creepy, Hungarian accent:
" I knew that a lot of my father's friends has video collections. Mostly porn. But, it was interesting that father had hour upon hour of C-SPAN footage of California Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi. Daddy's eyes would glow like jack-o-lantern eyes. He'd watch Pelosi, smile, and say 'She's perfect! What a duplicitous,
corrupt sociopath! I'm in love!"
Soros had found his new instrument of sheer evil.

Turn On The Red Siren!

Our rapture expert, 89-year-old Christian radio host Harold Camping,  has 'revised' his prediction for the upcoming apocalypse. This time, he believes it will take place on October 21, 2011. Previously, he stated that the rapture would take place in 1994, and again said that it would happen on May 21, 2011. Now, he is confident that the world will be destroyed on October 21.

 Meanwhile, dead baseball announcer Harry Carey says "OOOH, Swing an' a miss! Old Harold is in the hole....O and 2 is the count!"

Obama's Panderpalooza Tour Resumes In Ireland

Israeli President Benjamin Netanyahu spoke before a joint session of Congress today, calling on the Palestinian leadership to accept a Jewish state. He also pledged to make compromises for peace. 

Meanwhile, America's child dictator Barack O'Bama resumed the European leg of his PANDERPALOOZA TOUR in Ireland, the ancestral home of his mother, where he received a rock star welcome from thousands of typical white people.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

The Dayton(a) 500

The gang at Minnesota Majority is bringing the Dayton Soup Truck to a town near you. If Governor Crazy Eyes has his way, taxes will explode for the so-called 'weaithiest Minnesotans', and it will hurt job creation. The Dayton Soup Truck is a rolling symbol, with depression-era/ soup-line imagery on the sides.

 I have my own idea. I call it The Dayton(a) 500. It's like The Cannonball Run, the 1979 movie starring Burt Reynolds and an all-star cast. We start the race in the center of Minnesota. 500 businesses that would leave the state if the guv raises their taxes can enter a car, complete with corporate decal. Then, it's a race to the border. The winners will be Minnesota's neighbors. The Minnesota work force will be the losers.

I Will Bless Those Who Bless You....

In a speech sure to be the delight of anti-semites the world over, Barack Hussein Obama, America's Child Dictator, presented a major shift today in our policy concerning Isreal and her neighbors. After promising a 'stimulus' for the yet-unformed new government in Egypt, he expressed an interest in re-drawing the borders between Isreal and her hostile neighbors to what they were before the 1967 War.

When I Grow Up, I Want To Be An Anti-Circumcision Activist

If Lloyd Schofield has his way, the residents of San Francisco, that wacky city by the bay that also banned happy meals, will vote to make circumcision illegal. The self-described "intactivist" , Lloyd Schofield is behind (whoops, I said 'behind') the referendum (whoops, I said 'end'), that would make circumcision a criminal misdemeanor, punishable with a $1,000 fine and a year in jail. A year from now, you may hear this on Court T.V.
"Rabbi Goldstein, you are guilty of genital mutilation. I sentence you to a year in jail. Bailiff, take him away."
I wonder how long it took for Lloyd to get the 7.700 signatures for his petition. Probably two or three hours.

....And The Best Thing Is, He's Single!

This week, your bushy-tailed reporter has a special treat for you. His name is Stanley Thornton Jr. He's the star of 'Taboo', a program on The National Geographic Channel. He wears diapers, and lives as an 'adult baby'. Baby Stanley and his 'mommy', roommate Sandra Dias, receive Supplemental Security Income (SSI). Meanwhile, Republican meanie, Oklahoma's Tom Coburn, is threatening to take away his monymony boo boo. The 350-lb. adult baby has even threatened to commit suicide if the crazy checks stop coming.
Ladies and gentlemen, meet the new mascot of The Democrat Party U.S.A.

There's only two days left....

According to the billboards, the rapture is coming this Saturday. I've given away all my worldly possessions. Goodbye, cruel world.

Congrats To President Obama

Last week, New York Columnist David Brooks wrote a column 'The missing Fifth'. In this column, he points out that about twenty percent of men between the ages 25-54 have no job, and aren't really contributing to society. Looks like that Cloward-Piven strategy is working like a charm.

This Explains Everything

The rapture is this Saturday, according to Christian Radio host Harold Camping. Maybe that's why the Dems are spending the taxpayers' money like there's no tomorrow.

Get Off Of Me, You Fat Socialist Frog!

Dominique Strauss-Kahn, former head of the International Monetary Fund, sits in a New York prison after a judge deemed him a flight risk. Earlier this week, he was pulled off a plane, after law enforcement officials began an investigation where he is accused of sexually assaulting a chambermaid inside The Sofitel Hotel in Times Square. According to reports, he was spotted running naked through the hallway, before dragging the maid into a room. Later, as the allegations were read in court, he turned to the District Attorney, and yelled "Moi?"
Before joining the IMF, Strauss-Kahn starred as Lucky Louis, the disgusting giant frog from the Dynaman series, a frequent feature on cult 1980's program 'Night Flight' on the USA Network.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

May 21, 2011 Is Upon Us

According to Christian Radio host Harold Camping, the rapture is coming this Saturday. So come on everybody, max out those credit cards!

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Poetry Night At The Obama White House

Tonight, hip-hop artist Common will be honored at The White House. Your bushy-tailed reporter was listening to some Hannity on the radio yesterday, when the host played some audio, where the rapper waxed on about killing cops and setting fire to former President George W. Bush. They say that the First Amendment protects free speech, as long as you don't engage in 'fighting words' or 'yelling fire in a crowded theatre'.  I'm glad that Mr. Common doesn't engage in those fighting words. He goes straight for the 'shooting' and 'setting former Presidents on fire' words. As for me, one of my favorite poems starts with those wonderful words:
             She was a fast machine/ She kept her motor clean/ She was the best damn woman that I ever seen.

What Happened Last Week?

On May 1st, President Obama ordered an attack on Obama....I mean....Osama bin-Laden's hide-out  in Pakistan, where Obama was killed by a team of Navy Seals....I mean, Osama was killed. Also, one of Obama's wives was killed in the....whoops! I mean Osama's wives. Oh, this just in....She was not killed, but was shot in the leg while charging one of the U.S. Navy Seals. Also, Obama wasn't armed. Damn! I mean Osama. Apparently, Obama was shot twice in the face.... I mean, Osama was. The Navy Seals took Obama......OSAMA's body, wrapped it in a shroud, then gave Obama....grrrrr......OSAMA a proper Muslim burial at sea. Oh, this just in.....Many Muslims are angry at the way Obama's body was disposed of.....I mean, OSAMA!

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Happy Cinco De Mayo

Your bushy-tailed blogger will celebrate by checking the mayonnaise in my fridge. If it's spoiled and yucky, then I will dump the unused mayo down the sinko.

What Should We Do With Bin-Laden's Corpse?

After killing the terrorist leader, our Navy Seals cleaned him, wrapped his corpse in a clean, white blanket, before giving him a proper burial at sea. Now if it were up to me, I would've sent the corpse to a taxidermist, then open a 'bitch-slap booth". It would be similiar to a kissing booth, only I would give America an opportunity to bitch-slap Osama's dead face for $10. Then, take the money, and build a new World Trade Center.

Governor Crazy Eyes Weighs In

Following the news of Osama Bin-Laden's death, there was speculation that there may be a spike in terroristic attacks on American soil. Upon hearing this, Minnesota Governor Mark Dayton immediately closed his office, sent his entire staff to a secret location somewhere in New Mexico, and was last seen at an Minneapolis/ St. Paul International Airport ticket line.

Hooray For U.S.

Along with the news of the killing of terrorist mastermind, Osama Bin-Laden, kudos must go to President Obama, former President George "Dubya" Bush, and our heroes in the United States military. I would give President Obama some props, but he seems to have something akin to tennis elbow from patting himself on the back. Wow! What a narcissistic prop hog.

Ding Dong The Pr1ck Is Dead

On Sunday night, an elite team of Navy Seals put two bullets in the skull of Osama Bin-Laden, killing him. Yesterday I celebrated, with a nice roasted chicken from my local Rainbowfoods deli. Woo-hoo!