In a shocking development in The Minnesota Organization of Bloggers Mayoral race, candidate J. RedSquirrel has announced the suspension of his campaign.
"I am suspending my campaign....ten minutes after the final results are announced", the candidate typed softly, sitting alone in his small apartment.
The candidate committed a cringe-worthy gaffe on the final question. During the debate, sponsored on The Kool Aid Report blog, the moderator told the candidates that in their written replies, there cannot any punctuation, no letter 'b's, or no capitol letters used.
In the text of candidate RedSquirrel's answer, he referred to 'receiving generous contributions from the russian mafia'. Also, the candidate committed a second offense when he ended a sentence with a question mark.
Many political pundits agree that RedSquirrel's career in politics is doomed. We will find out on Monday, when the voting starts.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
This Week's Tebow Report
1
And it came to pass, that Tebow and his army went 0-3, backing into the play-offs. They were to be opposed by the powerful, fearsome Steelers of Pittsburgh. As Tebow's detractors and critics mocked him, he kept the faith.
2
He sang, "Oh Lord, you are with me and my unorthodox throwing arm. Lead me into the shadow of the Steel Curtain, and into the kingdom of the AFC Championship.
3
And lo, the Steelers tied the game, both teams had finished regulation with seven and seven and seven plus two, and Tebow and the Broncos knew they were now in sudden death overtime. Yet, Tebow kept the faith.
4
And on the first play in sudden death, Tebow hit one of his speedy receivers over the middle, and the speedy receiver ran like quicksilver down the sideline.
5
And Tebow's heart jumped with joy. And Tebow said, "Lo! Behold! thee wide receiver hast scored!
6
And the crowd at Mile High Stadium rejoiced.
7
And then Tebow tebowed, giving thanks to The LORD, saying, "Whilst my critics and detractors mock my throwing arm and my bad passing stats, my spirit is glad."
8
And even though Bill Maher ridicules me, and opposing teams tebow in a mocking way, I rejoice. I praise thee! Amen.
9
And it came to pass, the game statistician opened the scroll, and told the fans that Tebow had indeed passed for 3:16 yards. And the sport casters told the people that this was indeed a sign.
10
After the game, Tebow was asked, "Are you expecting a miracle next week in New England?"
11
And Tebow saith, "My Lord is like a rock, whether we win or lose".
(Disclaimer: I did not post this to add to The Bible. I don't want to make God mad. Rather, this post can be read in a similar spirit as KFAN's Greg Coleman's pre-game preach. Enjoy.)
And it came to pass, that Tebow and his army went 0-3, backing into the play-offs. They were to be opposed by the powerful, fearsome Steelers of Pittsburgh. As Tebow's detractors and critics mocked him, he kept the faith.
2
He sang, "Oh Lord, you are with me and my unorthodox throwing arm. Lead me into the shadow of the Steel Curtain, and into the kingdom of the AFC Championship.
3
And lo, the Steelers tied the game, both teams had finished regulation with seven and seven and seven plus two, and Tebow and the Broncos knew they were now in sudden death overtime. Yet, Tebow kept the faith.
4
And on the first play in sudden death, Tebow hit one of his speedy receivers over the middle, and the speedy receiver ran like quicksilver down the sideline.
5
And Tebow's heart jumped with joy. And Tebow said, "Lo! Behold! thee wide receiver hast scored!
6
And the crowd at Mile High Stadium rejoiced.
7
And then Tebow tebowed, giving thanks to The LORD, saying, "Whilst my critics and detractors mock my throwing arm and my bad passing stats, my spirit is glad."
8
And even though Bill Maher ridicules me, and opposing teams tebow in a mocking way, I rejoice. I praise thee! Amen.
9
And it came to pass, the game statistician opened the scroll, and told the fans that Tebow had indeed passed for 3:16 yards. And the sport casters told the people that this was indeed a sign.
10
After the game, Tebow was asked, "Are you expecting a miracle next week in New England?"
11
And Tebow saith, "My Lord is like a rock, whether we win or lose".
(Disclaimer: I did not post this to add to The Bible. I don't want to make God mad. Rather, this post can be read in a similar spirit as KFAN's Greg Coleman's pre-game preach. Enjoy.)
Mad As A Hatter
"Welcome to our Alice In Wonderland party!" The Mad Hatter said, having finished yet ANOTHER round of golf in Vacationland.
America watched, as Johnny the Depp greeted guests, enormous, stuffed animals sat in chairs around a long table, and fruit punch was served in blood vials. There were deserts served on tiered serving plates, as The Queen of Spades wore a leopard fancy dress costume. The Queen of Hearts, also known as Roseanne Barr, yelled. "Off with the rich capitalists' heads!"
America asked. "Why all this weird opulence right in the middle of a recession? Aren't you concerned that the American people might be angry when they find out about this strange party?"
The Hatter grinned like a Chestshire Cat, and said, "Because I own the news media, my allies will wait two years to report on this party." Then, the Mad Hatter went into the White House for his daily meeting with his NLRB.
"Go tell Boeing to meet us at the chessboard. My men will tell you where you may go. As for Gibson Guitars, my guards will break down their doors!"
Then America met The Door mouse Timothy Geithner, a hooka-smoking Catepillar Ben Bernanke, and a Congress of Dodos, who gave America a pill. One pill would keep the national debt small, the other pill made it explode.
"We picked the wrong pill," America said. "This is madness."
"Welcome to the rabbit hole", The Mad Hatter said. "You haven't seen anything yet. Have you met my Death Panel, yet?"
America watched, as Johnny the Depp greeted guests, enormous, stuffed animals sat in chairs around a long table, and fruit punch was served in blood vials. There were deserts served on tiered serving plates, as The Queen of Spades wore a leopard fancy dress costume. The Queen of Hearts, also known as Roseanne Barr, yelled. "Off with the rich capitalists' heads!"
America asked. "Why all this weird opulence right in the middle of a recession? Aren't you concerned that the American people might be angry when they find out about this strange party?"
The Hatter grinned like a Chestshire Cat, and said, "Because I own the news media, my allies will wait two years to report on this party." Then, the Mad Hatter went into the White House for his daily meeting with his NLRB.
"Go tell Boeing to meet us at the chessboard. My men will tell you where you may go. As for Gibson Guitars, my guards will break down their doors!"
Then America met The Door mouse Timothy Geithner, a hooka-smoking Catepillar Ben Bernanke, and a Congress of Dodos, who gave America a pill. One pill would keep the national debt small, the other pill made it explode.
"We picked the wrong pill," America said. "This is madness."
"Welcome to the rabbit hole", The Mad Hatter said. "You haven't seen anything yet. Have you met my Death Panel, yet?"
Thursday, January 5, 2012
That Obama Is One Busy Little Marxist Beaver
2012 is only 4 days old, but our little community organizer has sure been one busy Marxist beaver, taking his "War On America-American Tour 2012" Campaign to Ohio.
Speaking before a receptive audience of well-trained Democrat seals (cough cough: public school), who barked and clapped along, the Messiah railed against Congress.
"The DASTARDLY Republicans wanted to cut your payroll taxes for a year, while I fought like hell for a 2-month payroll tax reduction! I am not going to wait for Congress to write laws anymore! In case you missed the memo, The United States of Obama is a glorious dictatorship by decree!"
Meanwhile, Our glorious ruler as recess-appointed Richard Cordray as the head of the brand new Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, even though Congress isn't in recess. If this was the NFL, it would be a little like starting the second half with only one team on the field.
Oh, and he also wants to cut a trillion dollars from our defence budget.
I'm starting to think that our glorious leader isn't keen on the separation of powers.
Speaking before a receptive audience of well-trained Democrat seals (cough cough: public school), who barked and clapped along, the Messiah railed against Congress.
"The DASTARDLY Republicans wanted to cut your payroll taxes for a year, while I fought like hell for a 2-month payroll tax reduction! I am not going to wait for Congress to write laws anymore! In case you missed the memo, The United States of Obama is a glorious dictatorship by decree!"
Meanwhile, Our glorious ruler as recess-appointed Richard Cordray as the head of the brand new Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, even though Congress isn't in recess. If this was the NFL, it would be a little like starting the second half with only one team on the field.
Oh, and he also wants to cut a trillion dollars from our defence budget.
I'm starting to think that our glorious leader isn't keen on the separation of powers.
Speaking Of Inappropriate Relationships
With last month's resignation of State Senate Majority Leader Amy Koch, we are being yapped at by poo-tossing lefty bloggers, suddenly concerned about 'inappropriate relationships'.
Speaking of inappropriate relationships, how about that relationship between The Obama Regime and Solyndra? The last time I checked, Senate Leader Koch's inappropriate relationship with the male staffer didn't cost the tax payers half a billion dollars.
Or, how about the the inappropriate relationship between teacher's unions and the Democrat Party?
Or how about the inappropriate relationship where, former Massachusetts Representative Barney Frank was literally 'in bed' with the Freddie Mac exec.
I could go on all day, but you self-righteous leftists are boring me.
Speaking of inappropriate relationships, how about that relationship between The Obama Regime and Solyndra? The last time I checked, Senate Leader Koch's inappropriate relationship with the male staffer didn't cost the tax payers half a billion dollars.
Or, how about the the inappropriate relationship between teacher's unions and the Democrat Party?
Or how about the inappropriate relationship where, former Massachusetts Representative Barney Frank was literally 'in bed' with the Freddie Mac exec.
I could go on all day, but you self-righteous leftists are boring me.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Tomorrow We Occupy Disneyland
The Occupy Movement infested the Tournament of Roses on Monday, as hundreds of protesters took their diseased show to The 123rd Rose Bowl Parade in Pasadena, California.
Demonstrating against the corporatism of the parade, they built a 70-foot octopus float. Watch out Disneyland, you're probably next. I can just see it now.
Seven S.E.I.U. Dwarfs (singing 'heigh-ho, heigh-ho, it's off to occupy we go') will beat the visitors, and man the ticket booths.
Gone will be the folksy Country Bear Jamboree. It will be replaced by the audio-animatronic drum circle.
Fantasyland will be replaced by Sad Realityland, complete with angry college students with no marketable skills. Replacing the happy voices singing "It's A Small World", you will hear a series of anti-Wall Street and anti-Semitic chants. Nearby, bankers are forced to walk the plank at the 'Pirates of Wall Street' exhibit.
In Diseaseland, you are sure to contact at least one of the many diseases that we had eradicated.
You will be greeted warmly by a guy in a large rodent costume. Just be careful. He's not an employee. If you're a female, scream loudly.
Then there's Obamaland, complete with little houses and foreclosure signs as far as the eye can see. At the corner of Class Envy Street and Income Redistribution Avenue, a nightly civil disturbance brings another day to a close.
Finally, you are treated to the nightly fireworks display, as a bank owner's (Scrooge McDuck) house is firebombed.
You can see all this in Occupyland, the unhappiest place on Earth.
Demonstrating against the corporatism of the parade, they built a 70-foot octopus float. Watch out Disneyland, you're probably next. I can just see it now.
Seven S.E.I.U. Dwarfs (singing 'heigh-ho, heigh-ho, it's off to occupy we go') will beat the visitors, and man the ticket booths.
Gone will be the folksy Country Bear Jamboree. It will be replaced by the audio-animatronic drum circle.
Fantasyland will be replaced by Sad Realityland, complete with angry college students with no marketable skills. Replacing the happy voices singing "It's A Small World", you will hear a series of anti-Wall Street and anti-Semitic chants. Nearby, bankers are forced to walk the plank at the 'Pirates of Wall Street' exhibit.
In Diseaseland, you are sure to contact at least one of the many diseases that we had eradicated.
You will be greeted warmly by a guy in a large rodent costume. Just be careful. He's not an employee. If you're a female, scream loudly.
Then there's Obamaland, complete with little houses and foreclosure signs as far as the eye can see. At the corner of Class Envy Street and Income Redistribution Avenue, a nightly civil disturbance brings another day to a close.
Finally, you are treated to the nightly fireworks display, as a bank owner's (Scrooge McDuck) house is firebombed.
You can see all this in Occupyland, the unhappiest place on Earth.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Voters Of The Corn
This is Andrea Mitchell, NBC NEWS, reporting from somewhere in Iowa.
Iowa is TOO WHITE, TOO EVANGELICAL, yet, for some reason, they too are allowed to take part in our electoral process.
Tonight, hayseed hicks in overalls will attend their local yokel caucus, and choose from among seven, white Republican Presidential candidates to face Our Glorious Leader in November.
Did I already point out that Iowa is too white? There was one black candidate, but he was successfully smeared by President Obama's allies in the mainstream news media. That'll learn 'im!
As for myself, and my effete, metrosexual colleagues from the networks.....Please! Get us out of this horrible place! As my colleague, Howard Fineman said, 'I feel like I've stepped right into a Steven King horror story!' As we pass by the seemingly endless rows of empty cornfields, I am left wondering why the caucus season counldn't begin in a place that more reflects the REAL America, like Chicago's Cabrini-Green Housing Projects, or San Francisco's always festive Castro Neighborhood?
Tonight, Iowa voters will choose one following GOP Candidates:
Former Massachussetts Governor Mitt Romney (cough: Mormon)
Former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum, who hates gays
Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, who hates welfare recepiants
Texas Governor Rick Perry, who hates debating
Minnesota Representative Michele Bachman, who hates gays and Muslims
and Texas Representative Ron Paul, who hates our wonderful Federal Reserve system
....oh, and Former Utah Governor John Huntsman (cough: also a Mormon)
Just now, A farmer just told me that I would make a great scarecrow. Please, get me out of here....
This is Andrea Mitchell, NBC NEWS....
Iowa is TOO WHITE, TOO EVANGELICAL, yet, for some reason, they too are allowed to take part in our electoral process.
Tonight, hayseed hicks in overalls will attend their local yokel caucus, and choose from among seven, white Republican Presidential candidates to face Our Glorious Leader in November.
Did I already point out that Iowa is too white? There was one black candidate, but he was successfully smeared by President Obama's allies in the mainstream news media. That'll learn 'im!
As for myself, and my effete, metrosexual colleagues from the networks.....Please! Get us out of this horrible place! As my colleague, Howard Fineman said, 'I feel like I've stepped right into a Steven King horror story!' As we pass by the seemingly endless rows of empty cornfields, I am left wondering why the caucus season counldn't begin in a place that more reflects the REAL America, like Chicago's Cabrini-Green Housing Projects, or San Francisco's always festive Castro Neighborhood?
Tonight, Iowa voters will choose one following GOP Candidates:
Former Massachussetts Governor Mitt Romney (cough: Mormon)
Former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum, who hates gays
Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, who hates welfare recepiants
Texas Governor Rick Perry, who hates debating
Minnesota Representative Michele Bachman, who hates gays and Muslims
and Texas Representative Ron Paul, who hates our wonderful Federal Reserve system
....oh, and Former Utah Governor John Huntsman (cough: also a Mormon)
Just now, A farmer just told me that I would make a great scarecrow. Please, get me out of here....
This is Andrea Mitchell, NBC NEWS....
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