Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Pajama Boy Comments On The Election

Three weeks ago, America spoke, and elected a new President. Billionaire real estate mogul and reality TV star Donald Trump won in a big electoral landslide. We welcome our new correspondent, known to America as Pajama Boy, to comment on the election.

Thank you, RedSquirrel Report.

As I watched that wretched racist, sexist, homophobe Donald Trump steal the election from the comfort of my pillow fort, I cried just like those poor, despondent Hillary supporters on TV. I saw America destroyed as my man-crush Rachel Maddow delivered the awful news:

'We are in Hell. Donald Trump has been elected the 45th President of the United States.'

I could barely hold on to my cup of hot cocoa (with both hands) as Hillary's blue wall of Michigan, Pennsylvania, and Wisconsin came crashing down. It was almost as if Republican terrorists were bombing my Mom's house!

Then I watched all the anti-Trump protests on TV, and some Trump voters get a well-deserved beat down by upset Hillary supporters. I don't support the beating of Trump-supporters, but I understand it.

Right now, I'm so afraid! What will happen to America with this maniac in the Oval Office? Women who have abortions will be rounded up and thrown in Trump's gulags! Also, Trump will break up millions of Mexican families! 

What will happen to Obamacare? I'm almost losing my mind thinking about it!

If I go into a girl's bathroom, will Trump send his secret police to arrest me? You have to excuse me. I THINK I'M HYPER-VENTILATING WITH FEAR!!!

On the other hand, I am hopeful that Dr. Jill Stein, Green Party candidate, can overturn this rigged travesty. I asked my Mom to contribute to her recount effort.

Well, that's all for now. I think I'll go upstairs and ask my Mom to heat up some more milk.

Pajama Boy.

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