Saturday, January 12, 2013

How I Will Spend Inauguration Day

Inauguration Day is Monday 21st, and your bushy-tailed correspondent is gearing up for the big celebration. Dear Leader promises an unprecedented blow-out in DC, as well as a great big parade, complete with chanting Obama Youth and the SEIU Marching band.

I understand that a million low-information supporters with Obama phones will crowd the parade route, and watch The Messiah take the oath.

As for myself, I'm ordering an Obama mask off E-Bay, and will spend Inauguration Day walking up and down the city streets here in Minneapolis, terrifying complete strangers, yelling "MY FELLOW AMERICANS, I AM THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES....AND I CAN DO ANYTHING I WANT!"

I'll probably visit all the stores and business downtown, telling the store owners, "YOU DIDN'T BUILD THIS!" Then tell their employees, "IF YOUR PAYCHECK IS SMALLER, DON'T BLAME ME. BLAME THE PREVIOUS ADMINISTRATION!"

I got this idea from a scene in the 1980 semi-biographical comedy, Where The Buffalo Roam.  Gonzo journalist Hunter S. Thompson, portrayed by Bill Murray, is minding his business in a hotel eatery, when suddenly, his maniacal lawyer Victor Lazlo (Peter Boyle) visits him.

Wearing a rubber Richard Nixon mask, Lazlo growls at perturbed customers, yelling "Sock it to me!" and, when a waitress tells him that he can't enter the restaurant wearing the mask, he proclaims "I am the President of the United States, and I can do anything I want!"

Inauguration Day should be fun.

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