Happy Halloween From The Obamas

Happy Halloween, America. It's the neighborhood bully, President Barack Hussein Obama.

As Michelle and our Senior Advisers, Malia and Sasha, hand out candy and dried fruit to trick-or-treaters, union leaders and Solyndra executives will be bobbing for bribes in the White House ballroom. This week, I am stealing candy from some, and redistributing the candy to the suckers who got college loans, but won't pay them back.

And we always have plenty of vampires to suck the taxpayers of their blood.

Earlier today, I got quite a scare, when a girl in a scary witch costume came trick-or-treating. I opened the door and saw her, and said, "My! What a scary little witch!"
She gave me an unblinking, evil eye, and yelled, "I'm not wearing a costume! I'm Nancy Pelosi! I'm here for the 2:00 p.m. meeting!"

Now those two hooligans, Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck, are egging my house. I better get Attack Watch on the case. I have The Great Pumpkin on the t.v. right now......oh, that's New Jersey Governor Chris Christie on CNN.

What the hell is that snickering sound? It sounds like a red squirrel.

One neighbor that I WON'T be inviting to the party is that grumpy old man, Michael Savage. That mean old man's psychotic mutt, Teddy, keeps digging through Michelle's victory garden.

We have a swingin' Halloween Bash in full force. Oh look, there's the Night Of The Living Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid hobnobbing with the winner of our drag queen contest, Representative Barney Frank of Massachusetts. Wow, that's one heck of a Marilyn Monroe costume.

Austan Ghoulsbee has the scariest costume of them all. He's arrived as a tombstone, with the words 'Rest In Peace, American Economy 1776-2011'.

The presidential election will be in full swing next year, and if you think that this Halloween is scary, just wait! Halloween 2012 promises to be the most horrifying freak show EVER!  But don't worry, America.

My 'civilian security force'  in purple t-shirts will be patrolling the streets, and on election day 2012, the Black Panthers will be standing guard outside each polling place.

Happy Halloween on behalf of The Obamas, and if you don't have a great Halloween, just remember:

I inherited this holiday from the previous administration. Thank you.

The One.

Is The Title Too Long?

With your bushy-tailed correspondent having finished his 6,666-page biography on George Soros, I would like to know if my 'working title' is too long.

The working title is:

George Soros-The Scourge Of Moldavia, The Sorrow Of Carpathia, The Destroyer Of Currencies, Nations, And Drug Laws. Inside The Twisted World Of A Leftist Billionaire, And How This Evil Money Changer Succeeded In Wrecking Entire Civilizations Since 1490....

I think it's just right.

I'm Finally Done With The Manuscript!

Your bushy-tailed correspondent has finally completed the manuscript of the unauthorized biography of George Soros. All 6,666 pages of it. Now, I begin the process of getting this thing published, so I'll be looking for a literary agent.

I thought that I would treat both of my readers with an exciting preview. Here is page 6,666. Enjoy.


In the Summer of 2011, Soros and his generals (United States President Barack Hussein Obama and Secretary General Hilliary Clinton) were pleased by the success of their latest effort, also known as 'the Arab Spring'. This bloody revolution took out both Hosni Mubarak, as well as Moammar Qaddafi. Their friends, the Muslim Brotherhood, had succeeded in toppling long-standing dictatorships, and are ready to install Shariah law in Egypt and Libya.

Currently, Soros is using the same model in his Communistic overthrow of United States. In August 2011, he instructed his generals at the Tides Foundation to organize a series of protests. And so, the 'Occupy Wall Street' movement was hatched. Soros explains his plans for worldwide domination this way, in a creepy, Hungarian accent:

"I think that breaking currencies worldwide, and turning America into a land of drug zombies through drug legalization, is all well and good, but time is getting short. That Nazarene pipsqueak is on his way to whisk the Christians off of this planet, so I, along with my generals, have to get cracking. Those wonderful protesters are all my children, and they will be fodder for my globalist takeover. Soon, with the believers in that goody-two-shoes Nazarene off the planet, me and my generals are going to have one HELL of a party.

They say that the party will last for seven years. My lawyer, Villhelm Kunsler, is suing that old fogey, Yahweh. After we take this world, we will depose him next. Then, as the heavenly host wails uncontrollably, I will spit molten lava from hell into the face of God himself!"

The New RedSquirrel Poll

Our pollster asked 753 demonstrators at the 'Occupy Wall Street' protests a few questions concerning the current state of our country.

Question 1- Do you agree with Roseanne Barr, that the rich should be forced to give up their wealth, or be be-headed?

Agree 27%  Disagree 54%  Don't know 19%


Question 2- What should we do with the Jewish bankers?

Take their wealth, and send them to concentration camps 21%
Harass them, picket their houses, and frighten their families 43%
Continue protests, but leave it at that 17%
Eat them 12%



What is your occupation?

I am a professional protester  37%
I am a professional student  28%
I am a union official 13%
I work in the news media  9%
I am a full-time couch jockey 12%

Joe Biden's Stupid Meter Goes To 11

In the terrific 1980's mockumentary, 'This Is Spinal Tap', the band's lead guitarist, Nigel Tufnel showed off his amplifier.

"All these knobs go to 11", the proud guitarist said proudly.

Vice Perp Joe Biden is equally proud of his stupid meter, which also tops out at 11. The court jester of the Obama Regime has taken his weirdness on the road in recent days. In Flint, Michigan, he all but promised an explosion of rape and murder if the dirty Republicans won't support Obama's 'jobs bill'.

Last week, he took his insanity to an elementary school .

 In the month since I ratted out my own blog to The Regime's Stasi-esque ATTACK WATCH!, I've gotten daily requests for campaign contributions. About two weeks ago, I was checking my in-box, when I found another request. This one was from JOE BIDEN....

What follows isn't the actual e-mail from the Vice-Perp, but it's pretty close....

Friend-
On behalf of Obama 2012, I would like to thank you for your support. It's very important that you stand with us as we combat the Republicans. We need you to stand with us (unless you're wheelchair-bound), and send us your most generous contribution. The administration is doing it's best to keep the murder and rape rates low, and the best way you can help us is to send us some cash. Also, you can help our clean, articulate black president by volunteering for Obama For America.
It's all about a little 4-letter word. (win).

Thank you.
Joe.

Qaddafi Duck Cancelled

With the killing of Libyan dictator Moammar Qaddafi last Thursday, Libya's state-run television network has decided to cancel it's most popular cartoon, Qaddaffy Duck.

Last Thursday, the former dictator was found hiding in a drainage pipe, then taken by rebels, before he was shot to death. Disturbing video of his final moments were viewed worldwide.

 Time-Warner Entertainment is in negotiation with the rebels about possibly creating a new cartoon series, teaming Qaddaffy Duck and a new character, El-Mar Fuuddammad.

In one episode currently being storyboarded, Qaddaffy Duck negotiates with the rebel/hunter Fuuddammad, as to whether the hunter should shoot the hapless duck later, or cancel the trial, and shoot him now.

If the planned cartoon mirrors history, the rebel/hunter will shoot him now.

Loon Of The Week

Longfellow Loon has found time to tear himself away from The Occupy MN demonstrations, and awards this week's Loon Of The Week Award to a deserving lefty loonatic. Take it away, Loony.

 "LOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOO!!!!

Thanks Squirley. This week,  The Loon Of The Week Award goes to Zbigniew Brzezinski. The former advisor to President Jimmuh Carter appeared on MSNBC's Morning Joe, with his little girl (co-host Mika Brzezinsnki), and suggested that what this world needs is a nice, long list of evil rich people. Wow, Z-Big's light bulb is sure burning bright, isn't it!

The real problem is that the eeeevil rich aren't sharing their money, and what we need to do is put them on a list. Everyone can see the list, and maybe picket their great, big houses.

Now, if that doesn't work, maybe what we need to do is sew a big dollar sign on their sleeve. I once saw something sort've like that on The History Channel. Maybe that'll open up their wallets.

We don't have to actually put the eeevil rich in ghettos, like the Nazis did to the Jews. The eeevil rich already have their own ghettos. In America, these ghettos are called 'rich neighborhoods'.

So, this week's Loooon Of The Week Award goes to Zbigniew Brzezinski. Wow, that name just rolls off the tongue!

LOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLO!!!!"

Thank you, Longfellow Loon.  As usual, you did a loontastic job.