The President's Thanksgiving Address To America 2013

My fellow Americans,

As you get together with your family and enjoy your Thanksgiving turkey, I would like to take this time to make a few suggestions about what every American should be thankful for.

When you bow your heads, be thankful for Obamacare. Thanks to me, millions of Americans will get free healthcare, and no one will be denied life-saving care even if they suffer from a pre-existing condition.

Your President would appreciate it if you call your Republican congressmen and women and demand that they support Obamacare. It's their obstruction that puts my agenda in peril.

It's not fair that some folks will do anything to harm my legacy. Need I remind my critics that I won re-election last year, and I get to do anything I want.

For all you college students, I made your education affordable. All I ask is that you remind your right-wing parents of this fact as you're passing the cranberries. Go to my website Organizing For Action. com for official talking points before heading home for the holidays.

My website will arm you with THE TRUTH in case your relatives try to 'get up in your face.'

After dinner, chances are that your family will want to watch some football. I suggest you tell grandpa that you believe that The Washington Redskins REALLY SHOULD change their racially-insensitive team nickname.

To everyone at General Motors who would like to thank me for saving the auto industry, I say, 'You're welcome.'

Many of you may be wondering if there are a few things that your god-like President might be thankful for:

I am thankful for low-information voters and the lying suck-ups in the state-run media.

Also, I am thankful for my friends in The IRS who harassed conservatives while I stole the election.

I also want to give a special shout-out to MSNBC host Martin Bashir who has offered to 'feed' Sarah Palin.

I am also very thankful for insanely corrupt and mentally unhinged control freak politicians here in DC. I wouldn't have been able to achieve my father's dream without these morally defective maniacs.

Gobble, gobble.

Your Dear Leader, President Barack H. Obama.