Michelle Obama Speaks To Starving Students

On September 8, First Lady Michelle Obama spoke to the students of Booker T. Washington High School in Atlanta . It was fourth hour, and the children had just thrown away their Obama lunch.

It was Mushed carrots Monday.

With their little stomachs growling, The First Lady stressed the importance of education:

You have to get an education. Me an' my husband send our daughters to the best private school in Washington, and they also get the yummiest school lunches. They get Sloppy Joe's n' French Fries, Shrimp Alfredo, and hamburgers, too.

Did somebody just faint? Just give her some room....She didn't hit her head on the floor. Oh good. She'll be O.K.

I am pleased to announce a new initiative. My husband and I believe that school should be a rewarding experience. Your principal will be handing out a questionnaire to you.

We want to know if your moms and dads own guns, and also if you know any Republicans. If you ever hear anybody saying bad things about my husband, we want you to tell us. We may need to send them to a re-education camp.

Just fill out these questionnaires, and you will earn a box of Michelle Obama Chocolate Chip Cookies. I am sure THAT will stop your stomach from growling.

Yummy!!!

Al Franken: Mike McFadden Is A (DA....DA....DAAAAA) Rich Leprechaun

'I am your Senator, Al Franken, and I approve of this message....


My opponent Mike McFadden is a (DA....DA.....DAAAAA) rich investment banker.

He has blatantly (DA....DA....DAAAAA) earned a living in the private sector, and he (DA....DA....DAAAAA....) moved his investments to Bermuda (DA....DA....DAAAAA....). While Americans suffer, he is enjoying a (DA....DA....DAAAAA....) Pina Colada on the beach.

He has SO MUCH MONEY that he hides some of his money from the IRS in Bermuda....and some of it in Ireland! (DA....DA....DAAAAA....)

Mike McFadden is a (DA....DA....DAAAAA....) greedy Republican Leprechaun! He won't even share his Lucky Charms!

I need your vote, or this greedy leprechaun might take away your Obamacare, leaving your family to die, while he lives it up in Bermuda. We can't let McFadden win, or he might take his (DA....DA....DAAAAA....) shillelagh to our investments in infrastructure.



I am your Senator, Al Franken, and I approve of this message'

I Am Rep Rick Nolan, And I Approve Of This Message

Right-wing gun zealot Stuart Mills is a 2nd Amendment fanatic. He is way out of the mainstream, and he's just not right for Minnesota.

'Hi, I am Rick Nolan. I represent Minnesota's 8th District in Congress. I believe in common sense gun legislation. There are many people who should not carry a gun.



Me, for instance.

Say hello to my li'l friend!



I am Rick Nolan, and I approve of this message.'

Was It A Latte', Or The President's Drug Test?

Earlier this week, President Obama stepped off from Marine One, and disrespectfully saluted two marines with a Styrofoam cup in his hand.

This outraged America. Many took to Twitter, and commented on the rather offensive optics of the president saluting marines with a cup of latte'.

Judging from his disastrous presidency, and his strange behavior, RSR has learned the real story of The President's Cup.

Our source at The White House tells us that Mr. Obama has been addicted to drugs since he was in High School. We have discovered that he has a team of doctors and psychiatrists who run a series of tests weekly to make sure that he can 'keep it together' while he's in public.

Every week, this team tests the president. Part of this includes his weekly drug test, where he urinates into a cup for analysis. On Tuesday, he had one of his episodes, forgetting that he was still holding his drug test as Marine One was landing.

It's O.K. America, The President just forgot that he had his drug test in his hand as he was saluting the marines. Carry on.

THIS JUST IN: OBAMA ARRESTED

THIS JUST IN:

President Obama has been arrested. He was handcuffed, and put in a police van after being charged with a myriad of crimes against The American People, including treason and criminal dereliction of duty.

At 1:00 p.m. today, a convoy of 12 high-ranking military officers departed from The Pentagon, with a contingent of military police. They entered The White House, and placed The President under arrest. They read a long list of charges, then Obama was loaded into a police van, where he was taken to an undisclosed location.

Our correspondent rode with the officer and the president, and files this report:



I rode in the police vehicle with an officer and the president, who sat in the back in a state of shock. During the drive, the officer spoke to the visibly seething president, and said the following:


"So, you sold guns to those dangerous Mexican drug dealers, an' they killed that border agent. Then, you gave our f-16's an' tanks to The Muslim Brotherhood in Egypt.

You also used The IRS to target an' harass your political opponents, then sent your people out to lie about it.

You turned your back on our guys in Benghazi while they were being killed, an' sent your people out to lie about that.

Then, you refused to protect our border, and trafficked under-aged illegal aliens. You didn't even tell anybody where you relocated them. You made Americans kids sick with that virus, an' many kids had to go to the hospital.

And for what? Just for a little power.

(looking into the overhead mirror)
Y' know, there's more to life than a little power. Don'tcha know that?"
 

I just don't understand.

Have It Your Way, Burger King

The Burger King has had it with American corporate taxes, so he's escaping to Canada.

Barack Obama won't build a fence to keep illegal aliens out of the country, but it appears he might build a fence to keep BK from leaving America's confiscatory corporate taxes.

He might even re-build The Berlin Wall by the time he's out of office.

Burger King's famous catch-phrase is Have it your way. The narcissistic bully in The White House thinks he can, bullying Congress and The Supreme Court, abusing his power by using The IRS to attack critics and opponents, tries to to intimidate our ally Israel....

....and do you remember what Prezzy Stompy Foot did during the government shutdown last October?

It's good to see someone refuse to be bullied by the petulant jerk.

Good for you, Burger King.

Commander Obama's War On Ebola

El Presidente' Obama is sending 3,000 American soldiers to Africa, supposedly to fight Ebola.

This is the same genius who ordered 22 members of Seal Team 6 (the team we are told killed terrorist mastermind Osama bin Laden ) to board the SAME helicopter, which was shot down, killing everybody.

This is the same President Obama who hired his own sleazy army of lawyers that disenfranchised our military voters serving overseas during the election of 2012.

This is the same President Obama who referred to the massacre at Fort Hood as workplace violence, as Islamic maniac Major Hasan Nidal opened fire on unarmed military personnel, yelling 'Allahu Akbar'.

This is the same President Obama who wants a national civilian security force as well-funded as our military.

This is the same President Obama who is purging our military of Christians and anyone who speaks out against The Administration. He is currently gutting the military, and reducing us as a superpower.

This is the same President Obama who refuses to protect our borders against invaders, even though we are hearing that ISIS is in America.

And now, he's sending 3,000 American soldiers, supposedly to fight Ebola. Maybe he should send his national civilian security force instead.