In a recent '60 Minutes' interview with Steve Croft, our Messiah suggested that he was one of the greatest American Presidents ever, and that his accomplishments are rivalled only by Presidents' Lyndon Baines Johnson, Abraham Lincoln, and Franklyn Delano Roosevelt.
It's too bad that '60 Minutes' edited out that claim. I wish that everyone could have had the opportunity to hear The Messiah's proclamation.
One can barely imagine how hard it must've been for The President to lower himself in such a way, to actually compare himself with three mere mortals. After all, this god-like being has boasted that he could lower the sea levels. This intellectual giant is worshipped in government schools across the country ('Barack Hussein Obama, mmm mmm mmm").
I wonder if this malignant narcissist has ever shot a 39, just as wacky, newly dead North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il has often boasted?
With all the time he spends at the golf course, I wouldn't be surprised if he believes he has.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
In Other Words, I'm The Outsider
Over at The Kool Aid Report Blog, LearnedFoot, Minnesota Organization of Bloggers' Secretary of State-for-life, has officially set the field of 6 nominees for the crucial position of Mayor of The MOB.
Yours truly has made it to the final 6. In KAR's 'meet the candidates' post, Secretary Foot has indicated that I am the outsider/dark horse of this race. Actually, he said this:
Nominee #6 red squirrel: "I have absolutely no idea who this guy is".
I've sized up the competition, and it looks like my only shot at this is to build a well-armed military junta, and overthrow this process. I'll have more later.
Yours truly has made it to the final 6. In KAR's 'meet the candidates' post, Secretary Foot has indicated that I am the outsider/dark horse of this race. Actually, he said this:
Nominee #6 red squirrel: "I have absolutely no idea who this guy is".
I've sized up the competition, and it looks like my only shot at this is to build a well-armed military junta, and overthrow this process. I'll have more later.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Turn On The Red Siren, Mr. Drudge, I Have An Announcement
My name is J. RedSquirrel, and today, I officially announce my train wreck....I mean....nomination for the all-important office of Mayor of the MOB (Minnesota Organization of Bloggers). Today (insert god-like reverb), I jump into the snark-infested waters of bloggitorial politics.
These are critical times for The MOB, and for the world we live in.
We need a leader who will bring greatness to this great organization. Unfortunately, I am not that leader. I am more interested in using this election as a tool for shameless self-promotion. But then, everybody already knows that. In fact, I am absolutely positive that I have no leadership qualities whatsoever.
Just my mere presence in this race should be an affront to all of the REAL bloggers out there.
I am J. RedSquirrel, and I approve of this message. If you wish to make a tax-deductible contribution to my campaign, just put some cash in an envelope, and hand it to me. Thank you.
These are critical times for The MOB, and for the world we live in.
We need a leader who will bring greatness to this great organization. Unfortunately, I am not that leader. I am more interested in using this election as a tool for shameless self-promotion. But then, everybody already knows that. In fact, I am absolutely positive that I have no leadership qualities whatsoever.
Just my mere presence in this race should be an affront to all of the REAL bloggers out there.
I am J. RedSquirrel, and I approve of this message. If you wish to make a tax-deductible contribution to my campaign, just put some cash in an envelope, and hand it to me. Thank you.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Happy Holikwanzahannamas From The Obamas
It's President-For-Life, Barack Hussein Obama,
Tonight I speak to you from the White House, as me and First Lady Michelle are decorating the holiday tree with shiny lights and little straw men, and speaking of straw men, I would like to take this time to discuss those mean grinches who won't pass my tax increase on anybody making over $1,000,000.
My economic advisor, Tiny Tim Geithner and John 'Uncle Billy' Corzine are testifying before Senate Minority Leader Mitch 'Mean Old Man Potter' McConnell, while the sugarplum fair.......I mean, Massachusetts Representative Barney Frank dances out his last term in office.
(Correction: Tim Geithner is still Secretary of the Treasury. I thought that when America found out that he was a tax cheat, that he did the right thing and resigned. I was wrrrrooo......I was wroaaaa.....dammit, I was wrong.)
This is the season where we all wish for peace on Earth and goodwill to men, that is, as long as they don't work in the private sector. Look out, Gibson Guitars and Boeing!
If I didn't bankrupt the coal industry, then there would be some left over to put in the stockings of those troublemakers Rush Limbaugh, Shawn Hannity, and Glenn Beck.
It is always better to give than to receive. Just ask the Iranian Mullahs. I gave them that predator drone, and I really hope that they don't try to return it.
Let's pray for the souls of those mean old fat-cat corporate executives, as they ride around in their corporate jets this holiday season. Meanwhile, the Republicans on Capitol Hill want children to fend for themselves. Where's their humanity?
A special greeting goes to the Occupy Wall Street protesters. I only hope that the police don't turn on any fire hoses on them. In this weather, they may be turned into human pop sickles.
Here in the White House, the seasonal activity is fast and furious.....uh....take that off the teleprompter....I mean, our elves in purple shirts are working hard. We are shipping 40,000,000 unsold Solyndra solar panels to the poor and needy.
In other words, we're buying their votes.
This is President-For-Life, President Barack Hussein Obama, wishing the bottom 52% wageearnerswho paynoFederalIncomeTax, a Happy Hollikwanzahannamas. Thank you.
Tonight I speak to you from the White House, as me and First Lady Michelle are decorating the holiday tree with shiny lights and little straw men, and speaking of straw men, I would like to take this time to discuss those mean grinches who won't pass my tax increase on anybody making over $1,000,000.
My economic advisor, Tiny Tim Geithner and John 'Uncle Billy' Corzine are testifying before Senate Minority Leader Mitch 'Mean Old Man Potter' McConnell, while the sugarplum fair.......I mean, Massachusetts Representative Barney Frank dances out his last term in office.
(Correction: Tim Geithner is still Secretary of the Treasury. I thought that when America found out that he was a tax cheat, that he did the right thing and resigned. I was wrrrrooo......I was wroaaaa.....dammit, I was wrong.)
This is the season where we all wish for peace on Earth and goodwill to men, that is, as long as they don't work in the private sector. Look out, Gibson Guitars and Boeing!
If I didn't bankrupt the coal industry, then there would be some left over to put in the stockings of those troublemakers Rush Limbaugh, Shawn Hannity, and Glenn Beck.
It is always better to give than to receive. Just ask the Iranian Mullahs. I gave them that predator drone, and I really hope that they don't try to return it.
Let's pray for the souls of those mean old fat-cat corporate executives, as they ride around in their corporate jets this holiday season. Meanwhile, the Republicans on Capitol Hill want children to fend for themselves. Where's their humanity?
A special greeting goes to the Occupy Wall Street protesters. I only hope that the police don't turn on any fire hoses on them. In this weather, they may be turned into human pop sickles.
Here in the White House, the seasonal activity is fast and furious.....uh....take that off the teleprompter....I mean, our elves in purple shirts are working hard. We are shipping 40,000,000 unsold Solyndra solar panels to the poor and needy.
In other words, we're buying their votes.
This is President-For-Life, President Barack Hussein Obama, wishing the bottom 52% wageearnerswho paynoFederalIncomeTax, a Happy Hollikwanzahannamas. Thank you.
Minimally Qualified To Be Mayor Of The MOB
(Insert patriotic music here):
My name is J. RedSquirrel, and I am forming an exploratory committee.
In the coming days, I may nominate myself for the important office of Mayor of The Minnesota Organization of Bloggers. The MOB is faced with many challenges, and I believe that I am the best rodent for the job.
My positions on the issues:
I promise snark in every post and a comment in every........comment section.
I promise to hold the line on public decency. I will not allow male members of the MOB to share shirtless profile pics on our facebook page. That's just gross.
I promise to not be a royal douchebag.
I promise to protect our community, by sounding the MOB Emergency Alarm System if The NARN's Mitch Berg and Ed Morrissey ever again try to sing any Tom Petty or Warren Zevon songs (or parodies) on the air (again). That was just scary.
In the coming days, I will share my qualifications for this office, such as:
My blog blew the lid off of the Minnesota State shutdown story of 2011. It was our expose' that proved that Governor Mark 'Crazy Eyes' Dayton did indeed take the entire state hostage. Below is the letter that Gov. Dayton sent to Senate Leader Amy Koch:
I am J. RedSquirrel, and I think that I approve of this message....
My name is J. RedSquirrel, and I am forming an exploratory committee.
In the coming days, I may nominate myself for the important office of Mayor of The Minnesota Organization of Bloggers. The MOB is faced with many challenges, and I believe that I am the best rodent for the job.
My positions on the issues:
I promise snark in every post and a comment in every........comment section.
I promise to hold the line on public decency. I will not allow male members of the MOB to share shirtless profile pics on our facebook page. That's just gross.
I promise to not be a royal douchebag.
I promise to protect our community, by sounding the MOB Emergency Alarm System if The NARN's Mitch Berg and Ed Morrissey ever again try to sing any Tom Petty or Warren Zevon songs (or parodies) on the air (again). That was just scary.
In the coming days, I will share my qualifications for this office, such as:
My blog blew the lid off of the Minnesota State shutdown story of 2011. It was our expose' that proved that Governor Mark 'Crazy Eyes' Dayton did indeed take the entire state hostage. Below is the letter that Gov. Dayton sent to Senate Leader Amy Koch:
I am J. RedSquirrel, and I think that I approve of this message....
I Am RedSquirrel, And I Think That I Approve This Message
Over at The Kool Aid Report blog, MOB Secretary Of State For Life Learned Foot is holding an election for Mayor of The MOB (The Minnesota Organization of Blogs). Go to the Kool Aide Report for instructions and details, if you're interested in nominating your favorite (or least favorite) blogger.
Today (12/15/2011), your bushy-tailed correspondent announces that he is forming an exploratory committee, and may be seeking this important office.
In the coming days, I will be releasing my position papers. I believe that I am minimally qualified to be your Overlord.....I mean, Mayor.
Thank you.
J. RedSquirrel.
Disclaimer: If I am nominated, I am only in it for the page views.
Today (12/15/2011), your bushy-tailed correspondent announces that he is forming an exploratory committee, and may be seeking this important office.
In the coming days, I will be releasing my position papers. I believe that I am minimally qualified to be your Overlord.....I mean, Mayor.
Thank you.
J. RedSquirrel.
Disclaimer: If I am nominated, I am only in it for the page views.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Congratulations To Time Magazine's 2011 Douchebag(s) Of The Year
....and this year's award goes to.....the protester.(insert cowbell sound here).
Yes, those nice kids who toppled Middle Eastern dictators Hosni Mubarak and Moammar Qaddafi from power. With the assistance of 'Creepy Hungarian Dude' George Soros and Z-Big Brzezinski, those nice kids in Dungarees will probably install Sharia law throughout the Middle East soon. Yee-Haw!
And sharing the top honor, the OTHER collection of rapists, anti-Semites, losers, and cry-babies we call 'the Occupy Wall Street protesters'.
In the wonderful tradition of such moral luminaries as Adolph Hitler, Uncle Joe Stalin, and Benito Mussolini, Time Magazine has given this 'Man Of The Year' Award to that person or sometimes group of people who had the greatest impact on the world's stage that year.
But there again, ANYONE can win this distinction. Remember, a few years back, we all won. That was the year that Time Magazine made the greatest cop-out in publishing history when they gave the 2006 honors to 'You'. Sheesh....
I wonder what the acceptance speech would be like. An Egyptian takes to the mic, and yells something in Egyptian or Arab or Farsi, or whatever. Then we hear from the translator. It would go something like this:
"I would like to thank the moral relativist jack-a$$es at Time Magazine for this award. I would also like to thank reporter Lara Logan for the fun times last year. My, we had fun with her. Also, props goes to George Soros. The Arab Spring wouldn't have gotten off the ground without him."
One of his co-horts grabs the microphone, and yells: "DEATH TO THE WEST!"
Then, an OWS protester grabs the microphone....
"Yeah, thanks for this award. Never did I think that when I was defecating on that police car that I would be standing here today. At the OWS protests, I contacted at least three diseases that America HAD previously eradicated, but I GOT ON TV, and that's what really matters. I would also like to thank George Soros.
I can only hope that soon we can eradicate capitalism from the face of our planet. Thank you."
Yes, those nice kids who toppled Middle Eastern dictators Hosni Mubarak and Moammar Qaddafi from power. With the assistance of 'Creepy Hungarian Dude' George Soros and Z-Big Brzezinski, those nice kids in Dungarees will probably install Sharia law throughout the Middle East soon. Yee-Haw!
And sharing the top honor, the OTHER collection of rapists, anti-Semites, losers, and cry-babies we call 'the Occupy Wall Street protesters'.
In the wonderful tradition of such moral luminaries as Adolph Hitler, Uncle Joe Stalin, and Benito Mussolini, Time Magazine has given this 'Man Of The Year' Award to that person or sometimes group of people who had the greatest impact on the world's stage that year.
But there again, ANYONE can win this distinction. Remember, a few years back, we all won. That was the year that Time Magazine made the greatest cop-out in publishing history when they gave the 2006 honors to 'You'. Sheesh....
I wonder what the acceptance speech would be like. An Egyptian takes to the mic, and yells something in Egyptian or Arab or Farsi, or whatever. Then we hear from the translator. It would go something like this:
"I would like to thank the moral relativist jack-a$$es at Time Magazine for this award. I would also like to thank reporter Lara Logan for the fun times last year. My, we had fun with her. Also, props goes to George Soros. The Arab Spring wouldn't have gotten off the ground without him."
One of his co-horts grabs the microphone, and yells: "DEATH TO THE WEST!"
Then, an OWS protester grabs the microphone....
"Yeah, thanks for this award. Never did I think that when I was defecating on that police car that I would be standing here today. At the OWS protests, I contacted at least three diseases that America HAD previously eradicated, but I GOT ON TV, and that's what really matters. I would also like to thank George Soros.
I can only hope that soon we can eradicate capitalism from the face of our planet. Thank you."
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